If you’re looking for signs that you and your ex are meant to be, look no further.
Today, we’re going to talk about 10 pre-breakup and post-breakup signs that your disbanded relationship could get another shot in the future.
Just don’t put too much hope on it because hope is never too good for you.
Especially if you’re a dumpee.
10 Signs you and your ex are meant to be
Before we get into the signs that you and your ex are meant to be, I’d like you to understand that reconciliations can’t be forced.
They can’t be manipulated with jealousy tricks and other devious techniques that hurt people.
The most negative, self-damaging actions do is add even more problems on top of the unresolved ones.
So chances are that they’ll do the exact same thing to your ex.
They’ll likely overburden your ex with anger or anxiety, burn all bridges, and show your ex what you’re truly made of.
It’s probably not something you want to happen right now. Especially not now that you’re struggling with your breakup.
So to avoid complications and bad conscience on your anxious mind, let your ex come to you on his or her own.
Wait for your ex to contact you even if the universe is giving you the green light to contact your ex and make a move.
Wait for your ex if you dreamed about your ex and saw him or her coming back to you.
And wait, even if your ex is tempting you to reach out by posting brokenhearted quotes and pictures and is nearly begging you to contact him or her.
As a dumpee, you need to stay in indefinite no contact and protect yourself from the separation anxiety.
You need to do this no matter how many signs that you and your ex are meant to be you receive.
You just can’t risk reopening your wound and prematurely push your ex away by acting on your gut feeling.
If you understand the consequences of reaching out to your ex first, let’s now talk about the 10 signs that you and your ex are meant to be.
Let’s start with the most obvious one first.
1)You broke up amicably
Couples sometimes fall out of love because they forget to water their relationship.
They take each other for granted—and for the lack of better words, neglect each other until they completely lose feelings.
As a result, the breakup ensues and the couple is forced to find love elsewhere.
When they find it, they typically go through the 6 stages of a rebound relationship.
And that’s when they come to a shocking realization that their new relationship is going through the exact same patterns as their old one.
The only difference is that it’s moving at a much faster rate.
Ex-couples who break up amicably oftentimes go through their patterns in the following order:
- Immense attraction
- Infatuation
- Love
- Neutrality
- A loss of attraction
When they go through these steps, they realize that their old partner isn’t the main reason why their relationship failed.
They notice that their lack of effort, dedication, and the mindset that things should take care of themselves without effort are the main problem.
It’s truly unfortunate that so many couples lose attraction for one another these days because they naturally stop feeling the butterflies in their stomach—and as a result, perceive their romance as unfulfilling.
When they rationally decide that there’s “someone better” out there, they emotionally strengthen their negative thoughts and detach from their partner.
This occurs due to their lack of mind power to love and appreciate the person they are with.
If they comprehended the fact that loving a person requires a deliberate choice, they wouldn’t rely on their lack of positive emotions for guidance.
They would understand that sometimes there are also neutral and bad emotions that couples experience in relationships.
They come as a package with the good ones.
2)You broke up because of external factors
One of the signs you and your ex are meant to be is if you broke up because of external factors.
This could be anything that requires more attention than the relationship, such as a death in the family. illnesses, kids. etc.
It does not, however, include breaking up because of distance, school, work, or the infamous “break from the relationship.”
Such excuses are merely excuses. They don’t justify the dumper’s reasons for leaving.
They instead take the blame for the dumper’s poor mindset and excuse his or her lack of effort and dedication.
Unfortunately, dumpers oftentimes blame external stressors, such as work or something other than their relationship as one of the reasons for their departure.
They say that this is stressing them out or that that is causing them problems and that they need some space to think and find themselves.
But in reality, what they’re doing is associating their pain with the dumpee and using one of the typical breakup excuses dumpers use to make a swift transition out of the relationship.
They are doing this so that their dumpee leaves them alone so that they can alleviate their guilt without any interferences.
3)Your ex is depressed
Another sign that you and your ex are meant to be is if your ex broke up with you because of depression.
If he or she struggled mentality and pushed you away so that he or she could focus on himself or herself, your ex might come back in the future.
But your ex has to first look for help and want to change the way he or she feels toward you and others.
Your ex has to actually want to help himself or herself before your ex allows you back in his or her heart.
It’s the only way for your relationship to get a fresh start.
So if your ex broke up with you because he or she was unhappy with himself or herself, you need to let your ex go for now.
Your ex has decided to deal with his or her stressors on his or her own, so let your ex do just that while you focus on yourself.
Keep in mind that “If it’s meant to be, it will be.” And if it won’t, it’s fine too. You’ll find someone who can love you in good and bad.
4)You communicate often
You and your ex might be meant for each other if you communicate in a healthy manner.
If you enjoy each other’s company and respect each other’s space and privacy, then your friendly relationship may one day develop into something more.
But it probably won’t happen on your terms—when you desperately want it to.
It will likely occur when you stop trying to impress your ex and show your ex the best version of yourself that expects nothing from your ex.
Only when you lower your expectations can actually you attract your ex back as a person of value.
And that’s because you appear natural and content as an individual.
5)You feel attracted to each other
If you and your ex feel attracted to each other, it’s a sign that you’re meant for each other.
You have the physical and emotional bond that glues you together, so all you need is a stronger, more positive set of beliefs.
You and your ex basically need to find and fix the shortcomings that split you apart.
If they are poor thinking patterns, for example, they can be fixed with a little bit of effort.
Therapy or counseling usually does the job as it can help you understand each other better.
You “just” have to be willing to put in the effort.
But unfortunately, putting in the effort is usually the obstacle that ex-couples refuse to overcome.
Especially in cases where the separation is one-sided.
6)You understand each other even after the breakup
Sometimes ex-couples who used to be very close continue to meet up after the breakup.
They continue to appreciate and respect each other as friends—and in doing so, keep their bond intact.
Such people possess a deeper understanding of their thoughts and emotions, so they value their ex-partner for the person he or she is.
They are the people with self-awareness and self-control.
Or in other words, they are emotionally intelligent.
But unfortunately, most people don’t possess a high level of personal maturity because they never had to develop it.
They were never put in a situation where they had to learn from their mistakes and grow as individuals.
That’s why they aren’t able to keep their emotions under control after the breakup, nor can they do what’s best for their struggling ex-partner.
Due to relief and anxiety, they instead react impulsively and hurt the person they used to love.
And they do so by acting mean and selfish.
So if your ex understands his or her emotions and treats you with respect, your ex may give you another chance in the future after he or she has had the time to process the breakup.
But until that happens, you need to let your ex come to the conclusion his or her own when he or she is ready.
7)You both feel secure with each other
If communication gives you and your ex a sense of security, then you have one of the signs that you and your ex are meant to be.
It’s such a good sign because the two of you know how to make each other feel calm and relaxed.
You know what to say and do to contribute to each other’s happiness.
So consider this sign one of the best as security and happiness are incredibly important in a relationship.
They are what relationships are all about.
Just having a soothing effect on a person can make him or her think about you in a positive way.
And when that person thinks about you often, he or she may develop feelings for you again and decide to give the relationship another shot.
Perhaps your ex will realize that too.
But until he or she does, work hard on fixing your personal shortcomings that contributed to the breakup.
They mustn’t exist if your ex decides to give your relationship another try.
8)You guys can talk and laugh without offending each other
Another great sign of compatibility is when you and your ex can communicate well without hurting each other.
If you get along well, talk about the relationship and laugh about it, then that’s a sign that you’re both mature enough to look at your past relationship as a valuable experience.
It implies that you appreciate each other and hold no resentment toward each other in any way, shape, or form.
You simply want the best for each other.
And this is the best mentality you and your ex could possibly possess.
9)You support each other and compensate for each other’s lackings
If you listen to your ex’s problems and he or she listens to yours, you and your ex are probably meant for each other.
The thing with exes is that they usually don’t want anything to do with each other.
They go separate ways and never want to cross paths again no matter how difficult each other’s lives get.
But if you and your ex aren’t like that and you genuinely wish to help each other during difficult times, you’ve got a very special relationship.
As a matter of fact, you’ve got a very caring and selfless friendship that very few ex-partners have.
The bond that you have indicates that you’re meant for each other and that all you need is some external occurrence to push you toward each other.
It could only be a matter of place and time.
10)You share the same goals and ambitions
The last sign that you and your ex are meant to be is if you both have the same goals and ambitions in life.
This includes:
- kids
- marriage
- religion
- education
- work
- hobbies
- friends
- beliefs
- …
When you and your ex think the same, you both want the same. And when you want the same, you expect the same.
Similar expectations can then help you and your ex appreciate each other for the people you are and allow you to bond on a deeper level.
So don’t underestimate the power of compatibility as similar minds vibrate at a similar frequency.
Are you in no contact? Do you see any signs that you and your ex are meant to be? If so, which ones? Comment below.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Hi Zan. I was in a relationship for 2 years on & off again a lot. But I love him so much. Anyway he broke up with me a week ago. I tried to convince him to stay and that I could make changes. We were bad at understanding each other. He was stressed out to the max, he is on the go non stop. I wasn’t. So I wanted to spend time with him especially if he would hurt me I would ask him to stay that night to amend things. That’s all I knew. He was they type to want space. He never set any boundaries tho or said “let’s just see each other once a week”. I think that’s because he knew I wouldn’t be so fond about that but if it meant we would stay together then I would of. We had “the conversation” in real life and yeah he was saying how he wanted to be alone etc. He didn’t show me any sign he wanted to be with me in the future. He told me not to hold onto hope and he said he’s been feeling at peace without me. Is that just part of the stages of a break up? Everything aligned well, we both wanted the same things in the future it’s just when we were bad it was bad and we were good it was really good. Do you see any hope he’ll reach out in the future?
Hi Anonymous.
He’ll probably reach out in the future. But right now, he’s going through the dumper stages and feels relieved. You mustn’t communicate with him so that he can process the breakup and find reasons to communicate with you. He told you not to have hope which means he’s not thinking about getting back together. He’ll come back only if something goes badly wrong.
Sincerely,
Zan
Being in an online relationship, me and my ex broke up 4 months ago for something bad that i did and after that he cant trust me anymore. Thing is, after we broke up we got into a heated argument and then distant for awhile before we started talking again. When we started talking again things seemed better and started reconnecting slowly but the little fights kept kicking in for what i did. I apologized an unlimited amounts of times and had deep talks about it. Things got better, until he met this new girl and started to randomly out of nowhere to start to fight with me again about what i did and start to “revenge” himself by doing the same thing i did. He claims he is mad at me and is officially over with me but has “no courage” to block me. 2 weeks ago he was stating about our future together and being so lovely and out of nowhere he started acting like this 2 days ago. Im assuming its bc he met this new girl in which he claimed to be “sweeter” than me. He is also a person very hard to trust others and ever since then things couldn’t be the same. But i wanna try to get his trust back. I told him to not be in a relationship with me until we meet in person, writing paragraphs abt me getting counseling and seeking more of God. But he still thinks imma hurt him again and that i will never be able to change. I dont wanna give up. I want to try. I realized that what i did was wrong and im trying my absolute best to mature and gain his trust back. I hurt him badly, so i wanna fix what i have caused, i want to show that i could and will be a better person for him. He is mad at me, starts calling me names and still wanting to revenge on what i did, for the past 2 days. Hes never learned to love himself and forgive himself as he was younger either, he has high trust issues. But I believe that i can try make him happier again. I dont wanna give up. I want to help him. Im rather confused as to why out of nowhere he started acting like this. At first he seemed off and i asked if he was alright if i could hell with anything. Then slowly started to do this. Could this be because he met the new girl? Maybe he started remembering the memories and decided out of nowhere to start hurting me like this? Something seems very off. I dont think he can move on so quickly from one day to another. Please let me know. He also claims im being “selfish” because of how i hurt him and how i want him back for myself. In which i do want him back, but i want to fix what i did, and build a new stronger relationship later on. Please let me know.
Hi Idk.
You can’t fix anything until he wants you to fix it. Right now, he appears to be into the new girl and will likely date her. He won’t listen to your request not to see her because in his mind, the relationship with you is over.
You’ve got to let him come to you or he’ll become much more resentful.
Best regards,
Zan
My ex and I broke up after 2 years. Without getting into too much detail I broke her heart by doing something really bad. She tried to forgive me and stayed with me for 3 months. Our actual breakup was intimate. We held each other and cried. But afterwards everything fell apart. She moved on with a new guy within 2 weeks. She cut me out of her life. Then made contact again when she was struggling with her mental health and I came to care for her. Her short term fling ended as she’d tried to get too serious too fast. She then proceeded to blow hot and cold for a few weeks culminating in a non-date we had which was a really great day together. The next day I tried to touch base and she was obviously annoyed with me about something. She said she’d gone back over how much I hurt her and she said she didn’t want anything to do with me. I still have a lot of her stuff at mine and so I asked if she wanted me to return her stuff so she could be rid of me for good. She said she wanted me not to contact her until she reached out again. I’ve cocked this up twice since by reaching out when I shouldn’t have. But I’m trying to adhere to no contact now. In a perfect world I’d love to get back with one day in the future. But right now all I’m concerned with is getting her to talk to again. I miss my friend and I worry about her a lot. What’s your opinion – am I wasting my time and should I just return her stuff and close the door for good? Or does it seem like maybe given time she might get past her anger and start talking to me again? I care about her deeply but also know holding out hope for something that’s never coming can be crushing. I am trying to rebuild my life and improve myself as a man. I’m just a bit lost at the moment.
Hi Jay.
Your ex didn’t let go of her resentments, hence why she couldn’t reconnect with you. You have to let her deal with her issues on her own, Jay. Focus on improving yourself and maybe she’ll do the same. I can’t say if she’ll resolve her issues and come back, but you have to start losing hope and moving on. It’s the best thing you can do for your well-being. I suggest returning her stuff. Give them to a friend or a family member and stay out of her way. If you show up at her place, she’ll likely get angry with you again. And that’s something you don’t want.
Sincerely,
Zan
my ex broke up with me about 8 months ago and i have dated other people but i still think of him…it was a long distance relationship,he’s far right now but i still miss him and i cant get him out of my head…he broke up with me for no reason and said he did it because he just couldn’t anymore and it was too much attention…he said sorry i will always love you…and i’m not sure if this is true but my friend told me that he said to her to tell me that he will be back…but i don’t know…what should i do?
Hi Alexa.
Your ex felt smothered in the relationship, so he decided to break up. Don’t listen to what your ex promised your friend. It’s been 8 months and he hasn’t come back yet, which means that he’s enjoying his space.
As for what you do, you let him be. Focus on yourself and enjoy your life. If he messages you and asks to get back together, you can then decide if reconciliation is best for you.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hey me and my ex broke up but still stay together and sleep together. But she is in another relationship. Is it a rebound
Hi Marc.
It could be a rebound or she’s using you to leap from your relationship to the next. I suggest you pull away as quickly as possible. You have to preserve your self-respect.
Best,
Zan
My ex broke up with me because i was needy when i moved to another city.. i didnt know at the time that he was avoidant. He coudnt deal with my emotions.. He said he loved me and he cared for me. I am giving him his space, I am visiting the city hes at and Im nervouse for reaching out.. its been a month since our break up.. thoughts?
Hi Joann.
You have to give your ex space and invest in yourself. Make some new friends too so that you don’t focus on your ex too much.
When/if your ex wants to talk to you, you’ll hear from him.
Stay strong,
Zan
All of the above except 2 and 3 (although i’m not so sure about that one). My ex left me for her emotional affair which is still going on 4 months later, but appears very rocky like it is a rebound relationship.
Hi PD.
Your ex just got to the point where she sees the new person for who he is. It’ll take more time to see if they’re compatible.
Stay strong,
Zan
Me and my ex have just about all of these signs. For number 8 tho I suppose it would depend what were talking about but we definitely can and will talk and laugh together. For number 10, we both wanna be able to be financially stable, be able to support eachother and get a place to live, maybe have kids some day. We don’t nessesarilly have the same dreams/passions. I’m a singer/songwriter/musician, an artist and a photographer and she doesn’t really have anything nessesarilly that she is really passionate about quite yet, but I still love her to death and can’t get her out of my head.. it’s seriously killing me like really badly and I worry about her physical and mental health quite alot. She is my literal everything and im a complete mess without her, but I do really think she will come back.. I also wrote some pretty incredible songs about her.. I’m in a rock band called “Living Weary” I really hate bragging about my music but everyone who hears it says it’s amazing and that im extremely talented so there’s that, but this girl, the love of my life, means more to me than music has ever meant to me.. the feelings I have for her are a million times stronger than anyone else I’ve ever been in love with or ever met… I really miss her like crazy…. I really just wanna tell her exactly how i’m feeling, but I know that’s not a good idea if I wanna be able to get her back…
Hi Steven.
I know you’re hurting, but you can’t tell your ex how you feel about her. If you do, you’ll guilt-trip her and pressure her into being with you. This will make her want to be with you even less. So for now, give her some space and let her process her emotions.
Best,
Zan
Ok after reading all that I feel terrible. I was young when this happened an I am still young, it being only 2 years later. I broke up with my boyfriend because I was not ready for a relationship yet because he was my very first boyfriend. I told him, “I’m sorry this isn’t working out. We just don’t really talk much and you have been rude to my friend recently and I don’t like rude people.” He just said he was in a bad mood that week. After we broke up, I kept going to him every once and a while to make sure he was ok. He didn’t seem hurt but what would I know? I’m not him! After that we haven’t really talked to each other unless there was nothing else to do or if we just felt like it. I regret this now. After I broke up with him, I felt really bad and I began to wish I never did. This year, (2 years later), I realized we began to talk more than we did after the breakup and we seem to get along quite well. We never did get in a fight, we just avoided each other for some time. I texted him today to see how he was because I couldn’t stop thinking of him and how bad I felt. We ended up talking for about half the day and he asked me what color he should dye his hair over the summer. He was texting my other friend too so I asked her if he asked her that question and he didn’t. So I told him that I didn’t care and that it’s his decision and whatever he chooses he’d be able to pull it off anyway and even if he didn’t change it I like his hair the way it already is anyway. Then he said, “No choose what you want.” I was confused for a little bit so I texted one of my friends and she said if he only asked me and no one else and wanted me to choose, he trusts my opinion and likes me and respects what I would choose. I still doubt he likes me but I’m not sure. I really miss him and want to tell him that when I broke up with him all of what I said was an excuse and that I was just not ready for a relationship yet and that I should have been truthful to him. What should I do in this situation?
Never wrote to these kinda sites but at a loose end so here I am. Story goes broke with my ex total drug infueled experience, she had me arrested and accused of rape and assault, 3 months after randomly messaged a girl, we hit it off like a house on fire even after me telling her about what I’ve been accused of, whilst battling the trauma of such serious allegations, withdrawal from drugs, total character defacement, I found true love. Few months into the new relationship my dad had a heart attack which led to a cardiac arrest, fortunately I was there at the time and performed cpr for 26 minutes, as great as it sounds I unknowingly suffered ptsd. Started self harming for the first time in my life. She was there at the time and I replaced all problems with making her happy, waited on her hand and foot, made sure dinner was on the table every time she turned up, when she felt low I’d comfort her and buy her stuf that she needed. Then we recently went on holiday and we rowed things got escalated and I scared her, took my frustration out cos I was drunk. Said things I didn’t mean and it’s not my nature to be aggressive ever!. She insisted on space when we got back from holiday and said it was a break up this was last week, but been speaking almost every day since. I’m determined she’s the one for me just unfortunate so much happened for me in one go. Earlier she said she’s in two minds about us, I’m certain things can work out what do I do next? Thanks!!
you’ve got bigger issues. work on yourself and happiness will follow.
There is one thing that confuses me. It says that it is positive if you can communicate well and keep supporting each other even as exes. So if we have that sort of connection even when he is in another relationship already, will it really hurt my chances to get him back if I send him a thoughtful gift for Christmas or so? Does that not give him even more positive emotions towards me?
My ex and I broke up over a year ago. We were young but it was real love. We ended things because there were some outside factors that was mentally consuming on both our parts. We were young. we didn’t know how to handle things. It truly feels like a mistake. We should still be together. When we were together it was magic. I honestly thought he’d be the one I’d marry in the future. I thought he’d be the one I’d grow old with. Sad part is I still feel this way. Man, I love him so much. We are in a mutual group of 5 friends and we have been hanging out a couple of times recently and I swear that magic is still there. I can’t resist. Every time I see him I want to give him the biggest hug and tell him everything he’s missed in the past year. How can I know if he feels the same way? Sometimes it feels like he does but what if that’s all in my head. This feeling keeps eating away at me and I don’t want to get heartbroken if he doesn’t feel the same way because it really feels like he does.
it does
My ex and I decided to parts ways mutually since his family is against our relationship!! We had a very understanding..compassionate relationship..His family has fixed him with someone else..and he too agreed!! Will he ever come back
Nope.
My ex and I mutually ended our relationship. At the time she said she was extremely in love with me but felt like she was being dragged along. I agreed that things weren’t working and agreed to end things. I have obviously really changed my mind and attitude about her. I have reached out a few times Since then and got some responses but she always stops texting back after a few texts. She has a sweatshirt of mine but every time I have tried to get it she says she hasn’t looked for it. I assumed this was a sign she still had feelings for me so I asked her to meet up. She denied my request and said she was really struggling but is finally happy again. I said I understand and that I would give her space. This was a week ago and we haven’t talked since. A few days after this she liked my Instagram post and has also been posting a lot more often on her Instagram as well. Some of these posts include good pictures of herself. Some are sad songs (the most recent was a song from 2013 so it’s nothing new) and her most recent post was “fun video” she made and it was her, her best friend, and a guy who happens to be on my college football team with me.. I don’t know how to interpret these things but I’ve been tempted to just call her up and try to make her attracted to me again. It has been a month and half since the breakup, and 1 week since I asked her to meet up with me. Any advice helps.. thanks.
KT
In this case, I would say there is probably no harm in reaching out to him for his birthday, since you two have known each other for a very long time. Just be polite(maybe offer a gift), and I am sure he will respond in kind. Chances are he is having problems with his rebound relationship. He will tell you if that is the case. I read somewhere, maybe it was on this website, that nature only cares about the attachment, and not who is where and with who else. If the attachment is there and still strong then things will work out.
Thanks for your insight Elf. Wasn’t sure by reaching out on his birthday I would come across as being needy. Ever since he reached out to first after 6 months of going indefinite NC all the feelings after the breakup all came back. I have been analyzing why he texted me and wondering about the rebound. I have recently found this blog and it has helped me a lot . I don’t know how to stop thinking about my ex everyday. I am not sad anymore just still miss him . Hope you’re right that things will work out.
KT, do not send a gift and do not reach out. Indefinite No Contact means forever. Sending a gift is showing weakness, the inability to move on, and giving all the power back to your ex. Indeed, if you send a gift, card, or happy b-day email, you will have lost the 6 months that you worked so hard to keep. You will go back to day one, I promise you that. DON’T DO IT.
Thanks for your advice Jack. I think you’re right. I will not send any birthday wishes or gifts. He was the first one to reach out to me first over the holidays so does that mean the ball is back in my court. When do I break indefinite NC because I hope one day that he will come back to me realizing he had made a mistake of letting me go.
KT,
It is simple. Indefinite = forever. When your ex breadcrumbs you, you have no idea what their true motivation is. Therefore, if they truly want you back, then they will do everything in their power to make you understand it. They will not send you a brief message and disappear. You will certainly know their intentions when they want you back. I strongly recommend that you surrender all hope. Hope is your worst enemy. As Zan says, you must forget your ex in order for them to come back.
Never Never break NC. If he loves you NOTHING will stand in his way EXCEPT you breaking NC
KT:
Why do you say that you were meant to be together when you took him for granted?
My ex and I were in a long distance relationship. It was only the last few months of our relationship that I didn’t make the effort to spend more time with him. I had so much else going on in my life. I felt so comfortable and always thought we will be together forever. Didn’t think he would break up with me and that was a wake up call. We have a long history together and that’s why I believe we were meant to be . He was also my ex when I was in my early 20″s. We broke up that time because I wasn’t ready for marriage. He told me that one day we will find our way back to each other. We started dating again 14 years later after his divorce. He reached out to me on social media. I believe he’s my soulmate that’s why I never wanted to marry anyone else. Got a few marriage proposals during the 14 years when we were apart the first time but never felt that they were the one. He’s the only guy I feel that strong connection with.
Marc:
I have had something similar happen to me as well. I was with my ex for 6 years, and suddenly she quit the relationship. She claimed she was madly in love with me. After researching quite a bit it turned out that she fit the profile of an avoidant. But that’s another story.
Anyway, to give you my few thoughts, I believe that anyone who suddenly quits a relationship was not into it in the first place. I find it hard to believe that someone who is attached to another person can suddenly quit a relationship and behave as if it never existed in the first place. Chances are you were being used, I don’t know. I don’t think she was head over heels in love with you either. In my case, when I look back at things, I came to realize that I was used and taken for granted then dumped after I began to challenge the abuse I was receiving. I recommend indefinite no contact in your case. Not necessarily to get her back, but to save your own sanity. Women leave relationships differently and for different reasons than men do. Women tend to plan their exits far in advance. So this woman was already planning her exit long before she told you she was out the door.
Thanks for your reply Elf. Although I understand your point, I really have to say that yes, she really did love me. I actually think she has more of an anxious attachment style. She would constantly text me and always want to see me….it was almost too much. I saw the red flag. But the chemistry and connection was there, big time. That’s why I find it odd that she would walk away all of a sudden. I am and have been in no contact. I am feeling great and at this point, I am simply very curious as to what could have happened? We never argued, always had fun together, deep conversations etc. However, we were long distance ( only 2 hours away). Plus, she said she was ok with that in the meantime. She was going to move to my city next year. It’s just very odd.
Marc:
Yes, it’s strange that she suddenly walked away. Stay in no-contact until she contacts you. The human mind is so complex, it makes it hard to figure out what happened. I think she will contact you eventually and give you an explanation. I am now 3 weeks in no-contact with my ex. She works in the same building as me so it’s extra effort in my part to maintain as little contact as possible. I am hoping I can be over this soon , and move on with my life. I am shocked at how avoidants can dump someone with no remorse whatsoever. I hope Karma is real.
It will get better Elf, I promise. At first, the waves of emotions hit us hard…then, after several months, those waves are still hitting us, but they are much smaller waves and they hurt much less. Be strong. God bless you! ( Remember, you’re not alone)
My ex and I have the physical and emotional bond. We were together for a little over 3 years long distance. We were very supportive of one another. I was there for him after his messy divorce. Towards the end of our relationship I took him for granted and I believe that’s the reason he broke up with me. He started seeing someone else after we broke up. We texted and talk for about a month after the breakup. He said we could meet up for coffee but then cancel the last minute saying it will be too hard to see me in person. He also told me he was seeing someone else and it wouldn’t be fair to her. After that I went into indefinite NC. It’s been tough but I know deep in my heart that we were meant to be together. He finally reached out over the holidays after 6 months of NC asking how I am doing. I think he is having problems with his rebound that was why he texted me first after all this time. It’s been two weeks and I haven’t heard back from him. I am not sure what I should do next. His birthday is next month should I reach out to him then.
I had all of these wonderful traits in my relationship with my ex. We had it all! She suddenly decided one day that her main priority is her child and just dropped me. Out of the blue…and with no warning. She said she was not ready for a relationship yet ( even though she told me at first that she was.) She was head over heels in love with me ( so she said) yet strangely enough was able to walk away from our relationship. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
Zan…any thoughts??
Hi Zan
I just want to say thank you! Your blog has helped me a lot more than any other sites I have seen about breakups! I feel your approach to be more realistic, specific and detailed. I totally identify a lot of my relationship and breakup in this post, our relationship was great and we still care and love for each other but he was dealing with a lot of depression, anxiety, fear and insecurities… on top of that his close relative was recently diagnosed with a terminal illness. I am dealing with my own problems too, I have a job I don’t really love and just finished college, I’m still finding out what I want to do with my time. When we broke up (two months ago) I knew it was for the best, of course I was hurt but I knew it just wasn’t the right time. Funny enough I just have a good feeling about us, we still say hi from time to time just to check on each other. He texted me on my birthday wishing me well and he also told me he just finished college after taking a break from it due to some financial problems and showed me his final project (he’s majoring in arts and photography) I felt really proud for him! I am too working on myself step by step, I got into therapy, started reading more about my mental disorder and hanging out with friends and family. Ive applied for several jobs too. I still miss him and wish we could cross paths again in the future, but for now I think I’m doing pretty good by myself.
Hi Anna.
Thanks for the comment. The breakup seems to have been caused by stress and depression. You should give each other some space so you can individually tackle these issues and grow stronger. I can’t promise you that you’ll get back together if you work on yourselves, but you’ll definitely realize a few things you could have done better and avoid making the same mistakes in your next relationships.
If talking to him is hurting you, you may want to stop doing that, Anna (go no contact). Say you’ll be needing some time to yourself and that you wish him the best.
Sincerely,
Zan
Hi Marc.
There are multiple explanations as to why your relationship ended. We know for certain that she stopped loving you and detached over time.
But the real question is why. Were you a rebound, did you demand too much attention or give too little?
I suggest that you continue to move on and let her come back on her own terms if she decides to do so.
Kind regards,
Zan