Should I Text My Ex On Valentine’s Day?

If you’re thinking to yourself, “Should I text my ex on Valentine’s Day,” the quick answer is NO. You shouldn’t text your ex, call your ex, send letters to your ex, or show up at your ex’s front door.

Doing so counts as breaking no contact and will not help you nor your ex.

If you recently got dumped, texting your ex happy Valentine’s Day will just raise your expectations and force you to relive the early days of the breakup.

Not only that. Texting your ex will also smother your ex and probably even cause your ex to ignore you or block you. Of course, this depends on your ex’s integrity and the way your ex interprets your messages.

But if the breakup just occurred and if your ex is as silent as the grave, it’s highly likely that your ex doesn’t want to hear your Valentine’s Day, birthday, or happy New Year wishes.

Your ex needs space and time to process his or her breakup emotions. Emotions that your presence inadvertently made your ex feel.

If you’re the one who did the dumping, however, then the situation is reversed. Texting your ex on Valentine’s will most likely shock your ex, trigger your ex’s need for reassurance, and make your ex feel hopeful for reconciliation.

Whether you’re the dumpee or the dumper, you should always remember that your health and your ex’s health always comes first. It comes first if it’s been weeks, months, or even years since you broke up.

So if you’re wondering whether you should contact your ex on Valentine’s Day and wish your ex the best in his or her romantic life, my advice to you is to find out if you and your ex are ready for Valentine’s Day wishes.

Are you friends now and get along? Are you both over each other and in constant communication?

If you are, I don’t see how wishing your ex a happy Valentine’s Day could do either of you any harm. You should be emotionally ready to support each other.

But if the thought of reaching out to your ex makes you anxious or if your ex’s been dating others and moving on with his or her life, don’t think that wishing your ex happy Valentine’s is a polite gesture.

The truth is that it’s not.

Reaching out to an ex knowing that there’s a chance you’ll hurt your ex is inconsiderate. It’s also inconsiderate and neglectful of yourself if you’re the one who’s going to get hurt.

Health always comes first, remember? You need to keep that in mind at all times.

In this post, we’ll answer the question, “Should I text my ex on Valentine’s Day?” We’ll talk about why texting an ex is usually a bad idea and what you should do instead.

Should I text my ex on valentine’s Day?

First of all, your ex doesn’t deserve your Valentine’s Day wishes. Your ex lost or gave away that privilege on the day of the breakup. This is true whether your ex is the dumpee or the dumper.

The relationship you were in with your significant other ended, meaning that special wishes, congratulations, and services ended with it. You don’t owe anything to your ex because your ex became your ex – a person from the past.

The only thing you’re morally responsible for is making sure that you don’t cause pain to your ex and yourself. And that’s it.

If you don’t know what acts of kindness your ex should no longer receive now that he or she is an ex, here are a few examples:

• presents
• compliments
• love letters
• relationship benefits
• financial, emotional, physical, or any kind of support

If you’re friends with your ex and you’re both over each other, by all means, be nice to your ex and help him or her out when necessary. That’s what friends do.

But if you’re not over each other and there’s a chance that you’ll hurt your ex or yourself, don’t give your ex the idea that he or she is the most important person on the planet.

Don’t do it even if you care about your ex more than anyone you’ve ever cared about.

If your ex is healing or moving on from you, your ex clearly isn’t thinking about sending you Valentine’s Day wishes.

You shouldn’t be either. You should be moving on because that’s what the breakup expects from you – a complete separation from your ex.

I know that you want to be friendly with your ex and may genuinely want the best for your ex. But don’t forget that you shouldn’t give out kindness when you’re still recovering from the breakup.

You shouldn’t give out kindness when your ex is recovering from the breakup either. Not when there’s a chance that someone will get hurt.

This is something dumpers particularly have a difficult time understanding. Deep inside, they feel that they’re over their exes, so they think that their exes must be over them too.

But unfortunately, their exes need much, much longer than them to heal. They usually need 8 months of healing to recover. But if the relationship was long and ended with cheating or if dumpees were codependent and lacked self-esteem, it can take them twice or even thrice as long to heal.

Everyone heals at a different rate and interprets reach-outs differently. Dumpees usually feel hopeful and anxious while dumpers tend to get an ego boost and feel smothered.

I don’t know what emotional state you and your ex are in, but if you’re not talking to each other frequently (at least a few times a week), there is no point in wishing each other a happy Valentine’s Day.

It’s much safer for both of you to stay in no contact and give each other the space that you need.

Keep that in mind if you’re tempted to contact your ex on Valentines Day!

Valentine’s Day isn’t a good day to get back in contact with your ex

If you’ve been dying to hear from your ex, know that Valentine’s Day is the worst day to reach out. This day is reserved for couples to go out and celebrate. It’s not meant for ex-couples who should be healing and getting over each other.

Imagine how you’d feel if you were on a date with someone you’re excited to spend time with and you suddenly receive a message from an ex you hadn’t heard from in months.

Maybe you wouldn’t feel extremely repulsed if you’d already processed the breakup, but if your relationship ended badly and/or if you didn’t think very fondly of your ex, I bet you’d cringe a little.

You’d probably think to yourself, “Why is my ex texting me on Valentine’s Day? Doesn’t my ex have better things to do? Things like dating other people and wishing those people happy Valentine’s?”

I don’t know about you, but if I went on a date with someone I love, the last person I’d want to hear from is one of my exes.

As a disclaimer, I’d like to point out that I have nothing against my exes. I occasionally converse with my exes (mainly to see how they’re doing). I have respect for them.

And because I respect them, I don’t breadcrumb them and confuse them just because it’d be “nice” to wish them happy Valentine’s.

I leave them alone to live their lives.

Should I text my ex on Valentine’s Day if my ex is single?

It doesn’t matter if your ex is single or with someone else. You shouldn’t text your ex Happy Valentine’s because you’ll be breaking the rules of no contact.

If you don’t know what the rules are, here’s the simplified version:

• no calling, texting, and engaging in conversation with your ex in any way, shape, or form
• no stalking your ex
• no luring your ex into reaching out to you
• and certainly, no talking about your ex and the breakup (at least not with people who will likely tell your ex about it)

If you break any of these rules, you’ll most likely face the consequences described in the picture below.

You may feel lonely and tempted to reach out to your ex on Valentine’s Day, but do your best not to act on your emotions. Remember that your ex has been silent for a reason and that you mustn’t break that silence and sabotage your emotional progress.

Not after coming this far.

What do I do if my ex texts me on Valentine’s Day?

If you receive a message from your ex, thank your ex for the wishes, wish your ex back, and leave it at that. You don’t need to ask your ex how your ex is and who he or she is with.

That’s none of your business.

You just need to respond politely (that’s you being polite) and go back to no contact as quickly as possible. Keep in mind that the less you converse with your ex on Valentine’s Day (or on any other day for that matter), the less you’ll obsess over your ex’s message.

The truth is that many dumpers try to be nice to their dumpees for birthdays, holidays, and special occasions.

They wish their exes well and sometimes even say things like:

• I hope you find someone you deserve soon
• you deserve someone much better than me
• I know you’ll find love soon
• a person who loves you with all his/her heart will soon show up in your life
• I love you, but someone knew will love you twice as hard

Dumpers who say things like these don’t understand how breakups work. They don’t know that dumpees who recently became dumpees don’t want to be encouraged this way.

They want their ex to come back and don’t want some “much better” person to enter their lives.

So if you’re wondering what to do when your ex texts you on Valentine’s Day, do what:

• makes you and your ex happy
• kills false hope
• reduces anxiety and misinterpretations
• and gives you and your ex the chance to move forward with your lives

For most people, the best thing to do when they receive Valentine’s Day wishes from their ex is to:

1. Acknowledge their ex.
2. Wish their ex back.
3. And go back to no contact.

When there is pain, anxiety, false hope, or some kind of discomfort on either side, this is always the best thing to do.

Should I get my ex a Valentine’s Day gift

Just how texting your ex on Valentine’s Day counts as breaking no contact, so does sending your ex Valentine’s Day gifts.

Breaking no contact includes sending:

• chocolates
• flowers
• letters
• Valentine’s Day cards
• and any kind of gift you can give or send to your ex

As I mentioned earlier, your ex is your ex and doesn’t deserve your gifts. Especially if your ex is with someone else because in that case, your ex also doesn’t want them.

Your ex wants to receive gifts from someone else.

So if you’re thinking of giving your ex a gift on Valentine’s Day, try to understand that your ex is not your boyfriend or girlfriend who should receive gifts on this special day. Your ex is a person who needs to keep moving on without receiving the relationship benefits.

If you do end up giving a gift to your ex, it’s highly likely that your ex will feel uncomfortable, smothered, or even guilty for not giving you a gift too. So you may as well avoid making your ex feeling “strange” and give a Valentine’s Day gift to someone who actually wants it and deserves it.

Preferably to someone who will reciprocate your efforts.

How to stop thinking about your ex on Valentine’s Day?

If you have a difficult time on Valentine’s day and you can’t stop thinking about your ex, try to get extremely busy. Find something captivating to distract yourself with and do the things you enjoy.

This will help you get through the day quicker and actually make you enjoy your day.

I don’t know what you like to do, but when I was going through my breakup on Valentine’s Day, I spent my day reading books and listening to audiobooks. Pretty nerdy, I know, but books kept me distracted and at the same time, taught me valuable relationship lessons.

If you also want to give reading a try but you don’t know where to start, you can see my list of personal recommendations here.

The best tip I can give you about staying level-headed on Valentine’s Day is to stay off social media. Don’t watch other couples’ lovey-dovey posts and selfies and just do something that requires your attention.

The more you enjoy the things you do, the more you’ll distract yourself and the quicker the day will go by.

You’ve got this!

Are you thinking about whether you should text your ex on Valentine’s Day? Comment below and let us know how you intend to get through the day.