Should I Respond To My Ex-boyfriend’s Email?

If your ex-boyfriend sent you an email and you’re wondering if you should respond to it, the answer to this question is almost always yes. It’s a yes whether you dumped your ex, if your ex dumped you, or if you both decided to end the relationship at the same time.

Who left who and how you feel about each other today is irrelevant. When a person sends you an email, he expects a reply. He wants to know that you understand, but most importantly, sympathize with what he’s going through.

Your response (not the contents) shows him that you’re a decent human being who cares about his thoughts and feelings and that the moments you shared with him matter to you even though the relationship didn’t work out in the end.

If you choose to ignore your ex‘s email, you essentially send your ex a very negative message. You tell him that you’re bitter and that you consider him unworthy of a reply.

Your lack of response then emotionally affects your ex. How it affects him depends on whether your ex is the dumpee (has expectations of you) or the dumper (already feels disappointed with your behavior and has very few expectations of you).

If your ex is the dumpee, your ex will likely get hurt that you didn’t respond. He’ll wonder what he did to get on your bad side and analyze his email and everything related to you.

The guy will feel rejected again and likely get his hopes for reconciliation destroyed. That’s why he’ll become even more obsessed with you and desperate for reconciliation and healing.

However, if your ex is the dumper, then your ex probably won’t feel rejected. But he will feel that you’re bitter and hurt and either get his ego hurt (get angry) or just let it go. Most likely the latter.

Dumpers tend not to react badly to emails and letters their dumpees refuse to reply to. They don’t have a lot of expectations of their ex, so they handle ignoring behavior quite well and get over their ex’s resentments very quickly.

The problem with getting ignored though is that they often think bad things about their ex. They recall the times when their ex was rude in the past, get angry (gather power), and think that dumping their ex was the right thing to do.

Such thoughts lower the chances of dumpers respecting their dumpees and returning to them in the future.

So if your ex-boyfriend sent you an email and you have no idea what to do about it, my advice is not to ignore it. Ignoring a person is seldom the right thing to do.

It’s the right thing to do only when your ex is being abusive and/or when you have a restraining order against him.

In this post, we’ll talk about whether you should respond to your ex-boyfriend’s email.

Should I respond to my ex-boyfriend’s email?

Unless you’re getting harassed by your ex-boyfriend (harassment means threatened not annoyed), you should definitely respond to your ex-boyfriend. You don’t have to write paragraphs and paragraphs and explain all the reasons why the situation is the way it is, but you should try to answer at least some of your ex’s questions and concerns.

Answering them will ease your ex’s worries and anxiety and make him feel respected. Ignoring him, on the other hand, will disrespect him and reopen his wounds (if he’s the dumpee) or trigger his pent-up frustrations or disappointment (if he’s the dumper).

Dumpees and dumpers may get affected differently by ignoring behavior, but this doesn’t mean that you should ignore an ex who likely won’t get hurt by it. It may not feel good to reply to someone who hurt you throughout the relationship or annoyed you after the relationship with emails or texts, but replying is the right thing to do.

The reply will give your ex what he’s asking for and make you into a stronger person. Consider it an opportunity to grow as your ability to handle difficult emotions will be put to the test.

You’ll be put in a situation where you’ll be forced to show who you are at the core and what your values are like.

So as long as your ex doesn’t threaten you or your loved ones, respond to your ex. Show that you can handle the breakup maturely and that you respect your ex enough to respond.

Don’t worry. Your dumpee ex won’t get his hopes up if you just respond neutrally. He’ll get his hopes up only if you promise your ex things, start acting like his girlfriend, or say that you still have feelings for him.

Make sure not to give him hope or kill all his hope at once. Aim for a balanced response.

Here’s why you should respond to your ex-boyfriend’s email, letter, text, or message in a bottle.

Responding to your ex’s email as a dumper

If you left your ex and your ex is sending you emails, telling you how he feels and what he expects, don’t think of his emails as threats.

Think of them as screams for help as your ex is desperately trying to get closure (reduce anxiety). Your ex wants to heal.

All you have to do when your dumpee sends you emails is acknowledge the emails, respond to questions, and wish your ex well. You needn’t write as much as your ex and offer friendship to your ex. That would be unnecessary and likely too early. Just get straight to the point and leave your ex alone once you’ve sent the email.

The email isn’t going to trick you into taking your ex back. It’s just an opportunity for you to be selfless and help an ex who still cares about you and views you in high regard.

You probably get guilt-tripped and smothered when your ex tells you things you don’t want to hear, but you need to understand the situation your ex is dealing with.

Your ex is going through a very difficult if not the most difficult time of his life and could use your support.

If you care about your ex and who you are and want to be as a person, have the decency to respond. It may not do much for you, but it will definitely help your ex a lot.

Always remember that ignoring a man after the breakup isn’t the same as taking care of yourself. Ignoring is ignoring- shutting a person out of your life forcefully whereas taking care of yourself includes helping yourself and those who are heartbroken and emotionally dependent on you.

Responding to your ex’s email as a dumpee

As a dumpee, your responsibilities are slightly different. You should still respond to your ex’s email and address some of your ex’s concerns because it’s the right thing to do.

But the biggest difference is that you should include an “I need some time to myself and would appreciate it if you didn’t email me anymore. You can message me if it’s urgent, but if it’s not, I’d prefer it if we didn’t speak. I wish you all the best.”

This reply will tell your ex that you respect him but that you also respect yourself enough not to settle for friendship with your ex. Friendship with an ex can lead back into a relationship, but it usually doesn’t because the dumper doesn’t realize his mistakes that way.

He realizes his mistakes on his own through failure and pain.

So even if your ex dumped you and reached out to apologize, to explain things, or to be friends with you, respond to your ex and put an end to his breadcrumbs.

Be polite to your ex, but at the same time, protective of your health and well-being.

I suggest that you respond to your ex’s email, but don’t invite your ex to stay in touch with you whenever he wants to. You need to put yourself first after the breakup. And you can do that by keeping your ex at distance and focusing on yourself.

Bear in mind that you should follow a strong regimen of no contact so that you can get your ex out of your system. Once he’s out and you’re back to your usual self, you can, of course, get back in contact with your ex if you want to. Just don’t jump the gun and try to befriend your ex the moment you hear from your ex. If you let your ex back into your heart when you’re still healing from the loss of your relationship, you’re going to suffer an unnecessary rejection.

So follow the rules of no contact and everything’s going to work out in the end. Your ex will either realize your worth and come back or you’ll get over the breakup and meet someone who values you.

When not to respond to your ex-boyfriend’s emails?

You shouldn’t reply to your ex’s emails and other forms of communication when your ex can’t control his emotions and tries to hurt you or your loved ones just to feel in control. Not responding, could, of course, hurt your ex’s ego even more and infuriate your ex, but on the positive note, it will also leave your ex be and let time placate his anger.

Time alone can help your ex fix his broken ego. But for that to happen, your ex must stop reaching out and rejecting himself. That’s the only way he can regain control of his emotions and actions that follow and stop sending you emails or texts.

So if your ex sent you an email or emails and you’re trying to figure out what to do about it, bear in mind that your ex wants you to understand his thoughts and feelings. His words indicate that he’s in pain and that he’s waiting for some kind of a response from you.

If he’s a dumper, he’s probably looking for your apology or reassurance that you’re okay. And if he’s a dumpee, he likely wants you to validate him and help him cope with anxiety.

Whether you want your ex back or not, as long as your ex is nice to you, your ex deserves a response. Give it to him so he can get what he needs and you what you need to develop yourself morally.

Did your ex send you an email and you’re wondering if you should respond? Post your questions and thoughts on this matter below the article.

And if you’re having trouble deciding if you should reply and what your reply should be about, don’t hesitate to get in touch with us. We’ll help you craft a polite response.