If a girl you were seeing (your ex) changed her number and disappeared, something clearly went wrong. You either pestered her with texts and calls or she wasn’t ready for a relationship and felt annoyed. Either way, she felt overwhelmed and wasn’t ready to be in a romantic relationship.
The girl felt overprioritized and thought that she needed to give way more than she received. This kind of thinking led her to develop unhealthy perceptions of you and convinced her to change her number and disappear. We could say she ghosted you and focused entirely on herself. Ghosting let her avoid dealing with the consequences of breaking up with you (explaining things, empathizing/sympathizing, giving you closure, and feeling pressured and guilty).
It enabled her to end the relationship and be happy in the quickest way possible.
She changed her number and disappeared so she wouldn’t receive any more texts and calls from you. She wanted to avoid wasting energy and time on a person she lost feelings for and associated negative beliefs with. By disappearing, she was able to cut off the unwanted past and regain control of her life.
So bear in mind that in terms of reconciliation, changing numbers and disappearing is not the best sign. It’s on par with blocking as it indicates that she has no interest and desire to talk, bond, and be a couple. Getting a new number feels like something a bothered, resentful, and unforgiving ex would do. Only someone emotionally overloaded and completely done with her previous partner would go through the trouble of canceling her number, getting a new one, and adding everyone except her ex.
Her actions show that she wants to forget everything that happened and have a new beginning.
If you did something to hurt her, she clearly doesn’t trust you with her emotions anymore. She thinks you hurt her enough and that she has the right to speak or not speak to you if she chooses to. She’s definitely right about that. However, cutting off someone who has feelings for her may not be the right approach. Not when that person has feelings for her and is being respectful.
If all you want is love and explanations, she should understand why you said or did what you did and be more considerate of your feelings and needs. She shouldn’t just stop talking and act like you don’t exist.
The woman should change numbers and disappear only when you disrespect and threaten her and her loved ones. In that case, she should cut you off to show you that actions have consequences and that she loves herself more than you.
So if your ex changed her number and disappeared, ask yourself why she did that. Did you put her in a dangerous or uncomfortable situation or is she just impatient, immoral, and in a hurry to move on? Maybe you begged and pleaded for ages or perhaps she met someone new and wanted you not to know about him.
If you didn’t bother and pressure her, she probably changed her number and disappeared because of her lack of patience and communication skills. Instead of giving you closure and telling you she needed space, she convinced herself she had the right to be happy and that you were the one who didn’t get how she felt and what she needed.
Because she blamed you for her pain or anger, she thought she could justify her disappearance and move on as if nothing happened.
Perhaps her reason for changing numbers and disappearing was a bad breakup from the past. Maybe she learned that breakups bring out the worst in people and that she must cut exes off quickly in order to protect herself. Something or someone might have shown or told her that cutting people off is sometimes necessary even if it may hurt others in the process.
Although I agree with that statement, it’s not healthy to ignore and invalidate a harmless and emotionally struggling ex. Exes should be sympathetic toward each other and help each other get through the breakup. I’m not saying they should be friends, but they should avoid behaviors that cause anxiety and delay healing.
Dumpees should avoid begging and pleading for another chance whereas dumpers should avoid befriending their ex “giving their ex hope” and making their ex feel worthless. Both parties should understand breakup dynamics and avoid triggering unwanted emotions in each other. That’s how they can go their separate ways amicably and move on without any anger in their hearts.
Unfortunately, many exes don’t part ways like that. Many exes ignore or block each other and get a restraining order. Some even go to court and fight legal battles for years. That’s years of wasted time, money, and happiness.
Instead of learning from their failures, they regress and turn into spiteful exes.
Your ex may not want to fight, but she doesn’t want to talk and handle the breakup responsively either. She’d rather act on her resentment than work through it. That tells you a lot about who she is and how she handles problems and challenging emotions in general.
I know it’s not easy for dumpers to talk to their ex and see their ex hurt and desperate for love, but the breakup is much harder for dumpees. It’s excruciatingly painful for dumpees because they feel rejected and unworthy of commitment and love. They want their ex to validate their importance and take their pain away. They don’t beg to annoy their ex but to help themselves feel better.
Most dumpees unintentionally pressure their ex for a while. They have a hard time coming to terms with the breakup, so they text and call their ex. The most hurt ones even show up a their ex’s work or house unannounced. They demand explanations and respect mainly because their ex doesn’t give them what they need to love themselves.
That doesn’t excuse their begging, but they wouldn’t have to act desperate if their ex showed them care and supported them properly.
In today’s article, we shed some light on why your ex changed her number and disappeared.
Why did my ex change her number and disappear?
If you pestered your ex with your feelings, wants, and needs, you made your ex feel extremely guilty and pressured. You told her you didn’t respect her decision to leave and that she needed to take care of you even after the breakup. She considered your post-breakup behavior harassment and did what she thought was needed to protect herself and be happy.
Of course, harassment and persuasion are two different things. An ex who texts the dumper and shows up at her work to beg may be out of line, but he doesn’t pose any threat to her. Not unless he threatens her and gets in the way of her work.
An ex like that just lacks the strength to accept the breakup and let go of the dumper. That doesn’t mean he’s the aggressor but rather a victim. His low/destroyed self-esteem tells him to chase the dumper and win her back with nice gestures and persistence.
If you kept bothering her and she kept telling you not to do that, your ex felt she had no choice but to change her number and disappear. She tried to reason with you for a while, but when she noticed it wasn’t working and that it was affecting her more than she was willing to admit, she decided to stop tolerating it and cut you off.
She indirectly expressed that she felt uncomfortable and stressed and that she needed to focus on the present rather than the past.
She could have just blocked you and been done with it, but it would have made it possible for you to reach out from a different number. Also, some dumpers are against blocking. They don’t want to block because the dumper would see that they’re annoyed and unwilling to communicate. They don’t want to upset their ex further and see their ex do something even worse.
Something like taking them to court or telling their friends and family about their behavior.
That’s why they quietly remove themselves from their ex’s life and get a new number. They give their new number only to people they value, want to talk to, and feel safe with.
Now that your ex blocked you, it’s time to ask yourself if you harassed or annoyed her for too long. Did you refuse to give her space over and over again and ignored her anger and need for space? If you kept talking to her even though she didn’t want to talk, you made her resentment worse and forced her to stop talking to you.
She cut you off by getting a new number and disappearing from your life.
Changing numbers was her way of telling you that she didn’t agree with what you were doing or that she felt unsafe or uneasy with the idea of you being able to contact her whenever you wanted. If you left her alone but she changed her number anyway, she may have done that due to the fear of receiving texts or calls from you and being dragged back into the past.
It’s possible she has a fear of confrontation and doesn’t know how to handle emotionally challenging situations.
I’m just guessing here, but dumpers tend not to change their phone numbers and disappear when dumpees leave them alone and let them enjoy life. They usually do that when dumpees pester them for ages, hurt them deeply, and force them to take control of the breakup by any means necessary. That’s when the gloves come off, forcing dumpers to prioritize their happiness and health.
So if your ex changed her number and pulled a Houdini on you, figure out what may have caused her to act that way. Was it your persistence or your ex’s personality, upbringing, or beliefs in general? Understanding your ex’s reasons for disappearing will give you closure and prevent you from making breakup mistakes.
Having said that, here are 6 reasons why your ex changed her number and disappeared.
How should you respond to your ex changing her number?
You don’t have to fight fire with fire and get a new number yourself. A new number, followed by your disappearance won’t make your ex think you’re strong and want you back. Your ex probably won’t even notice you’re gone unless her friends tell her about it. You should worry less about getting even with your ex and more about improving yourself and learning why your ex said and did the things she did.
When you understand your ex’s reasons for changing numbers and disappearing, you’ll understand that it’s got more to do with your ex than it does with you. If you didn’t threaten and bother your ex day and night with your problems, your ex changed her number because her morals and beliefs told her to. They convinced her she needed to push you away and keep you away for her own sake.
Some dumpers immediately delete and block their ex. Even though their ex didn’t do and probably wouldn’t do anything to hurt them, they get rid of their ex and feel good about it. They don’t know or care that their avoidant behavior hurts their dumpee ex.
So don’t respond to your ex by rushing to get a new number. Instead of showing your ex that it bothers you, act as if your ex didn’t change her number. This will prevent you from ruining your image and making your ex think you’re hurt and desperate to get back together.
Focus on things that better your life instead. Things such as your hobbies, friends, and self-improvement. Forget about your ex and her wish to distance herself from you. Your ex’s behavior doesn’t define who you are. It defines who your ex is and how your ex deals with ex-partners and problems related to them.
If you want your ex back, do your best to preserve your worth. Avoid showing your ex that you’re watching her every move and that you need her to be happy. Your ex must see that you’re taking care of yourself and prioritizing people who deserve you.
Such people won’t change their phone numbers without informing you and hurting your self-esteem.
Did your ex change her number and make you wonder what you did to deserve it? Share your thoughts and feelings below. We’ll get back to you shortly.
However, if you’d like to confide in us and talk about your ex’s breakup behavior and ways to get back together, subscribe to coaching and reach out to us. Together, we’ll figure out why your ex is the way she is and what you should do about it.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
