My Ex Won’t Talk To Me No Matter What I Do

When your ex won’t talk to you, it’s evident that your ex wants different things from the breakup and finds your calls and texts intrusive. Your ex considers them disrespectful and doesn’t want to engage in conversation just because you’re eager to converse.

Your expectations and demands actually make your ex want to speak with you less because they force your ex to communicate against his or her will. They make your ex think that his or her opinion doesn’t matter to you and that you just want what you want.

Such interpretations of your behavior essentially cause your ex to feel suffocated and trapped. If your ex doesn’t find a way to deal with them in a healthily, he or she could become resentful, ignore you, or respond with anger and destruction. Your ex could do something that obliterates your self-esteem and makes you see that your ex has no love and respect left for you.

So if your ex won’t talk to you no matter how hard you try, don’t keep trying to make your detached ex see your worth and speak with you. You won’t be able to change your ex’s mind because your ex had made up his or her mind a long time ago.

You just didn’t realize it because your ex hid his or her emotions (or the lack thereof) for as long as your ex could. Once your ex could no longer hide resentment, repulsion, anger, frustration, or any bad emotion, really, your ex then started ignoring you and focusing solely on himself or herself.

By doing so, your ex increased your ex-dependency and hindered your recovery process.

That’s why if you don’t have any kids with your ex or some kind of unfinished business, talking with your ex when your ex doesn’t want to talk with you is a huge waste of time and emotions. You can’t benefit from reaching out at all because any time you try, your ex proves that he or she isn’t interested in being your friend or partner.

Your ex just wants to stay relieved and enjoy the breakup the way he or she had imagined.

So ask yourself, what’s the point? Why keep talking to your ex when your ex won’t talk to you? I know you’re attached to your ex and want your ex in your life, but do you agree that an ex who doesn’t talk to you isn’t worth your time? Do you see that it’s making you more obsessed and depressed and that chasing your ex is not a good idea?

Rationally, you probably agree with me, but your heart doesn’t quite get it. It’s telling you that you must get a caring response out of your ex and that you can’t rest until you do. But that’s okay! As long as you know what’s best for you, you can force yourself not to talk to your ex and slowly recover from the breakup.

I encourage you to start no contact and learn more about the consequences of talking to your ex and bothering him or her with your own problems. Once you regain your rationality, you’ll see that your ex is in a smothered state and that you feel much better when you leave your ex to his or her devices.

You’re happier because you don’t force your ex to reject you all the time and treat you like a stranger or a bad person.

This article is dedicated to dumpees who want their ex to talk to them. We’ll discuss why your ex doesn’t want to chat and how you can handle your ex’s disinterested behavior.

Why won’t my ex talk to me after the breakup?

As a dumpee, you need to understand that your ex is suffering (in his/her ways) and needs time to process the breakup. Your ex needs to avoid speaking with you (at least for a while) so that he or she can stop feeling pressured and guilt-tripped.

Your ex can stop feeling all these unwanted emotions only by getting some distance from you. Space can stop your ex from being reminded of you all the time and encourage your ex to feel relieved and stay in control of his or her life.

If your ex doesn’t feel in control of breakup emotions because of you, your ex will likely take it out on you. He or she could be mean and rude or simply ignore your every outreach. There’s no telling what your ex will do after the breakup. But if you keep pushing your ex’s buttons and ignoring your ex’s desire to self-prioritize, I can tell you that your ex won’t like it.

Sooner than later, your ex’s frustration with you will worsen and increase to the point where your ex won’t even think twice about cutting you off and making you fend for yourself. Your ex won’t care if you’re struggling with the breakup because your ex will think his or her happiness comes first.

That’s why you must do your best not to force your ex to feel guilty, ashamed, trapped, or anything your ex doesn’t want to feel. You must make sure that your ex has the space he/she asked for and that your ex sees you’re doing okay after the breakup.

You can show your ex you’re doing okay simply by staying in no contact and minding your own business. That’s how your ex will see that you’ve detached or developed enough emotional strength to pull away when you’re no longer needed.

Breakups suck, I get it. But if your ex won’t talk to you, you mustn’t talk to your ex either. You mustn’t try to convince your ex to respond/be with you because every time you try, your ex will feel pressured and lose more respect. Your ex will lose respect even if you don’t show or state that you want to get back together.

Your presence alone will irritate your ex as your ex had been dreaming of breaking up with you for a very long time. Now that your ex has finally done it, it’s too late to make amends. All you can do from now on is respect your ex’s decision and by doing so, minimize the likelihood of your ex thinking negatively about you.

Negative thoughts could create negative emotions. And these emotions could fester into bitterness and contempt.

If you don’t want your ex to despise you (or despise you more) now that you’re hurting, don’t converse with your ex. On the contrary, acknowledge that your ex is going through dumper stages and that your ex isn’t willing to help you with your pain, fears, and worries. Your ex is more interested in moving forward and not looking back.

So if your ex won’t talk to you, keep in mind that your ex associates negative thoughts and feelings with you and that he or she isn’t capable of conversing with you now that you want to converse very badly.

The infographic below summarizes why your ex won’t talk to you after the breakup.

What to do if your ex won’t talk to you?

If your ex doesn’t talk to you, you obviously can’t force your ex to talk to you. As difficult as it may be, you must accept that your ex feels uncomfortable and that you lack the power to improve your ex’s perception of you. Every time you try to single-handedly improve the way your ex sees you, you make your ex feel more repulsed and more eager to block you.

So what to do if talking to your ex makes things worse?

You don’t talk to your ex, period. You take a step back and reassess the situation. The best way you can do that is to ask yourself the following questions.

1. What is talking to my ex doing to my ex?
2. What’s it doing to my self-esteem?
3. Should I be talking to someone who doesn’t want to talk to me?
4. How long do I want to keep this up?
5. Why do I even want to talk to my ex?
6. Am I aware that I can’t force my ex to answer my texts/calls?

Your job as a dumpee isn’t to get your ex to care about you and/or want you back as a romantic partner. It’s to heal and talk to your ex only if your ex’s interests align with yours. This means that if you want your ex back romantically but your ex only sees you as a friend, you don’t see eye to eye on what you want from each other.

You have different expectations and will hurt or anger each other if you try to make each other think and feel similarly.

The key to handling your ex’s disinterest, therefore, is to leave your ex alone and figure out how you can stop caring about your ex. How can you stop wanting to want your ex and live a joyous life without your ex in it?

After some thinking, you should discern that your ex is no longer a part of your life and that you must lose hope rather than look for it.

Initially, almost all dumpees look for ways to reconcile with their ex. But when they reflect and invest in themselves, they eventually detach and realize that they should rely on themselves for healing and not their ex.

That’s when they normally get over their ex and fall in love with themselves and someone else.

What if years go by and my ex still doesn’t want to talk to me?

If your ex doesn’t want to talk to you years after the breakup, your post-breakup plan doesn’t change. You should still focus on yourself and those who care about you—and try to forget about your ex. An ex who views you the same way he or she viewed you years ago when he or she dumped you doesn’t deserve a spot in your heart.

He or she deserves nothing but space and silence.

You don’t need to keep checking up on your ex in case your ex wants to speak with you. If your ex has a change of heart (wants friendship or more), rest assured that your ex will let you know that. Your ex will take the initiative and reach out to say or show that he or she is ready to talk again.

You don’t need to (and shouldn’t) keep waiting for your ex to process negative emotions. Even though your ex could eventually learn his or her lessons, you just don’t know if your ex will even process emotions the way he or she needs to process them. You don’t know if your ex will respect you, become curious about you, and want to speak with you.

That’s why you don’t have a choice but to mind your own business and keep moving on with your life. If you improve your flaws, do things that make you happy, and date other people, you will eventually lose interest in your ex and give up on trying to make your ex talk to you.

But in the meantime, follow the tips in this article and work on becoming the best version of yourself. This is your chance to grow and turn into a person your ex would regret abandoning and treating poorly.

Are you reaching out to your ex but your ex won’t talk to you? How and how often did you reach out? Post your post-breakup mistakes below the post and we’ll get back to you.

And if you want us to reply faster and go into detail about your ex’s lack of interest, check out our breakup coaching services and choose the option that best fits your needs.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.