My Ex Kissed Me But Doesn’t Want To Get Back Together

If your ex kissed you but doesn’t want to get back together, your ex has a non-romantic motive. Your ex feels emotional (probably guilty) and wants to help you help him/her feel better. Your ex has no intention of working on the relationship because your ex has no romantic feelings and desire to reconnect romantically.

All your ex wants is to calm you down and prevent you from saying or doing something that would make it harder for him or her to move on with a clear conscience. By kissing you and reassuring you, your ex expects you to accept the breakup and walk away with your head held high.

Kisses, hugs, sex, or other relationship-exclusive gestures initiated by the dumper after the breakup often happen due to pity and self-concern. The dumper feels bad for leaving and wounding the dumpee, so he or she uses words like “I love you, I don’t know what the future holds, we’ll see how we feel after a few weeks” or does something to make the dumpee feel loved and desired.

Something like sleeping with the dumpee or kissing the dumpee on the cheek, forehead, or lips.

The dumper has no idea that romantic gestures give the dumpee hope and stop the dumpee from moving on and improving his or her self-esteem and negative behaviors. When the dumpee feels loved rather than cared for and supported, the dumpee refuses to let go of the relationship and overanalyzes the dumper’s gestures.

He or she thinks about ways to get closer to the dumper instead of focusing on detachment, emotional independence, and self-love.

So if your ex kissed you but didn’t want to get back together, bear in mind that your ex didn’t do that out of love, regret, and need to be with you. Your ex kissed you to reduce your pain and his/her guilt or shame, avoid difficult conversations and emotional reactions, and ensure a fast and safe exit from the relationship.

Your ex didn’t see any better ways to avoid hurting you and feeling bad about it, so your ex opted to kiss you and relieve your separation anxiety and his or her conscience.

If your ex loved you, your ex wouldn’t have broken up with you (or would have taken you back immediately). He or she would have done much more than kiss you and tell you how amazing you are.

Always remember that regretful dumpers talk about their regrets and ask for forgiveness, love, and another chance. They don’t do confusing things and make you guess why they said or did something.

If they want you back, they verbally and clearly express their desire to bond. They do this because they want you to take them back, validate them, and help them feel secure.

Only non-interested dumpers do confusing/meaningless things and string their ex along. Such dumpers have ulterior motives. Usually, they want what’s best for them even though it’s the worst for their ex.

Some common things dumpers do is reach out once in a while, ask their ex how he or she is doing, tell their ex they’re happy, and encourage their ex to find someone better/more compatible.

They can’t put themselves in their ex’s shoes and understand how their ex feels when they give or take hope.

Dumpers should remain neutral at all times. They shouldn’t give or take hope and cause their ex to obsessively analyze their behavior. The less vague and ambiguous their words and actions are, the less their ex has to process, and the quicker he or she heals.

So guard your heart by keeping in mind that your ex kissed you because your ex thought it would reassure you and get you off his or her back. Your ex didn’t think ahead and know or care that his or her hopeful actions would make your healing process much more difficult.

Your ex just did what felt right at that moment and let you deal with the consequences of his or her actions later on your own.

In this article, we further discuss why your ex kissed you but doesn’t want to get back together. Stick around for tips on what you should have done and what you must do next time your ex shows affection.

What does it mean when your ex kisses you?

If your ex (cries and) kisses you during the breakup, it means that your ex doesn’t like that his or her selfish decision hurts you and complicates your life. Your ex wishes he or she could separate from you without destroying your relationship plans and goals, wasting your time, and devastating you.

If there was a way for your ex not to cause you so many problems and months of suffering, your ex would have gone with it in a heartbeat. But since no such solution existed, your ex felt he or she had no choice but to proceed with the breakup and seek happiness elsewhere.

That made your ex feel self-centered and bad for hurting you.

To feel less selfish and guilty, your ex kissed you and made it seem like his or her feelings were still there and that the problem wasn’t you—and that it could be fixed. Your ex’s actions essentially confused and deceived you as they made you think the relationship could be salvaged.

Why wouldn’t it be salvageable when a person displays signs of affection?

Well, the dumper doesn’t always mean what he does and does what he means. Sometimes he just acts on impulse and lets the dumpee think and feel what she wants. By doing so, he relieves himself of moral responsibility and leaves his old life behind.

On the other hand, if your ex kissed you weeks or months after the breakup, that could indicate some form of regret. Either your ex is testing the waters and/or wants you back or your ex just wants validation, support, or sex.

You can tell what your ex wants by observing your ex’s post-kissing behavior. If your ex plans things with you, expresses love and regret, and invests time, energy, and money in you, your ex wants to give the relationship another chance and try to have a better relationship.

But if your ex acts like nothing happened and goes back to his or her detached and disinterested self, then your ex already got what he or she was after and isn’t interested in reconnecting as romantic partners.

Your ex only wanted to see how it felt to kiss you.

If your ex was going through something difficult, he or she probably hoped that kissing you would relieve stress or anxiety and boost his or her ego. That would mean that your ex ignored your feelings and used you for personal gain.

You need to understand that kissing on its own doesn’t mean much when it comes to exes. Not unless it’s immediately followed by some gesture that indicates your ex wants to take things further.

Post-breakup kissing shows that your ex feels a certain way because of you and that your ex wants you to make him or her feel something positive. I don’t know what that is in your particular situation, but it could mean that your ex hasn’t had much luck with his or her relationships and that your ex isn’t happy.

Your ex could be looking for ways to deal with problems and feel hopeful about life.

If your ex is struggling to love himself or herself, your ex could contact you when anxiety becomes uncontrollable and makes him or her lose control over his or her thoughts and emotions. Your ex could lean on you for support and expect you to resolve his or her problems.

Having said that, here are 5 reasons why your ex kissed you but didn’t want to get back together with you.

What should you have done when your ex kissed you?

If possible, you should have avoided kissing your ex. There was no need to kiss your ex if your ex didn’t apologize for leaving and recommit to working on the relationship. Kissing your ex may have felt good in the moment, but it made things worse long-term because it made you wonder why your ex kissed you and what it meant for you going forward.

Instead of acting like you were still together, you should have pulled away and asked your ex why he or she wanted to kiss you. Your ex would likely have told you the truth – that he or she still loved you and wanted you back or that your ex didn’t know what he or she was doing.

If your ex kissed you on a whim without resolving the problems that broke you up and redeveloping feelings, your ex needed to know that you’re not together anymore and that you mustn’t act like you are. Romantic and sexual gestures are reserved for couples or about-to-be couples.

Exes shouldn’t make each other think they still love each other and want a romantic relationship. Your ex needed to be aware of that so that he or she wouldn’t have temporarily made you feel good and leave you hungry for more affection.

As a dumpee, it’s important to set some boundaries. One of those boundaries is intimacy. You mustn’t let your ex say and do romantic things because you’ll stop detaching and creating a fulfilling life for yourself.

Your ex must respect your feelings and avoid giving you hope. If your ex can’t or doesn’t want to do that, you must take matters into your own hands and block your ex out of your life. Do that by unfollowing, deleting, and blocking your ex on social media and communication platforms.

Don’t let your ex make you think he or she wants you back. You don’t need to consider the possibility that your ex has feelings for you. When or if your ex has a change of heart, your ex will come to you and tell you what he or she has realized, learned, and improved.

If you couldn’t stop or didn’t want to stop your ex from kissing you, then make sure your ex doesn’t do it again. Keep physical and emotional distance from your ex by letting your ex know you’re not interested in being friends or friends with benefits.

Your ex needs to see you’re not open to post-breakup communication and respect your decision whether he or she likes it or not.

Your life isn’t about your ex anymore. It’s about your wants and needs. And your wants and needs require you to recover from the breakup as quickly as possible. You can pull through the breakup by adhering to the rules of no contact and letting your ex express regret rather than just kiss you or make out with you.

If your ex redevelops love for you, your ex can communicate his or he feelings directly. Mixed signals don’t tell you anything right now. Nothing that would allow you to stop hurting.

So stay away from your ex until you’re over your ex and don’t need your ex to validate you anymore.

Did your ex kiss you and make you wonder why he or she did that? Why do you think your ex did that? Comment below and let us know.

And if you wish to talk to us about your ex’s behavior, get in touch with us here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.