My Ex Kissed Me On The Lips/Cheek/Forehead: Reasons And Solutions

If your ex kissed you, your ex’s behavior could have several different meanings, depending on how, where, and when your ex kissed you.

If your ex kissed you on the cheek during the breakup, that’s more of an “I care about you as a person” gesture as it doesn’t indicate any romantic attraction and interest in getting back together. Your ex just wanted you to know that you’re not alone and that he or she doesn’t want to hurt you.

But if your ex kissed you on the lips and/or made out with you, it probably means that your ex still finds you attractive and wants to be your friend/friend with benefits or that your ex feels emotional and wants to feel better about what he or she has done to you.

You should avoid jumping to conclusions and assuming that an ex who kissed you wants you back. Although that could be the case, it isn’t in most cases. Kissing may straightforwardly display affection, but its meaning is often more complicated than that.

This is especially true when it comes to exes as exes feel detached and aren’t in the mood for romance.

The question you should be asking yourself is not how your ex’s kiss looks and feels to you but what your ex gets out of it. When you understand that, you’ll learn if it’s worth talking to your ex and hanging out with him or her.

From what I understand, dumpers who kiss their ex still feel somewhat connected to their ex. Their kisses aren’t driven by love and romantic regret as you’d imagine but by guilt and sometimes even nostalgia. It’s not something they do to recreate a strong emotional bond but to appease some undesirable emotion.

And surprise surprise guilt and nostalgia are both undesirable/(partly) negative emotions dumpers experience and need help with.

This act of affection may be of an intimate nature, but you have to look at it from your ex’s perspective. Ask yourself what you’d do if you felt awful for making your ex’s life miserable and wanted your ex to know you still cared about him as a human being.

My guess is you’d at the very least tell your ex you’re sorry and that he shouldn’t blame himself.

Most dumpers do this by apologizing and offering help. But some dumpers aren’t that apologetic or verbally expressive, so they kiss or even sleep with their ex. They think that if they give their ex what he wants their ex will feel validated and move on easier.

Little do they know that acts of affection such as sex, kissing, and hugging give dumpees hope and make them want to get even closer to their ex. They don’t give them the validation they need to move on but make them want more affection and proof that they can be a good couple.

Because acts of affection are usually a 1-time thing, dumpees soon become starved for validation again and feel confused. They think they came on too strong when in reality, their ex kissed them and reassured them partially for himself or herself.

Acts of affection from the dumper aren’t completely selfless. As I mentioned earlier, they help the dumper also. In cases where the dumper doesn’t follow up and ask to get back together, they allow the dumper to forgive himself or herself and stop worrying about the dumpee.

Are dumpers bad people for kissing their ex and “using” their ex in such a way? Not necessarily. They just don’t know that kissing is a short-term solution that ends up being the dumper’s long-term problem.

In today’s article, we explain what it means if your ex kissed you on the lips, cheek, or forehead and point out the differences between your ex kissing you during the breakup, a couple of months after the breakup, and years later.

When your ex kisses you during the breakup

If your ex has kissed you, whether it was a French kiss or just a peck on the cheek or forehead, it’s important to understand that these actions may not necessarily mean what you think they mean.

Kisses on the lips are considered intimate expressions of love. You don’t kiss your friends and parents that way – especially not for an extended period. You kiss people on the lips when you want to give and receive something from them.

It’s safe to say that your ex doesn’t despise you and feel repulsed by you and that your ex is okay with kissing you one last time. He or she considers it a parting gift and something that could help you feel less rejected and heartbroken.

By kissing you on the lips, your ex essentially lets you know that there’s currently no other person in his or her life who has replaced you and become more worthy of his/her affection than you.

This feels reassuring to you and gives you hope as it makes you think it may still be possible to get your ex back. Your ex is open to kissing (affection), so perhaps your ex is open to slowly getting back together as well.

Your anxious mind wants you to believe that because why else would your ex kiss you on the lips?

If he or she had no feelings and didn’t feel attracted, your ex would obviously have chosen a different spot or wouldn’t have kissed you at all, right? 

In most cases, that’s true as exes don’t want anything to do with their dumpee. But this isn’t one of those cases.

You must remember that your ex is emotional (possibly due to your reaction) and thinks that he or she must make you feel better. And there’s no better way to make you feel better than to give you what you badly need – a kiss on the lips.

A kiss like that helped you feel loved when you were a couple, so surely, it can do the same now that you’re exes. The scary thing is that it does. It does make you feel loved and special. So much so that you get your hopes up and start thinking it may be possible to reconcile through acts of affection.

What you don’t know, though is that your ex isn’t kissing you because he/she feels romantic feelings for you but rather because your ex wants to help you help him/her. Your ex wants to calm you and feel calm in return. A calm state of mind would assuage his or her guilt and allow your ex a smooth transition from a relationship to a single life.

There may also be another explanation for your ex’s behavior.

Believe it or not, quite a few dumpers get turned on when they see their ex sad/in tears. It’s called dacryphilia—and it makes dumpers do all kinds of sexual things from kissing to touching and sleeping with their ex. Dumpers don’t typically enjoy causing pain.

They just get aroused by it. Some to a bigger extent than others, so they act on their urges.

Considering all these reasons, the affection that is received by the dumper during the breakup shouldn’t be taken seriously. It may be hard to interpret, but it seldom means what you think it means. Usually, it’s got nothing to do with love and everything with your ex’s emotions (conscience and ways of forgiving himself or herself).

But what if your ex kissed you on the cheek or forehead?

It probably means that your ex wanted to show care (not romantic care) and that he or she wanted you not to feel abandoned. A kiss on the cheek is the equivalent of a hug (friendship) whereas a kiss on the forehead is a more comforting gesture.

A long tight hug would probably be its counterpart.

So if you want to know why your ex kissed you during the breakup, it’s most likely because your pain, shock, inconvenience, or your ex’s imagination hurt your ex and made your ex want to reassure you and reassure him or her back.

Your ex wanted to know that you were okay and that it was okay for him or her to move on.

When your ex kisses you after the breakup

If your ex kissed you after the breakup, this could mean many different things. The most reasonable explanation is that your ex still respects you and kissed you out of habit. Some dumpers (especially those who still live with their ex) kiss their ex because they’re used to it and don’t think much of it.

They just kiss their ex for the sake of post-breakup peace and convenience. Moving out of the house would inconvenience them mentally and financially, so they choose to “compromise” and avoid moving out on impulse.

Such dumpers are comfortable staying close to their ex. They want to keep their ex in their life as a friend so they can continue to rely on their ex and benefit from him or her. 

Those who don’t live with their ex may not need their ex financially or emotionally, but they don’t want to lose their ex either. They want to keep their ex around because they want to stay friends or friends with benefits.

If their ex accepts friendship, they don’t have to feel bad for dumping their ex and making things difficult for him or her. They can just focus on themselves and do things that make them happy.

So if your ex kissed you once or keeps kissing you repeatedly but doesn’t talk about getting back together, know that your ex could have done that/be doing that habitually or because of guilt, convenience, or fear of losing you completely.

Some dumpers have a fear of abandonment and don’t want to distance themselves from their ex despite dumping their ex.

Due to fear of abandonment and fear of the unknown, they give their ex a little bit of what their ex needs and string their ex along for as long as it’s convenient and they feel comfortable. They don’t know that their actions are preventing their ex from clearing his or her head and finding happiness without them.

Most dumpers have no clue what they’re doing to their ex because they don’t understand breakup dynamics. They just follow their instincts and do what feels right.

And what feels right is seldom the right thing to do. This is true for dumpees and dumpers as acting on instincts doesn’t improve their breakup situation. It only complicates it and hurts the person hoping to get back together. 

Always remember that dumpers kiss, hug, and sleep with their ex because some (usually difficult) emotion tells them to do that. It tells them to get closer to their ex and get rid of some unpleasant experience, feeling, and thought.

They typically don’t kiss their ex because they feel the desire to reconnect intimately as partners. Not unless they fail to find happiness on their own and need their ex back.

But in that case, they usually don’t express their feelings and remorse through a kiss. New couples may do so, but exes typically express their love and pain verbally by apologizing or non-verbally by creating a situation where it becomes obvious they want their ex back.

So if your ex kissed you during the breakup or shortly after by chance let’s say at a club, it’s unlikely that your ex wants you back. Random kisses don’t indicate a desire for reconciliation as an ex who wants you back will think long and hard about being with you.

Your ex will ponder about it for so long that he or she will become anxious. And when your ex becomes anxious, your ex will develop cravings, take the initiative, communicate, and do his or her best to regain your trust.  

What if your ex kissed you years later?

In that case, it could mean two things. Your ex either misses you romantically and wants you back or is currently dealing with something stressful and needs your (emotional) support and validation. 

If your ex wants you back, your ex will do much more than confide in you. Your ex will express regret, make plans to see you, and show you how important you are to him or her. Your ex will make sure that you get back together as quickly as possible and that your relationship is better than ever.

On the other hand, if your ex doesn’t soon suggest getting back together, you can probably conclude that your ex has kissed you because he or she had been:

• thinking about you
• missing your company
• or missing your validation and support

With that said, here’s why your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend kissed you after the breakup.

My ex still hugs and kisses me

If your ex hugs and kisses you despite breaking up with you, you need to understand that your ex doesn’t love you anymore. Your ex might tell you that he/she does, but if you didn’t discuss getting back together, you’re not getting back together and aren’t a couple anymore.

You’re an ex couple who is acting like a couple.

That means your ex isn’t leaving the door open and doesn’t see you as his or her potential partner. Your ex wants things to stay just the way they are as his or her current lifestyle gives your ex a sense of security. In other words, your ex is staying in his or her comfort zone because of fear of letting you go.

Typically, a little bit of fear of losing a romantic partner is a good thing. But when your partner falls out of love with you and breaks up with you, there is nothing left to lose. You can’t lose-lose someone twice. Not as a romantic partner at least.

The worst thing that can happen to you is that you lose your friendship as well. That could have devastating consequences on your emotional well-being if you’re codependent on your ex.

You or in this case, your ex could depend on you emotionally, financially, physically, or with raising children. You must make sure that you don’t give your ex more time and affection than he or she deserves.

If your ex left you, you should communicate only about children and obligations that require communication and consent. Everything else, including meaningless small talk, hugs, kisses, and sex should be avoided until your ex has earned them.

And your ex will earn them when he or she wants you back. 

So if your ex still hugs and kisses you and you’re hoping that your ex will eventually fall back in love with you because of affection, bear in mind that it’s extremely unlikely. It’s much more likely that your ex will meet someone else, stop treating you like you’re together, and be lovey-dovey with that person.

When you find out what your ex did, you’ll feel betrayed because you’ll feel lied to, used, and replaced. 

Did your ex kiss you on the lips and confuse you? Share your views on why you think your ex did that in the comments below.

And if you need our help figuring out your ex’s affection or the lack thereof, get in touch with us here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.