If you got no response after no contact, it’s evident that you reached out to your ex too quickly. You assumed that your ex had been left alone long enough to fully process the breakup and feel something for you again.
But the truth is that your ex wasn’t quite there yet. He or she was still dealing with the negative side of the breakup and needed days, weeks, months, or maybe even years longer to neutralize his or her negative thoughts and perceptions and develop curiosity, respect, nostalgia, and regret.
Your ex needed space and time to experience life without you. So when you stopped your ex from doing that, your ex saw that you’re not respecting his/her need for space and gave you no response whatsoever.
By doing so, your ex told you that he or she isn’t emotionally ready to communicate yet and that as hurt as you may be that you must take the hint and provide your ex with more time. Of course, your ex could have just expressed himself/herself the way mature people do, but your ex felt way too smothered and tired for that.
Your ex must have thought that replying to you would make the situation more unbearable and that it’s better to ignore you instead. That’s why your ex didn’t bother explaining things and just let the silence do all the talking.
There just wasn’t any need to communicate because your ex wasn’t happy to hear from you. He or she wasn’t receptive to you and didn’t want you back. At least not yet because your ex indirectly expressed that communication makes him/her feel trapped and uncomfortable and that not speaking sounds like a safer and healthier approach.
So if you called or texted your ex after no contact and got no response, bear in mind that no response is a response too. It means that your ex is still recovering and isn’t willing nor capable of speaking with you without feeling the emotions he or she doesn’t want to feel.
In this post, we’ll talk about what to do if you contacted your ex prematurely (before your ex reached the nostalgia stage of the breakup).
I got no response after no contact – Did I mess up?
If you reached out after no contact, you probably thought that you were responsible for getting back with your ex and that it was possible to convince your ex to give you another chance after a certain number of days of no contact. You probably heard people say that you must message or call your ex otherwise your ex will move on and forget about you.
The truth though is that your ex wasn’t going to forget about you that easily. He or she may have felt extremely smothered, but you were still on your ex’s subconscious mind from time to time. Your ex still remembered you when your ex saw something that reminded you of him or her.
And that’s probably how it’s going to be for a while.
That’s why you shouldn’t worry that you’ll miss your one and only chance at getting back together with the person you love. Getting back with your ex is not about taking action when your ex is the most vulnerable.
I’ve seen enough breakups to know that there is no such thing as a vulnerable time for dumpers. Sure, dumpers often have doubts, mild anxiety, guilt, and experience issues with the people they mingle with after the breakup, but they don’t become vulnerable to dumpees’ persuasion after a certain number of days in no contact.
They have too many post-breakup hindrances that prevent them from becoming receptive and open-minded again.
Their hindrances, unfortunately, don’t vanish into thin air on their own. It doesn’t work that way because people either work on their problems and solve them or they don’t work on them and don’t solve them.
This means that the time after the breakup can help dumpers if their frustrations are mild, but if they’ve developed hatred and repulsion, it’s highly likely that time alone won’t fix dumpers’ deep-rooted issues. If breakup emotions were that easy to overcome, most dumpers would come back weeks after the breakup.
Most dumpers would remember their ex’s good traits and come back with a renewed sense of hope for the future.
But unfortunately, the only things that can influence dumpers in a positive/healing way are:
- self-reflection (voluntary or forced)
- and new and old problems
Dumpers who had a real breakup (not a temporary breakup) just don’t reach a stage of neutrality very effortlessly. More often than not, they need something painful—something self-esteem-breaking that makes them see reality for what it is and convinces them they’ve made a big mistake
And that’s something that can take them a lot of time. More time than you’re willing to give because your ex needs to realize all his or her flaws and mistakes on his or her own. Only then can your ex develop love and respect for you and want you back for the person you are.
Here are 6 reasons why your ex didn’t respond to you after no contact.
So if you received a no-response reply after no contact and you’re hurt because of it, keep in mind that your ex wasn’t prepared for your reach out. He or she hasn’t encountered issues and/or had enough time to slowly let go of the most self-destructive post-breakup emotions and improve the way he or she perceives you.
What to do when your ex ignores you after no contact?
When your ex ignores you after no contact, it’s as clear as crystal that your ex isn’t on the same page with you. Although you’re ready to talk and invest in the relationship again, your ex is still in the process of recovering from all the stress that the breakup has put him or her through.
He or she needs more time to relax because time can help your ex find a good (emotional) reason to speak to you. Again, time by itself can’t fix all the issues that your ex has with you. It can’t fix the emotional difficulties that were created because of the breakup either.
But it can help your ex run into problems and make him or her see that the issues were solvable and smaller than he or she had made them out to be.
For that reason, the only thing you can do when you get ignored after no contact is to go back into no contact. This time, make sure to stay in no contact indefinitely – forever and give your ex as long as he or she needs to contact you and show interest in you.
If it takes months, give your ex months. If takes years, give your ex years. No matter how long it takes, make sure to give your ex as long as it takes for him or her to reach out. You won’t accomplish anything if you keep reaching out first, appear desperate, give your ex power, lose his or her remaining respect, and stop yourself from moving on.
You’ll gain your ex’s respect only if you stand up for yourself and prove that you’re not going to reach out and obstruct your ex’s freedom before your ex is ready and willing to be your friend or partner.
The truth is that some dumpees receive no response, some dumpees a positive response, and some a neutral response. But no matter what response they receive, the response they get doesn’t change much when it comes to their ex’s feelings for them.
And that’s because responses after no contact for the most part depict their ex’s moral values and behavioral patterns rather than their ex’s feelings.
Allow me to go into more detail about different responses you can receive from your ex after no contact. Let’s start with the one we’ve talked about already.
1)The no-response response after no contact
This is the response we’ve discussed so far. When you receive the no-response response, it means that your ex doesn’t want to talk and that you need to leave your ex alone for your ex’s sake as well as your own good.
If you persist after receiving this response, you could get also blocked on social media/phone. And if you don’t back off after that, your ex could get very upset with you and do something unpredictable. Something that would hurt you and make you even more obsessed with your ex.
2)The neutral response after no contact
An example of a neutral response after no contact from an ex looks like this:
- I’m okay.
- All good.
- Ah, ok.
- Thanks a lot.
- Yup, got it.
It’s essentially a cold, disinterested response that lacks initiation and respect—and shows that your ex doesn’t want to talk to you yet. Your ex may have processed some parts of the breakup, but your ex hasn’t improved his or her thoughts and feelings for you just yet. He or she still can’t talk to you as an equal.
It’s best to treat the neutral response the same way as the no response reply as they’re almost the same thing. The only difference is the attitude. A person who replies neutrally feels forced and unhappy to reply whereas a person who doesn’t reply feels too angry, pressured, or victimized to reply.
3)The positive response after no contact
The positive response after no contact is the response most dumpees get confused by. I know it can seem like a good thing to receive this response after waiting for your ex to give you some positive feedback, but this response doesn’t always indicate reconciliation. Most of the time, it signifies that the dumper is surprised and only temporarily excited to hear from the dumpee.
He or she isn’t excited to get back together, but rather a bit anxious to hear from the dumpee after a period of no contact.
It’s important not to see a positive response from an ex as a green light to start texting your ex because if you do that, you could quickly overwhelm your ex and cause him or her to fade out of your life.
The reason why the positive response is so dangerous is that a positive conversation with your ex almost always immediately raises your hopes for reconciliation and makes you think that your ex is coming back around. But when you discern that your ex isn’t really into you, you quickly kill all hope and suffer again.
You go back to missing your ex and needing him or her to feel better.
So try to keep your expectations low and go back to no contact right away. Things may look better on the surface, but if you’re the one who reached out, not much has changed for your ex emotionally since you last spoke. Your ex still doesn’t want to talk about getting back together with you—and that’s all you need to know.
Mark my words that your ex would have contacted you if he or she was serious about you.
Your ex will talk to you when the time is right
Whether you got the response you wanted or not, you need to do no contact again. Don’t apologize for breaking no contact and don’t announce that you’re going to disappear for a while. Just go back to no contact as if you never reached out and forget about your post-breakup mistakes.
There’s no point in beating yourself up about it because not much has changed since the breakup. Your ex is still unreceptive and wants his or her space.
It probably makes you angry that someone you know so intimately would ignore you after no contact, but whatever you do, don’t get angry with your ex. Anger could make you take revenge on your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. And that would cause you a big emotional setback and hurt you once you’ve realized what you’ve done.
So as difficult as it may be, forgive your ex for refusing to reply after no contact—and keep in mind that your ex will take action when the time is right. It may not be right now or in the next few months, but your ex may eventually willingly or forcefully process the breakup and apologize for treating you badly.
Until that happens, you have to be on your best behavior and wait. You have to let go of hope and wait for your ex to make the first move. It sucks to leave the breakup up to fate, but you have to do it because that’s the only way your ex will ever respect you again.
Did you get no response after no contact? How did that make you feel? Leave your comment below this post.
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My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Hi! Me and my ex were LDR and I broke up with her. She knows about the no contact rule. I haven’t been doing well as I go look at her Instagram daily but we are not following each other and I have made no contact. I went almost 6 weeks no contact because I was still emotional. She blocked me on IG all of a sudden and I reached out to her phone. I was surprised it went thru but happy! I made a joke and she replied immediately she laughed! Then I asked her could we catch up and she went silent. 2 hours later I wrote her that I missed her and I wanted to try again. She hasn’t wrote me back at all. I’m so confused because I felt like I had a small chance but her response was very short. It was how quick she replied to me that made me feel like she was happy.
Hi Meme.
She replied quickly because it was convenient for her. It must have made her feel positively. But since she ignored you afterward, she probably remembered the negative things and felt no need to repond.
You need to go no contact. The ball is in her court.
Best regards,
Zan
I broke it off with my ex girlfriend as I had a gut feeling she was trying to monkey branch onto someone else. I tried to resolve the breakup that day, but she pushed me away. I reached out after 2 months and no reply from her. I felt like I was the dumpee even though I was the one that ended it. I wanted to talk to her and reconcile. Maybe I was right with my gut instinct?
Hi Billy.
You may have ended it, but you did it only because you feared she was going to leave you for someone else. Your ex is still the dumper because she had detached from you and refused to take you back after leaving her.
You must let her come to you from now on.
Kind regards,
Zan
I will. Thank you for your reply
Don’t mention it, Billy.
Best regards,
Zan
Hi Zan! I do “No contact” already 6 weeks and thanks to you will not do it! My ex-boyfriend who went on long vacations after the pandemic to visit his son in another city, told to reach me in two weeks when he comes back to spend rest of vacations with me. However he did not call me the first time, and I have decided not to contact him either so as not to be in need. After 4 weeks, I have begun to suspect that he met someone else. This “elser” was his old flame for a year before she cheated on him which was the reason they broke up. So, all these 6 weeks his “vacations” I take “no contact” to heal myself. Yesterday, however, I found out that he took her to “our” romantic places, the places I showed him. They’re just in those places. This is so hurt. Is it normal for guys? I was waiting 6 months before said “yes” we will see each other after his break-up and 3 months after before we began intimate. Seems that I was a rebound? Who is rebound here? I tried to wait as much as possible in order to not be a rebound…
Hi Victoria.
Dumpers often take their new partners to places their new partners took them. They aren’t hurt, so they don’t associate those places with their dumpees. They consider them places they know and want to re-experience.
It’s possible you were the rebound in this situation. I can’t say for sure. It really depends on his emotional preparedness (how ready he was to date you).
Victoria, from now on, don’t learn more things about your ex. I don’t know how you’re finding out about him, but you have to stop for your own good. It’s not helping at all.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hey Zan! Thanks for reply. This is my last comment on rebound because I think it might be interesting for this topic. I found out about my ex via mutual friends who do not know we were together. I wanted privacy before I was sure I was not a rebound. Therefore, I waited for 6 months before we started a relationship. I knew that 3 years ago he was divorced and thought that 3 years is enough to solve it. But nei. A few months after the divorce, he started relationship with the lady I wrote about (definitely rebound). She is quite the opposite type of her ex-wife. Than after 4 months they were engaged (pretty fast), so after a year they confronted and he met me. I’m the same type as his ex-wife. It seems that rebound can be people who are similar their ex and who are quite the opposite type. It seems that the time after the breakup is not an indicator of whether the person came across previous relationship. Now I am an indefinite non-contact and decided for my own good, to stop thinking about what happened and live my life.
Best,
Victoria
Time is not an accurate indicator of whether a person got over his or her previous relationship, but time alone does sometimes help. What matters more is a person’s mentality and strength.
Keep healing, Victoria. Your life can only get better from here on out.
Zan
Omg. Victoria. You are living my current “relationship” – ex wife, moved onto another woman in another state during their separation- had kids with her. Then met me through my job and we started a long distance romance — I know I was a complete rebound. In my defense, I hadn’t been with anyone for 3 years and didn’t really know I was a rebound until I had already been attached and completely devastated when I found out that it could be short lived but I had my hope because of how we talked about the future with each other.
I social stalked him these last couple of weeks – he’s opened a new tiktok account posting videos and showing he’s wearing clothing that I bought him, etc. (although that’s not the point I’m making) but he’s tagging another woman, the kissing heart and flowers emojis are being used, calling her beautiful (when 3 weeks ago he was confessing his love for me) – lip syncing romance songs on tiktok… I had to stop it. So I deleted my account (created to spy on him – I know bad move) but I’ve been in physical agony for the last 6 weeks after our break up. He told me 4 days after we broke up when he checked up on me “glad you’re good. I’ll message soon” right before he went to visit his kids. This morning I couldn’t take the mental anguish of not knowing and what it’s been causing me (dealing with severe anxiety and depression over it) and I sent him a message. He always is on his phone.. but it remains unread.
This how I ended up on this website. Finding out what else I should be doing or not doing. I am finally at the point where I think I know I have to move forward and not waste anymore of my energy and time on this. For my own mental health. It’s not doing me any good overthinking this whole situation.
I have to realize that no matter how much a man will tell you during a break up.. they just will never follow thru and are only saying it to try and lighten the blow.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Sisu
Well, I can only encourage you by saying that it’s not that bad to be a rebound. Think like this: when everything goes wrong, the disaster, who do they choose to feel better and recover? Yes, the safe person, opposite to their ex, the person who will not betraide, the faithful person. Rebounds are relationship material. Then why they leave the rebound and goes back to the ex? Because they are trying to mimic the good and safe relationship with the rebound to those with the ex to repair it. But they are too bad in math – when you change one or several variables in equation, the result is not the same. There are other new people (variables) in the new equation – your ex, his ex, maybe her ex, anyone. Then they return to the rebound for healing. So it would be stupid from the rebounds side to take them back. The reason is that coming back is not about love. Did I manage to raise your ego a bit? Nothing wrong with you. You are a good and safe person, a relationship material. It’s not so bad that you followed him on facebook. You wanted to receive the information and you have it now. So stop it (as Zan told me :)) – you will not get more information than you currently have. Live your life, and I’m sure you will soon hear that his relationship was ruined. The same thing happened to me. They have started confronting, he started with self-medication (alcohol, etc.). And he will return. And I do not want it anymore. I told him that I see that he wants back not because of love, but to receive the assets from the relationship with me. When he took his girl to our romantic places, he showed that our relationship did not mean anything to him. He used me as a resource, as a resource for happiness, emotional security and emotional availability. I’m not able to be a resource for him anymore. I’m sure people do not change. After his ghosting that shows insecurity, I will not be able to trust him. I told it calmly and with a smile. The same I wish to you.
Thank you Victoria for the reply. Yes, you did cheer me up a bit. Unfortunately, my relationship came at a cost of being given HSV2. So I’m dealing with that issue as well. But your comments are helpful. Not exactly an ego boost to say – but I know I deserve someone better than him. My friends are more devastated for me than I am, I think.
One friend even reached out to the new girl after she saw they were exchanging ‘I love you’s’ cautioned her about our break up and the other details stating that she was only a friend of mine and how much he hurt me.
The new girl stated that they did talk about me – and that after awhile he just decided that I wasn’t what he was looking for. But couldn’t bare to tell me – but he was expressing and having it look like he was in agony over the decision to have space. Repeating “I don’t want to do this”. Then he tried to work it out with his ex. But they realized it wouldn’t work. He then met the new girl just before he left and they hit the dating scene barely 10 days after we broke up.
I just have lost all respect for him. No way I would ever go back at this point. I’ve lost all trust and I really feel broken. But I will be alright in the end and I know I will eventually learn to be indifferent with time. I don’t hate him. Just disappointed and wish things had been different.
I never broke no contact thanks to you Zan! And I think that I wouldn’t get anything from that…
Now my ex is married eight he girl that he cheated me on
You are the very best guy that helps us and teach us to behave clearly
Hi Linda.
Not a lot of dumpees handle their breakup as well as you did, so I’m proud of you for handling it so well. I think you should be proud of yourself as well.
Best regards,
Zan
What if you had a new friend from your ex?
I.e her best friends boyfriend and you went climbing together?
We’ve been half in touch, looking to fix a date to climb, it’s been nearly a month but due to holidays/busy schedules not been yet.
The issue is, I’m anxious about hanging out for him since the breakup, d I feel I need to break that friendship until I’m healed from the actual relationship with my ex.
It feels hanging out with him, is me hanging onto my ex in a way and I shouldn’t feel that way.
Hi James.
I think you shouldn’t hang out with your ex anytime soon. You should focus on healing and not on talking/doing things with your ex. If your ex hangs out with your friend, arrange meetups without your ex. This person is your friend, so he/she should understand your request. Say that you need some time away from your ex to process the breakup and that you’d appreciate it if he or she could help you out and not take it personally.
Kind regards,
Zan