I Cheated On My Boyfriend And He Broke Up With Me

If you cheated on your boyfriend and your boyfriend broke up with you, the first thing you should do is figure out why you cheated on your boyfriend.

Did you cheat because the relationship had been dead for weeks/months or because you took your boyfriend’s commitment for granted and desired something different?

Finding the reason why you cheated will help you understand if you love your ex or if you merely think you do because he dumped you and triggered your separation anxiety.

While you’re trying to learn what exactly it is that you feel toward your ex, keep in mind that your ex probably didn’t break up with you because he didn’t love you. He broke up with you because he didn’t condone the cheating and perceived it as a complete betrayal. An ultimate dealbreaker.

This means that your ex-boyfriend could still have some feelings left for you (especially if he forced himself to break up with you). But even if that’s the case, you shouldn’t beg and plead with him for another chance.

Begging will only guilt-trip your ex and discard your remaining self-worth.

Instead of impulsively begging your ex for attention and displaying an unsightly side to you, handle the cheating a bit differently. Say that you’re really sorry for cheating and that you know you’ve hurt him a lot, but that you won’t persist in getting back together.

Say that there are some personal things you need to address and that you’ll give him some space to process the cheating.

Giving your ex time may not bring your ex back (neither will apologizing profusely), but at least it will keep your dignity and give your ex what he needs – lots of time and space to think.

It’s what your ex has asked for, so provide it to your ex.

I get that you’re really sorry for cheating and that you don’t want to lose your ex forever, but you have to understand that people with decent self-love, self-respect, and emotional strength don’t tolerate cheating.

They break up with their partners because doing so allows them to respect themselves.

Sure, there are people out there who forgive the cheating on the spot and give their partners another chance, but most people who do this don’t forgive out of love. They forgive due to a lack of self-love and overdependence on their partner.

And that’s what I’d like you to understand. It may difficult to accept that your relationship is over for now, but there’s a chance that your ex may not be able to forgive you for cheating.

He may keep thinking that you’re not right for him and distance himself from you to protect himself from getting even more hurt.

Keep that in mind so that you don’t hold on to your ex longer than you need to.

I cheated on my boyfriend but I love him and want him back

If you cheated on your boyfriend and inadvertently triggered the breakup, your boyfriend, or rather, your ex-boyfriend left you because he didn’t see a future with you anymore. The cheating has caused him to lose interest in you and forced him to prioritize himself and those who remained loyal to him.

This means that your ex has emotionally and rationally separated from you and focused on himself (for self-love) and got close with others (for a distraction and/or recognition).

Your ex may still miss certain parts of you and have days when he struggles, but if he’s not talking to you or showing signs of romantic interest, he’s sticking to his decision because he doesn’t think he can trust you and love you again. He thinks getting back with you is risky as many cheaters tend to cheat again and can’t be trusted.

So before you try to get him back after cheating on him, know that your ex has stopped investing in the relationship and planning for the future—and that before he can start investing in you again, your ex needs some time to himself.

He must focus on himself and try to:

• forgive you
• process the feelings of betrayal
• find a reason (or reasons) to love you
• and develop feelings again

Your ex must do these things willingly, on his own.

If you try to force your ex-boyfriend to be with you after cheating on him, it’s highly likely that you’ll appear selfish and inconsiderate of your ex’s need for self-protection and cause more harm than good.

So try to accept the fact that cheating has affected your ex severely and that the relationship may be impossible to repair.

Whether this is the case really depends on:

• how your ex perceives cheating
• how much he loves you as well as himself
• and how emotionally strong he is

I cheated on my boyfriend and he won’t take me back

Since you cheated on your boyfriend and you want to fix what you broke, you need to start off with an honest apology. Don’t write a 5-page long breakup letter or pull off some grand gesture, but do say that you’re sorry and that you cheated because you lacked gratitude and self-control.

After that, tell your ex that you have a lot of growing to do and that you’ve already started working hard on making sure that you never cheat again in the future.

Avoid mentioning that you’re improving yourself for your ex because that could put pressure on your ex and raise his defenses. Instead, just say that your next relationship will be stronger because of your reckless behavior and that you hope you and your ex can be on good terms one day.

This will convey to your ex that you’re letting him go and trying to become the best version of yourself.

Of course, words are words and your ex probably won’t think that you’re serious about what you say right away. But stick with the self-improvement plan long enough and your ex may one day see that you really did learn from this ordeal.

Your ex may notice that you’re not the same person anymore and as a result, maybe even feel good about talking to you and spending time with you.

Nobody knows what your ex will think about your betrayal weeks, months, or even years from now, but chances are that your ex will get over the cheating and contact you to be friends or partners.

Until that happens, give your ex as much time as he needs so that he can go through the breakup stages naturally and reach out to you when he’s ready.

There is no better way to get your ex back.

You must let him deal with the cheating on his own because your ex has broken up with you and is in a position of power. He feels victimized (and has a reason to feel that way).

You, on the other hand, lack power and control and need to pull away so that you can patch your wounds, grow within, and regain your lost power.

To reiterate, here are some dos and don’s about making things right after cheating.

Start moving on

Even though you cheated on your ex-boyfriend and caused him to break up with you, try not to stay fixated on your ex. Obsessively thinking about your ex and stalking him on social media to see if he’s dating someone new won’t change your ex’s feelings.

But it will change yours (for the worst) because it will continuously remind you that you’ve betrayed your boyfriend and lost him due to a lack of commitment and self-investment.

To avoid blaming yourself and suffering needlessly, unfollow your ex on social media or delete your online profiles for a while. Do this because not knowing what your ex is doing and who he’s with will allow you to detach to the point where you can function on your own—independently of your ex.

It may not heal your breakup wounds right away because getting over the breakup takes time, but it will slowly return your strength and give you the motivation to put your attention to where it’s needed.

So no matter what you did to hurt your ex, do your best to accept that it’s in the past and that you have to move forward with your life. The future is uncertain. And because it’s uncertain, you can’t keep hoping and praying that your ex will forgive you for cheating and fall back in love with you.

It could take years before your ex finally lets go of the past and emotionally opens up to you again. It could take decades because some exes come back 20 years later when their dumpees have already moved on and found someone else.

And of course, some exes never come back because they can’t disassociate pain, anger, or unhealthy thoughts from the person they left. Such exes usually remain in control of their emotions and don’t run back to their exes because they don’t find a reason to return to someone who wasn’t right for them.

That being said, you shouldn’t hold on to someone you cheated on longer than it takes to move on. You shouldn’t stay hooked on him no matter how good your relationship with your ex was and how regretful you are of cheating on him.

Your health always comes first. Your wrongdoings, mistakes, and accidents come after that.

Many dumpees think they need to put things right before they focus on themselves and get well, but that’s not true. Dumpees’ first priority is to start no contact to recover from the separation, and only then help those who want their help.

The saying, you can’t help others if you can’t even help yourself is very true.

But it’s also true that you shouldn’t try to help someone who pushed you away and doesn’t want your help. Trying to help a person who doesn’t want you close is self-torture and disrespectful to the person who rejects you.

So keep in mind that your ex doesn’t need your help and that he has his own worries and stressors that he wants to work on.

Besides, those stressors aren’t as painful as yours are because your ex is in a position of power. He wouldn’t have broken up with you if he was insecure, weak, and miserable.

Improve yourself

If you cheated on your boyfriend but love him and want him back, you have a lot of personal work to do before you should get back with him. The breakup happened so that you can address your deep-rooted issues and transform yourself into the person you should have been in your previous relationship.

So don’t worry too much about getting back with your ex-boyfriend right now. Worry about what you can do to make sure you’ll never cheat again.

Normally, people who cheat do so because they have poor:

• gratitude
• commitment
• self-control
• moral values
• maturity
• or because they aren’t emotionally ready for a serious relationship

It’s imperative that you discover your shortcomings and improve them so that your next relationship (with your ex or with someone new) doesn’t suffer a similar fate.

Every relationship you get in should be better, stronger, and have more long-term potential than the previous one.

So take personal development seriously, invest in yourself, and truly get to know yourself. Read some good relationship and self-development books and practice self-awareness.

Do what it takes to mentally disassociate yourself from the person you were yesterday and focus on making your life better in every way.

This is what you should be doing after the breakup. Not analyzing your ex and wondering how to get your ex back after cheating.

The reconciliation is in your ex’s hands

Whether your ex forgives you for cheating and comes back is completely up to your ex. He’s the one who decides what he thinks and how he feels—and there’s nothing you can do to change that.

You may think that you can because you had power and control while you were with him. But now that it’s over, that is no longer the case. Now, you both want different things and feel differently about each other.

There’s a huge imbalance.

So let your ex do what he wants while you take care of yourself and get yourself back. You’ll feel much better when you detach from your ex and realize that you’d spent too much time worrying about your ex.

If your ex ever has doubts about you and wants to talk to you, rest assured that your ex will reach out to you in one way or another. He’ll find a way to message you even if you’ve changed your number and moved across the world to live with the nomads.

A person who truly loves you will return to you because he wouldn’t want to miss out on an opportunity to be with someone he adores.

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Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.