Making an ex miss you by stepping back and focusing on yourself isn’t manipulation. It’s about prioritizing your own wants, needs, and emotional well-being by giving yourself time to detach and heal. When you shift the focus inward, you stop chasing validation from an ex who doesn’t want to give it to you and start rebuilding your self-love and identity. This not only helps you regain control, but also makes you look strong and attractive. It tells your ex you enjoy your own company and that the breakup hasn’t broken you.
No contact requires you to follow certain self-imposed rules, known as the rules of no contact. These rules can gradually affect your ex’s emotional state and perception of you. They can encourage your ex to cool off, abandon unhealthy beliefs about you, and think more (positively) about you. If your ex thinks about you a lot and remembers the good moments, your ex may even miss the times when the relationship was strong and/or had a purpose.
Making a guy miss you during no contact isn’t something you must actively focus on. If you focus on making your ex miss you, you’ll probably achieve the opposite. You’ll come across as desperate, showy, or trying too hard—and push your ex away. In simple words, you’ll overfocus on seeking your ex’s attention and irritate your ex in the process.
Your ex won’t learn to like you and fall back in love because you’ll try to force things on your terms. When you fell in love for the first time, things happened naturally. You bonded and got to know each other. There was no pressure to hurry up and commit.
And the same must happen this time. Your ex or the guy you want to return, must find you attractive and want to connect with you. He must desire your closeness and be willing to put in the effort. If you’re the only one trying to establish a connection, you won’t only fail to impress your ex but also make yourself look unattractive or repulsive.
That’s because your ex will see that you’re highly emotional and incapable of accepting his decision and respecting his feelings.
If you want to know how to make him miss you the right way, you must do something very difficult. You must learn to let go of control and keep your distance. No contact will preserve your value as an ex who was dumped and silently send an important message.
It will tell your ex that you’re not chasing and that you don’t find him so irresistible that you’re willing to put your life on hold for him. Initially, your ex won’t care what you think or do as long as you stay away and let him do what he wants.
But over time, your ex may start to wonder about what you’re doing and whether you’re happy. The more time passes, the bigger the chance that your ex will get into some kind of trouble, struggle to love himself, and question his importance.
That could make your ex remember that you handled the rejection maturely and confidently and that he may be able to rely on you for a boost of validation. Validation can be very empowering. It’s something dumpers seek when they hit a snag and want to feel better.
Usually, they reach out and avoid asking for validation directly. They try to obtain it indirectly by talking about random things and seeing how their ex thinks and feels about them. If their ex likes them, gives them attention, or treats them well, they feel cared for and validated. However, if their ex acts coldly or angrily, they tend to take it personally and walk away without validation.
They still feel empowered, although in a negative way. For them, it’s a win-win. They don’t lose because they either get validated or see that they’re able to control their ex’s feelings and actions. Those actions may be negative, but they still give them a sense of power.
All in all, it’s entirely possible to make an ex miss you without any direct contact. But to do that, your ex must be capable of forgiveness and nostalgia. Your ex must also process the breakup and perhaps even encounter problems that make him reflect. This could be anything stressful or esteem-breaking that leaves him no choice but to think back and remember that life wasn’t so difficult with you, at least not all the time.
When your ex thinks fondly of you, chances are that your ex will miss the friendship or even the romantic aspect of the relationship.
Of course, your ex won’t miss you if he learns you’re spreading rumors about him and posting depressing relationship or breakup quotes on social media. Such behaviors will likely make your ex angry and tempt him to unfollow, delete, or block.
You must understand that dumpers respect strength, independence, self-love, and purpose. They often crave such qualities when unexpected and difficult things happen to them and disrupt their plans. The bigger the obstacle, the more they think about their ex’s happiness and success and want to be a part of their ex’s life.
That’s why dumpees who know their worth and take care of themselves often pique dumpers’ curiosity and make them nostalgic. They may not be able to fix the past, but they still allow their ex to let go of negative feelings and indirectly make their ex miss the fun times. If their ex feels unhappy or vulnerable, their ex may also reach out and try to get something from the dumpee.
This could be validation, friendship, emotional support, or something only the dumpee can provide.
If you want to get back with your ex, you must let your ex come back to you when he’s ready. And he’ll be ready when he encounters a problem he lacks the tools to resolve without you. He needs to feel stuck before he’ll even consider talking to you and getting unstuck.
In this post, we’ll talk about how to make him miss you during no contact. Missing you doesn’t necessarily mean that he wants you back. It might just mean that he wants to talk or ease his discomfort.
How to make him miss you during no contact?
If your ex or the guy you were seeing gave up on pursuing the relationship and forced you to start no contact, you mustn’t think that you can somehow make him value you and want to be with you. When a guy doesn’t see your romantic value, nothing you say or do will change his mind. Your actions will only tell him that you’re incapable of accepting the breakup and moving on.
Fortunately, this is why no contact exists. With no contact, you can avoid disagreeing with your ex’s choices and feelings and give him all the time in the world to focus on things he likes. That may not change how he feels about you in the moment, but it could eventually cause him to fail in some important way and make him see that you respect him and want him to be happy, even if it’s not with you.
He could essentially open his eyes and realize that, despite all the problems and differences, you’re his best romantic option. You’re someone he can rely on for his personal struggles, needs, and goals.
Now, how can you make him miss you and want you in his life again?
Firstly, follow the no contact rules down to a T. Your ex won’t respect and like you if you break no contact all the time and show you’re unwilling to move on. Instead, he’ll think you’re in denial, feel relieved, and be certain he dodged a bullet by letting you go. You don’t want to give your ex additional reasons to feel guilty or negative about you. If your ex thinks and feels negatively, he’ll need more space to avoid being told what to do or being reminded of you.
Once you’re determined to follow all the rules of no contact, ask yourself what makes you happy and completes you. What or who inspires you to get up in the morning and live your life to the fullest? Is it your studies, work, business, children, parents, pets, or hobbies? It may be hard to find joy after a difficult breakup, but that’s exactly why you need to shift your focus and rediscover your purpose.
This is as important for you as it is for your ex. When your ex decides to check up on you, he needs to see that you’re thriving and moving forward. He won’t find you interesting or attractive if he sees that you’ve been moping around since the breakup and wasting your life.
Your ex isn’t standing still. He’s busy moving forward and experiencing his post-breakup life. If you’re not doing the same when your ex reaches out or asks about you, you won’t vibe on the same frequency. You can be certain that your ex will pity you rather than envy you. And let me tell you that pity doesn’t bring back exes. All it does is make them feel guilty and scared for their ex.
Most dumpers further distance themselves from exes who give off negative vibes. I wish they’d care and help, but that’s usually not the case. I suppose it depends on how responsible they feel (their morals), their resistance to pressure (coping mechanisms), and their overall maturity.
No matter how developed they are as people, they don’t redevelop feelings for someone they directly or indirectly hurt. They generally feel stressed by highly emotional situations and tend to avoid them for their own good.
If you want to make him miss you during no contact, you must focus on yourself rather than him and regain control of your emotions. Instead of worrying about what he’s doing, invest in your healing and growth. It will make you happier and make your ex curious, nostalgic, or perhaps even regretful. I don’t have a crystal ball to predict the future, but I know that positivity attracts, whereas negativity repels.
The things you do after a breakup must be positive in nature. This means no jealousy tricks, posting sad things on socials, talking badly about your ex, and feeling sorry for yourself. If you want to make a positive impression on your ex, you must wean off your ex, grow within, set healthy goals, stay busy, and love life. You must become someone your ex would want beside him when he gets dealt a bad hand and is forced to improve his perception of you.
You can post on social media, but be careful. Too much posting can be overwhelming for your ex. Your posts should be positive, occasional, and humble. They can’t be aimed at your ex, otherwise, your ex will see right through them and may unfollow or block you.
The point of no contact is to let mystery build. When your ex doesn’t know what you’re thinking, feeling, or doing, your ex may start to miss the access he once had to your life. Your ex could miss your personality or the benefits he received from you. Keep your ex in the dark about your new life, and he may reach out out of curiosity to find out what you’ve been up to.
If your ex is struggling emotionally, he may even ask for forgiveness and another chance. If that’s what you’re hoping for, stay in no contact and work on things that are in your power to control.
With that said, here are my tips on how to make a guy miss you during no contact.
How long should I give him to miss me?
I get this question a lot, and my answer is always the same. Don’t wait for your ex to miss you. If you wait and expect your ex to miss you someday, you won’t just stay obsessed with your ex, but also stay dependent on his recognition. You’ll keep your ex in your heart and rely on him for feeling better, instead of learning to rely on yourself.
Although some dumpers miss their exes after weeks of no contact, most dumpers need way longer. They often need months or years to let go of their resentment and see how they contributed to the breakup. Dumpers need to evolve. That’s the only way they can dissociate negative beliefs from their ex’s persona and want their ex in their life again.
You shouldn’t give your ex anything, especially not your time, money, or energy. Your healing isn’t a game. Every time you stop to see if your ex will come back, you pause your healing and growth and give away your much-needed power.
Instead of asking yourself, “How long do I give my ex to miss me,” ask yourself:
- What can I do to heal and get my happy self back?
- What do I still need to work on and how do I maximize my growth?
- What did I learn about my standards, self-worth, and breakup boundaries?
- How do I keep moving forward and let go of hope?
- How do I feel strong and make the best impression on my ex?
If your ex ends up missing you during no contact, let it be because you recovered emotionally and depicted strength, not because you waited silently and pretended to be busy and disinterested in reconnecting.
The real satisfaction comes when your ex misses you after you’ve emotionally detached and no longer need him. That’s when you’ll feel like yourself again and realize that your ex no longer controls your emotions and actions. It might take longer than you’d like for that to happen, but that’s why you shouldn’t wait around for your ex. Your focus should be on moving forward and finding peace, purpose, and eventually, someone who truly values you.
Internal happiness will free you from your ex and make it easier for your ex to reach out when he finds a reason to talk.
Are you still wondering how to make your ex miss you during no contact? Post your questions in the comments below.
And if you’d like to discuss your no contact strategy privately and in detail, feel free to get in touch with us via our 1-on-1 coaching service.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
