How To Get Your Ex Back When He Has Moved On?

Are you eager to learn how to get your ex back when he has moved on (possibly with someone else)?

If you are, you need to know that you can’t force your ex to love you again. Just how you didn’t force this person to be with you when you first got together, you can’t do it this time either. It has to come naturally of your ex’s own accord. That’s the only way your ex can come back for the right reasons and be in a healthy relationship with you.

If you insist that you’re a great couple and that you can work things out if you try again, this won’t make your ex respect you. On the contrary, it will most likely repulse your ex and make it more difficult for your ex to feel good emotions for you again.

This means that you need to give up on saying or doing something to get your ex back. You need to forget about most things you’ve read on the internet and use your common sense. Deep inside, you already know that an ex who has moved on is unreceptive to your words and actions.

He has detached and will not appreciate you if you take the initiative and try to “win him back.” Winning an ex back would imply that you must manipulate your ex’s free will. It’d mean that you must ignore your ex’s thoughts, decisions, and feelings and go against them because they aren’t what you want them to be.

Fortunately, you already know that forcing your way into your ex’s life is not going to work because your ex is the dumper. He’s decided a long time ago that you two aren’t on the same wavelength (compatible) and that he needs to get some emotional distance from you and stop worrying about pleasing you.

Although your ex has moved on, keep in mind that you’ll never get your ex back if you take an aggressive approach. The only way begging and pleading, guilt-tripping, or staying friends with your ex could work is if your ex does his own things for a while and then gets really, really hurt.

That could force him to come back to patch his wounds and obtain your recognition. But then again, that would likely put your relationship at big risk because your ex may not regain respect for you. He may come back just to use you for emotional support and leave again when he realizes you don’t respect yourself.

So if you want to know how to get your ex back when he has moved on, don’t focus on your ex. Your ex won’t care about you more if you show you can be reliable, caring, and better than before. Your ex needs to reset his opinion of you. And he can do that only if he’s a mature, open-minded person who’s capable of improving his perceptions of you.

Either that or he needs to find himself in a pickle and get forced to reflect.

Most people, unfortunately, need to be proven wrong. They need to see and feel that they’ve made a bad decision and that they need to make things right before it’s too late. I suppose we could say that people are stubborn by nature and that most dumpers come back when they fail miserably and have no better options.

That’s when they finally open their eyes, lower their pride, and start seeing their exes’ importance.

In this post, we’ll focus on the question of how to get your ex back when he has moved on. We’ll talk about the things that could help your ex see you in a more positive light and inspire or force him to return to you.

How to get your ex back when he has moved on?

If you’re set on getting your ex back when he has moved on, you now know that reasoning with your ex or even staying in your ex’s life could smother and guilt-trip your ex. It could make your ex lose remaining respect for you and annihilate your self-esteem.

So what do you do? Do you just give up?

There’s only 1 thing you can do whether you want your ex back or just move on. And that is the indefinite no contact rule. You must give your ex space because your ex badly needs to invest time and energy into things that matter to him.

It doesn’t matter what your ex does after the breakup. What matters is that he gets some space from you so he can disassociate the most negative emotions from your persona and hopefully improve his distorted image of you.

I say “hopefully” because no one can guarantee that your ex will improve the way he sees you. No psychic can foresee that your ex will process the breakup maturely and return to you. But generally speaking, the more time goes by, the higher the chances that he’ll one day fail at something important – something like a relationship and come running back.

You just have to stay away from your ex until that happens so that your ex doesn’t start hating you and doing something impulsive that would hurt you and/or ruin your reputation.

Your ex’s return, therefore, doesn’t depend on what you do because you don’t have the power to manipulate his feelings when he feels pressured and is certain he doesn’t want to be with you. If you could change the dumper’s feelings simply by being nice, there would be significantly fewer divorces and breakups. Couples would be able to work things through with perseverance and post-breakup desperation.

But unfortunately, desperation after the breakup is highly unattractive. It puts dumpers off because they aren’t emotionally ready to interact with a person who’s in denial, persistent, and highly emotional.

Breakups aren’t relationships where couples are still in love and want to cooperate. They’re breakups (disconnections)—and they indicate that the dumper has reached a melting point – a point of no return. This, of course, doesn’t mean that it’s over forever. But it does mean that some time will have to go by for the dumper to go through the 5 stages of a breakup and process the breakup naturally.

How much time it will take to get to the last stage depends on the dumper’s happiness. And his happiness depends on numerous factors, starting with:

• stressors and anxiety
• emotional health
• expectations
• emotional strength
• self-esteem
• perceptions of you
• the quality of the relationship
• the mistakes you make after the breakup

If you want to get your ex back when he has moved on, you have to change your whole understanding of the way breakups work. You have to stop Googling things like “get your ex back” and switch your focus to “your ex coming back.”

I’m not saying you should keep hoping that your ex will return to you, but when you understand that something significant has to change in your ex’s life and his perception of you/the relationship, you’ll also understand that your ex needs to come back and not vice-versa.

If you come back for your ex and somehow get back together, you’ll make it extremely easy for your ex to be with you. And easy, dear reader is not what your ex needs. Your ex needs things to be hard so he can work diligently, relearn to respect you, and develop the willpower to stay committed to you.

Always remember that if you don’t love yourself, your ex won’t either. He’ll walk all over you until he gets bored, stops being grateful, and leaves again.

I’ve seen this happen more times than I can remember. The dumpee wouldn’t necessarily beg to get back together, but she would accept her ex back right away and prevent the dumper from investing in the relationship. As a result, she would instantly jump back into a relationship with her ex without standing up for herself and taking control over a situation she previously had no say in.

So if you want to get your ex back when he’s moved on, don’t try to lure your ex into getting back with you. Your ex doesn’t need help getting in touch with you and reuniting with you. He needs to be shut out of your life and shown that you’re not interested in being friends or friends with benefits.

You have actual friends who will make much better friends than him.

Anyway, here are 5 tips on how to get your ex back when he has moved on.

How to get your ex back when he has moved on with someone else?

When your ex has moved on with someone else, it’s clear that your ex is not thinking about you much. There are times when he does, but most of the time, he’s probably dreaming about making the relationship work with the new person.

The best thing you can do about your ex being with someone else is to not bother him or his girlfriend with your presence, texts, or calls. Not only would interacting with them be disrespectful, but it’d also be completely counterintuitive. It’d prove that you’re struggling emotionally and that you’re scared and need your ex close to you.

Your ex probably shouldn’t have gotten involved with someone new this quickly, but now that he has, complaining about it and getting between them is not going to help. It’s just going to complicate things and brand you as the crazy ex-girlfriend who can’t take the hint that the relationship has ended.

I know it’s painful to see your ex dating someone else soon after the breakup as it feels like you’re being replaced by someone your ex doesn’t even know. But no matter how difficult it is, you need to know that you’re not in competition with the new person.

The new girl or woman is just someone new – someone your ex feels limerent about and wants to get to know better. That doesn’t make her better or worse than you. She’s just different. And different is enough for your ex to give her a try.

If your ex left you, he and his new girlfriend likely aren’t in a rebound relationship. A rebound relationship is when a person still has feelings for his ex and can’t connect with someone new emotionally.

If he tries to connect, he becomes nostalgic about his ex and runs back to his ex to be with her because he has strong feelings for her.

What your ex is in is likely just a normal relationship that was a bit rushed. Your ex was impatient and wanted to feel loved by someone new.

To get a guy like that back, you must stay far away from him. You must give him and his girlfriend enough time for them to go through the infatuation phase and discern if they’re compatible. If they are compatible, they’ll go through the same relationship difficulties as all other couples. They could still break up because many couples do.

But if they’re not compatible, then they could prolong their relationship for as long as they could and eventually break up. That’s when your ex could message you and try to get you to love him.

Your job as a dumpee is to be patient and wait for them to break up. Once they do, you’ll likely hear from your ex and may or may not get another chance to make things right with your ex.

How to get your ex back when he has moved on and hates you?

Most dumpers associate some negative feelings with dumpees and crave space very badly. But if your ex downright hates you and/or wants to get back at you for something you did, you need to know that resentments of such a high caliber are extremely hard to overcome.

Your ex would need to get treated really badly by someone he likes or experience such anxiety that he starts feeling sorry for himself and realizes he was a jerk to you. Not only that, but he’d also need to self-reflect and think so fondly of the relationship that he gets rid of anger and resentments.

Positive thinking could change the way your ex thinks and feels about you. But for that to happen, your ex needs a strong emotional incentive. That incentive has to be way, way stronger than his hatred for you.

This means that unless your ex suffers to the point of changing the way he thinks, he’s not going to get rid of negative perceptions of you. He may stop hating you because hatred is an emotion that tends to decrease with time, but that doesn’t mean he’ll stop associating negative feelings with you.

Associations are emotional anchors that a person connects with someone subconsciously – without awareness. They don’t disappear automatically with time but rather with deliberation when a person wants to or gets forced to change them. We’ve mentioned that most dumpers don’t improve the way they feel about their ex voluntarily. They do that when they get hit by karma and realize that they’re not as high and mighty as they’d thought.

So if you want to get your ex back when he has moved on and hates you, start by giving your ex what he wants – space. Once you’ve done that, your ex will see you respect him (and yourself) and have one reason less to despise you.

He’ll still need a good reason (or reasons) to completely stop hating you, of course, but at least you’ll break the pattern of annoying your ex and forcing a strong reaction out of him.

You’ll leave your ex alone to his devices, which will enable him to experience life without you.

Work on yourself

If your ex broke up with you, he did it because he lost feelings for you. The relationship wasn’t making him happy, so he decided to separate from you and focus on finding happiness on his own. Whatever you do, don’t blame yourself for the breakup.

The breakup needed to happen because something wasn’t the way it should have been. Something was holding your ex back from staying committed and growing his love for you. You need to figure out what that was so you don’t get back (or try to get back) with your ex before you fix the things that need fixing.

Your ex will have to work on his shortcomings later (if he comes back) because that’s when he’ll feel motivated to improve. He’ll understand he needs to evolve in order to impress you. So don’t worry about your ex improving his flaws just yet. Right now, you’re in different stages in life.

Your ex is focusing on enjoying the space you provide whereas you’re hurt and extremely eager to do something to make the relationship work.

Instead of focusing on your ex, my advice is to use your zeal to grow within and improve the things that need improving. Everyone’s got things to work on, including me. My list of things to improve is longer than Santa’s naughty list. It’s so long I would need multiple lifetimes to reach the kind of maturity I want to reach. I could probably do it in just one life if I had the kind of emotional drive you have.

But unfortunately unlike you, all I have is a (rational) desire.

I’m telling you this so you don’t waste your chance to grow. Don’t waste it by getting involved with other people. For all you know, this could be your once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to become the best version of yourself and content with just yourself.

It’d be wise of you to make use of it.

Did you learn how to get your ex back when he has moved on? Let us know what you think about getting back with someone who no longer wants you by leaving a comment below the post.

However, if you want to talk to us privately, sign up for breakup coaching with us here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.