How To Fix A Long-distance Relationship Breakup?

If you were in a long-distance relationship with your ex or became long-distance after the breakup, you must understand that the distance itself won’t make the “fixing” of the relationship any more complicated.

If anything, it will make it easier as it will help you make fewer breakup mistakes.

You won’t have to worry about the things regular dumpees do such as bumping into your ex, seeing your ex with another person, and getting anxious about what your ex will think and feel if he or she sees you.

All you’ll have to do is focus on yourself and try to recover from the breakup as quickly as possible.

The truth about long-distance relationship breakups is that they don’t have to be any more difficult than regular breakups.

Not unless you make them difficult by showing up at your ex’s door, watching your ex’s every move in person and online, messaging your ex’s friends and family, and sending your ex letters, gifts, and other things your ex doesn’t need from you.

Such overwhelming gestures will make your ex lose respect for you (maybe even hate you) and prevent you from reuniting with your ex.

That’s why you mustn’t freak out just because you’re in a long-distance breakup and can’t get close to your ex. Whether you live next door or oceans apart doesn’t matter because your ex will still go through the same stages dumpers do.

Your ex will still need space and time and do what he or she needs to be happy. So don’t panic. If you let your emotions control you, you’ll do something out of anxiety and scare your ex away (more away).

And that’s when your anxiety will increase tenfold and make it difficult for you to love yourself.

This post is about dumpees who are trying to fix their long-distance relationship breakup. We’ll talk about how to get back together after a long-distance breakup and try to dissuade you from pestering your ex.

How to fix a long-distance relationship breakup?

Even if you’re solely responsible for the breakup, you need to know that fixing a long-distance breakup isn’t completely up to you. In all honesty, it’s not even 10% your responsibility.

You remained committed to the relationship until the end, which means that your ex needs to do the fixing from here onward. He or she needs to find the incentive and will to fix things and you need to wait for your ex to take the initiative.

If you get scared that your ex will find someone else and message or call your ex because of it, one of two things will happen.

You’ll either get pitied and friend-zoned by your ex (if your ex is emotionally intelligent) or annoy your ex and kill the chances of hearing from your ex and getting back together in the future.

So think long and hard before you do something that isn’t good for your emotional health. Think hard before you give in to anxiety and push your ex away.

You don’t have to do everything I say, but do try to understand that it’s much better and safer for you to go no contact or stay in it if you’re already in it.

By following the rules of no contact, you’ll deal with the long-distance breakup in the best way possible as you won’t resist your ex’s decision to break up. You’ll just give your ex what he or she badly needs to be happy and make it less likely for your ex to think poorly of you now and in the future.

No contact is hard because you have no idea if it’s working on your ex. But the good thing about it is that it’s always working for you.

It’s helping you detach, develop emotional strength, and give you exactly what you’re trying to get by fixing your LDR breakup.

What is it that you’re trying to get, you ask?

You may not realize this but your ex took something from you.

That something is:

• Self-love
• Validation
• Happiness
• Independence
• Peace of mind

If you look for these things from your ex, the hard truth is that you’ll never get them. You won’t be able to because you’ll be so obsessed with fixing your broken long-distance relationship that you’ll forget to take care of yourself.

So instead of focusing on your ex, focus on yourself. Improve or regain the things your ex has taken away from you because those are the things that will attract your ex if your ex still has any respect for you.

If your ex sees that you’re heartbroken and extremely reliant on him or her, you can forget about being with your ex. Your ex won’t feel the need or desire to be with you because your ex won’t be able to gain anything from you.

Your ex will already have everything he or she needs, so getting back with you would seem more like a burden than a blessing.

That’s because people (especially dumpers) need to respect the person they left. They need to know that the dumpee is equal to them in terms of power, strength, self-esteem, and confidence and that they have something to gain from their ex.

If they feel that they’re a catch and their ex is not, they just don’t see a reason to get back with their ex.

They aren’t afraid of losing their ex because their ex isn’t valuable to them, so they keep moving on and soon find someone they are afraid to lose.

This means that the dumper who doesn’t think highly of the dumpee doesn’t want to be in a romantic relationship with the dumpee.

He or she wants to be with someone more like him/her. Someone to rely on emotionally, financially, physically, and/or societally.

This is something we all subconsciously look for in a partner. Whether we like it or not, we look for traits, skills, behaviors, or physical attributes that we have or crave because that’s what we find attractive in our partner.

With that said, the question you should ask yourself is how can you contribute to your ex’s life. What do you have to offer that your ex doesn’t have, badly needs, or highly respects?

I don’t know your ex, but I know that your ex doesn’t want your love and desperation. Maybe your ex wanted that during the relationship, but not now that the breakup ensued.

What your ex wants now is the opposite of that. It’s space and a guilt-free post-breakup experience that makes your ex enjoy the new life peacefully.

You can arrange that for your ex only if you exude confidence and high self-esteem.

It’s not easy to appear unfazed because you got your dreams crushed by the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, but that doesn’t mean you should cry and beg your ex for another chance.

You have to be stronger than that so that you can stop your ex from feeling pressured, frustrated, victimized, and unchallenged. Your ex needs to know that you care about yourself more than him or her. It’s how you attracted your ex the first time.

Anyway, here are some tips on how to fix a long-distance relationship breakup and stay together.

Fixing an LDR breakup is more about what you don’t do rather than do

Dumpees usually think they can fix their long-distance relationship by refusing to accept the breakup and wholeheartedly investing in the relationship.

That’s why they tend to make breakup mistakes that annoy their exes and bring out the worst in them. Because they receive unwanted responses from their exes, they then get gut-wrenching anxiety, fears, nightmares, and lots of ex-thoughts.

We could say that they make themselves suffer because they have the whole “fixing a relationship” the other way around. They don’t know that they mustn’t fight for the relationship after it’s ended.

They must walk away from it with heads held high.

The key to fixing a long-distance relationship breakup, therefore, isn’t to try and fix it directly the way couples fix them. Breakups aren’t relationships where couples can discuss their terms and conditions and meet each other halfway. The time for compromise ends the moment the breakup occurs, which is why it’s now time to stop trying to control things and embrace the lack of control.

Since your ex decided to go separate ways, you must accept your ex’s decision as hard as it may be. You really don’t have a choice because your ex isn’t on the same page with you anymore.

Your ex is set on leaving, so imagine how your ex feels when you say that he/she’s made a mistake and that the relationship is good for him or her. You must already know that it traps your ex in a very uncomfortable situation.

A situation that your ex doesn’t want to be in.

So what do you do?

You do the only thing you can do. You leave your ex alone. You don’t call, don’t text, don’t annoy your ex’s friends, and don’t look for ways to bait him or her into contacting you.

If your ex wants to contact you, he or she will. Your ex will do so of his or her own accord when your ex has a reason to do so.

It may not be any time soon, but if you look after yourself, you probably will eventually hear from your ex. You’ll find out if your ex just wants to know what you’ve been up to or discuss getting back together.

Fix the long-distance relationship breakup when your ex comes back

The only time you should be thinking about fixing a long-distance breakup is when your ex returns and says he/she is sorry for breaking up with you.

That’s the only time you should think about your ex’s intentions and learn if the relationship with your ex is even good for you.

You’ll know it’s good if your ex gives you power back and wants to invest in you himself/herself, and the relationship.

You’ll know it’s not good, however, if your ex is unsure, appears angry and frustrated, blames you, talks down to you, and shows no improvements in thinking and behaving.

A man or woman who hasn’t changed and isn’t willing to change is of no use to you. A person like that will likely break up with you again when the relationship becomes challenging.

So make sure to evaluate your ex’s commitment to you and the quality of the relationship before you take your ex back. Your ex’s commitment will tell you how serious and flexible your ex is after realizing that he or she has made a big mistake.

A dumper who regrets breaking up with you will want you back no matter how far away you are.

He or she will want to be with you even if you’re on the other side of the planet.

Love knows no boundaries. Don’t convince yourself that the distance is somehow to blame for the breakup and that it’s making the reconciliation harder. All the distance did was put relationship skills and commitment to the test.

So if you want to fix a long-distance relationship breakup, wait until your ex actually wants to fix it. The time to act isn’t now that your ex wants peace and quiet. It’s when your ex deals with breakup emotions, lowers pride, shows interest, and commits to a new, healthier and stronger beginning.

Until then, stay in no contact and keep moving on. The fixing of the relationship begins when the unwilling party is ready to fix things and not a second before.

Are you trying to fix your long-distance relationship breakup? How do you intend to do that? Share your ideas and questions below the post.

And if you’d like our help with your long-distance breakup, get in touch with us here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.