Long-distance Relationship Breakup – Interview

Today we’re going to interview Rose, a 23-year-old graphic artist from the Philippines who was in a lesbian long-distance relationship with her girlfriend for 2 years and a half. Her ex-girlfriend Sofia is 2 years older than Rose, lives in Malaysia, and works as a store manager.

A: What was your relationship like?

R: My ex and I were in a long-distance relationship but never actually met. We maintained our relationship by calling, chatting, and video calling as often as possible. Talking and seeing each other on Skype made our long-distance relationship seem very real.

My ex-girlfriend wanted to book a plane ticket and visit me, but her government wouldn’t allow her to travel because she had taken a college loan.

As for me, I was still a student who could hardly afford three meals a day, let alone a plane ticket to her place. That’s why I promised my ex we would meet when I save up some money.

The distance itself made our relationship a bit difficult at times. Sometimes we felt that we couldn’t communicate as well as we wanted, but other than that, our relationship was very fulfilling. We had a lot of love for each other.

A: Did you and Sofia make any future plans? Kids, marriage, and so on.

R: We never thought about getting married because we had different religious beliefs. She’s Muslim and I’m Catholic, but we did talk about living together. We discussed meeting up and settling down numerous times.

Now I see that we were just fantasizing about living together and that we didn’t actually have any solid plans.

A: What went wrong in your relationship?

R: I thought we were happy together. We texted and called every day. We’d find ways to talk even between classes and later (after graduation), during my breaks at work.

Our bonding was very meaningful. I would send her pictures of my pets or anything related to me and she would post them on her Instagram and put very sweet captions on them.

I found her sweet side very loving.

We virtually celebrated holidays such as birthdays, anniversaries, and Valentine’s day together. We even slept together by leaving Skype on at night and pretended we were physically in the same bed.

I could say that she became a very important part of my everyday life.

But just when I dropped my guard and thought that she was the one, she became the total opposite of her sweet and jolly self and turned cold and distant. She lost interest in me and started to avoid me/ignore me.

A: Why do you think she lost interest in you? What happened?

R: I think she lost interest because she felt that we weren’t real. She must have thought that our relationship would remain long-distance forever and that she’d never meet up with me and have a tangible relationship.

On the day of the breakup, she told me she doesn’t feel any sparks between us anymore and that all her feelings have been drained away.

A: How did she break up with you? Was it by text?

R: I woke up to 0 calls and texts from her which was unusual because she always messaged me or replied to my messages as soon as she woke up. I liked that a lot about her.

It made me feel loved.

But because she didn’t message me that day, I messaged her first to see if she was online. I noticed that she was and that she was ignoring all my messages. It felt strange that she wouldn’t say anything because we were okay the evening before. We didn’t argue or disagree on anything, so I became anxious.

Immediately, I flooded her with dozens of messages. I asked her why she didn’t reply to me and told her I’d like to speak to her. That’s when she told me not to message her anymore and to stop bothering her.

I was so hurt by her words that I wanted to know what I did wrong. I was in denial, so instead of giving her space, I kept flooding her and begged her to talk to me.

It was the most desperate moment of my life as I was willing to do anything to win her affection back.

I told her to tell me what’s bothering her so that we can fix the problem and get over it. But because I kept pushing her for answers and wouldn’t leave her alone even for a minute, she snapped and told me she’s tired of talking to me.

This happened via chat.

A: Did she tell you why she got tired of you?

R: She did. She told me she finds our relationship a waste of time because it’s not moving in the right direction. She said we’ve hit a dead-end and that we should break up.

But that wasn’t the worst thing she said to me. What hurt me the most was when she said that she’s tired of pretending to love me. She told me she’d been forcing herself to stay committed and that she can no longer hold onto us.

Her exact words were, “Letting go of you is less painful than putting up with you and pretending to be happy.”

A: She didn’t seem to care about your feelings. Her words must have hurt a lot.

R: It’s my fault because I should have seen the breakup coming. A month prior to the breakup, she told me she was tired and that she wanted us to stop talking.

But since I begged her and assured her that we can be happy together, she felt guilty and agreed to carry on with our long-distance relationship.

When she broke up with me for good (the second time), I couldn’t convince her to fight for us anymore because she was tired of the relationship. She had no fight left in her.

I understood why she wanted to break up, but it was so hard to accept that our relationship of 2.5 years has come to an end.

As I mentioned earlier, I was used to talking to this person every day. We were lovers and best friends. Whenever I felt stressed about school, work, or family matters, I would always call her and she’d help me.

But when she broke up with me, I could no longer rely on her for that. I had to deal with stress on my own.

The first few days after the breakup were the worst. I couldn’t eat and sleep and thought I was dying. I didn’t know how to make the pain stop and was afraid I’d never hear from her again, so I drowned my sorrow in liquor.

A: What happened next? Did you reach out to her?

R: Even though she wanted to break up, she continued to reach out to me. She felt bad about breaking my heart, so we agreed to stay friends. We called and chatted from time to time and enjoyed talking to each other, but, unfortunately, it wasn’t that lively anymore.

The love was gone.

2 months of ups and downs later, my ex blocked me on Instagram and WhatsApp and that was the end of our friendship.

A: What did you do to ease your nostalgia and sadness?

R: The breakup was the most difficult experience I ever went through. I was so hurt, I couldn’t function properly, so I took 3 days off from work. I completely lost my passion for drawing and stopped hanging out with my friends as well. I stayed in bed most of the time

Occasionally, I asked my friends for advice and it made me feel better, but it didn’t stop me from thinking about my ex. It only distracted me.

A: Did you meet anyone new after the breakup?

R: I missed the connection my ex and I shared, but I wasn’t ready for a new relationship. I just wanted to find an online female friend to confide in and have fun with. Eventually, I found the person I was looking for and became friends with her.

But after 2 months of talking to her, I got over my ex and developed feelings for this new girl.

She also developed feelings for me. Her name is Geraldine and she’s from Indonesia. Currently, she works at a hotel.

A: Would you take your back if she came back?

R: I don’t love my ex anymore. My feelings for her disappeared soon after I met Geraldine. Geraldine helped me fall in love with myself and made me realize that my ex is no longer a part of my life.

A: Did you ever stalk your ex on social media and wonder if she’s with someone else?

R: I did check her profile for a week, maybe two because I was hurt, but when I met Geraldine, I completely lost interest in my ex.

A few months into my new relationship, my country got hit by a powerful storm. My ex unblocked me when she found out about it and left me a message. She asked me if I was safe.

A: Did you respond to your ex’s message? What did you say?

R: I said I was fine and thanked her for her concerns.

A: Are you in a new relationship now?

R: I’m not in a relationship at the moment. I have feelings for Geraldine, but our relationship is very complicated. Geraldine likes me, but she can’t commit to me due to the fact that she doesn’t want a lesbian partner. She wants to marry a guy so she can start a family with him.

Geraldine and I enjoy talking a lot. But we know that our relationship isn’t going to last forever. Her parents are very strict too. They wouldn’t approve of me even if we wanted to take our relationship further.

A: Are you happy with this? You could get hurt when she finds a guy.

R: I’ve accepted that our relationship isn’t meant to last forever. Geraldine’s been honest about this from the start. So when she finds a person she likes and wants to be with, I’ll gladly give them space.

I don’t know if we can be friends. I guess we’ll have to see.

A: What advice would you give someone going through a long-distance breakup?

R: If you’re going through a long-distance breakup, don’t shut yourself inside the house like I did. Force yourself to go out a few times a day and don’t be afraid to ask your friends for emotional support. They should understand the pain you’re going through and be there for you.

Also, make sure to delete your ex from social media. I thought my ex wanted to keep talking to me because she liked me, but she just wanted to keep in touch and breadcrumb me. Don’t make the same mistake I did.

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