How To Do No Contact When You Work With Your Ex?

Working with an ex you still love can be a bit difficult and confusing at first. But rest assured that the no contact rule at work is no different from the notorious indefinite no contact rule.

Just how your ex needs space, time, and respect at home, your ex needs it at work too. The only difference is that you may not be able to avoid all physical encounters because… well, you’re working together with your ex.

And that’s perfectly fine!

You don’t need to be invisible and non-existant for your ex to respect you and develop feelings for you again.

You do, however, need to cut off all non-work related matters that don’t concern your ex anymore.

Only then will your ex have the space to deal with his or her repulsive thoughts and emotions and think about you in a more positive light.

If you’re wondering how to pull off the no contact rule at work when your ex is working at the same place as you, this article will provide you with some tips and guidelines.

How to do no contact when you work with your ex?

The best way to do no contact with an ex at work is to think of your ex as someone you barely know – an acquaintance.

Since you’re no longer in a romantic relationship together with your ex, you must first stop all forms of direct contact with your ex.

Start by following the basic rules of no contact—which include no calling, texting, and engaging in any kind of conversation with your ex.

Even though it may be incredibly difficult for you to follow these self-imposed restrictions when you see your ex every day, they are incredibly important right after the breakup.

Remember that the time after the breakup is not only hard for you, but for your ex as well.

While you could use all the love and attention from your ex, he or she needs everything but that.

Your ex is not you

You must understand that your ex’s wants and needs are not the same as yours anymore. They haven’t been for a while and that’s why the breakup occurred in the first place.

So avoid pushing your ex away during such a dangerous post-breakup time.

Don’t bother your ex and pretend you’re talking to your ex only about work.

If you do, your ex will smell the desperation within you and notice your sly intentions from a mile away.

You need to know that if your ex isn’t talking to you at work as much as he or she did before in the relationship, your ex needs a lot of space.

It’s a sign your ex is emotionally drained or repulsed.

He or she isn’t pretending to be over you or deliberately staying away from you because your ex thinks you need to get over him or her.

Your ex actually wants and needs you to follow the most basic of basic rules of no contact so that your ex can focus on himself or herself.

What to do if you see your ex at work?

Whenever you see your ex at work, give your ex a smile and a greeting and keep walking.

Engaging in conversation with a person whose feelings about you are gone counts as breaking no contact.

Don’t talk to your ex even if it’s just small talk. This includes talking about the weather, politics, recent news, and his or her dog.

No contact means no direct contact with the person you love whether it’s at work, home, outside, or on some distant planet.

When you break no contact, your ex might perceive your approach as intrusive, disrespectful, or needy so don’t give your ex the benefit of the doubt.

The rules of no contact are not meant to be broken by the dumpee.

In all honesty, they shouldn’t be because it’s not just your ex’s happiness that’s at stake, but yours as well.

You could also suffer when you get a taste of your ex’s attention—which essentially has a drug-like effect on your brains.

So to avoid this, the intermediate rules of no contact are there to save you.

They suggest that you need to give your ex all the time in the world to come to you on his or her own terms.

By doing so, you will avoid making any post-breakup mistakes and give your ex the space that he or she needs to respect you again.

Communicate about work and only work

When your ex isn’t willingly conversing with you on his or her own accord, you need to stay away from your ex. You have nothing to discuss with your ex unless it’s work-related.

Say “hello” to your ex in the morning, say “hi” for lunch, and “have a great evening” when work ends.

That’s it.

When you’re following the rules of no contact with an ex at work, keep in mind that it’s not about crawling back into your ex’s heart inch by inch.

It’s about regaining your value your ex took away from you on the day of the breakup.

This means that you will probably stay silent with your ex 99% of the time.

As for the other percent, it consists of work-related communication, hellos, and goodbyes.

Talking to your ex at work

Working with an ex you love can be challenging because of your expectations for this person.

Since you want more from your ex than he or she is willing to give, you unknowingly want him or her to acknowledge your worth and reciprocate your feelings.

But that likely won’t happen anytime soon. Especially not at work.

Your ex probably isn’t too excited about working together with you as an ex-partner. But it’s not like your ex has a choice.

He or she is likely feeling a bit uncomfortable about discussing work with you as your ex knows you still love him or her.

This is especially true if you did various unattractive deeds such as begging and pleading after the breakup.

But most importantly, your ex doesn’t wish to converse with you because it doesn’t make him or her happy.

If your ex had an option not to work with you, he or she would probably take it.

But since your ex can’t, your ex needs to force himself or herself to see you as just a colleague and talk to you that way too.

What do I do if my ex is talking to me at work?

When your ex talks to you at work, be on your best behavior. Reply, smile, and appear positive in general.

But don’t think that you need to become the main source of your ex’s entertainment. You are not your ex’s partner any longer.

You are someone who used to offer his or her support in the relationship, so instead of taking the role of a clown, act “normal.”

Be the genuine person you were before you got together with your ex. So don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. You won’t fool your ex and you certainly won’t convince yourself.

First of all, your ex already knows you enough to understand your personality. He or she used to date you after all.

And secondly, you have nothing to prove to your ex. You are who you are so there’s no changing your character no matter how hard you try.

The most you can change is your behavior, patterns, and attitude toward yourself and others.

And unless you’re working on becoming the best version of yourself because you genuinely want to, you shouldn’t portray yourself in a way that reeks of inauthenticity.

It won’t attract anybody — especially not your ex.

My ex and I are working on a project together

Working with an ex you unconditionally love is like working with colleagues. The only difference is that you don’t have high expectations of your colleagues.

Since you possess intense feelings for your ex, you can’t just disconnect them and pretend your ex never existed.

You can try but it likely won’t work if you’re fresh out of a relationship or if it’s only been a few months.

You can and must, however, do some self-talk and convince yourself that your job is more important than your ex who’d left you.

Do some serious thinking and rationalize with your anxious brain. Help yourself not only understand but also feel that your ex is no longer a part of your daily life.

Let the past bury its dead

Your ex is merely a person from your past who no longer contributes to your present, let alone the future. So do you best to think of your ex as a person you need to cooperate with in order for you to achieve your professional goals.

Don’t let your private matters meddle with your emotional health or you won’t be able to work at your best efficiency.

Anxiety will instead control your mind—so try your hardest to gather your strength and separate your work from your ex.

As difficult as it sounds, draw the line at how much your ex is able to affect you.

Do this internally (through self-talk) and deliberately strip your ex of importance.

And once you’ve managed to do that, attach new, stronger emotions and willpower to the work that needs to be done.

It’s only a matter of time before your work becomes a bigger priority than your ex.

How do I work with my ex in peace?

The good thing about work is that it can have a calming, distracting effect on you.

Basically, the more you care about work, the more immersed in it you will get. And the more you enjoy work, the less an impact your ex will have on your emotional well-being.

This indirectly implies that there’s a lot you can do when you still love your ex and you need to work with him or her.

For starters, you can distract yourself by making so many new friends that you won’t have the time to daydream about your ex. Your mind won’t let you when you need to impress the people that you don’t know yet.

You’ll be too self-conscious about making good first, second, and third impressions on the people you meet—rather than spend your time thinking about your ex.

That’s how you will begin to break your obsession with your ex—which is essentially an overthinking pattern.

So that’s a good start.

Plan B

If you really want to forget about your ex at work, there’s an even better way.

But you won’t like it.

The human mind always focuses on that which captivates, entertains, or disturbs it the most.

Since your negative emotions are dominating your conscious mind, you will have to do something that scares you more than your ex.

This could be anything from asking your boss for promotion to inviting your colleague/s out for coffee.

Whatever it may be that frightens you, I guarantee that your attention won’t be on your ex anymore. Not when you push yourself out of your comfort zone and scare the pants out of yourself.

You will simply become too distracted and anxious to notice your ex.

What if my ex is dating someone at work?

My heart goes out to anyone who’s forced to remain in the same workplace when his or her ex is dating someone else.

It truly sucks because seeing your ex happy probably makes you miserable as a result.

Not only do you have to get over your ex, but you also have to see your ex go through the 6 stages of a rebound relationship.

This means you will witness your ex fall in love with someone else.

During this time, your ex will likely appear incredibly lovestruck and will probably openly express his or her love toward the new person.

And that could hurt you very badly.

Your ex is being incredibly selfish

When your ex dates your coworker without considering your feelings, your ex is being completely disrespectful of your feelings as a dumpee and a human being.

It’s not that your ex doesn’t know his or her actions hurt you. He or she just doesn’t care that they do.

All your ex cares about is his or her happiness, as well as the rebound’s—as your ex is still trying to impress that person.

But even though your ex’s selfish actions might indirectly hurt you, do your best not to lose your self-control.

Instead of showing your ex how much he or she has devastated you, get busy with work and colleagues. Do whatever it takes to get your attention off your ex and his or her new partner so that the real healing can begin.

When you successfully do this for days and weeks, you will slowly lose interest in your ex.

You just have to be patient and willing to persevere through the bad times.

Devalue your ex

Before you allow your ex to control your happiness, take your ex’s lack of care for other human beings into consideration.

Think deeply about your ex’s lack of moral values and discern if your ex is even worth the trouble.

When you give it some serious thought and set your feelings aside, you will understand that he or she is in fact not.

You will instead recognize your ex for the person he or she was and is and understand that your ex can’t and won’t change until he or she needs to.

So don’t think that your ex will magically improve overnight and become a better person that easily.

Not as long as your ex is dating your coworker and completely forgetting that you’re a human being too.

No contact takes time

Even though the no contact rule at work will definitely help you with your ex, it will still take a while before it has an effect on your ex.

Your ex’s focus is on another person right now—which means that your ex will first have to lose hope in his or her partner before your ex can gain respect for you.

And if/when that occurs, your ex will realize your worth again and might even try to rebuild what he or she has destroyed.

But until your ex shows positive signs of interest, avoid all physical and non-physical contact with your ex at all costs!

Follow the rules of no contact at work and collaborate with your ex when you need to.

Join his or her projects, communicate, and do what your job requires you to do.

As for everything else that doesn’t involve your job, it’s better for you to avoid interacting with your ex.

If you don’t follow the rules of no contact, talking and working with an ex you love will feel like a nightmare for you.

It will probably drive you insane and make the process of getting over your ex much harder than it needs to be.

It’s your time to shine!

No contact at work is about healing first and your ex second. Don’t make healing your last priority or it will take incredibly long to heal!

You won’t get your ex to magically fall for you when you’re working with your ex.

At least not until your ex has had the time to self-reflect and think about his or her decision.

So while you “wait” for your ex to have a change of heart, remember to be the person you want to be—and not the person you assume your ex wants you to be.

Keep your self-esteem and show your ex that you have what it takes to let him or her out of your system.

Did you learn how to do no contact when you work with your ex? Is there anything else you’re curious about? Post your comment below.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.