How Long After A Breakup Is Considered A Rebound?

When a dumpee finds a new person to date within a few months, that is normally considered a rebound as the dumpee hasn’t fully processed the previous relationship and let go of hope.

The dumpee might not want to be with the dumper, but the dumpee still craves the dumper’s attention, apology, or validation and needs more time to fully let go.

As for the dumper, the dumper is emotionally capable of getting into a new relationship right away. He or she doesn’t experience separation anxiety and various breakup fears and bonding problems that would break the new relationship up.

The dumper is too detached and tired of being with the dumpee to encounter relationship-breaking problems. The most the dumper struggles with is guilt.

That’s why the dumper typically has a normal relationship with the new person and goes through normal relationship stages. Some of these stages include immediate attraction, infatuation, and a strong desire to spend time with the new person.

You went through this with your ex-partner, so you know that new couples obsess over each other and see only the best in each other. They have no idea what their partners are like and the kind of problems they’ll face when they stop feeling elated and slow down a bit.

I wish I could say that dumpers who rush into new relationships automatically have a rebound relationship, but that’s seldom the case. Most dumpers are excited and emotionally ready to bond with someone they admire because that person makes them feel good and distracts them from an uncomfortable past.

Many dumpers meet someone new during the relationship or shortly after. Because they develop feelings and expectations, they monkey-branch to the person they have a crush on and try to obtain what they can from him or her.

New partners and relationships aren’t necessarily ego-boosting for dumpers. That’s more of a dumpee thing. But they are good distractions and opportunities for dumpers to start anew and do things differently. If they were reserved and took things very slowly with their ex, they may not want to go slow with the new person.

They may feel a strong need to make use of their infatuation phase and progress through the relationship faster and more intensely than ever before.

That doesn’t mean the dumper changes much inwardly but that the dumper allows himself or herself to go with the flow and feel elated. Elation lets the dumper enjoy the moment and not worry about the dumpee and the people he or she hurt by acting selfishly.

So if you want to know how long after a breakup is considered a rebound, bear in mind that a rebound is something dumpees have. Dumpees are hopeful and obsessed with their ex—and are incapable of being with anyone other than their ex.

They’re so hurt that they think about their ex, dream about their ex, and refuse to admit that there are people out there who are better suited for them. Due to denial, shock, and overwhelming separation anxiety and uncertainty, they put their ex on a pedestal and rebound if they try to replace their ex too quickly.

I can’t say how quickly is too quickly for the dumpee to date because every dumpee has different coping mechanisms, self-esteem, skills, and abilities to let go of the dumper.

But generally speaking, it’s too soon to date when the dumpee still:

• Cries, wants to reconcile, and fears the dumper will meet/be happy with someone else
• Can’t eat or sleep
• Dreams a lot about the dumper
• Stalks the dumper
• Feels anxious and depressed
• Emotionally depends on the dumper
• Thinks the dumper is his/her best option
• Feels angry and bitter toward the dumper
• Plays jealousy games and wants to be noticed and validated

As long as the dumper controls how the dumpee thinks, feels, and acts, the dumpee is unprepared for a new romantic relationship and is likely going to rebound. When that happens, the dumpee will probably suffer immensely and feel depressed.

Some relationships are difficult and need more time to process than others. For example, toxic, unhealthy, codependent, intense, and long-term relationships typically take much longer than healthy relationships that end on good terms.

You’d think that healthy relationships are harder to let go of because there was no/minimal fighting, but that’s not true.

Healthy relationships provide closure and encourage ex-couples not to take the breakup personally and to accept the breakup whereas unhealthy ones cause dumpees to be in denial and afraid of losing a person who presented himself or herself as a valuable and powerful individual.

So if you were dumped by your ex, remember that any relationship that begins while you’re heartbroken is considered a rebound. It’s a relationship that likely won’t get past friendship because your partner will expect you to be serious and more involved in the relationship.

But if you dumped your ex and you have no more feelings for your ex (the majority of dumpers don’t), then you’re ready to date someone new right away. You don’t love your ex and see a future with him or her, so you can instantly monkey-branch to someone new and reap the rewards of falling in love.

The thing is that just because you can start a new serious relationship as a dumper, it doesn’t mean that you should. By getting to know someone new and cutting off the past, you’ll completely disregard your ex’s feelings.

You’ll show that you don’t care about how your ex interprets your branching and that your life is about you and not what others think and feel.

If your ex sees you with other people (your ex will likely check your socials or be told by others), your ex will feel shocked, invalidated, and downright miserable. He or she will struggle to understand how you were able to move on so quickly and whether he or she meant anything to you.

So although you’re the boss of your own life, bear in mind that even bosses don’t have the right to mess with their ex’s health.

They owe their ex a quick, painless, and smooth recovery. And they can do that by not dating anyone at least for a few months. If they start dating again, they should at least keep their relationship hidden from their ex and the people who could inform their ex.

This post is for dumpees and dumpers who wonder how long after a breakup is considered a rebound. We’ll answer the question of how long a dumpee and a dumper should wait before they start a romantic or sexual relationship and talk about other frequently misunderstood rebound matters.

Why do people get into new relationships so quickly after the breakup?

Dumpers and dumpers jump into new relationships for different reasons.

Dumpers start new relationships because they feel eager to connect with someone new. They wish to disassociate themselves from their ex and start anew. That’s why they oftentimes focus entirely on themselves and give a completely random person a try.

By getting involved with a new person romantically, they allow themselves to feel the butterflies and prevent themselves from worrying about their recent romantic failure.

Unlike dumpees who blame themselves and wish they did things differently, dumpers are happy about their decisions. They’re in a position of power, so they’re glad they ended the relationship and allowed themselves to get attracted to someone else.

In their mind, they wish they ended the relationship sooner because ending it sooner would have made them feel independent and guilt-free.

New relationships make them feel infatuated again and enable them to hide their worst traits and mistakes. Dumpers don’t hide the negative parts of their personality intentionally, of course.

They do it subconsciously so as to impress their new partner and get close to him or her. Staying close brings them happiness and joy and increases the chances of them staying committed.

Dumpees, on the other hand, don’t start dating to be in a happy-ever-after relationship. Most of them have no idea what they’re doing and where they’re going and just wish to feel better. As a result, their relationship/situationship is completely directionless and meaningless and prone to breaking apart.

A relationship that exists for the dumpee to heal is by definition a rebound relationship. Such a relationship has no genuine reason to exist because the dumpee is not in the relationship to invest in it but rather to take from it.

The dumpee is trying to gain happiness and validation without putting in any effort.

In other words, the dumpee and his/her new partner’s interests misalign. The dumpee wants to heal under the guise of wanting a relationship while the other person actually wants a commitment based on love, respect, and understanding.

A well-balanced relationship is not something a broken-hearted dumpee can provide. While the dumpee is rebuilding his or her self-esteem and trying to let go of the dumper, the dumpee is just going through the motions. Due to a lack of energy and commitment, he or she has no intention of actually working on the relationship with his or her significant other.

All the dumpee wants is to feel secure, valued, and reassured. That’s why a relationship that starts soon after the breakup tends not to last. Sooner than later, the dumpee feels that the new person isn’t anywhere near as good as the dumper and that it may be better to break up than to settle for someone he or she isn’t compatible with.

Many dumpees feel they’re not happy a couple of weeks into the new relationship and realize that they don’t love their new partner as much as they love their ex.

So bear in mind that dumpees and dumpers seek out new relationships for different reasons and that dumpees are typically the ones who rebound due to unprocessed feelings and a lack of energy to invest in the relationship.

Dumpees get into new relationships to take love whereas dumpers both take it and give it. Dumpers are better prepared for new romantic relationships in terms of emotional availability whereas dumpees tend to do more work on themselves and have better relationships months or years after the breakup.

With that said, here are the differences between dumpees and dumpers getting into a new (rebound) relationship quickly after the breakup.

Most dumpees simply aren’t ready for a new romantic commitment. Their self-esteem is at an all-time low, so they need at least a few months to themselves to figure out what went wrong, what they need to improve, and, of course, to heal.

Dumpers, on the other hand, don’t feel like failures and don’t see the need to heal, reflect, and grow. They’re happy with the decisions they’ve made and can date right away if they want to. They generally think life is too short to stand still and ignore new opportunities.

Sadly, many dumpers move on with someone new very quickly. They download dating apps and get involved with someone they barely know. By jumping ships, they focus on feeling good and not worrying about the past.

Many dumpers also develop a connection with someone new before they even leave their relationship.

They get so close to the new person that they begin to crave his or her affection and time. Such dumpers leave relationships because they don’t have the morals and self-control required to deal with temptations. They put a high priority on instant gratifications and what they think they deserve.

Can a rebound relationship turn into a normal relationship?

A rebound relationship can indeed turn into a normal relationship. It can slow down a bit and progress at a pace normal couples progress. But for that to happen, a couple must be understanding of each other’s needs and capabilities and communicate properly.

Communication can help them understand the situation they’re in and allow them to be more patient and caring.

The rebounding person mustn’t be pressured into commitment and forced to do partner-like things. Instead, he or she must be empathized with and allowed to take as much time as needed. Normally, a few months of space are enough.

If they aren’t and the relationship keeps dragging on without direction and purpose, then dumpee might never develop feelings because he or she has already friend-zoned the other person and stopped working on the relationship.

So if the dumpee feels free and respected, know that he or she can slowly develop romantic feelings (not just lust) and become emotionally available for a new relationship. But the dumpee’s partner needs to let the relationship move at the speed that feels natural to the dumpee.

This requires a lot of understanding and a strong mentality. Not a lot of people are that developed and willing to wait for someone to process the past.

Most rebound relationships end because dumpees aren’t honest and capable of processing the past fast enough. Due to anxiety, depression, and unhealthy thoughts, they associate negative emotions with their new partner and miss their ex more as a result.

Their partners, on the other hand, expect the relationship to move quicker and not to keep stopping, so they pressure their partners, argue with them, and eventually, get blamed and abandoned. By the look of things, many times, dumpees leave rebound relationships rather than their partners leaving them.

They see that the relationship isn’t going anywhere and that they need to distance themselves and focus on spending their limited energy on meaningful things.

That’s why it’s so important that dumpees avoid getting into new relationships shortly after the breakup. They have healing to do and things to learn and improve. They shouldn’t be ignoring relationship lessons and using people to get over the breakup.

It’s not fair to others and not good for their health, happiness, and personal growth.

Do you agree that a few months after the breakup is considered a rebound relationship as dumpees can’t invest wholeheartedly into the relationship? What do you think is a rebound? Let us know in the comments section below.

And if you want to discuss how long after a breakup is considered a rebound with us, subscribe to breakup coaching.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.