Updated on July 16, 2025
Forced breakups because of parents are some of the most emotionally challenging experiences that many people face across different cultures and generations. When parents disapprove of a relationship, whether because of cultural, religious, educational, financial, or personal reasons, they tend to pressure their child to end the relationship on their terms, even if that’s the last thing their child wants.
They don’t consider their child’s emotional investment, feelings, and the future he or she has envisioned with the new romantic partner.
Such parents are convinced that the person their son or daughter is seeing isn’t a good romantic match for their child and that their child must break up and eventually find a more compatible person. This puts immense pressure on their child and often shoves a wedge between their child and his or her love interest. The couple finds it incredibly difficult to navigate the relationship their parents disapprove of because they’re forced to keep their relationship secret and/or hide their feelings and actions.
Many times, they break up because the relationship becomes emotionally exhausting and causes them to fall out of love.
If your parents forced a breakup on you, you’re in a difficult situation, especially if you’re super close to your parents, still live with your parents, or depend on them financially. In these cases, your parents have power over you and immense influence on you. If you don’t do what they say and choose to stay with your partner despite them telling you to break up, they might make your life difficult by withdrawing certain benefits or support.
They might even kick you out, cut you off, and make you choose between them and your partner. That would obviously put you in a very difficult situation, as no one wants to choose between people who gave them life and a person who gives their life companionship, excitement, and romantic purpose.
Unfortunately, manipulation, threats, or even physical aggression are common, especially in cultures where parents have a final say. In those cultures, it can be extremely challenging to convince headstrong parents to give your partner a chance and slowly change your parents’ perception of him or her. When parents decide they dislike your partner and don’t feel ashamed to tell you that, they’ve already made up their mind. They’ve decided that you’re not a good fit and that you must break up at once.
They aren’t open to discussing things and slowly coming back around. Due to their personality and beliefs, they expect you to avoid resisting their decision and let go of your partner or potential partner.
If you don’t let go of him or her, they’ll likely escalate things further and force you to break up.
A forced breakup because of parents is a truly complex situation. On one hand, you want to please your parents and your partner, but on the other, you have no control over it. Your parents don’t give you much room to maneuver and make decisions for yourself.
Your parents should never meddle with your relationships unless your relationships are unhealthy and need to end for everyone’s sake. They should let you date (of course, at an appropriate age) and let you learn what kind of partner works and doesn’t work for you. No one has the right to tell you that you shouldn’t date someone you like. If you’re attracted to the wrong person, you need to realize it yourself. You must date that person and learn valuable lessons from it.
Your parents don’t know you well enough to truly understand the kind of people you’re attracted to and want to be with. They only see certain aspects of your partner’s overall value. Since they don’t understand your romantic expectations, they need to encourage you to get to know some people and mature through experience. Telling you not to date people THEY dislike, probably without even giving them a chance, is beyond disrespectful. They’re your parents, so if anyone should support you unconditionally, it’s them.
It’s the least they could do for your romantic life. If they can’t support you, they should at least not make your dating difficult. They should step out of your way and avoid judging your romantic partners.
I imagine your parents have such a tight bond with you that they assumed they had the right to tell you what’s right for you and what isn’t—especially if it came at the expense of their own. They chose to prioritize their convictions over your happiness and plans. That means they consider themselves in charge even of your romantic decisions, and that they’ll continue to force breakups on you if your partners don’t meet their expectations.
As long as they think they have a final say, your relationships will be at least partially controlled by them. This might change once you step out of their sphere of influence and control.
If you’re going through a breakup forced by parents, you’re unfortunately caught in a situation beyond your control. It feels like you’re being pulled in two directions—between your love for your partner and your loyalty to your family. You can either make yourself and your partner happy or your parents. Whoever you prioritize in the end, it’s important that the decision reflects your values and not just external pressure.
Either way, expect your decision to be painful and come with consequences.
I can’t tell you who to choose or why because it depends on your unique situation, values, and long-term priorities. If your parents seem open to talking about your chosen partner, perhaps you can talk to them when they’re calm and collected. Tell them that you love them and value their opinion, but that your romantic decisions are yours to make. Convey to them that they and your partner matter to you and that you don’t want to choose one or the other.
You want to organize a meetup and prove to them that your partner can add value to you as well as to them.
Clearly, your parents are worried that your partner won’t make them happy. Due to their beliefs and/or unhealthy perceptions, they’re convinced they’ll be unhappy because of your decision to date the person in question. You may be able to change their perception by having your partner do something to like them. I’m not saying you should bribe them or trick them, but if you show them that your partner has things in common with them and wants to get to know them better, they might not be so quick to judge him or her.
It’s just an idea, but it might be worth giving it a try.
If you do nothing, you’ll be forced to break up with your partner or forced not to get back together if you already broke up. Whether you decide to talk to your parents and dissuade them from forcing you to abandon your relationship or handle their disapproval passively is up to you. But if I were in your shoes and I really loved my partner, I’d talk to my parents and set some boundaries. I wouldn’t want them to make important decisions about my life, such as what I study, where I live, and who I date.
I live in the West, so it’s hard for me to imagine my parents dictating who I can or can’t be with. My culture and family have always encouraged me to choose my own partners and dicover our compatibilities.
If you’re young, live in a place where your parents still provide for you, or have an especially close, but often controlling relationship with your parents, it can be incredibly hard to go against their wishes. Their opinions carry a lot of weight in your life, not just emotionally but also practically. Disobeying them might mean risking financial support, emotional stability, or a place to stay. In such situations, choosing your own path can feel like a betrayal, even when you know deep down you’re not asking for much.
Controlling parents often leave their children feeling paralyzed when it comes to making their own decisions. Over time, they damage their kids’ self-trust and independence. Instead of developing confidence through trial and error, their children grow up fearing failure and seeking approval for even the most personal choices.
In relationships, this can be especially damaging. Love requires autonomy, courage, and a willingness to take emotional risks. If those traits are stifled early on, it becomes difficult to stand up for themselves and their partner when their relationship is at risk.
In today’s post, we discuss what to do when you’re forced to break up because of parents, guardians, or other parental figures.
Forced breakup because of parents
Breakups forced by parents are especially painful because they take away your sense of choice and control. They force you to break up with someone you have a connection with and see yourself staying with long-term. Because you’re emotionally attached and have romantic expectations tied to that person, you experience a loss of hope, separation anxiety, and all the painful consequences that come with a breakup.
You have days when you remember the good times and miss your ex like crazy, and days when you try to justify the breakup and make sense of what went wrong. Your mind flips between longing and rationalizing, trying to protect you from the pain of something you didn’t fully choose.
If you’ve found yourself in a breakup forced by your parents, you’re dealing with a unique kind of pain—one that blends heartbreak with powerlessness. It makes you want to either win your parents’ approval or become someone who no longer needs it. If you’re not in a position to be fully independent, you’re going to struggle because you’ll be afraid of opposing your parents and disappointing them. You’ll feel tempted to do what they say just to avoid arguing with them.
Now, if you’ve built a family with the person you love, the decision becomes a no-brainer. You must always choose your spouse and children over your parents’ judgment. You shouldn’t leave your partner and make things difficult for the kids. Your partner and children are your new priority—and they should be treated that way.
But if you’re still young (let’s say 16 – 21), then your parents might have a final say. This, of course, depends on your cultural and religious background as well as the kind of relationship you have with your parents.
Your parents are the ones making all the important decisions in your life because you’re still so young and may not know what’s best for you yet. Perhaps in that case, it’s best to listen to them and focus on things they want you to focus on. They may not be okay with you dating anyone, not just your current partner. Maybe they want you to finish school or other responsibilities before you start dating. I don’t know what the logic behind their reasoning is, but if you’re not standing on your own two feet yet, it makes sense why they feel the need to tell you what’s best for you.
This is especially true if they always told you what to do and not to do.
Many parents around the world tell their kids who they should and shouldn’t date. While some do so out of genuine concern, others project their own fears, prejudices, or unfulfilled dreams onto their children. In cultures where family honor or tradition holds significant weight, this control can be especially intense. It can feel suffocatingly controlling, as if your personal choices are constantly being monitored and judged.
Because of their incessant need for control, many couples get tired of being disapproved of an choose their parents in the end. Some even start to despise their partners due to the pain their parents make them feel.
Controlling parents often overlook love and compatibility. They don’t see that their son or daughter truly loves his or her partner and wants to be in a serious commitment with that person. Despite what their child craves and needs, they stay set on their decision and expect their child to do what they say. This gives them control over their child’s life and makes them his or her child’s top priority.
Some parents get jealous of the attention they’re missing out on. In many cases, moms feel ignored or replaced, so they create exaggerated concerns about why the new partner isn’t right for their child. They’re not looking out for their child’s best interest, but their own because they’re scared of finding their own purpose in life.
Needless to say, they act like they’re in a relationship with their child and feel scared of losing him or her to someone else. Such parents are usually separated and have very little social interaction in their lives (feel lonely). Or, they’re too close to their child and fear losing control over him or her (possessiveness). They’re afraid of change and what may happen when their child fully grows up.
If your parents forced a breakup on you despite your desire to stay in the relationship, they expressed dissatisfaction with your timing, your choice of partner, or the fact that you were emotionally distancing yourself from them. If you’re old enough to make your own decisions, they judged your partner based on their own biases, fears, or expectations. They may have disapproved of your partner’s background, career, religion, personality, family, lifestyle, vices, or even something as superficial as appearance.
Sometimes they’re just worried you’ll get hurt or make the wrong choice. Other times, it’s more about control, pride, or thinking they know what’s best for you—whether you agree or not.
If they’re just worried you’ll get hurt, they’ll probably change their mind when you assure them you can handle the worst. But if they’re prideful, stubborn, and determined they’re right and you’re wrong, then you likely won’t change their mind no matter how politely you explain things. One of the hardest things in life is changing people’s deeprooted beliefs.
Especially when those beliefs are backed by anger, resentment, disgust, and other strong negative emotions.
That said, here’s what makes breakups forced by parents so difficult.
My parents want me to break up with my boyfriend/girlfriend
In some countries, it’s common for parents to approve or disapprove of their child’s dating choices, so trying to change that tradition might not be realistic or fair. It may be better to accept your fate and simply do what your parents want. Tell them you don’t agree with their decision but that you respect it nonetheless. It’s better not to oppose their beliefs, especially if you’re relying on them for basic human needs such as food, shelter, and clothes.
However, if you live on your own, take care of your own needs, and come from a culture where you’re free to make your own romantic decisions, then your choices deserve to be respected. You must be brave and tell your parents you’ve developed a unique bond with your partner—and that they’ll have to respect it whether they like it or not. If they want to reassess things, you can talk about the things that bother them and look for a solution if there is one. But if they insist on not wanting you to be with your partner, then you can decrease the number of times you see your parents, see them without your partner, or not see them at all.
The last option is especially difficult because we’re talking about people who raised you. But sometimes even people closest to us make unreasonable, selfish demands that serve them more than they serve us. When that happens, it may be appropriate to distance ourselves from them and justify it by telling ourselves that we deserve romantic happiness, just like them, and that it’s a fundamental human need.
If your parents aren’t happy that you’re happy, it’s hard to imagine them appreciating your connection with your partner. They don’t know or care how you feel, so explaining it to them won’t change anything. It probably would have changed it by now if it could have.
If you haven’t talked to them about your happiness, your compatibility with your partner, and your ability to handle the diifficulties that come from being in a relationship, tell them what they want to hear. But if you tried it already and failed, it may not leave you any other option but to decide whether to listen to your parents’ opinion or your feelings.
Just know that whoever you choose in the end, there will be consequences. Choosing your parents may give you a sense of loyalty, but it will also leave you feeling powerless, guilty, anxious, and heartbroken. On the other hand, choosing your partner could create tension or distance, or perhaps even cause you to stop talking.
If you stay with your partner despite your parents’ disapproval, chances are it will affect your relationship and eventually trigger a breakup. When parents disapprove of their child’s relationship, they hurt their child and cause their child to associate stress with their partner. When a lot of stress has piled up, he or she often begins to wonder if pain will disappear when he or she initiates the breakup. Such thoughts often lead to a loss of feelings and a breakup.
This is a serious issue, so don’t sweep it under the rug and think your parents will eventually accept your partner. Without some major changes in their perspective or life circumstances, they’re unlikely to let go of their negative views and accept your partner into the family. It might take them years to come around—if they ever do. Things are too uncertain for you to keep hoping and waiting. It’s not good for you and your partner’s well-being to be in a relationship with disapproving parents.
If you decide to stay together despite that, make plans on what to do when/if your parents kick you out, stop supporting you, or pressure you with threats or ultimatums. If you don’t have the answer for it and lack the willpower to persevere, it may be best to end things now, especially if you know how persistent your parents can be.
Winning people’s recognition won’t be easy
If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you probably already know that chasing someone’s recognition is one of the most degrading things you can put yourself through. Chasing, begging, and walking on eggshells places your self-worth in someone else’s hands and makes you feel like you have to earn somethin as basic as respect and acceptance. The more you try to prove yourself, the more you fail and the more powerless and unimportant you feel.
Slowly, you become afraid of rejection, shape yourself into someone you think they want you to be, and lose your dignity.
The only reason, for example, that you are not a rattlesnake is that your mother and father weren’t rattlesnakes. You deserve very little credit for being what you are.
Dale carnegie
Everyone deserves a fair chance based on their internal qualities. People should be respected for who they are, not the external fortunes they possess. Sure, having a stable job is important, but that alone doesn’t define a person’s true value. At least not to the right people. The right people will value you for the person you are and your ability to take care of them/their child.
They’ll see past your exterior, including your job title, income, background, or appearance and instead, focus on who you are at your core and recognize kindness, emotional intelligence, loyalty, and how you treat others. Loving/accepting people value connection over status and substance over surface. You won’t need to impress them because just being yourself will be enough.
I realized this way too late—after my relationship ended. If I realized it sooner, I would have never gotten into a relationship, knowing my partner’s parents didn’t like me.
Just as you deserve limited credit for who you are at your core, so do your and your partner’s parents. They became who they are largely because of the society they grew up in, the way they were raised, their mindset, and countless other factors—many of which were outside their control.
People usually form an opinion of someone within seconds. They quickly assess whether the person is visually appealing, observe his or her body language, and notice how he or she speaks. Changing this opinion isn’t easy. It takes not just time, but also an open mind. Parents can change their opinion of their child’s dating interest by lowering their expcations and understanding that their child is capable of making important decisions on his or her own.
My partner’s parents want us to break up
If your partner’s parents dislike you and insist that you should break up, the situation can be even more difficult than if your own parents were pushing for the breakup. When your partner is pressured to leave you, you have even less control over what happens. You can only hope that your partner loves you, convinces his or her parents that you’re a worthy partner, or chooses you over them. It’s much more personal because you know that even if you stay together despite their disaproval, your boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s parents will continue to disapprove of you and want you gone.
Whether you stay together or break up, you’ll end up paying the price—simply because your partner’s parents disapprove of you. It’s unfair that you’ll suffer at the hands of people who shouldn’t be involved in your relationship.
I’ve been in a relationship where my girlfriend’s parents disapproved of me, so I know firsthand that it’s anything but fun. I remember having to hide every time her parents video called or came to visit. I never fully understood why they didn’t like me (I suspect it might have been my background), but what I do know is that it made the entire experience stressful and disheartening. Instead of talking and bonding with her parents, I worried about whether they would ever change their opinion about me.
That relationship didn’t work out for a number of reasons, but after the breakup, I made a promise to myself, which is that I’ll only date people whose family genuinely approves of me. I don’t need their validation, but I do need my partner to be surrounded by supportive people who approve of our relationship. I don’t want opposing friends, coworkers, acquaintances, or family members to add stress to my relationships.
Relationships are difficult enough as they are. When parents get involved and demand things, they seldom end well.
So ask yourself if you want to be in a relationship where your partner’s parents dislike you. Do you want to hide, pretend you’re friends, or worry about what parents think about you? You may be in love and attached, but feelings won’t fix your messy situation. They will worsen it because they’ll prevent you from thinking rationally.
Think long and hard about being with a person whose parents dislike you. If you acted strangely or inconsiderately, you can probably change their mind by apologizing and telling or showing them you’ve learned their lesson. But if they’ve formed a negative opinion of you basically for no real reason, then it’s unlikely that they’ll slowly see you differently, no matter how hard you try.
When people dislike you, they tend to stick to their opinion, especially when there’s more than one of them reinforcing it.
How to deal with a forced breakup because of parents?
Getting your parents to like your boyfriend or girlfriend won’t be easy. Whether you succeed depends largely on how open-minded your parents are and how skilled you are at communicating and winning people over. If you can get them to sit down and open their hearts to you, they may see that you truly care about your partner and want to do whatever it takes to stay together.
If explaining to them and showing them that you love your partner with all your heart doesn’t convince your parents to give your relationship a chance, you can try to include your partner in their life and encourage them to bond. It won’t be easy for them to interact, but if they get to know one another better, they may be able to see that they have more things in common than they initially thought.
Your boyfriend or girlfriend should also try to apologize for upsetting them. Sometimes an apology can lower parents’ defenses and change their minds.
The problem you’re likely to face is that your parents won’t agree to see your partner, let alone talk to him or her. They’ll insist that they have nothing to say to your partner and that you must do what they say. In that case, you should give up on changing their mind in the short term. They won’t come around because they’re not the kind of people you can reason with. When they decide they don’t like someone, they don’t like him or her, period.
You should let them believe what they want and make your own decision:
- Either continue the relationship without their approval or knowledge—and risk losing their support.
- Or break up with your partner.
Are your parents forcing you to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend? What are you going to do if they don’t approve? Comment below.
And if you’re looking for help with disapproving parents, reach out to us by subscribing to coaching.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
I am with my girlfriend for 1 year now and We are very happy with eachother. We share many similiar traits and I love the time when we travel together.
I want to introduce her to my parents but they won’t accept her. They don’t even want to meet her because she is not well educated. I have a postgrads degree and in their opinion “I am overqualified for her”. Furthermore “she is not even pretty”. Why is this important to them anyways? Why isn’t it enough for them to accept my feeling for her? That I find her pretty and I don’t care if she isn’t postgrad or a doctor or an engineer etc. is irrelevant for them.
I won’t go against my parents. but giving up this relationship would break two hearts…
Hi I’m a 20 year old female from South Africa and being from an Indian family, I wanted to introduce my parents to my male friend ( whom I have fallen in love with and he shares the same feelings towards me). I sat them down and told them that I liked this boy (thinking that being open would make things better and show them that I want them to understand and know what’s going on in my life) and I wanted to go out with him and not earn their mistrust and lie about my whereabouts. But shockingly they disapprove of who he is because of how he looks and where he comes from. I’ve tried persuading them and defending him but it just didn’t seem to work. This is my first time falling in love and I feel so hurt that my parents weren’t there to support me and my feeling and now I have no idea what to do. I do not want to let the opportunity of love disappear because I fear I might not connect with someone else the way I do with this boy, yet I don’t want to seem disrespectful towards my parents because they claim they know what’s best for me when they aren’t present half the time in my life. Please help me I’m such a wreck right now I don’t know what to do or who to choose 😭😭😭
Hi Radz.
Breaking up because of parents is incredibly difficult. I wish I could advise you and help you out, but you’ve got to figure out what you’re going to do. You probably can’t discard your parents over a guy, so don’t make any rash decisions. Maybe, just maybe they will change their mind if you talk to them some more.
Best regards,
Zan
Admittedly, I generally share the opinion of the author of this article – with that in mind, though, I never think it is ok for parents to disapprove based on looks and where someone comes from. That is no longer in the territory of concern for their child, but more towards discriminatory and judgmental tendencies that should be considered intolerable in this day and age. I will say that you never know when love may reappear in your life if this does not work out, but I hope that you can figure out a way to get through to your parents and have them be respectful of your choices and your freedom. Though they may know certain parts of you better than anyone else, they do not know much about the other sides of you, especially the sides that are most relevant to any romantic relationships.
I’m a 28 year old man. My girlfriend and I have been in relationship for 3 years. Yesterday which was a leap day (I supposed it was a special day) is the day she asked me to end our relationship due to her parents’ opposing. The moment I learned that I felt so devastatingly shocked that we had come to this situation. At the beginning we agreed to keep this relationship hidden from her parents which I have known all along that it would be revealed to them one day. We also promised to keep fighting even if they disagreed to it when they found out about us. There was once we were into a fight because of this issue which didn’t happen yet. She always kept saying that she would be by my side until they became persuaded. Now it turns out that she cannot do anything about the opposition. She only leaves me with the reason that we cannot go on or even if we keep going on, her parents will eventually refuse to accept it. I know It isn’t her mistake since she is young (20y) and still under control of her parents. It has just been a day of not talking to her, but I feel like it is years and I keep thinking about her the whole day. And now I am waiting for her to tell me the real reasons or what her parents said to her.
PS: Since we were in love, I have never thought of loving her for any granted. It seems to others that her family is really rich in terms of wealth and reputations and they may think I love her for what she has or her family have, but I swear on my life that I have never thought of that matter at all. What I love about her is that she is a very understanding person I wish to marry. I have no problem with making money and a good living. That’s why I still keep wondering why her parents don’t agree with our relationship.
Well, reading this article and the comments shocked me and it actually brings me a little peace to my heart. There are actually people who face similar situation as me.
I am from East Malaysia and my girlfriend is from the west. It has been a 7 years relationship and still counting. I have been working in the west for 5 years after college, planning to place my feet here, leaving my hometown for this girl I loved while facing the incident below.
However, vision seems too good to be true. My girlfriend’s mother didn’t like me from the very first meet up 7 years ago. That is when i just started college. Being young and bad at socializing, I placed a pretty bad first impression in her mind. Ever since, she has been telling my girlfriend I am not a good person to be together with for her whole life. The funny part is, she is unable to point out the bad things about me every time she complains about me nowadays.
She has a thought of losing her daughter to the east since in the Chinese culture, there is a saying where the female will follow the husband where ever he goes. (Traditional thinking)
She will come out with all sort of weird reason such as, her feeling sorry for my parents as I choose to be here setting my ground. PS, my parents are 100% supportive in my decision.
Through this 7 years, I have tried to be helpful to her household in all ways, trying to please her with my culinary skills on her birthday, buy her gifts. All this to let her know I am not the same guy you’ve seen the last time. But all I can see is, she denied all the things I gave her and gave it away to her friends, didn’t have the food i made for her and would rather go out and take away food for herself. It is close to impossible to change her view towards me.
Things got worst last year as her mother’s previous depression starts to creep out as her son left to UK for study and she felt the loneliness. (She has been a serious depression due to her husband cheated on her.) She threaten my girlfriend that she would kill herself if she choose to be with me still. Furthermore, she also blame the broken relationship of hers and her daughter on me. (which has been so even before I met my girlfriend). Even her depression causes are also on me at the time being.
After all the quarrel and debating, I am still counting my days with her, knowing that time will not solve this issue, but it will only get worst. We are still together but undercover. I wish things would be better, and we could make a next step in starting a life together. But TBH, the current issue now beside her mother will not accept me, I am unsure that Ill be able to accept her as my mother in law in the future. I am barely losing my grip, and willingly go back to my hometown and leave everything behind since she could be the only reason I am still here.
Just a sharing, and I wish everyone else will not have to face this kind of treatment from anyone. Excuse me for my bad English too. 🙂
I’m a 30 year old from south east asia dating a 23 year old from the Netherlands we were really good friends before we figured we had feelings for each other we started dating recently and were in a very good long distance relationship we love each other to bits, he’s always said he is willing to do everything to be with me. However I told my parents about him and immediately they disapproved basting their reason on society norms regarding age. They wont even give him a chance and talk to him so he can show them how much be loves me and cares for me. Hes such a wonderful person has a very pure loving heart and theres nothing more I want than to be with him. My parents are forcing me to let go off him but I cant who it hurts way too much. Idk what to do? When I spoke to him about this he was upset not he said he wasn’t giving up and that it was a set back but just now his attitude seems very cold…
Age is such a foolish issue to take in a relationship, especially in this day and age. It is especially so prevalent in South Asia, yet they do not care when the situation is reversed (older man, younger woman) even with a much larger gap. Such traditions are patriarchal, outdated, and unnecessary cause great anguish in lives for no benefit. He may especially be hurt as he likely does not understand the issue, and his parents may not have such concerns. While I can understand some age differences being concerning, you are both adults in relatively similar points in life. I hope that your relationship can be salvaged, and that he will understand and you are both able to fight for each other, but clearly some unnecessary damage was done by your parents’ inability to see things differently.
It has been over 14 years since I decided to break up with my ex. one of the main contributing factors was my family’s disapproval of him. This was the worst decision of my life. I am now married with 2 beautiful children. my husband and my life are picture perfect but I am empty inside and yearn for the love I lost so easily. I wish I was strong enough 14 years ago to make my own decisions and to believe in our love.
Don’t make the same mistake.
I am going through the same phase now. We have been in a relationship for almost 4 years but now when we thought to inform parents my parents are some how agreed but his mom is not at all agreeing though it’s been 3 months he informed on serious note. But his mom is having so many issues with me like she is not ready to talk to me as well. She has made up her mind. So now he is telling he has got to know the end results no it’s not working out, I am really worried what to do..
I am 20 and my mother recently met my boyfriend of nearly 9 months and decided she hated him and basically forced me to cut contact with him or she would disown me and I would never see my little brothers again and couldn’t have my cat etc. took my phone wouldn’t let me talk to friends and is constantly going on about how bad he is and how I’ve disappointed her. No regard for how I feel and says I’m selfish and mean for dating and said she felt disrespected when I held his hand and got really nasty with me. Yesterday she gave me back the phone I was using and my computer that I bought with money I earned and said if I contact him in any way I’m out on my ass and disowned and on welfare and that she will send someone to beat him to death.
Technically we are still together and I cannot communicate to him that I cannot be with him at this time. I am completely heartbroken as this is someone I sincerely love and care for but I do not want to be disowned or hate him in the long run. I am at a loss and when I show signs of sadness my mom says”how can you be sad about breaking up with some one like that??? You should be happy for him !” And she is stalking him on social media and me as well and tracking my messages and calls. I feel so so so helpless and I am using an alias so as not to be discovered
omg I’m so sorry I wish I could help you right now, is there any way to get out of the situation? Can you get a job and leave your Mom? Would you want to?
I’m sure you realize it, but that is SO not an ok or normal way for your mother to act. And threats like that show that none of it is for any rational, justifiable, or good reason. Do you have any other family members or others that you can trust? If not, I agree that independence and then attempting to maintain your own contact with the rest of your family may be something you have to consider if she will not come to her senses. Unless your little brothers are fed lies, I’m sure they would not forgive her if she keeps you from contacting them.
call the police to arrest her for making death threaths
when I was teen I had a relationship with this boy and my parents had no clue. It was going on for officially 21 days but we were still flirting for about 2 months. they found out everything and forced me to breakup and never talk to him again. I sill have feelings and its been 8 months im always talking about him and thinking about him. I cant even move on with another guy. everything that happened between us still goes through my mind everyday. my parents say your so young none of this matters he has probably moved on. someone please help me I need it
Hi love. I’m going through the exact same thing.
He is the love of my life.. and his parents wants him to be with a girl of their culture.. I don’t even think that his parents know about me, he’s to scared. We dated for a couple of months, and I didn’t know this before, but he told me a week ago why we’ve been kind of hiding and only seeing each other at night… I’m in so much pain that I can’t breathe without hurting. I know your feeling and the feeling off loss. He texts me how much he loves me and misses me, but he also told me that he has to get over me. That shit hurts. I love him with all of my heart and I wish I could have been given at least one chance to prove to his parents that I love his soul so much. I think the best thing we can do is to seek for closure. I never want him to get over me and I never want to get over him (probably never will) but we need a real ending. Love hurts. I’m sending you all the hugs I know that I need right now too. You’re beautiful
i really need help rn with all of this can you please dm me @alienicoleee
thank you so much Kim means alot just hard because im only 14 and I cant stop thinking about him I cant move one with another guy because my parents are strict and everyone at my school is basically talking to guys and im not. thanks again Kim hope your okay #twinning xxx
I feel you, the EXACT same thing is happening to me right now (im 15) and my parents found out and want me to stop talking to him they got very upset at me and my phone is now taken away and i feel so many mixed emotions. My parents thing he was using me because of the way he would talk about me and my body, which hurts me because this was the guy I really liked for 3 years and we finally were starting something :/ There was some red flags that i got from family members and myself too but because I truely liked him, Its hard for me to want to believe the things 🙁 right now im still stuck on what to do, half of me is convienced that he was using me and a small half wasnt. It sucks. He would give off red flags and wouldnt want to answer questions about his family when i would ask(even though when we met for the first time he met my family) I feel like maybe i just liked the attention? My mom read the messages he would say to me and mom felt hurt that he would talk about my body. Please help on what i should do, I feel hopeless, I cant even text him bc i dont have my phone now and he doesnt go to my school and lives kinda far.
oh and also he wasnt my boyfriend because he never asked me but would only say that i was his 🙁 all of this just made me really confused. so we werent in a real relationship but we both liked each other and started talking from three years ago from recent when he messaged me again in december :/ i just need advice please
My boyfriend’s mom doesnt approve me because i dont have a permanent resident in australia. She wants my boyfriend to find someone who have one so he can get the residency through her. But she made up some excuses to my boyfriend saying my personality and his personality doesnt match. I do believe couple should work on differences and im sure we can work on it. Over the year most of our problems comes from her. Now my boyfriend starting to believe her and wants to end it with me. Even though we still love each other so much. Im so devastated and dont know what to do. I dont want to let him go but i know he’s so stress to be in the middle of me and his mom. His mom is very controlling over everything. He needs to tell her if he’s wake up at work or home even when he’s now independent financially and lives abroad far from her that makes all her child always lie to her.
This article made me sad and feel hope at the same time. Mid last year my partner and I went through a horrible situation with my parents. They tried to get me to break up with him and that really hurt us. They now all hate each other and can not stand to talk to each other. I know I did not handle the situation as best as I could. My partner feels I did not stick up for him and my parents feel I did not stick up for them. My partner and I have been fighting for months and months now about the same things. He wants me to cut my parents off so they can realise what they did was wrong and that if they want a relationship with me they need to fix their relationship with him. I think I was hoping that with time things would heal and even if I was not speaking with my parents as often as I use t things would get better. They clearly have not and my partner has now given me an ultimatum. We have been together for 7 years and I feel we are on the breaking point. I do not like confrontation with my parents , but I know in order to save my relationship with my partner I need to confront them again. I just do not know what to say? I would really love advice on how to say to my parents “we have been hurting for months and months and in order to hopefully fix all relationships they need to make things right with my partner too.” Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you
Hi Jess, I can empathize with that situation. In my current relationship my boyfriend’s parents are divorced and his mom doesn’t like me or approve, but his dad does. After we all realized she had a big problem with me, I had fights with my bf to get him to confront her too. Eventually now we don’t talk about her and we are hoping that she approves one day. You shouldn’t be unhappy while waiting for someone else to approve or not when you could be happy and living your best life!
Hi Zan, reading your opinion gives me so much hope and positivity.
I am currently in a situation where my mother doesn’t approve of my boyfriend who I’ve been with for 2 years because of his socioeconomic background. I introduced him to her once and she hired a PI to inspect his family background (he comes from a well off family with always enough to live comfortably and travel) but to my mother he is far off from the ideal Rich multi million dollar company inheriting son-in-law she had pictured.
On our 2nd anniversary, she told me how she didn’t understand why I’m wasting my time with someone who is so far beneath me and it doesn’t matter that he makes me happy and loves me and is hardworking. She also subtly threatened that she will not ‘stand idly’ while I destroy my future. My boyfriend feels unwelcome whenever he comes over to my house to the point where I have stopped asking him to come over.
You gave me such hope and sadness at the same time knowing that my parents should have been lovingly accepting of my partner regardless of materialistic wealth but it also fuels hope for our future together because as you said, it is selfish and disrespectful of them to act this way and harshly put, they won’t be around forever and in the end this is my life. So big thank you!
Felt sad while reading. I’m also in a situation rn where my partner had to breakup with me. Major reason is his parents dont want us to be together even if we are already at the right age. He finds it hard to go oustide from their house and meet me because he’s afraid that his parents might get mad at us. We’ve been dating for more than a year but still, I can feel how unwelcome I am in their family. I dont even know the main reason why they are like that. My partner also became frustrated with their actions because for him, they make him feel like I dont matter and our relationship will never matter as long he is with me. Dropped by just to atleast understand why things like these happened to me, to us. Idk if this would still be fixed, since I could see he’s already believing what other people are trying to tell him. All Im ever hoping is that he would not change the way how he knew me from the start because during those times we were very contented of what we had not until we came to this point. I hope people would understand how it feels to be not welcomed and rejected by the other people so theyd understand that accepting things and letting other people happy for the choices they make is a lot more easier than full of hate and negative approach in life. Sharing this coz I had no one to talk to about this matter, it just doesnt feel right that im the girl but was the rejected one. i’m not a bad person and I always strive hard for everything to the point where I also had to strive for the approval of his parents. Its a sad thing to do for a girl who has good intentions in the relationship. Guess theres nothing wrong with giving chances to people.
This article hits home. I love my boyfriend so much. He is my best friend and the only person who I feel like I can be my true self around. We’ve been dating for about 9 months now and my parents were not on my side with it since about month 2. We want a future together. He and I were supposed to graduate high school together, but he dropped out at the end and my parents believe he has nothing going for him and that its only dragging me down as im at college 6 hours away, but really he is the only one there for me. They don’t even know him as a person, and claim they don’t want to and don’t care about my feelings for him. They have caused me so much anxiety having to hide this part of my life from them and all I want is their support. They are now making me choose him or them, either going back to college or not and choosing him. Of course I want my future and now have a horrible choice to make. Its ruining my family’s relationship with me but I do not think its right that I just end my relationship due to how they see the situation. My pain is obvious to other people in my life and its hurting me so bad. I don’t know what to do.
Hi Elena.
I wish I could advise you on what to do, but, unfortunately, you have to think about your future and make a decision on your own.
Your family is being inconsiderate of your feelings, but they are still your family.
I hope you can convince them to see your partner in a better light.
Best regards,
Zan
Hi Elena
I am in the exact same boat as you and don’t know what to do.
Thank you for this article. Every sentences is telling exactly just how my current situation is. You really understand the situation and you even catch the feelings.
I just ended the relationship 2weeks ago after 2.5years trying to solve this matter and get approval from his family.
This relationship has changed me a lot, as i’m trying to be a person that can satisfy their family. 2.5years feeling like i’m not good enough is a horrible experience. I had that at my childhood, and i have that again now I’m 31. He is 31 too, so should be mature enough to decide for what he want.
But, no. Instead, he didnt even have a gut to ask permission to meet me during his 2 weeks stay in same city this month (we do ldr since 6month ago due to his parent want him to join master degree school, which in my opinion is one of their effort to separate us)
His last sentence was : I care for you, but for now my concern is for my father’s health. If you wish to separate way with me, there is nothing i can do. I am sad to see you feeling tortured”
Seeing your final opinion has put me into joy. Now i know i want a man who can act for his life, not only following orders from parents. I believe that is not how we show respect to parents.
2.5years i put the power of my happiness on this family hand. I’m still struggling from the break up, but i can see that i’m on the right path.
Thank you once again Zan for this beautiful article. Thanks God i found it xx
Thank you for the comment, Mia.
Your ex chose not to fight for the relationship and prioritized his parents.
Heal and get over him so that you can find someone who will do everything in his power to be with you.
Kind regards,
Zan
Sooo I’m in a weird situation. I know you’ve mentioned mature age and stuff and I’m only 16. I’ve been dating this girl for over a year now but my parents have had a strict control over it. I knew this from the start and kept the relationship a secret until they had found out about 3-4 months in. Since then, they’ve only really let us see each other when I’m either at hers with her parents or she’s at mine with my parents. Even with this physical distance, we always video call when we are free and have spent sooo many nights getting closer and closer to each other. She’s become such a major part of my life and she makes me so happy. Also, Her parents like me and I feel very welcome but I’ve alway felt like my parents have been hesitant over her. Recently, she came over to mine one last time before my holiday. We cuddled on the couch to watch some tv for a while. After she had left my mum began to shout at me and demanded to speak with me later with my dad. Now they are forcing me to break up with her. They said they didn’t like how close we were and how we cuddled on the couch and how that may lead to things I would regret such a impregnating her. I was mad becuase I may be young but I’m not stupid enough to do something like that. And to think that cuddling could lead to that is crazy. What we did was harmless and cute. They obviously don’t trust us. They also said we were too young to even be dating and too young to be this close, which can be reasonable, but our “dating” is already entirely controlled by them. It has been a week since then, I still haven’t told my partner, I don’t want to upset her, and my parents just gave me an ultimatum to break up with her in the next 4 days.
I don’t know that to do.
They’ve always controlled my life. I have to give them every tiny detail about where I’m going if I’m not with them and they even ask for photos of myself with the people I said I would be with. They control small things even my haircuts, music taste, etc.
So I was contemplating just ignoring their control and doing whatever I want. Of course I wouldn’t do anytning bad, just small things like leaving the house and only saying “hey mum I’m going out” and of course dating the girl I love.
Then of course I love my parents I don’t want to harm them emotionally, but I really don’t want to leave this girl.
Help.
I’m going through this right now, so glad I found your blog post, it’s comforting. His parents’ say is absolute, there’s nothing that can be done. And what you say is right, even if we manage to stay together, nothing we do would be enough and the relationship would just deteriorate. His parents are religious. I’m a Muslim myself, but I don’t wear hijab. They only saw my photo, didn’t even meet me, and immediately said they don’t like me and he shouldn’t be with me. It’s horrible. But before he could say anything, I broke it off because I felt very violated. I grew up in a religious family too, but my parents don’t judge people. So this was heartbreaking.
Hi Hannah.
Staying with him wouldn’t feel right as you’d always feel unwanted. So breaking it off was probably the right thing to do.
Stay strong,
Zan
I really need some advice. I’ve been with this guy for l love him and care a lot for him. We recently broke up because his family doesn’t approve of our religious differences. When we got together we both knew that our differences won’t be easily accepted by either side of the family. My side of the family accepted our differences easily but his family told him if he chooses to go ahead with me he’d have to choose between his parents and me. I would hate to ever put him in such a situation. I love this man and in order for our relationship to be fully accepted by his family I was willing to convert to his religion. I didn’t have an issue with it because my dads side of the family is Muslim but since I was raised by my mom only I was raised with her religion. His mother thinks that marrying a woman from a different religion is not good for the kids and she also doesn’t like the idea of the lady converting for her kid. We both don’t know what to do. I know he doesn’t want to have to choose between me and his parents. For now we’ve decided to end things and just be friends. I just don’t know what to expect from here on, should I just move on or try to fix things ?
Hi Gi.
There’s nothing for you to change. Unless his parents become okay with you converting, things will likely remain the same. Or perhaps if your ex decides to elope and abandon his parents, then it might also work.
But whatever happens, your ex’s parents probably won’t be completely happy.
Kind regards,
Zan
my mom is constantly pressuring me to break up with my boyfriend .. she doesn’t approve of us travelling together too .. now I”m starting to resent her and my boyfriend who has done nothing wrong .. I have introduced him to my family once and that’s all.. they haven’t talked to him 1-1 yet .. now I’m in a dilemma whether to end things with my boyfriend cuz i feel that we both don’t deserve to suffer my mom toxic behaviour and words at the same time i want to run away with my boyfriend .. I’m in my late 20s..
Hi Ariel.
I can’t tell you what to do. But chances up it might lead to you having to decide between your mom and your boyfriend.
The best thing you can do is explain to your mom that your boyfriend makes you happy and that you need her approval.
A loving mother should support her daughter as long as she’s happy. This is something she needs to realize.
Best regards,
Zan
Hahaha me!!! Went through the same experience. Thanks! For this Zan
Hey Inaho.
Thanks for the comment!
It really doesn’t surprise me you find yourself in the same situation. I suppose it’s more common than we think. 😃
Kind regards,
Zan