The time has finally come when your ex has gotten back in contact with you and wants you back. You’ve maintained no-contact and the strategy has worked!

But before you celebrate, you should think twice before you jump right back into a relationship with your ex. In this article, I will explain what you must absolutely do and what to avoid when it comes to accepting your ex back after he or she broke up with you.

My ex wants me back after dumping me

A lot of time has gone by, and all of a sudden your ex comes back and wants to reconcile a romantic relationship with you.

After some time apart, the negative feelings subsided and your ex realized that life isn’t so great without you.

Initially, your ex thought you were the root cause of his or her problems, and now something has gone seriously wrong and your ex wants you back.

If your ex was the dumper, he or she has probably done little to no personal improvement. In cases where your ex entered another relationship shortly after the breakup or left you for someone else, your ex (figuratively speaking) jumped from one moving train to another.

This means that he or she brought the same issues that plagued your relationship straight into the next one.

Without giving any thought about why things happened the way they did and actively trying to fix them, your ex remains on the same level of emotional intelligence that he or she was on prior to the breakup.

This is crucial for you to understand since it could be the deciding factor in whether you can have a stable relationship with this person if you decide to reconcile.

I strongly advise you to refrain from screaming hysterically, “Yay, my ex wants me back!” I will explain why further on.

My ex wants me so why should I care about that?

Presumably, you are the dumpee and have worked hard to become the best version of yourself that you can possibly be. You’ve put in blood, sweat, and tears to craft yourself into a highly desirable person.

Let’s say you’ve always been pretty amazing and now after all this time apart, you’ve become an alpha male/female. Because you’ve most likely committed some of the post-breakup mistakes, you’ve unknowingly (and unfortunately) inflated your ex’s ego and made him or her feel too good about things.

This sort of behavior increased your ex’s self-image, and most importantly, decreased yours. Without any value, there is no attraction. It’s like taking a $100 bill and dipping it in a bucket of paint.

Suddenly that $100 bill becomes worthless to you as it can’t buy you anything anymore.

Now that your ex wants you back, you are seen for the person you truly are. Your qualities are respected and they’ve been missed in your absence.

But one thing that won’t be respected is how fast you let your ex back in. Sure, your ex will feel relieved and happy at first. But once those satisfying, yet powerful emotions wear off, your ex will subconsciously think, “this was as easy as taking candy from a baby.”

You don’t want to let go of that candy when your ex wants it.

How do I get my ex back when he or she wants me then?

When your ex comes crying back to you for forgiveness and promises changes, you cannot by any means accept your ex back right away. Doing so will empower your ex again, making you a fool to be messed with.

Just because you’ve left the doors open, doesn’t mean they are wide open. Make your ex work hard to win you back.

People don’t appreciate anything that they don’t have to work for. Things that are given to us without us having to work for, we tend to take for granted.

Remember that you are starting a new relationship and that you should be a new and improved couple. What you must do is knock down any standing blocks of the old relationship and start anew.

The blueprint for the old relationship is obsolete and cannot be overwritten. That’s why you must start again by building a stronger foundation—one piece at a time.

For a while, you should be the one to stay in charge of the relationship when you and your ex are getting back together. So try not to demand too much from your ex or it could backfire and end badly for you.

Instead of nagging and dictating, kindly tell your ex how you want things to be from now on.

Here’s how you make your ex stay

Make sure your ex works hard to get your trust back. You can do that by being direct and firm with your approach. Hopefully, by the time your ex wants you back, you’ve raised your self-esteem and developed more confidence.

Confidence is key to getting your ex back as it will allow you to test your ex’s will and dedication to be with you. Additionally, it will transform you into the person who puts himself or herself first.

The less afraid you are about losing your ex and the more you are prepared to stretch your comfort zone—the less chance you have at being dumped again.

When your ex sees the value you bring to the table, he or she will work hard to get your attention. And the more attention you give, the more power you hand out.

That means that the more power you give to your ex, the less your ex wants you back.

I strongly encourage you to read this article so you learn how to hold on to power when your ex contacts you.

Make your ex work for you

This part is very important and should only be done when you are 100% sure you can say, “my ex wants me back.” Your ex will probably tell you, so don’t assume that he or she wants to get back together before then.

Be patient and give your ex a taste of the new and improved you first. And once your ex has expressed the wish to be with you, turn your ex’s excitement into anxiety.

He or she will then either want to get you back either through motivation or desperation. Whichever route your ex takes is none of your concern. All that matters to you are the results.

You want to convey the message that you are an incredibly valuable person and that you won’t tolerate disrespectful behavior the second time around.

To lower down your ex’s excessively high ego, say something like, “I just don’t feel like we are vibrating on the same frequency at the moment.”

Now that you’ve sent a surge of anxiety through his or her system, you must continue to tell your ex about the problems that bother you and that are unacceptable by your standards.

This is the time for you to point out any bad behaviors—cheating, lack of care, even the way your ex dresses.

Let out whatever bothers you about your ex and shift the power to your advantage. When I say this, I really mean for you to dump it on your ex without any remorse.

I’m sure you don’t want your ex to leave you stranded to fend for yourself again in the future. He or she could do it very easily. You don’t necessarily have to get into an argument to make your ex pull the trigger again.

It’s always easier to dump someone the second time. For this reason, avoid heartbreak by placing down a strong foundation of self-respect, followed by the new rules.

Once you’ve done that, tell your ex what you absolutely need him or her to do in order for you to be content in the relationship. Go all out.

You are now in a position of power; therefore, you must use it to your advantage. If your ex truly wants you back and it’s not just you wondering, “does my ex want me back” you need to keep your ex interested in you.

You will soon know whether your ex’s sincerity is real and whether your ex regrets breaking up you. If your ex does regret his or her decision and now wants you back, make sure that he or she shows this through actions.

You want to see your ex cross deserts and swim oceans to satisfy your needs. In relationships, the goal is to fulfill the other person because you love him or her.

So now is time to be selfish and worry about yourself.

Sometimes exes come back because of their hurt ego. Perhaps thet go through another breakup and are now looking for their new target to alleviate their emotional pain.

You must find the balance between exerting power and setting new standards. You can do this by sticking to your words in a non-threatening manner. Show your ex that his or her actions have consequences and that you won’t tolerate disrespect again.

Anything you say or do from this point onwards has to be true and assertive. This is the time you stand up for yourself and show the world what you’re made of.

Even if you feel weak or hurt on the inside, it’s perfectly fine. As long as you control your emotions and prevent yourself from acting on impulse, nobody will know what you’re feeling.

Your ex must be able to efficiently express what he or she has learned in your absence and specifically tell you everything that’s going to be different this time around.

It’s not enough for your ex to say, “I miss you,” or “I love you.” Your ex must genuinely want you back and make you happy. So you must not let your ex use you for a quick ego boost. Don’t mend his or her broken heart either.

Both words and actions need to be in complete synchronization before you accept this person back into your life.

Try not to sleep with your ex until you are sure that your ex is ready to truly make you happy. Just because your ex is lonely and in pain doesn’t make it a good enough reason to get back together.

If You’re thinking to yourself, “my ex wants me back. I don’t want to play a hurtful game and make it hard on him or her. My ex is already regretful by expressing sorrow through tears, promises, constant messaging, calling, begging or threats.”

By understanding that you hold all the reconciliation cards and are not letting go of them, you become the mastermind of reconciliation. You can do wonders by kick-starting this new relationship in the right direction and give it exactly what it needs.

After a while (weeks or months), your honeymoon period will wane and your ex will try to test you. You must again stand firm with your new relationship rules and let your ex know you are dead serious.

Give your ex an inch and he or shewill take a mile!

Your confident behavior will give you all the recognition and respect you deserve—and more. If your ex truly wants you back, he or she will make sure to try absolutely everything to prove it. Your ex will probably not like that you’re imposing these new standards, but he or she secretly wants to feel challenged—especially men.

Don’t just offer everything on a silver plate. Let your ex work extra hard to gain back your trust.

Remember, your ex chose to live without you, so give him or her a challenging time until a new level of trust is attained.

This is where self-respect comes in. If you have an abundance of it, you will likely succeed in reviving the past relationship. Fail to set standards and you will soon be taken for granted. You don’t want to suffer another heartbreak, right?

My ex wants me back but I don’t

If you feel you wish to move on from the past and leave it all behind, kindly tell your ex you are no longer interested in reconciliation. Give him or her a quick explanation and offer your support. Try to avoid telling your ex how you knew this would happen and things like that. Instead, be respectful, kind, and a good example to humanity.

Does your ex want you back? Did it work out for you? Please share your story in the comments below.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.