Don’t Send A Love Letter To Your Ex-girlfriend!

In relationships, most women love receiving love letters from their boyfriends and hearing how their boyfriends feel about them. Love letters tell them their boyfriends are grateful and that they accept their girlfriends just the way they are. The realization that they’re loved empowers women with feelings of acceptance and safety and makes them look forward to working towards common goals and interests.

But when women become ex-girlfriends, this changes very quickly. Suddenly, they no longer want to receive words of affirmation and talk about the future. They want the opposite of that, which is to focus on the present moment and get lots of space and a guilt-free post-breakup experience.

Receiving letters after the breakup just smothers female dumpers as it forces them to relive the emotions they’ve been trying to run away from. Letters tell them they should have tried harder and that their dumpees don’t understand that the breakup has been difficult on them as well.

That’s why they usually ignore love letters, cry for abandoning a relationship, or thank their exes briefly and continue to stay away from their exes.

They don’t feel the need to reciprocate feelings they receive from love letters because they aren’t on the same emotional wavelength as their broken-hearted exes. They don’t feel a desire to reciprocate feelings, but rather an overwhelming need to emotionally and physically distance themselves from their exes and focus on themselves for a while.

It’s not just love letters that make ex-girlfriends feel pressured. All types of letters (apology, acceptance, goodbye letters…) put expectations on dumpers because they catch dumpers by surprise and try to inculcate something in them. They tell them something dumpees (not dumpers) want to express or talk about and make dumpees appear intrusive and desperate for validation and love.

Letters to ex-girlfriends just don’t have positive effects on dumpers regardless of what gender the dumper is because dumpees send them on their own terms. Dumpers don’t expect them or want to receive them because they already got closure and want to move forward without reminders of the past and what dumpees have realized and started working on.

They know that if dumpees accepted the breakup that they wouldn’t be sending any letters. They’d be staying away from them and enjoying their life. But since the opposite is happening, they’re certain dumpees are sending them letters because they lack or need something. Something that only dumpers can give.

So if you’re thinking of sending a love letter to your ex-girlfriend, know that letters don’t make ex-girlfriends fall back in love after love has disappeared. Love letters just put dumpers in tight spots as they make dumpers feel unpleasant emotions and demand a response from them.

And if you’re thinking that your ex still has love for you because she “just can’t lose all love for you that quickly,” you need to know that you either lack breakup knowledge or are in denial. People can lose love very quickly if they want to. They can go from promising you the world today and planning kids with you to not wanting anything to do with you tomorrow.

Romantic feelings change very quickly because a person who doubts her love for you won’t tell you that. She’ll just mull over it until her feelings are gone and she decides to break up with you.

This post is about sending a love letter to your ex-girlfriend. We’ll discuss what love letters do and try to dissuade you from sending your ex letters that intend to bring your ex back.

Don’t send an emotional love letter to your ex!

I know you’re hurt and want your ex-girlfriend to feel your love and send it back to you, but you can’t write her love letters. Sending her an emotional letter will overwhelm her and make her wonder if she should even reply. If she’s a decent person and can handle unwanted emotions maturely, she probably will reply.

She’ll thank you for taking the time to pour your heart out and might even say she cried or felt bad. But other than that, she won’t think of your letter as an opportunity to get back together with you. Her feelings will still be gone, so she’ll continue to stay away from you and by doing so, show you she doesn’t regret breaking up with you.

This will make you feel rejected and unworthy of her love, so you’ll feel even more anxious. You’ll feel like you pushed her away again and that you ruined your chances of reconciliation. Bear in mind that losing too much hope at once will crank up your separation anxiety and all your post-breakup fears. It will reset your healing and make your detachment process much more painful.

So if you don’t want your ex-girlfriend to directly or indirectly reject you again, don’t send her love letters or paragraphs of text. Don’t do it because letters don’t just send words. They send your hopes along with them and make you dependent on a positive response.

If that response doesn’t come (and it usually doesn’t), the lack of care and love from your ex will most likely devastate you and force you to deal with an additional rejection. And more rejections are not what you need. One rejection was bad enough as it’s making you look for solutions that could make your ex feel love for you.

Unfortunately, love letters won’t make your ex love you again. They won’t do it even if you neglected her and failed to give her enough love and security throughout the relationship. Now that the breakup has occurred, it doesn’t matter what you did wrong when you were with her. None of that matters because she’s become unreceptive to apologies, love letters, and any kind of reasoning, positivity, or manipulation.

It’s hard to accept that you can’t change her mind about you, but you need to give up on doing something to make her fall in love with you. Giving up control is the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do, but you have to leave her alone.

Remember that dumpers don’t come back because of love letters and cheesy lines. Breakups aren’t movies in which dumpees win dumpers back with a banjo and time. Breakups are the end of a romantic relationship (and often respect) as dumpers give up completely and crave something or someone else.

Most dumpers feel victimized and have their walls up. It’s not just that they don’t trust their exes with their emotions, but they also don’t possess the skills, strength, and willpower needed to forget the past and come back.

They normally need a complete emotional reset to do that. They need to get hurt because that’s when they open their eyes and see that the relationship they had with their ex was better than the relationships they have, had, or could have with other people.

A mere love letter isn’t going to make your ex-girlfriend have the epiphany she needs to have. Guilt-tripping her is not going to cut it because guilt is a negative emotion and won’t help her see your romantic worth. It’s just going to make her want to avoid you like the plague so that she can keep unpleasant emotions at bay.

I’ve seen dozens of dumpees send love letters and other types of letters to their exes. And I can tell you that none of them were successful. Some of them got ignored, but most of them received a simple “thanks” or an “I got your letter” response. Dumpers had no intention of reconciling with their exes because they were still processing the breakup and enjoying the freedom provided by the breakup.

They wanted to focus on themselves, so they responded impulsively or just out of kindness.

If you don’t want your ex to feel pressured into responding to you, you must be strong and avoid sending your ex-girlfriend a love letter. Remember that your ex is the dumper and that no matter how many mistakes you’d made throughout the relationship that your ex broke your heart and should be the one apologizing and confessing her feelings to you.

She should be writing you letters, saying you’re a great person, and begging you to take her back because she’d made the biggest mistake of her life.

Because your ex isn’t doing that, you shouldn’t be doing it either. You shouldn’t be telling her you love her when she doesn’t love you because that’s not love. It’s an obsession and a depiction of a lack of self-love and self-respect. It shows you’re prepared to chase her even though she doesn’t want and deserve to be chased.

All chasing will do is make her run faster and develop even worse opinions of you.

With that said, here’s what sending your ex-girlfriend love letters will do to her.

A sample love letter to an ex-girlfriend

Since dumpees are hungry for love and hopeful their ex will feel something for them, they usually don’t listen to hard-to-hear advice. They tend to gravitate toward ideas that give them hope and ease their pain immediately. Such ideas can be found all over the internet and cause a lot of harm to dumpees and irreversible damage to dumpers.

They basically give dumpers and dumpees exactly the opposite of what they need to feel better, respect each other, and leave the door open for a future reconciliation.

So without further ado, here’s what a typical sample love letter to an ex-girlfriend looks like.

Hi Maya.

It’s been some time since we spoke, but I still can’t get you off my mind. I think about you literally 24/7 (even when I sleep). I dream about us going to our favorite club and dancing the night away. It makes me cry when I remember that I can’t taste your lips and feel your hugs anymore. I miss your voice, jokes, and even something as simple as going to the park. I don’t think I’ll ever find someone as perfect as you and feel complete again. I’m a mess without you, so please let me know if there’s anything I can do to change your mind and be the boyfriend you want me to be.

In a relationship, a love letter like this may work as it could show your intentions are good and that you’re deeply in love.

After the breakup, however, this is the cringiest paragraph you can put on a piece of paper and send to an ex-girlfriend. Nothing will make you look more desperate and push your ex away more than proof that you’re unhappy without your ex and that you see her as the most perfect person on the planet.

Just imagine how you’d feel if you received a love letter from one of your exes or from someone you don’t value romantically. Do you agree that you’d feel like she loves you way more than she loves herself and that there’s a high probability she could possess you and overwhelm you with emotional needs and expectations?

Well, that’s how your ex will feel too if you send her a love letter. You may not say all the desperate things written in the example letter, but your actions will show her that you love her and that you still want a relationship with her even though she fell out of love and dumped you.

Think about that. Sending a love letter to an ex-girlfriend you still love won’t trigger her “hidden” feelings for you. On the contrary, it will show her you’re in denial and that you feel deep respect and admiration for her even after the breakup.

In turn, she’ll get even more power over you and lose respect for you. She’ll feel like she can say and do anything and still get away with it. That’s what having too much power does. And she doesn’t need that kind of power. She needs to know you’re in control of your life and that if she treats you badly that you’ll cut her off swiftly and decisively.

So whatever you do, don’t send a love letter to your ex-girlfriend with the expectation to get her back. As long as she’s enjoying her newfound freedom and staying distracted, she won’t come back because of the letter. She’ll just feel uncomfortable and do what she needs to stop feeling uncomfortable.

By all means, write your feelings on a piece of paper as doing so could help you feel better. But don’t send your ex any love letters. When you’ve finished writing them, throw the letters away. Do this every time you feel like communicating with your ex and you’ll feel less anxious.

I hope you’ve learned what writing a love letter does to your ex-girlfriend and why she shouldn’t get one from you. If you have any questions or stories to share, post them below. We’ll get back to you soon.

And if you’d like to talk about writing letters to exes and other breakup mistakes, you’re tempted to make get in touch with us on our coaching page.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.