Do Guys Think About Their Exes Sexually?

Guys think about their exes from time to time. Sometimes they come across something that reminds them of their exes and other times they randomly think about their exes.

Ex-thoughts are inevitable because they’ve spent a lot of time with their exes and created many memories. They can’t just cut off the past now that the relationship is over and pretend they’ve never met their exes.

They especially can’t do that if their relationships were unhealthy/codependent because such relationships often traumatize them and overload their brain with fear, anger, anxiety, and various unhealthy emotions.

But do they think about their exes sexually? Do they want to sleep with their exes?

Well, that depends on each guy.

Guys who aren’t happy sexually, single guys, and those who were broken up with recently and haven’t gotten over their exes tend to obsess over their exes and think sexual thoughts.

They do that way more often than those who are detached from their exes and have fulfilling sexual relationships.

This is because they aren’t happy or as happy as they’d like to be and remember the times when they were emotionally and/or sexually fulfilled. They remember how their exes made them feel and want to re-experience those emotions.

So know that there’s no simple answer to whether guys think about their exes sexually.

The best explanation I can give is that they think about them sexually when they have a reason to think about them in such ways. When something is lacking in their life or when something shouldn’t be there, they remember their exes’ intimacy, ponder about it, and crave it.

But generally speaking, they don’t fantasize about doing the deed with their exes. Especially not if they left their exes and have no romantic expectations or feelings for them.

Sexual urges in most cases disappear when they fall out of love with their exes and fall in love with themselves or someone else. That’s when they distance themselves from their exes completely and enjoy their life again.

In simple terms, they don’t feel the need to think sexually about their exes. They’re fine with the way things are and as a result, don’t think about their exes in sexual, romantic, or nostalgic ways.

So if you’re with a guy and you’re concerned if guys think about their exes sexually, forget about what guys in general think and focus on the person you’re seeing.

Figure out if he has an emotional attachment to his recent ex and a reason to crave his ex. 

If he recently got dumped, it’s not the sexual part of their relationship you should be concerned about but the emotional one. You should know that he could start missing his ex and rebound with you if he tries to connect with you too early (before he’s dealt with the end of the relationship).

Unresolved romantic feelings will make him miss his ex emotionally, sexually, and in every possible way. It will make him want to be with the ex who has abandoned him, hurt his self-esteem, and shown no love and desire to reconcile.

Therefore, worry about his exes (or recent ex) if he still talks to his ex, obsesses over his ex, and seems to have difficulties bonding with you and focusing on creating a future with you. Such matters raise a red flag as someone who focuses on his ex and can’t give you the affection you need probably won’t stay with you very long.

He’s with you not to invest in you and build something with you but to take from you, heal from the abandonment, and avoid loneliness and depression. 

Today, we discuss whether guys think about their exes sexually and when you should worry about your partner or potential partner leaving you for his ex or someone else.

Do guys think about their exes sexually?

Guys don’t think about their exes sexually if they’re over their exes and/or have someone they’re romantically and sexually attracted to and committed to.

They think about their exes in sexual ways mainly when they feel abandoned, hurt, or unworthy of their exes’ love and if they managed to convince themselves that their sexual life was better with their exes.

Unhappiness and unfulfilled sexual urges can make them think back and desire the intimacy they had with their exes. But for that to happen, their sex life must be bad/inexistent and/or their current relationship emotionally draining.

If they’re with someone else, their new partner must smother them and make them want to pull away to be with someone who completes them.

You shouldn’t worry too much about that unless you’re with a guy who constantly makes you think that you don’t satisfy him emotionally or sexually and appears to be disconnected and unreceptive.

Such a guy will probably leave you regardless of what you say and do because he’s already decided that he can’t get what he wants from you and that his exes or someone new and different could replace you.

You can’t stop a guy from leaving when he’s certain the problem is with you or that you’re incompatible. You shouldn’t even try to stop him because even if you guilt-trip him into staying, the issues won’t go away.

Sexual incompatibilities can’t be resolved by begging and pleading. His sexual energy and desire to work things through are just too different from yours and often need professional help to resolve.

Some guys have also poisoned their minds with adult movies and developed unrealistic expectations romantic partners can’t fulfill.

Such people often prioritize sex over other aspects of their relationship and leave their relationship when sex becomes repetitive. And for most couples, it tends to become a bit monotonous at some point throughout the relationship.

Couples can’t keep things fresh and exciting forever (or as exciting as it was in the beginning) because they eventually get used to things and stop feeling the need to be validated.

So if you want to know if guys think about their exes sexually, know that this also depends on how sexual guys are and what sexual expectations they have.

If their libido is high and they think they need a much better sexual life than they currently have, they could think about their exes sexually and wonder if they made the right decision to be with the person they’re with.

Such doubts more often than not grow over time and make guys leave, cheat, and monkey-branch back to their exes.

Mind you, not all guys do that. Not all guys miss their exes sexually and run back to their exes. Most guys are done with the past, enjoy the present, and look forward to the future. They don’t think very positively about their exes because they associate negative beliefs with them.

Negative beliefs prevent them from wanting to be with their exes sexually even if they find their exes visually attractive.

Those who miss their exes sexually clearly aren’t happy about their life and want things to change. They’re prepared to throw away what they currently have for another shot with their exes (or one particular ex, rather).

This means they’re willing to take their partner or lifestyle for granted and run back to their ex, thinking their ex will make them happy. Little do they know that sex is just one aspect of a relationship. A much bigger and more important part is how a couple communicates, bonds, and gets along.

Although sex brings couples closer emotionally, it doesn’t keep them together when they experience issues and arguments. The only things that can save exes’ relationship after they’ve reconciled are healthy realizations, maturity, and shifts in behaviors and priorities.

And that’s typically not something guys do when they come back for sex.

They tend to get back with their ex to fulfill their sexual cravings only to soon learn that nothing’s changed and that they aren’t happy with their ex.

That being said, here’s why guys think about their exes sexually.

It’s crucial to note that having occasional sexual thoughts or sexual dreams about an ex-partner is normal, especially if the relationship was intense or ended recently. However, these thoughts and dreams don’t necessarily mean that people want to act on their desires and rekindle the relationship.

Do guys stop thinking sexually about their exes?

Guys can stop thinking sexually about their exes. But to stop thinking that way, they must first deal with their issues. For most of them, this means they must get over their ex and forget about their ex.

Dumpees must process their separation anxiety and attachment whereas dumpers must learn they can no longer rely on their ex sexually and that they mustn’t sleep with their ex and string their ex along.

Dumpees are much more likely to experience sexual thoughts and cravings than dumpers. They’re hurting from the breakup, so they find it brutally hard not to fantasize about getting back with their ex, kissing their ex, and even sleeping with their ex.

Such fantasies give them hope and make the abandonment pain slightly easier to cope with.

It allows them to avoid losing too much reconciliation hope at once, which could have catastrophic consequences for their emotional well-being. 

So if you like or love a guy and you know that he’s thinking or thinking sexually about his exes (or ex), know that he’s a walking red flag.

The guy isn’t emotionally ready to focus on you or anyone other than the person or people who caused him pain and invalidated him. He just wants to help himself feel better and is going to keep doing that for as long as he’s hurting.

If you start dating this guy, things will probably go well for a while. But when things get serious and he runs out of steam, he’ll probably rebound with you and show you that he can’t invest in the relationship and be an equal partner.

That will hurt you immensely because you’ll realize that the guy used you to deal with his pain and problems. 

My advice is to avoid dating guys who think about their exes sexually or in any obsessive way. If they still focus on the past, they won’t be able to focus on you for quite some time.

They might eventually process the separation and be ready for a relationship, but there’s a big chance that they’ll feel exhausted from dealing with the breakup and that they’ll want to enjoy their life for a while before they get into another relationship.

Many guys don’t develop romantic feelings if they get involved with someone too quickly.

That’s why you have an important decision to make. You can either wait for them to stop thinking sexually about their exes and hope that they avoid detaching or you can keep your distance and stop them from breaking your heart months down the line.

If you haven’t yet gotten attached, you’ll probably make the rational decision (walk away) and find someone more available. But if you already got hooked on their validation and badly want to make things work, then you’ll probably ignore all sensible advice and do what your heart tells you to do.

That means you’ll keep talking to guys who aren’t emotionally available and take a big gamble on them.

I suggest that you observe their behavior for a while. To see how they feel about their exes, talk to them about their pasts and see how they respond. If they respond patiently and lovingly, you have nothing to worry about.

They’re probably done with their exes.

But if they try to hide things or get extremely upset, then you might have a problem.

If you discover that they’re still focused on their exes rather than you, you should immediately distance yourself from them and show them you won’t allow them to use you and give you false hope.

That’s the best thing you can do if you love yourself and want what’s best for you.

Are you still wondering if guys think about their exes sexually? Did you have any experiences like that yourself or with your exes? Let us know below the post.

However, if you wish to talk about this topic privately, sign up for coaching here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.