Do Exes Come Back After Years?

Exes indeed come back after years. It can take them many years to realize their ex’s worth and return to their ex to give the relationship another chance. The reason it takes them years as opposed to months or weeks is that they need a lot of time to fail hard in life, reflect on their happiness and choices, and choose their ex as their go-to person for all their problems and unwanted feelings.

They need to run out of romantic options and people who can help them emotionally (or in other ways) to consider their ex a viable support system and a romantic partner.

Basically, something major has to go wrong in their lives. Something that stops them from moving on and having fun without their ex. Something that makes them regret dumping their ex and want what they had with their ex in the past.

To come back when years have passed, they mustn’t just feel nostalgic. They must also feel regretful, anxious, uncertain, and unhappy in life or with themselves. The more hurt they are and the lower their self-esteem is, the bigger the chance that their ex will look attractive and be useful to them.

I’m not saying dumpers come back just to use their ex (although that is sometimes the case). But dumpers do come back for a reason (they want something or don’t want to feel some difficult emotion).

They come back to rely on their ex, obtain validation, and instantly feel better.

Don’t think that exes come back (after days, weeks, months, or years) just because their ex is a good person. Their ex’s personality may be an attractive factor, but that’s not the reason they return to be with their ex. The reason they come back (whether it’s been months or years) is because they can’t get what they’re looking for elsewhere.

Despite trying their best to move on and create a new life without their ex, they fail to find happiness on their own or with someone else and start thinking about their backup plans. Soon, they learn that their ex was there for them and never stopped loving them. He or she supported them until the end and may be able to make them feel better than they feel in the present moment.

To make themselves feel better (not their ex), they run back to their ex and profess their love to their ex. They say they still have feelings for their ex and that they want another chance. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since they left. If they aren’t happy, they get close to their ex and indirectly ask their ex to make them happy.

Breakups and reconciliations are selfish gestures. Dumpers initiate them because they’re unhappy with their circumstances and unwilling to put in the effort to resolve them. They want positive changes in their lives, so they leave or return to feel the way they want to feel.

Their ex can quickly fix their problems for them by removing him/herself from their lives or reentering their lives and providing them validation, emotional support, love, care, affection, etc. The dumpee’s absence (in breakups) or absence (in reconciliations) can give them what they need to feel in control of their lives and be fulfilled.

So if you’re wondering “Do exes come back after years,” ask yourself, “Do exes experience issues after years?” Do they run into problems they lack the tools and willpower to resolve on their own? What about their coping mechanisms? Do they urge them to seek safety from other people?

You’ll soon learn that dumpers are ordinary people and that they’re prone to failure and regret just like you and me. They come back after years because they expect their life to stay great without putting in much effort. Such dumpers get their expectations crushed and experience reality.

If reality is difficult to accept and enjoy, they look for ways to deal with it or escape it. They can deal with it by talking to a therapist or a friend and escape it by finding a new romantic partner or an ex-partner to rely on.

Not all dumpers move backward (to an ex). Those who despise their ex and have high ego and self-esteem often move forward (with someone else). They don’t feel the need to revisit the relationship with their ex because they have good defense mechanisms and ways of dealing with bad choices and pain. Simply put, they’re not in agony, so they’re not looking for backup options (quick solutions).

Something or someone has to usually make dumpers fail in some important way and affect them emotionally to the point where they start craving their ex. When they miss their ex romantically and need their ex to improve their life and heal their wounds, they can contact their ex and come back even after years.

In this post, we answer the question, “Do exes come back after years” and explain why they come back.

Do exes come back after years?

Exes come back after years or even decades. Time doesn’t stop them from coming back because they can fall back in love with their ex without talking. Time or rather, negative experiences make them realize their ex was better than the people they dated after the breakup and that it may not be too late to reconnect and start a new relationship with their ex.

Regretful dumpers don’t appear very happy when they reach out to their ex. Most of them look sad, depressed, hurt, and cautious. They know their happiness depends on how they present themselves and their ex’s love for them and ability to forgive. They know that if they don’t look and sound apologetic, their ex could get annoyed with them and reject them.

A rejection would hurt them immensely and force them to deal with their problems and one-sided feelings alone.

So bear in mind that dumpers need to redevelop (romantic) expectations of their ex. They need to understand that the life they abandoned was way better than the life they currently have. Only when they convince themselves they’re unhappy and that they’ve made a huge mistake can they become regretful and want their ex’s closeness again.

Until then, they continue to self-prioritize and pursue their goals. They don’t see things the way their ex sees them, nor do they care about their ex’s suffering. All they care about is their own life and the things that make them happy. Their ex’s unhappiness and expectations only guilt-trip and suffocate them, and make them want to keep their distance.

Hence, exes come back when you stop caring and let them get in trouble and reflect. When they reflect and discover your worth, they quickly improve their opinion of you and want to be a part of your successful life. The reason they consider you successful is because they don’t consider themselves successful.

They have trouble dealing with life problems and reaching their goals.

If exes don’t feel sad, helpless, and unfulfilled, they don’t come back. They don’t have a reason to return because things are going well enough for them. They may not be perfect, but they’re not bad enough for them to look for backup plans.

So bear in mind that things can go awry years after the breakup when you least expect them to. Something can hit your ex hard and make your ex think of you as a strong and reliable partner. For your ex to think about you as a strong/reliable partner, though, you must present yourself that way. You must stay away from your ex (do indefinite no contact) and preserve your worth.

If you beg and plead for ages and refuse to accept the breakup, your ex will likely associate negative thoughts and feelings with you and consider you the wrong ex to return to when life gives him or her lemons. Your ex will think about other exes or options to lean on and feel happy with.

So make sure not to ruin your image in your ex’s eyes. Instead of acting on anxiety and pain, adhere to the rules of no contact and let your ex come to you when or if he or she is ready. It might take years, but if you handle the breakup maturely and confidently, your ex could return to you even years after the breakup.

You might not want your ex back when that happens, but at least you’ll get to decide what to do about your ex. Right now, you probably don’t have a choice but to leave your ex alone and focus on yourself. All you can do is retain your value as an ex and see if your ex will reach out and ask for forgiveness when life gets tough.

It’s a gamble, but that’s what reconciliations are. It’s difficult to predict if your ex will get in a pickle big enough to rediscover your worth and want to be with you. Even if your ex gets in trouble, your ex could just internalize pain and/or look for help elsewhere. He or she may not seek love and support directly from you.

For that reason, it’s better to focus on healing and detachment. Work on letting go of your ex so that you can find internal happiness and decide rationally whether your ex is even your ideal partner. You need to be clear-headed enough to see what kind of person your ex is and what you should do if he or she returns.

You don’t want to take your ex back on impulse. If you do that, you could get used and discarded when your ex gets what he or she needs from you. That would make you get attached and dumped by your ex twice. You’d experience twice the suffering because of someone who merely thought he or she loved and needed you.

Although exes come back after years, this isn’t true for all exes. Some exes don’t reflect and/or see their ex the way they did before the breakup. They remain convinced they aren’t compatible with their ex and that they’ll be happier with other people.

Such exes don’t come back even if they get hurt badly. They may breadcrumb their ex and try to friend-zone their ex, but other than that, they’re okay with the way things are. They don’t need their ex to support and validate them.

So if you’re wondering whether exes come back after years, keep in mind that some exes do. Some exes fail in their quest for happiness and become miserable and nostalgic. They start missing their ex and questioning their decisions and future. If they can’t find a solution to their problems quickly, they tend to contact their ex and directly or indirectly try to get it from their ex.

What if my ex doesn’t come back after years?

If your ex doesn’t come back after years of breaking up, bear in mind that your ex could still come back in the future. Your ex could have an epiphany when he or she gets broken up with or experiences health, happiness, or self-esteem issues. Something or someone could trigger nostalgia, regret, and sentimentality.

Despite that, you shouldn’t hold on to hope. Whether it’s been 3 months or 3 years, you should start letting go of your ex immediately. Don’t hope for a miracle – something out of your control to stop your ex from moving on and cause your ex to reflect. If you wait, you could waste years of your life, waiting for a person who isn’t waiting for you.

You could put your life on hold, stop improving yourself and your life, and stay unhappy.

So if there’s no guarantee that your ex will come back, move forward with your life and forget about your ex. Focus on yourself and other people and rest assured that your ex will contact you and ask for another chance if he or she regrets leaving you. You won’t have to lift a finger because your ex will feel a strong desire or need to reconnect and be with you.

When your ex wants you back, your ex will do everything in his or her power to reconcile with you. Your ex will contact your friends and family and ask for your number, add you on social media, and arrange a date, time, and place to meet up.

Pride won’t be an issue for your ex because your ex will be hurt and need your help.

Don’t forget that exes sometimes come back years later once they’ve experienced freedom and explored other options. If they get involved with someone they get attached to and disappointed by, they often run back to their recent ex for quick healing. Many times, they rebound with their ex and leave again as soon as they feel better.

Other times, however, they realize their ex’s importance and treat their ex better.

If your ex hasn’t shown any regret a week or two after the breakup, you need to do what’s best for you. And what’s best for you is to let go of your ex and regain your happiness and rationality. You can do that by telling yourself your ex is far from perfect and that you deserve someone committed and capable of resolving relationship problems.

Currently, your ex can’t give you the safety and stability you crave. You have to get these things on your own by improving your self-esteem and evolving as a partner and a person.

Try not to worry too much about how long it’s been since your ex left you. If your ex hasn’t come back after months or years, it doesn’t mean that you’re not worthy of love and respect. All it means is that your ex hasn’t failed and/or reflected on his or her decisions and feelings. Your ex still thinks the same way as before (has the same mentality), feels in control of life and emotions, and perceives you negatively.

This could change if your ex encounters something unpredictable and painful and is forced to change his or her thinking. Until that happens, use the breakup pain as motivation to focus on things that are in your power to control.

Did you see any exes come back after years? What were their reasons for returning? Comment below and let us know.

However, if you want to communicate privately and in greater detail, subscribe to 1-on-1 coaching and get in touch.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.