Breaking No Contact Is Dangerous!

We have previously talked about 7 dumpees experiencing breaking no contact and mentioned how they regretted reaching out.

This time, we’ll talk about why breaking the no contact rule is very dangerous and how you can stick to it in your moments of weakness.

We’ll split the article into two sections.

1. Why breaking no contact is bad for you.
2. Why breaking no contact is bad for your ex.

Should I break no contact with my ex?

Breaking this self-imposed rule is dangerous because you are setting yourself up for possible rejection before you even reach out. Logically, you know you should stick with no contact, but your heart tells you otherwise. It tells you it’s now or never and to “do something” or your ex will move on.

But what you likely don’t realize is that your ex had already moved on long before you’ve come to this website. As a matter of fact, your ex had likely moved on even before you got kicked to the curb so worrying about your ex moving on is way too late.

This is true because breakups are more often than not the last resort to one’s happiness. People break up with their partner when they have exhausted all options, thought about their decision for weeks, talked to friends and family, and possibly even set their eyes on someone new.

People will be people

You must remember that as nice as any person seems, he or she is on this world for himself or herself. Nobody is here to serve you for a lifetime, hence why you need to take care of yourself and ensure your own success in life. Completely relying on others for emotional and physical support is therefore not an option and this is exactly why breaking no contact is out of the question.

If you ask your ex to support you with your basic, yet difficult human emotions, he or she will likely tell you to take care of yourself. Your ex could tell you its not his or her problem and advise you to get professional help.

In doing so, your ex would, of course, appear cold and heartless and you might even despise his or her cold demeanor. Although it’s not the best for you, nobody would blame you if you did.

It goes without saying that people are way more selfish than we appear. We are selfish in a way in which we take care of our own needs before others’ and I don’t really think there’s anything wrong with that. It’s not wrong as long as we also care about others’ health and safety.

People who don’t care about others are classified as narcissists nowadays.

I’m breaking no contact! I don’t care anymore!

Deep inside, you know your unrealistic expectations won’t manifest, but you likely still feel the burning desire to “try with your ex” and hope for the best. You probably want to soothe your overwhelming anxiety by talking to your ex and hoping that he or she reciprocates your feelings.

In doing so, you intend to restore the levels of intimacy back to where they were prior to the breakup. Or perhaps not just prior to the breakup—but rather to the moment when the relationship was blooming.

This peak in the early stages of the relationship is what dumpees strive for and wish to experience again. Little do they realize that the honeymoon period had ended long ago and that their relationship can’t be what they want it to be.

It hasn’t been and it, therefore, won’t be no matter how hard they try. Even if they were their perfect selves prior to the breakup, it still takes two to tango. Dumpers would have likely held them back from having a “perfect relationship” and they would have likely broken up with their dumpers instead.

Do your best in the relationship, not after!

What you may not realize is that your time to shine and prove your worth was in the relationship with your ex and not now that it’s over.

Consider your relationship with your ex the time when you fought hard for your ex’s love. You invested in your ex with time, money and effort, so that was the time when you’ve shown him or her who you are and what you’re capable of.

It doesn’t matter if you were incredibly horrible to your ex or conversely—the best person in the world and your ex took you for granted. This isn’t reason nor the time to break no contact. It never will be.

There’s only one exception when you’re allowed to break no contact. That’s when you’re in no contact with kids involved or have some unfinished business with your ex that absolutely can’t wait.

The breakup happened on your ex’s terms

Since it was your ex who initiated the breakup, it must, therefore, be his or her idea to first wish to speak to you before taking it further.

This isn’t just some silly egoistical requirement, but an actual necessity to even out the interest levels that the breakup created.

Breakups tend to follow a pattern irregardless of what you were like as a person. From my observations, they work like this:

1. Dumper breaks up.
2. Pushes the dumpee away.
3. Enjoys life without the dumpee and lives life to the fullest by focusing on activities, friends, new partner.
4. Shows he/she doesn’t care about the dumpee by staying away from him or her.
5. Is glad that the dumpee is gone and silent.
6. Wonders about the dumpee – thinking and stalking.
7. Stays silent despite that.
8. Thinking turns into an obsession.
9. Reaches out.

Now that it’s over, it’s over. Your ex’s mentality can’t be reasoned with so eliminate the option of breaking no contact. You won’t get through your ex’s thick skull with words and actions.

Instead, wait for your ex to get to the 9th point mentioned above and please remember that there is no other way. None. Zilch.

Breaking no contact is not about your ex, but you

When you are tempted to break no contact, it’s important to remind yourself that what you are about to do is related to your fears and insecurities. It’s got nothing to do with what your ex wants and needs, but everything about what you “think” you need.

Since your ex doesn’t want to talk to you, your inner ego combined with separation anxiety, fear, and pain fire up in you and make you want to act on instinct. Suddenly, you want to break no contact and talk to your ex who quite frankly—doesn’t care one bit.

Your ex is probably somewhere on a remote island sipping cocktails and that’s exactly why you want to reach out. Your ex’s happiness and strength to be on his or her own compel you like bees to honey.

Moreover, it’s got very little to do with the fact that your ex is amazing and unique. If that were true, your ex would already be getting his or her DNA researched for scientific purposes. Contrarily, it’s all about what your ex is doing in your absence.

If he or she is having fun without you, this, of course, hurts you. Questions, such as, “How is my ex able to laugh like that,” pop on your mind and shatter your already broken ego even more.

This is why I wholeheartedly advise the strictest rule known to man, called the indefinite no contact rule. It’s not easy to start following, but so rewarding once you begin to let go of hope.

Bad days in no contact

Everyone has bad days in no contact—including me. When I was going through my breakup I experienced ups and downs just like every human being. I had especially felt these drug-like withdrawals in the early stages of no contact and gradually recovered from them over time.

These withdrawals—also known as setbacks are oftentimes unavoidable as they occur out of nowhere.

For instance, you might wake up one morning because of a nightmare and that alone could be enough to devastate you for the rest of the day.

Or perhaps you get romantically involved with another person and get hit by a huge wave of negative emotions when you realize he or she is not your type. If this happens, it’s definitely way too early for you to date as you are not quite over your ex. You probably need to wait a few more months.

But the point I’m trying to make is that most people have bad days in no contact and chances are, you do/will too. They are not, however, a good reason for you to reach out to your ex and cry your heart out. I guarantee it will only get worse if you do.

Setbacks are your worst enemy!

I know setback days are horrible in no contact, but your ex is unfortunately no longer the person to confide in. He or she is the reason why you’re experiencing emotions of rejection so you must take care of your own well-being.

Here are some extreme examples of when breaking no contact is not advisable.

If you reach out to your elated ex in a moment of weakness, your ex would likely dismiss you in a quick/uncaring manner. And you can only imagine how that would feel when you’re already feeling hopeless.

If you don’t know how—the answer is – excruciatingly painful.

Your ex won’t help you feel any better so I truly hope you won’t open your already bleeding wound.

My advice to you is to instead find a way to stop yourself from breaking no contact.

You can start working on yourself by practicing positive affirmations on your good days—so that when a bad day comes, you have the right mindset to take the right actions.

Avoid temptations and excuses to call your ex!

Breaking up should always be followed by no contact no matter what the reason for the break up was. Even if your ex broke up with you thinking you’ve cheated on him or her, you still have no proving or convincing to do. In this particular case, all you should do is explain once how your ex had misunderstood your situation and walk away with pride.

I reiterate. All you should ever do after a breakup is explain in a friendly and respectful manner that you wish to work on the relationship. And once you’ve done that, you have nothing else to say to your ex.

You must, therefore, wait until your ex contacts you first. And when that happens, you need to be on your absolute best behavior. This doesn’t mean you apologize, beg, invite your ex over or anything like that. It has to be your ex’s idea.

But until that actually happens, you don’t budge no matter what your ex says about you on the internet or to your friends. You don’t reach out even if your ex’s Facebook status says, “Please call me. I need you.”

This is just an exaggeration as it won’t ever happen, but you get the point. NO BREAKING THE RULES.

What will happen if I break no contact?

Each person is different and deals with positive and negative emotions differently. But the majority of dumpees in no contact, unfortunately, aren’t ready to face the consequences of breaking no contact.

The easiest way to tell that you’re not ready to talk to your ex is when you want to reach out and still have high hopes of reconciliation.

As long as you feel inclined to pick up the phone and call/text your ex, you’re thinking of breaking the rules of no contact and setting yourself up for failure.

And if you actually do break the rules of NC, you will likely experience unbelievable anxiety.

You could experience:

• an increased heart rate
• overanalyzing thoughts and patterns
• uncontrollable shaking and fear
• excessive sweating
• huge emotional setbacks and feelings of losing your emotional progress
• losing the ability to focus

When you’ve said everything you had to say, you will then enter a stage of over-analyzation in which you will think about your ex literally 24/7. You will repeat the interaction in your head hundreds of times and make no progress whatsoever.

You could even experience the initial withdrawal symptoms which wouldn’t be fun at all.

Here they are.

Milder variations of these symptoms could go on for a few days, depending on how much your ex hurt you.

And once you’ve gotten over this slip-up, you will be back to the beginning both with your personal recovery as well as with your ex.

How can I stay in no contact?

Sticking with no contact is the hardest when you first start following the no contact rule, but it gradually gets easier over time. Most dumpees don’t find it unbelievably difficult not to text their exes once they are about a week or two in. They do, however, feel extremely vulnerable on their weak days when they miss their ex the most.

That’s why it’s important to develop the kind of mentality that will help you stay in no contact no matter how difficult no contact gets.

Here are a few things you can do to avoid contacting your ex when you feel miserable.

1)Distraction

Whenever you feel the urge to reach out to your ex, there is something you can do to negate that feeling.

You can distract yourself so much that thinking about your ex won’t affect you anymore.

How do you do that when your heart is beating like crazy and your anxiety is killing you, you ask?

Well, since your heart is already pumping your blood at an increased pace, you can actually take advantage of this situation and get physically active.

Go for a jog, cycling, do pushups, lift weights or anything that keeps you physically engaged. You will likely feel out of breath for a minute or two, but once your body adapts, you will become too preoccupied with yourself to care about your ex.

Yes, you will still think about your ex, but it will feel harmless. This is because emotional pain activates in the same area of our brains as when we feel physical pain.

So when you miss your ex like crazy and want to reach out, push your body physically and your temptations to contact your ex will dissipate.

Don’t just go for a stroll in the park, but actually push your body to the limits. The more you force yourself to get active, the better the results will be.

If you do things right—as a bonus, your brain will also reward you with endorphins – happy chemicals released in your brain for getting a good workout done.

2)Make plans

Instead of dwelling in the past and trying to revive a dead relationship by yourself, make plans with your friends, family, or even better—acquaintances.

When you are forced to engage in activity/conversation with someone, you will subliminally push yourself to pay attention to that person.

You will do this so you don’t look bad in front of him or her and inadvertently push through your emotional upheaval.

3)Help others

There’s no better way to feel good about yourself than to help others in your moments of weakness.

You will be surprised how good it feels to give love and attention to someone who needs it even more than you. It could feel as if you’re giving the last bit of energy to someone who is as unhappy as you—which coincidentally makes both of you happier.

Furthermore, if you find someone to relate to, you can actually both benefit from your negative experience and might even laugh about it.

This strange phenomenon occurs when two emotionally-deprived individuals find solace in each other’s misfortune—and through understanding and sympathy bond on a deeper level.

There’s no better person to talk to about your emotions than someone who understands them and is going through a difficult ordeal himself/herself.

If you need help getting over the breakup, you can read about it here.

What happens to my ex after I break no contact?

Talking to a person who doesn’t wish to talk to you (or perhaps even hates you) is not very wise. It’s not one bit smart because that person is the least bit excited to spend his or her time on something that he or she doesn’t like.

Moreover, if you poke your nose into your ex’s new life, you could really annoy and push your ex so far away, you’ll never get a chance to have a decent conversation again.

By appearing needy, you will ruin your ex’s image of you and essentially your own as well. You will shatter your own self-esteem and your ex will be the one to stomp on it.

Since dumpers aren’t aware of the emotions they are going through and the pain dumpees experience, they don’t think much about their breakups.

To them, it seems like they are feeling angry, annoyed, repulsed, suffocated and so they feel they must act upon their emotions by shutting their dumpees out.

Dumpers’ toxic emotions/behavior

Since most dumpers lack breakup knowledge, they are far from being on their best behavior. They instead act very impulsively and appear completely detached and unconcerned of their struggling dumpees.

Dumpers feel such powerful, repelling emotions, they want to get away from the situation as quickly as possible. And if they by mistake hurt their oversensitive dumpees, it’s not really their concern. They are too preoccupied with their own well-being after all.

So if you reach out to your ex, your ex knows you need him or her more than your ex needs you—which is bad. Your ex likely has the victim mentality and will batter you mercilessly to the ground for everything you’ve ever done wrong.

That’s why you should avoid breaking no contact before your ex deals with repulsive emotions and is ready to converse with you as an equal.

You will know your ex is receptive when he or she is the one who initiates conversations and shows interest in you again.

Are you thinking of breaking no contact or have you broken it before? What emotions did you experience? Leave a comment below this article.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.