If you recently got broken up with, you probably want to know if your ex even misses you after the breakup. You want to know if he thinks about you at times, wonders what you’re up to, and wishes he could once again experience the good times from the past.
Although he doesn’t miss the kissing, hugging, and affectionate moments, your ex definitely thinks about you from time to time. He remembers the good and the bad times and you as a person. He can’t avoid thinking about you because the breakup affected him immensely. It may not have caused separation anxiety and depression, but it did overwhelm him emotionally and perhaps even triggered his guilt or shame.
If the breakup was healthy, it’s possible that he feels curious or nostalgic at times.
How he thinks about you and the relationship depends on his personality, self-victimization, and how long it’s been since he broke up with you. If the breakup just happened, he probably thinks mainly about the bad times. He’s looking for ways to justify his departure and ease his anger and pain.
Your ex doesn’t miss you much or at all because he’s been wanting to break up with you for a while and finally has the space and quiet he sought. He might miss you months into the future when he processes negative feelings and stops holding you accountable for his problems and pain.
That’s when he could start feeling bad for leaving you and how he treated you. He could reach out, apologize, express regret, and ask for forgiveness and friendship.
But right after the breakup, he probably doesn’t miss you much. Not unless he wants to keep you close as a friend or a friend with benefits. That would indicate that he doesn’t want you to cut him off and distance yourself from him. It’d mean that he wants you to downgrade to friendship and be okay with being kept around for non-romantic purposes.
If he misses you and wants to hold on to you rather than let you go, you have to do what’s best for you and create some space. Say no to friendship offers and express the wish to focus on yourself. Your ex may not like that, but he needs it to miss your presence and realize your worth.
You won’t get him back if you friend-zone yourself and talk to him whenever he misses you and feels bored. That will give him relationship benefits for free and make him lose interest and the will to try harder. You’ll get him back if you don’t give him the things he wants from you and show him you don’t let people use you and get things without earning them.
From now on, he’ll have to earn your time, respect your space, and invest in you emotionally to get what he wants. He’ll have to give you something you want to be rewarded and respected back. If you show him you respect yourself and love yourself more than him, he’ll miss you more because he’ll see that your time, attention, respect, commitment, and effort don’t come for free and shouldn’t be taken for granted.
Never let a guy, let alone an ex treat you like a friend and come to you for various benefits. Instead of letting him rely on you for his wants and needs, cut him off as soon as possible and start no contact. He must see that you’re not open to friendship and meaningless conversations. When he sees that you’re not going to pretend to be happy with the way things are, he’ll value you more and probably direct his attention toward people who can instantly give him attention, help, validation, or other valuable relationship perks.
If he can’t get the things he seeks elsewhere, he could start to miss you and change the way he perceives you.
Try not to worry too much about whether he even misses you. Most guys don’t miss their exes until something causes them to miss them. This can be something like a bad grade in school, problems with the family, difficulty finding a new partner or maintaining a relationship, illness, lack of friends, or anything negative that triggers pain, nostalgia, and reflection.
Dumpers need a reason to miss their ex. Something must convince them that what they have after the breakup isn’t as good as what they had before. When they miss a privilege or feeling they associate with their ex, they also miss their ex and feel tempted to contact their ex.
In this article, we discuss whether your ex misses you after the breakup and what you can do as a dumpee to make your ex miss you sooner.
Does he even miss me?
If you haven’t heard from your ex since the breakup, your ex probably doesn’t miss you yet. He hasn’t let go of negative pre-breakup and post-breakup feelings yet and enjoys being in control of his life. The breakup makes him feel relieved and happy to be single (or with someone else), so he doesn’t feel any regret or nostalgia.
Life feels great and is going according to plan. At least for now because he hasn’t faced any problems or complications.
It’s too early for your ex to miss you and want to talk to you and hang out. I’m not saying your ex will definitely miss you in the future because some dumpers don’t miss their ex even months or years after the breakup. But if your ex appears excited, busy, and optimistic, your ex is currently feeling empowered due to the breakup.
The breakup (which he prolonged for as long as he could) made him feel free and eager to enjoy life on his terms. It made him start dealing with the breakup in ways that were natural to him. He’s a dumper, so he started going through the stages of a breakup, and will likely appear different or even unrecognizable to you.
He’ll likely talk to new people, take up new hobbies, learn new skills and words, and do everything in his power to leave his old life behind. He’ll do this subconsciously to distract himself, get the most out of life, and disassociate himself from you.
Don’t take his behavior personally. Think of it as him acting on his post-breakup emotions and enjoying life to the maximum.
If your ex-boyfriend reached out, keep in mind that he may have done this for various reasons. Sure, he may have missed you (as a friend), but he may also have felt guilty, ashamed, curious, bored, anxious, scared, or victimized. Most dumpers who contact their ex don’t miss their ex or they miss their ex only a little bit. They usually just want to see how and what their ex is doing and if their ex can help them alleviate their guilty conscience.
Whether the dumper misses you as a friend doesn’t even matter. It doesn’t change the fact that your ex has lost feelings and that a little bit of missing won’t bring back your ex’s feelings. If your ex misses your company rather than your love and affection, your ex only misses spending time with you and having someone familiar to talk to. He feels nostalgic rather than regretful and doesn’t miss you romantically as a partner.
You need to be aware of that so you don’t get your hopes up the moment your ex says “I miss you.”
Exes usually mean words like “I love you” and “I miss you” non-romantically. They miss the connection, conversations, or fun times and know they caused their ex mental anguish. That’s why they reassure their ex that they haven’t forgotten about her and that they still think about her and want the best for her.
You may want your ex to miss you and make you feel important, but you have to ask yourself how your ex’s nostalgia will help you feel better. It will probably validate you for a while, but it won’t fulfill your romantic cravings. For romantic needs to be fulfilled, your ex has to miss you romantically and want you back.
Hence, all you’ll feel when your ex says he misses you is false hope and a false sense of empowerment. This feeling won’t last long because you’ll soon realize that your ex’s words don’t match his actions and that he wants friendship or forgiveness rather than a relationship.
So don’t take miss yous from exes seriously. Think of them as emotional messages they project onto you when they regret losing the friendship aspect of the relationship or hate feeling stressed, guilty, or sad. Usually, they say “I miss you” because something unpleasant or unpredictable triggered their sentimentality.
That, unfortunately, doesn’t mean they want you back. All it means is that something is affecting them emotionally and that they want to talk to you for a bit. By expressing how they feel and obtaining your reassurance, they can reconnect with you and not miss you anymore.
You’ve got to remember that there are two types of missing.
- Romantic.
- And non-romantic.
If your ex only misses you as a person (non-romantically), your ex will talk about random things and keep the conversation light. He won’t feel the need to apologize wholeheartedly and ask for another chance. Your ex will want you to leave the dead relationship in the past and focus on the present. The present will make him feel respected as a friend whereas the past will show him you have regrets and expectations.
If you mistake his nostalgia for love, he’ll feel pressured and tempted to stop interacting with you.
How do I know if my ex misses me as a friend or as a partner?
You can tell that your ex misses you as just a friend if he reaches out and talks about anything but the breakup. Random, happy, and lengthy conversations show that he values the fun times from the past and hopes that you miss them as much as him.
Friendly conversations show that he doesn’t resent you and that he’s ready to indulge in enjoyable recollections of past events. The more he wants to talk about random times from the past and the fewer goals and expectations he has, the bigger the chances that he misses you as a person rather than a romantic partner.
That’s because the desire to talk about non-relationship matters has no romantic drive. It doesn’t show any romantic regret, pain, or love. Random topics have no end goal. They’re conversations nostalgic dumpers engage in for the sake of nostalgia.
A person who misses you romantically and wants you back will talk about his mistakes and regrets. He will take accountability for leaving and hurting you and blaming you for everything. You can expect him to be in pain and in a hurry to reconcile. He won’t waste your or his time by talking about that one time something funny happened.
The conversation will be serious. It won’t be just about him missing you, but also about his realizations, regrets, and desires to see you. He’ll ask you questions and hope that you’ve missed him too. When he breaks the ice, he’ll ask you to take him back and give the relationship another shot.
No matter what he talks about, the conversation won’t end without him trying to reconcile with you. That’s how you can tell that he misses you romantically and wants to come back.
Don’t waste your time looking for signs that he misses you. If he doesn’t reach out and show you that he misses you in ways that you miss him (romantically), he’s either in the early stages of a breakup and can’t miss you or he doesn’t miss you and may never miss you.
It’s also possible that he misses you silently but doesn’t want to reach out, give you hope, and mess up your healing. But the chances of him being so self-aware, breakup smart, and in control of his emotions are not very high. Most exes consider themselves victims and hold their ex responsible for the breakup.
How your ex-boyfriend feels shouldn’t matter to you because as long as he’s your ex, he doesn’t miss you enough. His lack of care and affection shows that he’s happy with his decision and that he’s in control of his feelings.
That doesn’t mean you weren’t a good partner. Some dumpers simply aren’t capable of reflection and longing for the old days. Due to their upbringing, level of maturity, or character, they’re convinced their ex is the problem to all their problems and that they like their new life and the opportunities it brings. Such dumpers continue to move forward and don’t miss their ex.
At least not until they hit a dead end and need their ex’s validation.
Anyway, you’ll know your ex misses you romantically when he tells you or shows you he’s not happy and that he wishes he could get another chance with you. His need to reconnect intimately will reveal that he has romantic feelings and expectations of you and that he needs you back urgently.
On the other hand, if he only misses you as a friend, he could reach out once, periodically, or regularly, depending on when and why he misses the friendship. Every dumper has different reasons for missing an ex, so listen to your ex, observe his behavior, or ask him why he contacted you/said he missed you.
Having said that, here’s how to tell if your ex misses you romantically or non-romantically.
Can I make my ex miss me?
Unfortunately, you can’t make your ex miss you directly. You don’t have that kind of power because his nostalgia depends on what your relationship was like, what your ex is like as a person, what happens to your ex after the breakup, and what is missing in his life. If happiness, self-love, goals, and people to rely on are missing, he could remember he didn’t have these problems and unwanted feelings when he was with you.
That could make him think about you and miss you.
Oftentimes, exes become nostalgic due to events outside of their control. They miss their ex when they have a bad day, hear a sad song, dream about their ex, or see their ex with someone else. This depends on their respect for their ex and their happiness and self-confidence. They have a much bigger chance of missing their ex when something goes wrong in his life.
You can’t control that and make your ex miss you by force. I know it’s hard to accept that you lack power, but your ex has to become nostalgic on his own. He has to encounter a situation that makes him remember and miss how he felt in the past.
It’s unlikely that he’ll miss you if you contact him out of the blue and talk about the good times. You must remember that he’s going through the breakup stages and that dumpers typically need a few months to stop feeling relieved and pressured. When they stop feeling that way and find a reason to converse, they typically reach out and breadcrumb their ex.
Get ready for that. Instead of contacting your ex, start no contact and/or stay in no contact. Don’t show your ex you miss him and need him to validate you. He must think or see that you’re doing great before he can respect you and know that you won’t do something desperate.
As a dumpee, you must preserve your worth and wait for your ex to miss you. When he does, he will likely contact you, tell you he misses you, tell his friends, or keep it to himself. No matter what he does, respect his need for space and let him take the initiative.
If he says he misses you, you can say it back if you want to. Just don’t indulge in nostalgia for too long because you could make it difficult for yourself to regain control of your emotions and get over the breakup. I suggest that you go back to no contact unless your ex misses you romantically.
That way, you’ll keep your emotionally expressive ex away from you and allow yourself to heal.
Does your ex miss you after the breakup? How does he miss you and what has your ex said or done to make you think that he does? Comment below the post.
However, if you’d like our help with your ex’s nostalgia and create a breakup plan, get in touch by subscribing to private coaching.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
