When To Break No Contact?

If you’re following the rules of no contact with the intention to get back with your ex, you probably want to know when to break no contact. You want to know when your ex will be the most receptive and likely to get back with you. No contact gives you hope and prevents you from breaking down emotionally.

Keep in mind that it’s okay to do no contact to maximize your chances with your ex. It’s better to do no contact than to stay friends with your ex and try to convince your ex to give you another try. It’s normal to want to present yourself in the best way possible.

But you may be forgetting that no contact is indefinite and that it shouldn’t be broken by you (the dumpee).

It should be broken by the dumper when he or she discovers your worth and finds a reason to contact you. When your ex breaks no contact, you may not immediately know what your ex wants from you, but you will be able to tell that your ex wants to talk (even if it’s about things that don’t concern you). You’ll learn that your ex respects you (doesn’t feel repulsed by you) and that your ex won’t ignore you or do something you’re not ready for.

Not unless you see his/her reach out as an opportunity for you to bombard your ex with attention and emotions he or she doesn’t know what to do with.

You’ve probably heard or read many things about the no-contact rule online or offline. You’ve heard that no contact is hard but essential when it comes to reattracting the dumper and starting a new (healthier) relationship with him or her. The only thing you’re unsure about is the length of the no contact rule.

Some people say you should give your ex a month of space to deal with the breakup whereas others recommend giving your ex no longer than a few days. Whether they suggest 30, 60, or 5 days, their advice is wrong because they can’t tell when or if your ex will process the things he or she needs to process and see you in a better light.

Your ex could be immature/incapable of growth and as a result, continue to self-victimize and despise you for hurting him or her.

If you got dumped and use the internet as your main source of information, one thing you need to be aware of is that the internet as a whole doesn’t always have your best interests at heart. Many people manipulate its convenience and anonymity to their advantage by giving heartbroken people hope and empty promises.

They tell people what they want to hear rather than what they need to hear and what is possible and best for them. Charlatans essentially put their wants before vulnerable dumpees and try to manipulate their thoughts and feelings for the sole purpose of extorting money.

I’m telling you this so you understand that when something sounds too good to be true, it’s because it usually is. No one online will give you a free iPhone, inheritance money, or magic templates to get your ex back. Even those people on YouTube who hand out free stuff to people do it for a reason. They earn money and followers from their charitable actions and get closer to their goals.

Yes, they’re helping people, but they wouldn’t be doing that if it weren’t profitable for them.

With fake online coaches, it’s similar. They typically have very few followers and earn little from views, so they trick people into believing they’ve found the solution to make their ex want them back. They make it seem like they’re the only ones who know how to “Win” an ex back.

Every relationship/breakup is different, so don’t be deceived into thinking you can make your ex come crying back with some master plan after breaking no contact and showing your ex you need him or her more than he or she needs you. It’s much more likely that the opposite will happen.

As soon as you break no contact, you’ll hand your remaining power to your ex and stop your ex’s built-up curiosity and respect. You’ll show you haven’t processed the breakup yet and that it may not be possible to talk to you as an equal.

If you reach out before your ex cools off and wants to talk to you, you’ll only suffocate your ex and risk bringing an unwanted response out of your ex. A response that will push your ex away, decrease (not increase) your chances of reconciliation, destroy your hope for reconciliation, and make you even more miserable and desperate for affection.

If you’re not ready to get rejected and hurt, you shouldn’t be thinking about breaking no contact. You should be learning more about no contact, the effects no contact has on you and your ex, and when it’s safe or necessary to break no contact. When you learn that no contact is meant for you to heal and restore your happiness, you’ll understand that you can’t break no contact no matter how tempting it feels.

So bear in mind that the main purpose of no contact is to help you accept the breakup, improve yourself, see the light at the end of the tunnel, recover emotionally, and prepare yourself for a life without your ex. If you accomplish all these things, your ex could eventually check up on you and see that you’re mentally and emotionally strong enough to process rejection and let go of people who don’t want you anymore.

In other words, no contact could make you look attractive and trigger your ex’s curiosity and respect.

If you want to learn more about when to break no contact, this is the article for you.

When to break no contact?

If you’re in pain and want to know when to break no contact with the dumper, the simplest answer is not now. This isn’t the time to reach out and flood your ex with emotions and expectations. It’s time to engage in reflection, detach, and give your ex the time he or she has asked for. Your ex may not have asked for a few weeks of space, but even if your ex did, you shouldn’t be chasing a person who left and hurt you.

The last thing you want is to contact your ex when you’re miserable because you’ll be putting your ex in charge of your happiness and well-being. You’ll be showing a lack of consideration for your ex’s feelings and your own recovery process. So heed my warning and stay far away from your ex. Show your ex that you understand what he or she needs from you and convince yourself that your ex would have reached out if he or she wanted to talk/get back together.

Your ex would have reached out even if he or she was prideful, stubborn, and manipulative.

When an ex wants you back, he or she is in pain and needs to converse with you and feel your love. The dumper needs you back quickly so that he or she can stop hurting and start moving forward with his or her life. If you contact your ex prematurely (before your ex has found a good reason to talk), you’ll disturb your ex’s need for space and ruin your healing process.

You won’t do anyone a favor.

You can only break no contact when you’re over your ex and can handle an unwanted response from your ex or when you need to talk to your ex about something important that can’t wait. Something like missing documents, belongings, mortgage, finance, kids, or emergencies related to health. Such cases are exceptions to no contact.

You could always ask your friends to exchange belongings with your ex, but if you have no one to relay your message to your ex, you can contact your ex yourself.

With that said, here’s when it’s okay to break no contact with an ex.

Breaking no contact is okay when you and your ex have nothing to lose.

Conversely, it’s not advisable to break no contact when you or your ex:

• feel pain and aren’t over the breakup
• feel curious, sad, neglected, abandoned, anxious, or depressed
• struggle to love yourselves and find meaning in life
• think about each other obsessively
• want to talk about unimportant things
• seem to be dating someone else (or have partners who aren’t comfortable with exes staying in touch) – most people aren’t

If you just want to tell your ex that his or her favorite singer is in town, that’s not a good enough reason to break no contact and mess up your and your ex’s recovery progress. Your reason for reaching out has to concern you both. It has to be important to you and big enough for your ex to care. If your ex doesn’t care, you’ll likely get hurt by your ex’s lack of understanding and concern and feel tempted to do something stupid.

So break no contact only when you:

• know you won’t get hurt
• can handle getting hurt
• or have to risk getting hurt to achieve something important

How to break no contact?

If it’s not urgent-urgent, contact your ex via text (it’s more impersonal) and get straight to the point. Talk about things you need (not want) to talk about and see if your ex wants to talk about them too. If your ex does, your ex will put his or her differences and unwanted emotions aside and do what you ask him or her to do.

You don’t need to find the perfect approach to break no contact. You just need to reach out via text, explain why you’re reaching out, and give your ex time to respond. If your ex sees the importance of you breaking the silence, he or she will respond at his or her earliest convenience. You won’t have to reach out again and urge your ex to help you out/do the right thing.

An ex who wants to respond will do so of his or her own accord.

If you don’t get a response, you need to wait and/or find a different way to get what you need. If you need your things back urgently, you can ask friends to intervene or even sue your ex. And if you don’t badly need your things back, you can give your ex time or give up on them.

Whatever your reason for wanting to break no contact is, make sure you really need to contact your ex and that you can’t get it any other way. You don’t want to contact your ex about things you can live without.

When you’re ready to break no contact, send your ex a short text. Keep it polite and strictly about the reason for reaching out. You can say something like “Hi, I don’t want to disturb you. I was just wondering when you’ll be free to exchange belongings. I have to get my documents back urgently.” If your ex cares, your ex will respond quickly.

What if you’re a dumper? Should you break no contact to apologize and be friends?

As a dumper, you should never break no contact just to apologize (assuage guilt) and secure friendship. You should avoid contacting your ex unless you have an epiphany and realize you want to be with your ex. Don’t give your ex hope and make your ex anxious if you have no intention of reconciling and working on the relationship again.

Dumpers should leave dumpees alone and let them heal. Breaking no contact for selfish reasons is not an option.

So whether you’re a dumpee or a dumper, figure out if it even makes sense to break no contact all of a sudden. Think about what you’ll get out of it and if it’s something you need and your ex wants to happily give. If it’s not, it’s better to stay in no contact and wait until you’re both fully over each other.

When do you think it’s okay to break no contact? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.

And if you need help with your breakup, check out our coaching options here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.