I Still Cry Over My Ex After 2 Years

It’s okay to cry over an ex after the breakup. Crying shows that you’re not okay with the relationship ending and that you envisioned a different reality. It serves a good purpose, which is to soothe your anxiety and give you the strength to push forward.

Many dumpees (even guys) cry when a (long-term) relationship ends. Separation anxiety, fears, shattered self-esteem, and broken dreams expose their vulnerable heart and make them miss their ex like crazy. They force dumpees to think about their dumper 24/7 and make them emotionally dependent on their ex.

This happens to the majority of dumpees. Dumpees who were in love and had high hopes for the relationship tend to suffer the most as they got attached and need some time to detach. Typically, a year or so is enough for them to lose most hope, provided they go no contact and mind their own business.

But if they have mental health problems, extremely low self-esteem, financial challenges, or problems getting along with people, they tend to suffer longer. While they suffer, some dumpees see a therapist, socialize, journal, engage in physical activity, meditate, pray, and do whatever they can to help themselves.

Such things help them feel better, including crying. But crying typically stops after a while. From my observations, most dumpees stop crying their hearts out 3 – 6 months into the breakup (unless they make breakup mistakes and fail with other people – rebound).

They slowly get back up on their feet and develop defense mechanisms that prevent them from crying (feeling vulnerable). Dumpees eventually realize that crying drains their energy and gives them a sense of hopelessness that they don’t need.

They’d rather feel in control of their life and feel positive feelings.

This happens when they stop hurting and feeling sorry about the situation they’re in. But initially, they tend to cry to soothe their rejection pain and feel less disorientated and helpless. Crying helps them cope with the post-breakup blues and prevents them from breaking down emotionally.

If you still cry over your ex after 2 years, you need to analyze the situation thoroughly and answer a few questions honestly. Do that before you claim you’re unable to move on and that your ex is the best partner you could ever ask for.

Here are some important questions to understand your reasons for crying better.

1. Are you checking up on your ex?
2. Are you talking to your ex or making any other breakup mistakes?
3. What are you doing to detach and get over your ex?
4. Do you have any unresolved mental health/childhood/abandonment issues?
5. Are you holding on to your ex’s pictures and gifts?
6. Are you having a hard time forgiving yourself for your mistakes?
7. Did you make necessary post-breakup changes and outgrow your old self? If not, you probably still view yourself the way you did when you were with your ex.
8. Did you acknowledge your ex’s mistakes and realize your ex isn’t perfect either?
9. Have you encountered a lot of problems and stressors unrelated to your ex after the breakup?

These questions should help you find the reason or reasons why you can’t get your ex out of your system after 2 years. They won’t solve your problem right away, but they will tell you the first steps you should take to stop crying over your ex and enjoy your life.

If you cry over your ex after 2 years of breaking up (and you’ve been doing that since you got broken up with), you’ve probably developed a bit of a habit. You wired your brain in such a way that you remember your ex and cry over him or her at certain times (probably when something goes wrong).

This happens because you no longer have a person to confide in and rely on. Your ex used to listen and help make things easier, so you expect your ex to help now that he or she is gone as well.

Because your ex is no longer a part of your life (or romantic life), you subconsciously associate your problems with your ex’s absence and think that your life has gotten way worse since your ex left. You think you can’t handle life matters on your own and wish you could go back in time.

The truth is you’re perfectly capable of taking care of your wants and needs. You may not realize it, but you don’t need your ex to survive and thrive. You just need to detach completely and learn that life gets better when you regain your emotional independence and improve parts of your life that need improving.

If you have the same problems you had two years ago, you probably haven’t taken the time to improve them. You still get stressed by them, only this time, you don’t have the support system (your ex) to rely on. This makes you feel anxious, scared, sad, abandoned, and alone.

You’ve developed certain expectations of how you want life to be. Many of these expectations revolved around your ex and the benefits he or she provided. Now that the benefits are gone, you feel that a part of your life is missing and that you’ll never feel fulfilled unless you regain them.

Sadly, high expectations and regrets are dumpees’ worst nightmares. They constantly remind them of things they used to have and could have and that they need to do something to feel fulfilled. This illusion of action constantly temps dumpees to act on their urges and pain and complicates their already complicated situation.

So if you still cry over your ex after 2 years, bear in mind that you need to make some changes in your life. You must find a way to focus on yourself and think about your ex less. Do that by identifying the reasons behind crying (find the root cause/s) and keeping yourself busy.

Eventually, you should understand your emotions better and make the necessary emotional progress to let go of the past and start fresh.

In today’s article, we talk about the reasons why you still cry over your ex after 2 years and what you can do about it.

Is it normal to cry over an ex after 2 years?

Although it’s normal to cry over an ex for a few months, it’s not very common to cry after 2 years of breaking up.

Most people tend to stop crying a few months into the breakup because they regain their emotional strength and find purpose outside of the relationship. They don’t feel the need to cry anymore because they have new goals and purpose in life.

Those who keep on shedding tears over their ex many months after the breakup often have unresolved issues. Their issues are either unrelated to their ex or caused by their or their ex’s behavior. If they’re unrelated, they’re often depressed and overwhelmed because of work, friendships, family, health, finances, etc.

And if they’re related, they tend to cry because they receive breadcrumbs, communicate with their ex, stalk their ex, or make other breakup mistakes.

Whether their reasons for crying are connected to their ex or not, dumpees who cry over an ex after 2 years associate their unhappiness with their ex’s abandonment. They think they’re unhappy because their ex left them rather than because they didn’t find a way to disconnect from their ex and create a meaningful life without their ex.

Because they’re obsessed with their ex, they’re convinced their ex is the cause of their happiness and unhappiness—and that their ex is the only person who can fix them. Little do they know that they’re responsible for their mental health and the quality of life they live.

Their ex can’t help them unless their ex wants them back. They must find a way to heal on their own. And they can find it by following the rules of no contact and working on their shortcomings.

If they’re not happy with their line of work, they should consider changing it. If they’re anxious because their ex is happy and they’re not, they should avoid checking up on their ex.

And if they’re worried they’ll stay single for life, they should remind themselves that plenty of people find them attractive and that it’s not the end of their romantic life.

Many times, dumpees get caught up in their head. They don’t think clearly because they’re focusing on what they lost rather than what they have. They don’t appreciate their health, education, work, friends, and people who want the best for them.

At least not as much as they could.

All they care about is their ex because depression and overwhelming anxiety remind them things were better when they were with their ex. They didn’t feel so unworthy and miserable.

With that said, here are 7 possibilities as to why you still cry over your ex after 2 years.

You’re crying over your ex because you’re hurting. You must do something about this pain so you can accept the situation, let go, and love yourself. It will take some time to fully process things, but with the right mindset and healthy expectations, you can leave your ex in the past.

You just need to want it badly enough.

How to stop crying over an ex after 2 years?

You can stop crying over the breakup that happened two years ago by identifying your triggers and changing the way you think about your relationship, your ex, yourself, and your future.

You must realize that sadness and pain are hurting you and that you’re ruining your health and the romantic opportunities that you may get. If you continue to obsess over your ex and cry, you won’t be able to form new bonds.

You’ll stay fixated on your ex and as a result, fail romantically with other people.

Even if your ex comes back, you’ll most likely overwhelm your ex with fears, anxiety, hope, and expectations. It will be difficult not to pressure your ex when your life revolves around your ex. 

So keep in mind that as long as you’re crying uncontrollably and putting your ex in charge of your happiness, you won’t have a successful relationship with your ex or any other person. You won’t feel secure and happy with yourself and will sabotage your future relationships.

Take this valuable post-breakup time to get over your ex before you start dating.

You can do that by reminding yourself that you can’t make others happy if you aren’t happy. And if others aren’t happy, it’s unlikely that they’ll stay with you for very long. Chances are they’ll leave as soon as they get tired of fulfilling your needs.

Also, stop thinking so highly of your ex. An ex who leaves you is no gem. He or she is a quitter who gave up on the relationship to pursue his or her desires. I don’t know what the reason for his or her withdrawal was, but it’s not fair to you to keep obsessing over your ex.

You can’t be the only one who cares and stays attached.

Perhaps your obsession with your ex is the reason your ex left. If so, don’t just wait and expect it to wane. You shouldn’t expect to get better and your ex to return (and stay) if you aren’t complete on your own. Romantic partners are an addition to your life.

They’re not or rather, can’t be the sole reason for your existence.

It could be that you’re hurting this much and crying 2 years later because you don’t believe in yourself and have enough going on in your life. In that case, take control of your life and invest in things that need investing.

This will give you purpose outside of the relationship with your ex and consequently, decrease your dependence on your ex.

Don’t hesitate to get help either. Anxiety, depression, and a lack of direction in life are serious matters. Look for a therapist or other mental health experts who could guide you and help you get your life back on track.

Journaling should also help. Many if not most dumpees consider it a useful tool for expressing difficult thoughts and emotions.

Exercising is a must as well. It makes your brain release happy hormones and helps you get a good night’s sleep.

There are so many things you can do to stop crying over your ex. But you have to want to help yourself and try different things. Maybe journaling isn’t for you, but that doesn’t mean exercising and therapy can’t help.

Give them an honest try before you give up and allow yourself to keep crying over your ex.

In conclusion, nothing is wrong with you if you still cry over your ex after 2 years. But you do have some work to do and changes to make if you want to be happy. You have to dive deep and look for the reasons behind your tears so you can then find solutions that work best for you.

Do you still cry over your ex after 2 years? Why do you think you’re having a hard time moving on? Post your thoughts and feelings in the comments below.

And if you want our help with finding reasons for your attachment and pain, check out our coaching services and get in touch.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.