Why Is My Ex Being Nice All Of A Sudden?

The most reasonable explanation for your ex’s sudden nice behavior is that your ex stopped feeling angry, hurt, and resentful. Your ex had some time to think, cool off, and process the breakup and see that you lowered your expectations of him/her and didn’t need anyone in your life for something as basic as happiness.

You were perfectly happy being on your own and doing your own things. Of course, your ex didn’t know how you felt after the breakup, but because you weren’t chasing, begging, getting angry, and taking revenge, your ex assumed you were doing okay and thought it was safe to contact you and have normal conversations with you.

Perhaps your ex felt guilty for handling the breakup impulsively and wanted to make it up to you by being overly nice. People usually start being nice when they realize they were mean and rude. That’s because their guilty conscience forces them to seek forgiveness from the people they’ve hurt.

As a result, they overemphasize their kindness and try to make things right.

It’s also possible that your ex needed help with something. People who need something from others suddenly take interest in them and tend to be (temporarily) nice. They want to show them they care about them and that they deserve the help they’re asking for or about to ask for.

Your ex could want various things from you after the breakup. We’ve already mentioned that forgiveness is one of them, but your ex could also be nice to you all of a sudden to receive advice, moral support, financial support, and the green light to date someone else.

The stronger and more forgiving you are (or appear), the easier it is for your ex to move forward and do things a broken-hearted person wouldn’t be very happy about. Those things include going on vacation with someone you disapprove of, dating another person, and engaging in activities that make you uncomfortable and give you anxiety.

When your ex is friendly to you, your ex thinks you’re ready to be friends and that you’ve stopped caring about things you previously gave him or her a hard time about. Your ex has no idea that friendship is difficult if not impossible for you as it constantly makes you think about your ex and forces you to analyze his or her actions.

And because your ex has no clue what his or her behavior does to you, your ex casually continues to communicate with you and appears nice (too nice). Your ex makes you feel that your ex is returning to his or her loving self, so you get your hopes up and think that your ex is being nice to you because your ex wants you back.

Although this might be the case, you need to understand that an ex who wants you back will be nice to you in non-passive ways. He or she won’t just listen to you for a little while and then stop communicating for days or weeks. The dumper will take an active approach which consists of reaching out, catching up, and expressing a very strong desire to meet up and get back together.

Your ex will essentially want you back right away as he or she will miss you too much to delay reconciliation.

So if your ex is being nice all of a sudden, keep in mind that your ex has a hidden motive. Your ex wants you to think or feel a certain way so that your ex can feel positive emotions or do something you may not be happy about.

This article will shed some light on why your ex is being nice all of a sudden. We’ll try to be pragmatic so you don’t get your hopes up too much.

Why is my ex being nice all of a sudden?

If your ex is being nice all of a sudden (the opposite of how your ex was after the breakup), your ex has had enough time to process difficult breakup emotions such as suffocation and doubts and became more rational.

Your ex may have realized that the way he or she acted toward you when you were hurting was outrageous and that your ex needs to make amends. The best way your ex can do that is to take interest in conversing with you and be nice to you.

Being nice helps you feel better, reassures your ex that you’re handling the breakup well, and tells your ex that he or she can move on with a clear conscience. A guilt-free post-breakup experience is very important to dumpers as dumpers don’t want to feel responsible for causing pain and being bad guys.

They want to believe they had no choice but to break up and that going separate ways will help them as well as their ex find a person they’re compatible with.

If you’re in a lot of pain, don’t immediately assume that your ex is being nice all of a sudden because your ex wants you back. Thinking like that is going to raise your hopes and anxiety and hurt you a lot if your ex doesn’t come back.

It’s much more likely that your ex just wants to be friends with you or sleep with you. That’s because friends with benefits situations require minimum effort and commitment. They’re consolation offers dumpers offer when they see that their ex isn’t ready to let go of them.

Always remember that people are nice all of a sudden for a reason and that exes who want you back typically aren’t super nice. They’re nice, yes, but they’re also anxious because they’re afraid you might say no to getting back together. As a result of overthinking and pain, they’re constantly on the lookout for opportunities to suggest meeting up and taking things further with you.

So if your ex is being nice all of a sudden, keep in mind that your ex probably wants something other than reconciliation. Your ex probably wants forgiveness, friendship, sex, or the green light to date other people.

Your ex might also be curious about you and want to know if you’re not obsessing over him/her because you’ve met someone else. That would be a sign that your ex feels a bit insecure and wants your validation.

But if it’s been months or years and your ex started being nice all of a sudden, then your ex may have hit a snag in life and wants your help with it. You used to be supportive in the past, so your ex wishes to once again rely on you for help.

If you help, your ex will be thankful and might disappear shortly after. And if you don’t help, your ex might not like that and find someone who will. My advice is to do what you would want your ex to do if roles were reversed.

With that said, here are 9 different explanations for why your ex is being nice all of a sudden.

Don’t get your hopes up!

If your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend is suddenly being nice, you probably feel good about it. You feel like your ex may have some love left for you and that your ex could come back if you play your cards right.

Before you get too excited, you need to understand that many dumpers act nice because they want friendship with their ex. They don’t want to lose their ex and all the benefits their ex provides, so they contact their ex and talk about non-relationship matters.

If your ex is talking to you about things that have nothing to do with the relationship and getting back together, you need to know that your ex has no intention of returning to you. Your ex just wants you to settle for the second-best thing your ex can offer – friendship.

Friendship can enable your ex to keep you in his/her life without feeling like he or she has thrown away months or years of memories and hard work.

You need to remind yourself that whenever your ex is nice to you that your ex’s care isn’t romantic care. It’s the kind of care you feel when you get overwhelmed by someone and later realize you should have been kinder and more patient with him or her.

That’s the kind of care your ex has for you. Your ex needed some time to develop it, but now that he/she has, you can expect your ex to breadcrumb you and do things exes do to confuse their dumpees. You can expect your ex to remain oblivious as to what his or her care is doing to you and what you need from your ex to detach and heal.

Dumpers typically aren’t very good at understanding how they’re making dumpees feel. They aren’t hurting, so they assume their exes are happy to talk to them and that they’re not causing any problems for them.

Little do they know that most dumpees are hiding their feelings and suffering (often tolerating more than they should) in silence. Because they’re putting up with dumpers’ behavior, dumpees tend to get more obsessed with their ex, increase their pain, prolong detachment, and become so hopeful that they’re willing to put their life on hold for their ex.

They oftentimes feel so hurt that they believe people on the internet who tell them their ex will want them back if they show improvement, swag, and reliability. But, unfortunately, their ex doesn’t care about their improvements. Their ex perceives them the way he or she perceived them in the past.

Do I tell my ex to stop being nice?

Rather than telling your ex to stop doing this and doing that, cut your ex off completely. Take breakup matters into your own hands and tell your ex to stop reaching out to you. You don’t need to explain that his or her behavior is confusing you and hurting you because if you do, your ex might think everything will be okay as long as he or she just stops doing certain things.

But that’s not what you need. What you need is for your ex to stop talking to you completely. That’s the best and fastest way for you to stop thinking about your ex and his/her behavior 24/7. It’s also the quickest way for your ex to get a preview of what life will look like without you.

When your ex sees you’re gone, your ex will finally realize that the relationship has ended and that he or she will lose certain privileges and benefits and get replaced by another person.

And that could incentivize your ex to hurry up and contemplate if leaving you was the right thing to do.

So instead of telling your ex you’re struggling with the breakup, tell your ex that you’re not ready for friendship yet and that you want to focus on yourself for a while. Your ex should understand you need space and respect it.

But if he or she doesn’t, then tell your ex again and sound sterner every time. After several warnings, you should caution your ex that you’ll have to block him/her the next time you receive an unexpected message or call.

Are you wondering why your ex is being nice all of a sudden? What do you think triggered your ex’s peculiar behavior? Post your thoughts and questions below the post.

And if you prefer a more personalized approach, consider signing up for breakup coaching with us.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.