If your ex reads your texts but doesn’t reply, your ex either doesn’t know how to reply or doesn’t want to reply. It’s much more likely that your ex doesn’t want to reply because your ex doesn’t like the way talking to you makes him or her feel.
Your ex feels uncomfortable (probably pressured) and would rather focus on things and people that make him or her feel comfortable. Comfortable feelings help your ex stay distracted and in control of the breakup whereas bad feelings drag your ex back into the past and trigger all sorts of unwanted feelings.
It’s not that the message behind your texts offends your ex. It’s that your ex connects your texts with who you are as a person and that he or she hasn’t forgiven you/let go of the past yet. Your ex hasn’t had enough time or hasn’t done the work on himself or herself to be ready to communicate yet.
Your ex still sees you as the person he or she made you out to be at the end of the relationship and wants to keep seeing you that way because it gives your ex power and a sense of control.
Dumpers like holding on to power because many of them felt (not necessarily were) neglected, disrespected, and misunderstood throughout the relationship. Some even convince themselves that they were used or abused just so they can keep their exes away from them and have a dependable coping strategy.
By playing victims, they essentially prevent guilt and doubts from playing with their minds and stay resolute about their decisions.
You need to understand that the reason exes don’t reply to texts is that they’re not interested in what you have to say and offer. They have other plans they deem to be more important and don’t want to get annoyed or hurt by you. They prefer to focus on their own lives and want you to do the same.
At least until they stop feeling pressured into communicating and develop a desire to speak with you again.
Although replying to you doesn’t take much time and effort, the truth is that replying to your text messages forces your ex to deal with a situation he or she isn’t emotionally ready to deal with. Replying weighs your ex down emotionally and makes your ex even more upset with you.
That’s why sending your ex texts makes things worse. It doesn’t show you’re a decent person who wishes to talk to an ex you got along with in the past, but that you’re asking for attention and that you don’t understand what your ex wants and needs to recover from the breakup.
Every time you reach out to your ex, you essentially force your ex to reply. And your ex doesn’t want to be forced to reply. Your ex wants to reply because he or she wants to reply. This is especially true if your ex is the dumper – someone who broke up with you.
Keep in mind that dumpers need to be the ones to reach out first. They’re the ones who left, so they have to find reasons to contact their exes and actually reach out to them. This isn’t some kind of manipulation tactic. It’s the way things need to be so that dumpees can respect themselves and get their stolen power back.
In today’s post, we’ll talk about exes who read your texts but don’t reply. We’ll talk about why your ex reads your messages and doesn’t reply and what you should do when that happens.
Ex reads my texts but doesn’t reply
When your ex reads your texts but doesn’t reply, your ex sends you a very strong and clear message. Your ex says that communication is off the table and that your ex hasn’t improved the way he or she perceives you.
Whether your ex just needs a bit more time or isn’t capable of improving his or her perceptions of you is anyone’s guess. This really depends on how long it’s been since the breakup and what your ex has done to grow within.
Obviously, you don’t know if your ex has been working on himself or herself because there has been little or no communication, but since your ex hasn’t even responded to you nor expressed the way he or she feels about your texts, you don’t need written proof that your ex hasn’t been working on negative breakup emotions and understandings.
You just need to look at your ex’s actions and inactions (the ignoring) because it speaks for itself. It tells you how your ex feels and what he or she thinks about you.
So keep in mind that an ex who ignores you hasn’t been reflecting and dealing with post-breakup emotions. He or she has been focusing on the positive emotions created by the breakup such as relief and elation. These emotions serve your ex as a distraction whereas thinking about you triggers guilt, shame, or suffocation and makes your ex feel worse.
Even though dumpers almost always need some time to themselves after the breakup, remember that those who respect you (and themselves) have decent morals and always respond. They respond because they know their ex has a reason for reaching out and that responding to an ex they’d spent a part of their life with is the right thing to do.
The only exception is threatening and insulting messages, of course. Those don’t need a reply as they’re malicious.
Why does my ex read my messages and not reply?
Let’s now talk about why your ex reads your messages but doesn’t reply. One of the reasons your ex doesn’t get back to you is that your ex doesn’t see a reason to reply. Your ex thinks that ignoring your messages is perfectly acceptable and that your ex deserves better.
He or she deserves to feel happier emotions and doesn’t have to talk about negative emotions with you. Not now that you’ve broken up and live separate lives. Now your ex believes it’s time to avoid unhealthy emotions that broke you up and welcome the positive ones.
This is how your ex can forget about the past and not have to worry about your wants and needs anymore. Your ex can just self-prioritize and enjoy the post-breakup life the way he or she had intended to live it.
I know this may be difficult to hear, but when dumpers leave their partners, they’re done not just with the relationship but with the person as well. They can’t stand being around the dumpee (don’t want friendship) because they need time to completely disassociate from the dumpee and attract people and things they don’t resent or dislike.
If you try to make your ex talk to you while your ex is still in the process of enjoying relief, you need to know that you’ll force your ex to think about you and give you things you want. This, will, in turn, bring out your ex’s repressed breakup emotions and cause your ex to respond.
Some dumpers respond out of politeness, some ask to be friends, some get angry, and some, ignore or block their dumpees.
Everyone reacts differently, depending on:
- how suffocated they feel
- the mistakes their ex makes
- how good their moral values are
- whether they were able to improve perceptions of their ex
- how good their coping mechanism and self-control are
- how long it’s been since the breakup
No matter what your ex’s reasons for not responding are, know that your ex doesn’t care or possess the ability to give you the respect you deserve. Your ex is putting himself or herself first now and is going to keep doing that for as long as perceptions, values, and feelings stay the way they are.
The following picture illustrates why your ex reads your texts but doesn’t respond.
What to do when your ex reads your messages but doesn’t reply?
When your ex reads your texts but doesn’t care enough to respond, don’t double text your ex and hope that he or she was too busy to reply.
Your ex wouldn’t forget about something as important as your texts because your ex:
- thinks about you frequently even now that you’re broken up
- feels strong negative emotions because of your reach out
Your texts create a strong emotional response in your ex, which means that your ex doesn’t need more reminders from you. If your ex wanted to respond, he or she would have done that already. You wouldn’t have to ask your ex to say something.
That’s why the only thing you can do when your ex reads your texts but doesn’t reply is to not message your ex anymore. Instead of irritating your ex some more, take a step back from the situation and go no contact. No contact will allow you to follow some healthy self-imposed rules that will benefit you and your ex.
No contact will give you a chance to detach and your ex enough time to find a reason to communicate with you again.
All ex-couples should stop talking to each other after the breakup so they can get some emotional distance, change the way they feel about each other, and decide what they want. Emotional and physical space is necessary so ex-couples can deal with negative post-breakup emotions and see things from a clearer, more rational perspective.
So give your ex a chance to process the breakup at the rate that is comfortable for your ex and focus on yourself.
You’ve got some self-improving and detaching to do. And you can’t do that if you’re anxiously texting and calling your ex. Even if you aren’t anxious, you shouldn’t be texting your ex because your ex isn’t ready to communicate with you.
Your ex will be ready when he or she reaches out—and not a moment before. That’s when you’ll know it’s safe for you to talk to your ex and perhaps even make plans with your ex.
So until you hear from your ex, follow the rules of no contact for dumpees diligently. They will help you prevent post-breakup mistakes and give you something positive to look forward to when you’re missing your ex and contemplating reaching out first.
Wait for your ex to respond
I know it can feel heartbreaking not to receive a response from your ex when you’re reaching out with the expectation to have a decent conversation with the person you love, but you mustn’t keep sending your ex texts. Now that you’ve reached out, this has to be the last time you reached out.
Nothing good will come out of messaging your ex while your ex is still in the early stages of a breakup and needs more time to figure out if talking to you is even worth it.
It could take hours, days, weeks, months, or years for your ex to finally send you a message, but despite that, you have to be patient and wait. You don’t have a choice right now because someone who doesn’t reply to you doesn’t have anything nice to say to you. He or she feels uncomfortable and doesn’t know how to stop feeling uncomfortable.
The majority of dumpers stop feeling uncomfortable when enough time goes by. As for the rest, they need to go through a self-reflective experience that forces them to stop ignoring their ex and motivates them to communicate again. This is because something painful or difficult makes them see their ex in a different light and helps them want to talk to their ex.
So as long as your ex doesn’t see your worth, don’t try to prove your worth the forceful way by reaching out to your ex. You won’t be able to prove anything positive because your ex isn’t ready to see your good traits. You’ll just prove that you don’t respect yourself and that your ex needs to stay away from you to protect himself or herself from being forced to invest emotions and time in you.
It sucks that you need to stay away from your ex but that’s the way breakups work. Breakups emotionally exhaust dumpers and make it impossible for them to communicate with you on equal terms. The only way they can talk to you is if they recover from the negative breakup effects and find healthy reasons to talk to you.
Does your ex read your texts but doesn’t reply? How does that make you feel? Let us know in the comments section below.
However, if you’re still looking for answers and want to talk to us about your ex’s ignoring behavior, sign up for breakup coaching with us.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
OK, so it took him over 2 weeks to reply this:
“Hi, Martha. Thank you very much for your message. I am getting along. I hope you are doing very well. If it is still possible at all, and it is not already too late, please send my things to XYX. All the best, W.”
Veeeery polite. He does this, I’ve seen it before. For the record, we did not have major arguments while we were together, and we got along very well… or so I thought. We ended in a respectful way, because his life circumstances were stressful (a divorce that hadn’t been finalized, but later was), he got a great new job elsewhere, and he just gave up on us. I was in no contact since then.
My reply was:
“Yes, I can still do what I offered to do. Me? I am doing fine (and mentioned some specific success at work which he might know about, because it’s public). I hope your new job is going well. You must be very proud. I’ll send your things next week.”
That’s it. Of course I want more, but that’s it. All in all, I think my reply was OK.
My ex and I broke up almost a year and a half ago. I was cleaning my house, and found his B.A. diploma, which he had left at my place. I sent him a polite, short email, asking for an address where I could send it. This was a week ago! Honestly, I wasn’t starting a conversation. I am quite surprised.
Hi Martha.
You did what you had to, so the ball is in his court. He’ll reply if he wants to. Stay in no contact for as long as it takes!
Best regards,
Zan
Hey,
Would like to have your comment!
We broke up 4months ago. He broke up with me – I agreed, he was like confused, but at the end I said, that “pls, dont text me anymore in any way”.. Had LDR, but originally he is from the same country as me. In relationship we both made a lot of mistakes and damage to each other, but still it was very strong connection. Relationship lasted 1.5y.
Since day 1 of the break up we never contacted each other in any way, I blocked him on messenger, deleted his contacts from everywhere, because I tried to move on, but at the same time I was thinking of him every day..
Time to time I was checking his social media, because he was still left our pictures in public.. also we had our “initials” were ment “us”..he was putting it as his name on his insta or whatsapp.. also, after 3 month I have changed my profile picture – and he changed his directly as well (he was never active on doing this), so it seemed that he got also triggered by my actions..
so after those 4months I lost it.. needed to have that closure, because it felt that “maybe we are still not done”. I unblocked him and texted him.. It was in friendly way, but I said, that I can’t keep it, I wishing him all the best, doesn’t matter where he is, with whom he is, but it passed a lot of time and I haven’t any bad feeling anymore, happy upcoming celebrations and bye.. He read. Hasn’t replied, but at the same day he deleted all our pictures, were was still keeping in public.
Then I got urge again 😬 (f**cking hell🙄😃🙈) text him like: don’t be angry on me, it was a lot for us both, it really passed a lot of time, dont be angry anymore.. I’m sorry, if I bring negative emotions to you, I not gonna fo that anymore”… he read that and texted me back next day just: “most of it was my fault (big time)” and thats it..
After one day I replied to this to him: “I take half of it, to me is much more important to have peace, cant bring the same to next year.. at the end of the day I cared dearly, suppressed a lot got to let it go somehow you know”, and then deleted for myself all the convo to dont look did he read etc.. but few days passed and no any answer..
what should I do? i know, that I should stay again in no contact, but it feels like I touch my own wound and now ots bleeding from this rejection.. Maybe I came to him with not clear message, but what should I do? What do you advice or what do you think?
Thank you very much! Have pleasant celebrations 🖤
Hi Sandra, I hope I’m not stepping on Zan’s toes by replying to you because I too have battles of keeping NO CONTACT, Like you. I was in NO CONTACT for about a year and still am, after being blocked everywhere on planet earth and now after reading one of Zan’s advice blogs I think I’m back to square one because I like contributing to charities and while checking out a web page of an ex which I knew was not a smart thing to do, I discovered a charity that was 25 dollars short of the goal being reached so I paid it, which of course I’m sure she got notification of it by her phone or email. I’m really not trying to get her back but It would be nice if her negative feelings towards me would subside and be less intense. It’s been 3 years since I was Ghosted and am finally getting over it now. You should stay in NO CONTACT. It gets easier with time
The thing, that I feel guilt what I did in relationship, I was avoidant and we both made mistakes on each other.. after 4 months of NC I started to speak, he put me on full ignorance, not blocking, but reading everything and not responding, except that “The most of it was my fault (big time)”.. he said like that about our relationship..
I think my message after 4 months was unclear, made him delete our all pics were he still kept exactly after that.. I didnt bring any “guilt” thing in that message, just wanted to say sorry from my side..
I still feeling anxious to speak with him, even if I said after that letter: “I see you dont care about anything, it’s like my closure, I should stop it.. happy celebrations”.. again he read and no anything.. Would like to have Zans view on this🙈 feeling so bad and desperate like never before 🥲
Sometimes I think.. if I would do thirst voice message after a week with that “last breath” to just make myself move on if he doesn’t reply.. it feels like I have nothing to lose anyways 😌
Hi Sandra.
He seems to find you responsible for his hurt feelings. Right now, all you can do is leave him alone and let him process his negative emotions. You’ve expressed the desire for peace, so give him the time to cool off and contact you. It might take a while, so get comfortable with zero communication. Rest assured that your message was clear and that it’s time to back off.
Best regards,
Zan
So idk if I made a big mistake or not me and my have been split for over a month now she’s dating a new guy she met at work, well up until yesterday she was reaching out to me via text everyday all the time about everything work issues , life, ect. We still live together and have 2 small children so either moving out isn’t a option we’ll we interact great she is laughing smiling making eye contact with me blushing her body language is focus towards me no matter where I sit she turns to me feet at me body in all she mimicked some of the ways I sat I did that on purpose to see if she would and subconsciously she did it without hesitation, I’ve been stuck home watching the kids and doing homeschooling which I enjoy but I want to be working again and can’t wait to get back out there I’ve been off since Aug this year due to her job taking priority over mine she was making triple what I did and the forced her to train and work certain shifts 16hr alot of the time in a factory, anyways she again has a need bf she hasn’t had any issues changing in front of me or talking to me with the bathroom door open or even when she showers we used to shower together but obviously not anymore, she calls me back to our room to talk or wants me to rub a cramp out of her calf or to get thevswelling in her ankles to go down all things I don’t mind she has to have her feet to work. Well last night she finally decided to go see her new bf and stay with him leaving me and the kids here alone until she got back at noon she left at 5am either way we know why she went to see him it wasn’t to just hang out, well she got back and I shut down completely quit talking to her not giving her the time of day like I said she would initiate alot of the texts and convos she has spoke just recent as a day ago about future things and she has me in her plans saying we and us, she wants to buy me things and we’re not dating she made I said I didn’t want to go to Xmas at her parents house with her said I was being childish and acting like a 5yr old, imbsure I’m over thinking it but I thought she was just being friendly with me but when I look deeper into it I feel she wants me back but don’t want to admit it seeing she broke up with me. The convos go into deep spots sometimes about her emotions,or fears ect when she has a day off she spends it with me like we’re dating talking and conversing like it’s nothing having to validate who she’s texting or where she went when I don’t ask this stuff. Like I said I thought I was in the friendzome but I told her I didn’t want to be just friends I couldn’t because I had feelings for her still and she left it as that well idk what im asking more off just venting at this point seeing I went way off topic but I texted her tonight she read it and didn’t reply doing what I did to her all day today becasue I was upset she chose a random guy she works with Over her kids and trying to make a attempt to work things out which she never did I understand I’m a anxious attachment and I was needy, controlling in some ways jealous, emotional, and always had to be right there with her asking what’s wrong is everything ok pushing her avoidant attachment away. Do you think she will get over this bump I made idk if she went to see him dur to us getting closer to validate her feelings for him but she’s never hung out with him until last night any other time she sees him at work, but behind closed doors she acting the way she does with me I’m sure I’m going to get the whole she’s using you, walk away but she’s the mother of my children she’s stuck by me throught my divorce, criminal charges, hospitalizations, and losing my mother I. 2020. Do you think she’ll get back on track with texting me again like she was before she’s done this before and she tends to text within a day like nothing happened but with me throwing my fit and ignoring her all day as well as her texts she’s been mad at me for it. But she doesn’t understand or care the pain she is and has put me through as I work on myself to fix myself. It’s like the 7yrs didn’t matter to her that it was despensible thay she just threw away I was going to do no contact but again we have kids so have to keep in contact with her in that regards or home issues but aside from that everything has been initiated but her the texts and face to face convos where she and I are connecting then she pulls away for a few hours then has me come back to the room to help her or she’ll like I said ask for help with a cramp so she can go to be but she’s in almost nothing when I come in with her on the bed. I’ll do what I can to help and get out of there I’m not sure if I tried to make a move if she’d freak out I tried once before she was ok with me kissing her neck shoulders back but when I was kissing her leg she freaked out on me so am I crazy to think she seems to want to work things out with me but is too scared or upset I know she said she didn’t love me and wouldn’t ever change her mind on ever dating me again but the signs she’s doing are all there that she wants to reconnect did I mess it up today is what I’m asking and did I act wrong because she left to go spend the night with her bf leaving me and our kids at home
Hi Danny.
She’s acting normal around you because she sees you as a friend and doesn’t want to scare you. She knows you used to get anxious and react strongly, so she wants to make sure you’re doing okay and that she doesn’t blame herself. Right now, she’s more interested in texting the new guy. She’s infatuated with him, so that’s completely normal. You must stay away from her and wait for her to reach out. She’ll probably do that when something goes wrong in her current relationship.
I think she’s acting so friendly because she needs to get along with you for the kids’ sake. Stay in no contact, Danny. You can’t continue to initiate conversations.
Kind regards,
Zan
My ex broke up with me on my birthday via text message. Then came and apologized a couple days later brought flowers a card. Said he would make up for what he did in my birthday and was supposed to surprise me and take me out this past weekend. I show up and nothing, he didn’t have anything planned wasted my time basically, I had a sitter for my child and everything. He then got upset that I got upset and expressed that if he hadn’t had anything set in stone why would he tell me to come over that he had everything planned and asked if I could get a sitter. Then flipped the scenario said I had an attitude and he didn’t want to go out with me but we could order in. Anyone would have an attitude in my position I felt slighted, not taken seriously and put on the back burner. We argued and then I went home. He text me saying he apologize for wasting my time and energy and that I’m right he is selfish. I didn’t here from him the next day. There after I text him because he was supposed to reimburse me for a sitter since he wasted my time. We spoke about how he would send the money. I was simultaneously texting tommy bestfriend while texting him. I inadvertently sent him the text I was supposed to send to my bestfriend. I had a death in the family and some work issues going on we were discussing. Then my ex text me saying why am I sending him messages to make him jealous because it’s not working. I was confused because no message I sent had anything to do with a relationship, a man or anything. I text him and explained that and also told him his actions hurt me because he continued to let me down but then try and gaslight me. I also told him in all I know he is not a bad person, both of us have things we need to work on within ourselves. He read it and never responded. He was supposed to come for Thanksgiving dinner today but he didn’t come, didn’t expect him to as he ignored my text. So all of this has occurred within the realm of two weeks and it’s confusing and hard. It has taken a lot not to text him anymore but I feel when someone is ready to talk to you they will and you only look unhinged sending repeated texts. Especially when you truly did nothing to warrant anything. We didn’t officially break up verbally but I’m smart enough to take one’s actions for an answer so that was a break up without stating it.
Hi Esha.
There was a lot of drama, so perhaps it’s a good thing you guys ended the relationship. He didn’t understand and respect your feeling as a woman and reacted poorly to them. I think deep inside, you want a guy who will not only understand you and care about you, but also apologize sincerely and actually make it up to you when he needs to.
He’s not a bad person, but he is underdeveloped. And that’s what ultimately led to the breakup.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi Lance,
I’m very confused for my ex broke up with me almost a month ago. Did no contact for 10 days but then it was my biggest. We had agreed to spend it together so we met and I stayed at his farm for a week. We had a great time, we agreed to stay in touch and see what happens. We have been texting for a week now and suddenly he stops replying. Not sure what to do 🙁
Birthday*
Hi Zan, my ex of over 20+ years dumped me two years ago. I’ve been no contact for over 6 months now and even have a new girlfriend as of a few months ago. My questions relates to two scenarios. When my ex dumped me, I was still able to send her messages off and on at FaceBook (maybe 8 or 10 messages) for a couple of months and of course she read the messages too, after which she blocked me there, although I was already blocked on her cell phone. Now fast forward to almost 13 months later and since I moved to a new city, I had my phone number changed. I started texting my ex again with my new number and again she allowed me to text 10 or 12 times over a couple of months and then she blocked my new number but never once responded to any of my texts since day one. That same day March 18th 2022 I went no contact and still doing,”No Contact.” Why did she wait so long to block me both times? I pleaded with and begged her to come back the first couple of months and this last time I told her that I bought her a diamond necklace and matching diamond earrings since I knew she liked diamonds and jewelry but she ignored me anyway. I have some wild ideas but I’m not really sure why she dumped me. It was rare if we ever argued and we used to talk to each other every day. Why did my ex wait so long to block me both times?
……………A friend told me a few months ago that the reason my ex waited so long to block me both times was because she still cared a little which I say isn’t likely. I really think it’s because I annoyed her by texting too much both times. I’m amazed I wasn’t hit with a restraining order instead!
Hi Will.
She probably waited in case you had something important to say. When she realized you didn’t, she blocked you without shame and forced you to stay away from her. Since you’re in a new relationship, you shouldn’t be texting your ex anymore. It’s unfair to your new partner.
Best regards,
Zan
My ex dumped me and I went no contact for 30 days. I recently sent her two text messages that she reads but does not reply. I still love her and want to work things out. If she wants nothing do with me why doesn’t she block my number?
Hi Nelson.
Dumpers tend not to block their ex. They don’t want to think of themselves as bad people, so they normally just leave things as they are. That doesn’t mean you should reach out, though. You still have to give her space.
Best,
Zan
My ex texted me two days after the break up, apart from telling me that it’ll take him longer to pick up his things (ldr), he kept me updated on his health/process of injury, even again the next day. This is very confusing and I haven’t responded first. A few days later I only responded wishing him well and also apologized for not having been able to give him what he wanted in our relationship and thanked him for our time. I haven’t heard anything after my text. I’m so confused.
Hi Anja.
Your ex just wants to keep you posted on his health and well-being in case you’re worried about him. He doesn’t intend to come back, so you should probably stop him from reaching out and confusing you. When he reaches out next time, tell him you appreciate him reaching out and that you’re glad he’s okay, but that you need time to yourself and that you don’t want to communicate anymore. Wish him well after that and start no contact for real.
Best,
Zan
I’m so glad that I didn’t bomb my ex and its messages. And he has let me stay in NC. But this article is so helpful, Zan!
Thank you 😊
You handled the breakup confidently, Linda. You should be proud of yourself for that.
Thanks for reading the blog.
Best regards,
Zan
Sometimes they read but don’t respond because their ego enjoys the attention, but they don’t have any interest in getting back together, so they just ignore it
That’s true, Doug!
Thanks for your input!
Zan
My ex recently reached out after just a few weeks of no contact. I’m not sure how much to engage in response. It feels awkward.
Hi Lance.
Figure out what your ex wants. You don’t need to take a lot of interest in your ex. Remember that your ex has to put the work in and not vice versa.
Kind regards,
Zan