How To Know That Your Ex Wants You Back?

Despite mentioning it often in other articles, many dumpees still ask me “How to know that your ex wants you back? What if my ex feels guilty, ashamed, or scared of rejection and thinks that I need to put some effort into the reconciliation alongside my ex? Or what if my ex wants to get back together but thinks I’m happy and doesn’t want to bother me?”

If thoughts like these plague your mind, you need to relax for a minute and think rationally. Ask yourself, why would your ex leave you alone when you’re happy and he’s not? Why wouldn’t he instead worry that he’s missing out on a great opportunity to be happy with you and ask you to get back together before it’s too late?”

If you ask yourself questions like this, you’ll realize that your ex left you because he was unhappy or thought he could be happier. He believed he could get more from life and be happier without you which means that if he wanted you back, his belief system would have to turn against him.

He’d have to realize he was wrong and that he needs to fix his mistakes and come back before someone else takes his place.

“But what if my ex is too stubborn and prideful. Won’t he just keep moving on and forget about me?”

The best way to answer this question is with another question. Are you forgetting about your ex? Are you being prideful and thinking to yourself, “Oh well, what’s done is done. On to the next one?”

If the breakup happened recently, you most likely aren’t capable of moving on because every fiber in your body tells you to hold on. You’re probably in so much pain that you’re thinking about your ex 24/7 and imagining being with him or her even while you’re sleeping.

You’re hurting, so thoughts about your ex don’t leave you alone. They torment you day after day and probably make you look for signs from the universe that your ex is coming back.

And that’s also what happens to dumpers who fail to find or create their own happiness. They suffer and through suffering, realize that their ex was good to them and that they must reconcile with their ex for their own good.

Dumpers who want you back just don’t cross their arms and put their feet up. They’re in too much pain to sit back and wait for their ex to contact them and do all the reconciliation work for them.

That’s why they more often than not ask their ex to get back right away.

Just how you don’t want to delay your healing by weeks or months, a regretful ex doesn’t want to do that either. He or she wants the pain to stop and is willing to do anything to be emotionally healthy.

Don’t get me wrong. If your ex just failed at something important (let’s say he was rejected by someone he cares about and got hurt), it could still take your ex a little while (a few days or so) to discern your worth. Your ex could need some time to reflect on his life choices and behaviors—and by doing so, conclude that you were good to him and that he’s made a big mistake.

But your ex wouldn’t just wait and wait forever. Your ex isn’t doing no contact. He’s the dumper who needs to fail and reflect.

And during his reflection, you mustn’t interfere with your ex’s process and keep reminding your ex that you’re still around. Your ex doesn’t need to be reminded of the fun moments and all of your good qualities.

Your ex already knows your good qualities and remembers the things he wants to remember. He just needs to realize your strength and the ability to fend for yourself because these things are attractive to dumpers and give them what they need to feel assured and secure after failing in life.

In this post, we’ll answer the question “How to know that your ex wants you back?” I hope you get the answers you’re looking for.

How to know that your ex wants you back?

First of all, your ex doesn’t need to experience a nervous breakdown and a complete loss of self-esteem, hope, and fall into depression to want your love and come back to you. These things certainly help with reflection as immense pain makes people turn inwards, but they aren’t the only ways your ex can discern your value and return to you.

Your ex can also come back to you because of stress, mild anxiety, and reflection. As long as some pain and regret are present, your ex can become concerned about his well-being and future, regret his actions, and ponder about you. He can do that and more if he willingly or forcefully compares the past to the present and realizes that he’s not as happy as he used to be.

That could make your ex nostalgic and make him crave you again.

One thing you need to understand is that it’s very unlikely for dumpers to come back just because they have nothing better to do with their time.

Dumpers who come back for unimportant reasons (boredom, money, or other selfish reasons) almost always leave again. They don’t feel inspired to stay with their ex because they don’t think and feel their ex is important to them. This is why they leave the moment they get what they want (or don’t want if they become unhappy or get annoyed).

So how to know that your ex wants you back?

You don’t have to (and shouldn’t) stalk your ex on Facebook and Instagram and look for hidden signs that your ex is miserable and that he’ll say yes if you ask him out. That’s not an alpha thing to do as breakups aren’t relationships. They’re the opposite of that, which means that you need to leave your ex to his own devices and focus on yourself.

You’ll know your ex is into you and wants you back when something important to your ex goes wrong in your ex’s life and forces your ex to suddenly want to speak to you.

That’s when your ex will appear receptive to you, look at you in awe, and refuse to hang up the phone/stop texting you. Before the conversation ends, your ex will make sure to set up a meeting with you or tell you how he feels.

He won’t just let you go because that would force him to deal with discontent and regret on his own and make him miss out on an opportunity to be happy again. Your ex would much rather avoid the unpleasantness caused by your lack of affection and receive your love, care, validation, and support.

This is why one of the few ways to know that your ex wants you back is to watch your ex’s behavior. When your ex appears, sad, hurt, regretful, and nostalgic and wants to meet up with you those are usually good signs as they indicate that your ex’s life didn’t go according to plan and that your ex is now looking for solace and shelter in you.

You can also assume that your ex wants you back when your ex keeps bringing up the past. That kind of behavior shows that your ex is nostalgic and that he’s trying to warm up to you and give you a hint.

Hint that he’s trying to make you feel something for him and that he wants you to reciprocate his efforts and feelings.

Always remember that an ex who wants you back will invest heavily in you. He’ll give you lots of attention, shower you with direct or indirect compliments, express or show regret, and give you the two most valuable things he has to offer – time and commitment.

A disinterested ex, however, will not talk to you and will instead avoid relationship/breakup conversations, get frustrated with you, and appear in total control of his or her emotions.

He or she might initiate occasionally and send you breadcrumbs that confuse you, but he or she won’t talk about how great the relationship was and show a need or desire to be rescued from the reality of his or her misery.

We could talk about how to know that your ex wants you back all day long, but I think it’d be easier if we let the picture below do the talking.

You’ll know if your ex wants you back

The good thing about breakups and getting back together with an ex is that you don’t have to have psychic powers. All you need is the knowledge that you’re the dumpee and your ex the dumper and that you and your ex both have different responsibilities.

You as a dumpee have to get your happiness and self-esteem back and your ex as a dumper has to get some space from you and figure out if dumping you was a good idea.

If it was a good idea, I can tell you that your ex likely won’t come back. He or she won’t have a reason to because life without you will be better or not much different than life before.

But if your ex discerns that he or she is miserable and wants things to go back to normal, your ex will feel the weight of your absence and want to feel loved, reassured, and empowered in ways that only you can help with.

You’re essentially hoping that your ex starts missing you, valuing you, and desiring the traits that are unique to you. And fortunately, you’ll know this is the case when your ex respects you and wants everything you have to offer.

The direct way your ex can do that would entail your ex telling you that he’s sorry and that he wants you back. The indirect way, however, would precede the direct way and would demand a lot of your attention, recognition, reciprocating, and one-on-one time.

Those are the only two ways you can tell that your ex wants you back and that he or she is sorry for underappreciating you and leaving you.

So if something’s going on with your ex and you want to understand how to know that your ex wants you back, try not to look for hope that your ex is coming back.

If your ex wants you back, your ex will move mountains and swim oceans for you. Your ex will do anything and everything just to impress you and get another chance with you because that’s what dumpers do when they realize their ex’s worth.

As a dumpee, your priority should be to focus on yourself while your ex is trying to figure out what he or she wants and doesn’t want. I can’t say how long it could take your ex to discern your worth and ask to get back with you because every dumper breaks up with his or her ex for different reasons and encounters different issues.

But usually, most dumpers who come back do so within the first few months. The first few months are the most important as some dumpers rebound with someone or do something to get hurt and run back to their ex for comfort.

This doesn’t mean that dumpers don’t come back after years. Some in fact do as they need a lot of time to explore other options and realize that they gave up on their ex too quickly.

So focus on yourself rather than your ex and give your ex all the time in the world. Your ex will either discern your romantic worth or he won’t. Either way, you’ll be okay as you’ll soon detach from your ex, regain independence, and become okay with the breakup.

Did you learn how to know that your ex wants you back? Can you think of any other reasons how the dumper could express sorrow and regret? As always, share your thoughts below the post.

And if you’d like to discuss your ex’s confusing behavior with us on call or via email, subscribe to one-on-one coaching.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.