7 Signs She Wants You Back But Is Scared

Before we get to the signs that your ex-girlfriend or ex-wife wants you back but is scared, you need to understand that not a lot of women who want their ex back take their time to observe their ex and decide what they want. Most women who want their ex back are in pain and want their ex back right away.

They don’t want to wait and delay their suffering.

But every now and then, some dumpers still love their ex and are scared of giving their ex another chance. They’re afraid that their ex will take them for granted again and disappoint them the moment they let their ex back into their hearts.

That’s why they keep their guards up and refuse to believe their ex’s heartfelt promises. They think they’ve heard enough promises and excuses and gave enough chances throughout the relationship to take any more risks.

All such dumpers want is to take their ex’s ability to hurt them away and watch their ex from a distance. Observing their ex can help them decide whether their ex will get his act together and change or if he’ll remain as he is and waste his chance to grow.

So if your ex is one of those overly self-protective people who wants you back but is scared, rest assured that your ex isn’t going anywhere. Your ex will remain close to you (but not available to you) because she still has love and plans for you.

She just doesn’t tell you about them because she’s afraid that the relationship will go back to the way it was. She’s scared you’ll stop working on yourself and go back to operating on autopilot again.

This means that an ex who loves you won’t contact you once in a blue moon just to check up on you and confuse you. If your ex truly loves you and is waiting for you to fix your mistakes and grow, your ex will remain emotionally connected with you and give you a chance to show your improvements.

Your ex will tell you or show you that you matter to her and that she wants to see you put everything you have into improving your shortcomings.

She’ll do that by communicating with you, showing concerns about your health, encouraging your growth, and most importantly, being open to talking about the future.

Yes, a person who’s scared but wants to be with you will even talk about the future. She may not make any promises or make plans, but she’ll still talk about the possibility of being with you and having a good relationship with you.

Whatever you do, don’t mistake an ex’s breakup excuse “Maybe we’ll get back together in the future” as a sign that she wants you back but is scared. An excuse is just something dumpers say to reduce their guilt and get their ex off their back.

Furthermore, your ex could also be afraid of committing to you. That would indicate that your ex hasn’t worked through her issues and that she isn’t emotionally ready for a relationship. She needs more time to solve her issues and learn how to trust people again.

So again, bear in mind that not a lot of couples break up with the intention to get back together in a few weeks or months.

Most couples who do that have been together for many years because such couples build a strong foundation and don’t want to throw everything away they’ve accomplished together. They still have hope that the relationship can be salvaged and that they can be happy.

In this post, we’ll talk about 7 different signs your ex wants you back but is scared.

1)She encourages you to keep working on yourself

One of the best signs she wants you back but is scared is when your ex reminds you or encourages you to keep working on the issues she broke up with you for. When an ex does that, she most likely isn’t helping you grow out of complete selflessness.

Sure, she wants you to grow because it’s good for you, but she also wants to see you improve yourself so she can benefit from it. And she can benefit from it by getting back with you and reaping the rewards of your hard work.

An ex who wants you back but is scared could encourage you to keep working on yourself in several ways.

She could:

• Remind you why the relationship failed
• Compliment you and encourage you to keep growing
• Reward you and help you grow
• Say it might be possible to get back together (give you a little bit of hope)
• Ask you if you’ve been working on your problems
• Show approval/disapproval about the things you’ve been spending your time on
• Offer to help and stay by your side

These are just a few ways in which your ex could show that she wants you back but is scared of trusting you.

You must listen to your ex and work hard on fixing your flaws or whatever needs fixing. If you fail this test and go back to the way you were, your ex will most certainly give up on you. Possibly forever.

2)She tells your friends and family that you’re a great guy

Another great sign your ex wants you back but is hesitant about it is if she keeps telling your loved ones that she loves you but is not sure she wants to take the risk with you. That would indicate that she thinks fondly of you and desires you but isn’t ready to face the same struggles.

Deep inside, she still remembers the way she felt before she broke up with you, so it’s still too early for her to commit and become vulnerable. She needs to make more emotional progress before she can give you another chance.

An ex-girlfriend like this knows that a relationship with you could work. It has worked for the most part, but because something happened, she lost faith in you and needs some time to process the breakup and figure out if she can be with you.

Unfortunately, though, this can be quite an ambiguous sign sometimes as some dumpers stay in touch with their ex’s friends and family and say good things about their ex. Some even compliment their ex and say it wasn’t their ex’s fault that they broke up.

So if your ex is in touch with your loved ones, study the way your ex talks to them about you. Is she just saying good things to make herself look better or is she being truthful and consistent?

Your ex’s actions are very important. So figure out if the things she says to your family and friends match the things she says to you. If they match, she’s likely being honest rather than just telling people things they want to hear.

3)She reminisces about the good times

If your ex appears nostalgic about the past, this is a sign that your ex is having a very difficult time separating from you and that she’s leaving the door open. It’s a sign that she’s thinking about the quality time she spent with you.

Nostalgia is a very powerful emotion when it comes to reconciliation as it’s both good and bad. On the one hand, it makes your ex-girlfriend miss the good times she had with you, but on the other, it makes her think that the present isn’t that great and forces her to crave happy emotions from the past.

This means that she feels both good and bad when she remembers the past.

If your ex is nostalgic and keeps bringing up the good parts of the relationship, it’s evident that your ex wants to be as happy as she was before. She just doesn’t know how to be that happy because she associates stress and unhappiness with you.

She’s doubting herself as well as your ability to live up to her expectations.

In order for her to keep missing you, she has to be the one who craves the past more than you. She has to miss you so much that not being with you makes her less happy than being with you. And this is something you can help her with by letting her bring up the past when she wants to.

If you’re the one who brings it up, you could catch her at a bad time (when she’s not having doubts) and smother her or make her feel guilty. So let her talk about the good moments from the past while you continue to improve yourself and her reasons for leaving.

4)She’s anxious when she’s not speaking with you

Separation anxiety is probably the best sign that your ex wants you back. It’s a sign that shows your absence is hurting her and that she needs to do something about that pain. The best thing that would take her pain away and ease her anxiety is to reunite with you.

That would make her feel better almost instantaneously.

But because her fears are bigger than pain, she can’t do that yet. She’s still afraid that she’ll be unhappy and that she’ll be forced to break up with you again. So although pain is the best incentive for reconciliation, keep in mind that doubts are the biggest relationship killer.

They are what break couples apart and prevent them from getting back together.

The best thing you can do in a situation like this is to wait for your ex to either get rid of her doubts on her own with time or to get hurt and forced to overcome her doubts. Both methods accomplish the same, but it’s more likely that your ex will have to get hurt before she can discern your worth and come back to give and receive love.

People say that love is selfless—and that’s probably true. But when it comes to breakups, it’s anything but. It’s usually inspired by failed post-breakup plans and pain and an immense desire to heal.

This means that your ex likely wants you back but is scared when her life is in shambles and has no one better to turn to.

5)She sleeps with you and is affectionate

Not all dumpees who sleep with their ex want their ex back. It’s definitely more common for dumpees to sleep with their ex as dumpees are often under the impression that intimacy can make their ex see their worth. Although that is sometimes the case, it’s not always the case. More often than not, sex only increases their false hope and the desire to be with their ex.

Anyway, if your dumper ex still sleeps with you and appears affectionate before and after sex, you’ve got a sign that things are slowly returning to “normal.” Your ex is getting over her fears and insecurities and is starting to relax around you.

If her emotional state keeps improving this way and you remain on your best behavior, your ex could get closer to you with time. Eventually, she could get so close that she gives in to the temptation of being with you.

The best way to tell whether your ex is with you for her selfish gain or you is to discern how receptive she is to you before and after sex. The more affection she allows herself to receive and the more she gives, the less likely it is that she’s using you just for sex.

6)She says she’s afraid things will be the same as before

Obviously, it’s a sign she wants you back but is scared if she openly tells you that she’s afraid of being with you because you won’t change. In that case, you shouldn’t keep begging your ex for another chance and convincing her that things will be different this time around.

Pushing your ex when she’s in a position of power and uncertainty could result in her choosing to flee from the situation. So instead of acting on your emotions, tell her that you understand how she feels and that you’ll leave her alone to her own devices.

Doing so may not force her to come back, but it will respect her decision and earn you some respect back.

You must remember that if your ex wants you back that giving her a little bit of space will make her see that you know there’s no point in begging and pleading with her. It will tell her that you’re not going to embarrass yourself just so she can see that you’re serious about being with her.

Giving her some space and time could give her some time to think and choose to come back when she sees that you respect yourself more than her.

7)Her thoughts and feelings are improving

The most important thing dumpees don’t understand is that dumpers don’t stay broken up with them because they’ve made mistakes. Dumpers stay away from them because they can’t or don’t want to improve the way they think and feel about their exes.

They prefer to dwell on their negative associations and blame their exes rather than improve their ways of thinking and perceiving.

That’s why you mustn’t be the only one who shows signs of improvement. You may have shortcomings to improve, but your ex also has work to do. She has to learn how to forgive and forget and open her heart up to getting hurt again.

That’s what love requires. It needs your ex to leave the past in the past and gather the strength and will to face new difficulties.

When she starts becoming vulnerable and showing romantic interest in you, you can be certain that she’s evolving and getting ready to trust you again.

Do you agree with these 7 signs that your ex-girlfriend wants you back but is scared? Can you think of any other signs? Share your thoughts below.

And if you’re looking for one-on-one help with your breakup, click here to learn more.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.