20 thoughts on “Why Is My Ex Still Friends With Me On Facebook?”

  1. Totally agree with Doug here. I went through (am still a long way from healed) a very painful break up in May (following one stupid fall out in our 2 year relationship) me being the dumpee and blindsided by it. I went NC. I unfriended the ex on FB approx 6 weeks later as it was clear no reconciliation was on the cards, from his side. I unfriended, as at that time I could not further deal with being relegated to just the friend zone, when I was still in love with him. If he wanted to reconcile, he had other means to reach out to me other than FB. His silence spoke painful volumes. Fast forward- he got engaged in October and posted it on FB. I only saw the post through a mutual friends timeline and am so hurt and shocked by this news. Since then it appears that the ex has now completely blocked me on FB. I’m in an awful dark place right now, and feel like any healing which i may have progressed in has been completely reversed.

    1. Aimee, I’m very sorry. I was blindsided by my ex-wife after six and a half years. I thought we had a great marriage. It’s incredibly painful and traumatic when it happens, and I believe makes getting over the breakup infinitely more difficult. I cut off all contact – unfriended, unfollowed her and all her friends and family. I didn’t want to see what I was certain to see: her with a new guy, possibly her next husband. It’s the only way to go. I’m still not over her two and a half years later. But until I meet someone new, I’ll never look for her online. Nothing good comes from it.

      1. Hi Doug,

        Many thanks for the reply. My heart goes out to you and what you have been through. 2 and a half years is a mighty time to grieve. You are so right, in that online check ins of exes bring no good and add to any existing pain for the dumpee. Commend yourself for full NC after the BU, as hard as it is to stick to sometimes. I wish you only true happiness and complete healing. Take good care of YOU – today, tomorrow and forever.

        1. Thanks so much, Aimee. She was the love of my life. It took me decades to find her. It will take a long, long time before I’m ok with losing her, if ever.
          I wish you happiness and healing as well. It’s not an easy road to be on. What you experienced was incredibly traumatic. Be patient with yourself and your recovery.

          1. Thank you for your kind words Doug. You come across as a very caring and compassionate person. To me, it seems as though the biggest loss lies on your ex-wife’s side – SHE has lost a very special kind of person. Nonetheless, that doesn’t negate your grief. I totally get where you are coming from with that. Healing isn’t linear, I know, but we must all keep focused on the light at the end of the dark tunnel. This too shall pass.

            1. Thanks so much, Aimee. I really appreciate it. Yes, I was extraordinarily good to her. When I met her she was broke, and had been in and out of toxic relationships for years. I took her in and changed her life. Took her all over the world, many times, spoiled her – not as a bribe, but because she used to be extremely good to me. Supported her in everything she did. We were best friends. She threw away something she’s very unlikely to find again.

    2. Aimee and Doug, I feel your pain. I was in a three year relationship just to be suddenly blind sided, discarded and replaced when just the day before I was the best thing to ever happen to her (her words). I’m over a year out, she got married within a few months after the break up and I am still in a state of disbelief. Along with Zan’s articles, I think another great thing to read up on are personality disorders. If someone can treat you like you are the best thing one day and discard you the next and treat you like you never existed, something isn’t right upstairs. Be well.

      1. Absolutely. My wife gave me an anniversary card telling me how amazing our marriage was and looking forward to many years to come. We were going to get a dog. It’s a beautiful card. She left two weeks later without even a conversation that something was wrong. That’s not normal behavior. She moved in with another guy a few months after that. Got dumped a few months after that. And god knows what state of chaos her life is in now.

        1. Not normal at all. It’s very disturbing because it makes you feel used and question how real the relationship even was if you could be disposed of and replaced so easily. I made the mistake of reaching out to my ex twice within a month of the break up before going no contact and it was like talking to someone I didn’t recognize. Ice cold. To the disordered we are like supply. You just have to keep the door closed if they try to recycle and use you again.

          1. You nailed it. You feel completely used, question the reality of the relationship itself, and after they leave, a different human being appears. Nasty, vicious. No appreciation for what you had, or all you did for them. It’s a form of insanity that the dumpee is forced to experience. After my ex got dumped, she showed up at my door in the middle of the day unannounced. I was in another relationship at that point. It was bizarre. My girlfriend could have been with me. I told her I was working and she smugly left. She never tried to come back again. You’re a pawn to them. A facilitator of their agenda. I loved my wife endlessly, but she’s deader than dead to me now

            1. Vicious, nasty, cold, disconnected…Doug, it’s sad to see this side of them especially when we had no way of detecting it before. It’s like who are you and where is the person I was just with for three years? Very disturbing. Isn’t it funny how they always return when you have finally moved on or are in another relationship? It’s like a signal is sent into the universe that tells them to return because they have exhausted all other options and want to ruin your new happiness by taking it away. Mine hasn’t returned yet but I have seen it in others before and wouldn’t discount it for the future with this one.

              1. Absolutely. I’ve often said, ‘I’ll hear from my ex (after months of silence) as soon as I’m in a new relationship’. And it’s bizarre how it actually happens.

      2. So true Anon. Your sad circumstances sound very similar to my own situation. My ex was still declaring his undying love for me in the morning, and dumped me the same day early evening. What the?? Does make you question the whole relationship though – was it all one big illusion? Awful thoughts to have. I really feel for you & wish you all the best for your healing. Take care.

        1. Thanks, Aimee. You as well. Something I have learned to take away from my experience is to really notice the words vs the actions. If someone constantly tells you how much you mean to them, they are more likely to walk away in an instant. Someone who truly cares for you will show it in their actions rather than always having to say it. That to me shows that they care for who you are and not just how you make them feel.

      3. “Something isn’t right upstairs “ – that made me chuckle, and I could certainly do with more of those lately!! Thank you 🙏

  2. My ex had me on his Facebook friends (that didn’t give me any hope), but before changing the status of his online relationship, he unfriends my family and me.

    You teach me to focus on myself and that I can’t put my life on hold for someone who isn’t doing the same.

    So I’m always so grateful for your help, Zan ❤️

    1. Hi Linda.

      Your ex didn’t want you and your family to see what he was up to anymore. For some reason, he decided it was best to keep it to friends and family only.

      Zan

  3. Personally, I think the healthiest thing is to go separate ways. Unfriend, unfollow. If an ex finds that they’re missing you or regretting their decision, they know how to contact you. But don’t be witness to their lives online. It will almost certainly be emotionally damaging if you’re the dumpee.
    If a dumper has remained friends on facebook, for instance, it’s because they have zero emotions/care about you being with another person and moving on. You’re just a person they used to know. They may still care about you, but not in the way you want them to care about you. Surveillance is another reason. In short, none of the reasons are healthy for the dumpee.

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