Why Is My Ex Sending Me Memories?

The reason your ex is sending you memories depends on whether your ex is the dumpee or the dumper. If your ex is the dumpee (an ex you dumped), your ex is indulging in nostalgia and sending you memories to make you feel nostalgic and grateful for the past.

He or she wants to affect you emotionally to make you realize that life was good when you were together and that it might be a good idea to think twice about breaking up.

However, if your ex is a dumper, then your ex is sending you memories either because your ex wants you back (realized your importance and feels regretful) or because your ex feels bad for hurting you and wishes he or she didn’t lose you completely.

Some exes want to be friends after the breakup. They express this desire by sending pictures of themselves, their ex, or both of them together.

They basically try to non-verbally express that they miss the non-romantic aspect of the relationship and that they want to behave as if they never dated.

Dumpees tend to get very hopeful because of this and oftentimes agree to be friends. They think they can show their ex they can make their ex happy and slowly get back together with their ex.

But in reality, they just get anxious and stay dependent on their ex. When they learn their ex doesn’t have any romantic feelings for them, they get their hopes and dreams crushed and realize they should have left their ex alone and ignored their ex’s happy memories.  

So before you conclude that your ex is sending you pictures because your ex wants you back, bear in mind that selfies and memories of the past are often triggered by a desire for support and validation. Although some dumpers want their ex back, the majority of them don’t.

Most dumpers send memories because they’re going through something difficult and want emotional support.

And they get support by initiating a conversation with an ex who loved them unconditionally until the end of the relationship. Their ex made them feel loved (in the past), so talking about the good times (from the past) can take them back in time and make them feel loved again.

It can distract them from their current problems and make them feel cared for and important.

Those who just want to feel important tend not to reconcile with their ex. They often just use their ex for support and stop talking to their ex when they feel validated and capable of dealing with their issues alone. Such dumpers make their dumpees feel needed one moment and not needed, used, and discarded the next.

They have no intention of getting to know their ex and redeveloping feelings.

You need to understand that not every text, picture, video, and audio recording hints that your ex wants to get back together. Memories may indicate that your ex feels nostalgic, but there’s more than one type of nostalgia.

Your ex could be missing you as a person rather than a partner.

That means your ex may be feeling somewhat lonely and could use someone to talk to from time to time. That someone is you because you used to occupy your ex and be a good friend.

Now that you’re no longer together, you’re probably not talking or talking much. You’re treating each other as exes, which means the dynamics have changed. You’re not together, nor are you friends. You’re in a grey zone between being a stranger and an acquaintance. 

Because things are different and you don’t contribute to your ex’s social life the way you used to, your ex feels like a part of him or her is missing and that he or she needs to do something to feel complete.

Your ex is addressing this issue by contacting you and sending you memories that make him or her satisfy unfulfilled cravings. 

In this post, we talk about why your ex is sending you memories. We dissect the topic from a dumpee and dumper perspective and share some useful tips with you.

Why is my ex sending me memories when he/she dumped me?

If your ex left you but is sending you memories that evoke hope and anxiety, your ex has probably come to realize that he or she has lost certain benefits. Your ex no longer has a good friend to confide in and rely on during tough times.

Yes, your ex has friends, but none of his or her friends were as reliable and emotionally close as you and your ex were. They can’t help as much because a romantic partner is both a partner and a best friend at the same time. He or she listens, empathizes, and feels directly affected by problems and worries.

That’s why your ex feels that a part of him or her is missing and that getting this part of his or her life back is crucial.

Your ex could, of course, have shared old memories because he or she is dealing with a one-time problem and might stop talking to you once you’ve helped him or her deal with that particular problem.

But if your ex wants a long-term friendship and needs you in his or her life, your ex will likely ask for it. He or she will express a desire to talk and hang out after he or she has taken a walk down memory lane and done his or her best to become your friend.

It might be difficult to differentiate between hanging out as friends and romantic partners, but if you’re not sure what your ex wants, it’s best to just ask. Say something like, “Why do you want to hang out all of a sudden?”

Your ex could tell you that he/she misses you and wants to be friends.

That will reveal that your ex doesn’t have feelings for you and that you need to be careful. If you settle for friendship with your ex, you’ll give your ex what he or she wants and sign up for months of confusion and suffering.

You need to say no to friendship offers and let your ex see that you won’t downgrade from relationship to friendship.

Do this by telling your ex you’re not ready to be friends and that you’ll let him or her know when you are. You can then immediately end the conversation and start fixing the damage your ex has caused to your self-esteem and recovery.

It’s also possible that your ex is sending you memories because your ex feels guilty for dumping you or dumping you in an unfair manner. If your ex ghosted you, left you by text, got angry with you, or did other hurtful things he or she regrets, your ex could be sending you memories to test the waters.

By sending you positive memories, your ex could intend to make you feel good and minimize the chance of receiving a negative reaction from you.

Some dumpers don’t care how they treat their ex right after the breakup because they feel victimized and annoyed. But when they spend some time away from their ex, they tend to calm down and see things differently.

They see that they made mistakes as well and that their ex didn’t deserve the kind of treatment he or she received. This realization makes dumpers feel guilty to the point where they reach out, apologize, and/or try to get on good terms with their ex.

If they just want forgiveness, they usually only talk to their ex once. They don’t see a reason to stay in touch because they already got what they wanted. They saw their ex didn’t hold a grudge and that they could carry on with a clear conscience.

So if you’re trying to figure out why your ex is sending you memories, learn whether your ex is going through something difficult. If your ex needs support/forgiveness and a familiar person to help him or her, your ex could be looking for a one-time or long-term friend.  

You could be the person who helps your ex accept his or her mistakes and support your ex. But if your ex keeps sending you memories day after day and keeps trying to see you and talk to you, then your ex is likely regretting his or her decision and wants you back. 

You should learn why your ex feels so nostalgic and then decide if you and your ex want the same thing. If your ex wants friendship or occasional friendship and you don’t, you must say you’d like to focus on yourself for a while.

You can accept the friendship offer if you want but don’t act like a friend. Tell your ex you’re okay with being friends but that you want to keep focusing on yourself until you’re ready.

However, if your ex wants you back, my advice is to learn your ex’s reasons for wanting you back and figure out if you still have feelings and want to work on restoring trust and improving yourselves. Make sure to think things through and avoid rushing the reconciliation process because a lot needs to change if you want to make the relationship work.

Your ex needs to understand your worth and commit to growing as a person/partner and you need to stay in charge of the reconciliation process and work on letting your ex earn your trust, love, and loyalty.

If you take your ex back on a whim, chances are your ex will take you for granted again and leave you.

That being said, here’s why your ex is sending you memories after he or she left you.

Why is my dumpee ex sending me memories?

Everyone knows that dumpees send their ex memories and various texts because they want their ex to feel like them. They want their ex to feel nostalgic and talk about the good times with them. Such conversations give them hope and reduce their separation anxiety and pain.

Dumpees send memories because they want to make their ex remember the past and feel good about it. They want to trigger their ex’s cravings for them and start a new relationship with their ex.

Some dumpees do this because they listen to fake breakup coaches who convince them they can make their ex love them by sending a bunch of nice texts and pictures. They don’t realize that they’re the only ones who feel nostalgic and want to get back together.

Nostalgia is very conditional. It requires a person to be somewhat dissatisfied with the present and to want to re-experience the past. Dumpers typically aren’t nostalgic because they’re glad the breakup happened. They enjoy being single or with someone else and don’t get nostalgic until something goes wrong.

And even when things go wrong, they need to be capable of perceiving their ex in a good light. If they’re resentful and unwilling to change their thinking patterns, they don’t become nostalgic even if they’re dealing with tons of problems.

So if your dumpee ex is sending you memories, bear in mind that your ex is probably having a difficult time moving on and is thinking about moments when he or she was happy. Your ex is expecting you to engage in conversation about times when life seemed more fulfilling and easier to manage.

What to do when your ex sends you memories?

If your ex left you and sent you memories, figure out why your ex is nostalgic and what kind of nostalgia your ex feels. Learning why and how your ex misses you is very important as it will tell you whether your ex misses you romantically or as a friend and whether you should talk to your ex or ask for space.

You can’t put yourself in a vulnerable situation and keep talking to your ex when your ex just wants to catch up and talk about things that have nothing to do with reconciliation.

This is especially true if you’re still processing the breakup and learning to live without your ex.

Ignore your hurt feelings and you’ll find yourself missing your ex even more. You’ll analyze your ex’s intentions day and night and stay dependent on your ex for recognition and love.

You can avoid unnecessary pain and complications by refusing to play along. Instead of sending your ex old memories back, say you had some good times but that you need to focus on yourself from now on. By doing so, you’ll ask for space and respect and deal with your ex’s breadcrumbs properly.

It probably won’t take you longer than a few days to process your ex-reachout.

On the other hand, if you left your ex, then try to sympathize with your ex. Tell your ex you appreciate the good times but that you shouldn’t talk about them for a while. Reassure your ex that space is good and necessary for both of you to process the separation and that you can talk about the past when you’re both fully over it.

You probably won’t need to talk about the past after you’ve dealt with it, but you might still want to catch up.

Fortunately, your ex doesn’t need to know that. What matters is that he or she understands that memories won’t restart your feelings and that he or she needs to start no contact. No contact will help your ex heal and decrease the urge to send memories and indulge in nostalgia with you.

Why do you think your ex is sending you memories? What does your ex want from you? Share your thoughts in the comments section below the article.

And if you prefer to talk about the breakup and your ex’s behavior with us directly, visit our coaching page for more information about our services.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.