Why Hasn’t My Ex Tried To Contact Me?

If you’re a dumpee, you’re probably following a strict regiment of no contact and doing your very best not to reach out to your ex. You’re probably counting the days since you’ve stopped talking to your ex—similarly to how we see prisoners in movies count their days (on the walls).

The only difference between you and them is that most prisoners know they’ll be free one day. They eventually get another chance to learn their lessons, improve their behavior, and perhaps even start over.

They basically have the certainty that everything will be okay, whereas you don’t.

You’re trapped in an uncertain, frightening predicament with absolutely no way to tell how the story will unfold. Due to the unpredictability of the breakup, you’re left alone with your scary thoughts and painful emotions and feel like you messed up and that the situation is hopeless.

In a way, a lack of hope isn’t necessarily a bad thing as it’s helping you detach. But a lack of hope is hurting you because you’re losing too much hope too quickly. You need to lose just the right amount of hope at the right kind of speed because that way, you can remain in control of your emotional health and swiftly deal with difficult days when you feel down.

Deep inside, you probably think that tally-marking the days of no contact will make your post-breakup situation more bearable and quicker to pass.

But the truth is that counting the days during no contact won’t help them go by any quicker. Sure, it will give you a sense of control and make you feel better, but it will also make your days seem long. Especially the days when you feel anxious and depressed.

Unlike good, happy moments that pass quickly, painful ones, unfortunately, distort your perception of time and tend to drag on forever. They feel like time is moving in slow motion and that the pain will never go away.

If you stay in no contact, though, you won’t feel this way forever. Soon, you’ll detach, lose hope, regain your strength, and see that it doesn’t matter why your ex hasn’t reached out yet. You simply won’t care because you’ll have better things to think about.

But until you stop caring about your ex’s reasons for staying away, you probably need some answers. Answers that prevent you from losing your sanity and contacting your ex.

So if you want to feel strong and watch the time after the breakup to move the way it does for other people, know that the only way for you to achieve that is to distract yourself and get busy.

You need to find a way to get the answers you need so that you can focus entirely on yourself and eventually stop asking questions such as “Why hasn’t my ex tried to contact me during no contact?”

When you’ve stopped prioritizing your ex, you’ll realize that not waiting for your ex to contact you during no contact does three things for you.

1. Lowers your expectations of your ex coming back.
2. Promotes recovery.
3. And helps you enjoy your life.

If you’re trying to learn more about dumpers’ behavior and breakups in general, today we’re going to help you with that. We’re going to talk about the reasons why your ex hasn’t tried to contact you during/after no contact and mention what you should do.

Why hasn’t my ex tried to contact me?

There are many reasons why your ex hasn’t tried to contact you. But there’s one particular reason that stands out from the rest.

That reason is that your ex doesn’t want to get back with you. Your ex is happy with the way things are, so he or she simply doesn’t need to contact you and discuss unimportant things.

Your ex prefers to focus on himself/herself and by doing so, keep you at a safe distance. Distance helps your ex avoid feeling negative breakup emotions and allows him or her to focus on things that make your ex feel better.

Some of those things include spending time with friends, enjoying various hobbies and activities, and even dating someone else. These things make your ex feel good whereas the thought of contacting you scares your ex or makes him or her feel uncomfortable.

It reminds your ex of times when the relationship didn’t make him or her happy and causes your ex to avoid you like the plague.

So whatever you do, don’t think that your ex is waiting by the phone to hear from you because he or she definitely isn’t. Your ex spent days or weeks prior to the breakup mustering up the courage to leave you.

He or she demonized you for so long that when your ex finally left, you practically had no more romantic value left. You quickly became someone your ex didn’t admire anymore and wanted to run away from. And that’s how your ex perceives you now that the relationship has ended.

I’m not saying your ex only remembers the bad times, but the good times don’t affect your ex very much as your ex isn’t ready for them to affect him/her. Your ex is still processing the breakup and enjoying the space and relief the breakup provides for him or her.

But when your ex stops feeling bitter and associating toxic thoughts and emotions with you, your ex could once again feel neutral about you. That’s when your ex could finally remember the good parts of the relationship, become curious, and reach out.

Here’s a picture explaining why your ex hasn’t tried to contact you.

Your ex has a victim mentality

The most possible reason why your ex hasn’t tried to contact you during no contact is that your ex has a victim mentality and doesn’t want to view you in a better light. Your ex is perfectly comfortable with the way he or she is and perceives you as doing so gives your ex power and control over you.

It lets your ex reassure himself or herself that the breakup was your fault and that it needed to happen no matter what.

Victim mentality is probably one of the most common causes of breakups as well as post-breakup problems dumpees encounter. This mentality prevents dumpers from treating their exes with respect and stops them from growing as people and coming back.

Victimized dumpers fail to see things from their ex’s perspective, so they point fingers and refuse to take responsibility even if they see that their ex is more right than they are. That’s because they’re furious and can’t deal with fury rationally the way dumpees want them to.

If your ex has a victim mentality, your ex is likely angry and bitter. He or she uses anger to stay resolute about the breakup because doing so tells your ex his or her decisions are justified.

Such a person will have a hard time dealing with breakup emotions and will likely need a very long time and perhaps even something painful to run out of anger (power) and develop a desire to reconnect with you.

Your ex doesn’t love you, like you, or respect you

It’s no secret that your ex doesn’t love you anymore.

He or she stopped loving you at some point prior to the breakup and was merely waiting for an excuse to pull the trigger. When your ex found that excuse, your ex decided to leave immediately and didn’t look back. Your ex focused solely on himself or herself and used suffocation, relief, anger, and other negative emotions for self-empowerment.

The thing with breakups is that dumpers don’t just fall out of love. They also lose respect, patience, and oftentimes the desire to be friends. They completely disconnect from their ex and try to forget about their ex as they associate such negative emotions with their ex’s persona that they don’t want their ex around even as a friend.

All they want is to be left alone and do the things they like.

If you convince yourself that your ex still loves you and that it’s impossible to go from loving someone today and disliking or hating him tomorrow, you’ll trap yourself in denial. You’ll start to believe that your ex secretly has feelings for you but that pride is preventing your ex from reaching out and conversing with you like you conversed while you were together.

And that will slow down your healing process.

So instead of thinking that your ex might still feel something for you, try to remember that your ex’s love, like, respect, or all these things combined are no longer present. Pre-breakup perceptions and negative post-breakup emotions changed them and made your ex want to be alone.

Your ex is busy dating other people

You probably don’t want to hear this as it’s a cliche, but an ex is an ex for a reason. Something goes wrong in the relationship that causes the dumper to fall out of love with you.

Now that your ex is a free spirit again, your ex is free to date other people. Your ex can spend time with others and even get into a relationship with them. Nothing’s preventing your ex from moving on and dating other people as your ex is no longer committed to you and in love with you.

Your ex has plans that don’t involve you and will prioritize those plans no matter what. You’d think that the dumper won’t date for a while because he or she isn’t ready to date, but that’s seldom the case. Most of the time, the dumper is detached and can jump into a serious relationship right away.

This explains why so few dumpers get into a rebound relationship (a relationship that fails because the dumper isn’t ready emotionally).

Dumpers usually start dating right away because doing so feels good, keeps them busy and distracted, and helps them move on. It allows them to avoid communicating with their ex and gives them what they need to feel validated.

So if your ex is dating someone else, this is likely the reason (or a part of the reason) why you haven’t heard from your ex yet. Your ex didn’t need to contact you because your ex has been infatuated with the new person and had no reason to communicate with an ex (you).

Your ex will likely have to get out of the infatuation stage and into the neutrality stage before your ex decides to give you a call. Don’t expect your ex to talk to you if your ex is in the early stages of a new relationship.

Your ex can’t let go of the past

This is the issue most dumpers face. They feel such strong negative emotions for their ex that they can’t forgive their ex and let go of grudges. Instead of letting go of them, they keep thinking about them and making them bigger.

This is how their perception of their ex remains unhealthy and prevents them from developing a desire to communicate with their ex.

An ex who can’t let go of the past usually thinks or talks badly about dumpers. The dumper can’t get over the past because the dumper doesn’t have the strength, willpower, and knowledge to bury the hatchet and get over the negative feelings the breakup created.

In other terms, the dumper hasn’t learned what caused his or her negative emotions and/or has no desire to do anything about them. It’s easier to hold exes accountable than it is to resolve difficult perceptions and emotions and be mature about it.

Not every dumper is that mature. Many lack the ability to process the past and see the good in their ex.

Don’t worry about hearing from your ex!

Whether your ex reaches out or not doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change the fact that talking to your ex won’t fix the issues that caused the breakup and make your ex see what a great person you are. Talking to your ex will likely just reopen your wounds and give you a ton of anxiety.

It will make you see that your ex doesn’t want you back as a romantic partner but rather as a friend. And that will make you hungry for your ex’s validation and hinder your detachment process.

If you want what’s best for you, you shouldn’t hope that your ex reaches out and talks to you about random things. You should keep moving on and let your ex talk to you only if it’s about getting back together. If it’s about anything else, you should immediately find a way to end the conversation and go back to no contact.

That way, you’ll have fewer things to analyze about your ex and allow yourself to keep moving forward with your life.

So rest assured that not hearing from your ex is a good thing. It’s a million times better than getting breadcrumbed every few days and wondering if your ex speaks to you because your ex still has feelings for you. Those who don’t receive breadcrumbs feel better and recover quicker.

They shouldn’t be pitied, but rather envied as they’re given a great chance to disconnect from their ex and find inner peace.

Are you wondering, “Why hasn’t my ex tried to contact me?” Do you feel a bit less hopeful after reading this article? Let us know below the post.

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Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.