Why Does My Ex Cry When We Talk?

Exes cry for various reasons after breaking up with their ex. The most common reasons include guilt, anxiety, depression, shame, doubt, and confusion. They tend to feel bad for hurting their ex and making their ex’s life difficult, so they get teary-eyed and shed a few tears.

Tears indicate that they dislike causing pain and feeling responsible for the unpleasant situation they’ve caused for themselves and their ex.

It’s quite common for dumpers to cry during the breakup. The breakup causes immense feelings of guilt, so they pity their ex and cry, hug, kiss, or even sleep with their ex.

Usually, they cry and sympathize with their ex only once during the closure conversation. It’s not very common for them to cry after the breakup every time they talk.

When they cry after, it’s normally because they’re depressed, questioning their conscience, or used to crying easily. They think they’re selfish for breaking their ex’s heart and doing what’s best for them. Such dumpers empathize and sympathize with their ex.

Unlike resentful dumpers, they don’t self-victimize and blame their ex for their problems and feelings.

Deep inside, they understand why the breakup happened and how it affected their ex. They know their ex is a good person and that he or she doesn’t deserve to suffer just because they fell out of love and decided to seek happiness elsewhere.

That doesn’t mean they still have feelings and want to get back together but that they’ve put themselves in their ex’s shoes and understand and regret what they did to their ex.

So if your ex cries when you talk and makes you wonder what’s going on with him or her, know that your ex feels guilty for ending the relationship on his or her terms and turning your life upside down. Your ex regrets breaking a commitment and forcing you to find a different path in life.

If your ex could break up with you without forcing you to deal with the consequences of a breakup, your ex would. He or she would do anything just to avoid complicating your life and feeling responsible for it.

If your ex usually isn’t so empathetic and easy to cry, your ex might be going through a difficult time. He or might be stressed and overwhelmed with personal problems you might not even be aware of.

This could be stressors at work, uncertainty about direction and purpose in life, identity issues, depression, or anything that causes anxiety, pain, self-doubt, and insecurities.

Many people break up and cry because they’re unhappy with themselves or some issue they’re facing. They’re in a lot of pain, so they appear sad to the people they interact with. They especially appear sad to the ex they left because they blame themselves for pulling the plug on the relationship.

Because they feel sad and hopeless, they tend to cry and attempt to ease their unhappiness. Crying relieves their guilty conscience and makes it a bit easier for them to accept and move on with their decisions and behavior.

It becomes much easier for them to cope with their “selfish actions” if their ex comforts them and shows them he or she doesn’t hold any grudges against them.

This affects dumpees both positively and negatively.

The good thing about seeing your ex cry during or after the breakup is that you don’t feel blamed for the breakup and unworthy of love. You just feel sad and confused about what it means and what to do.

However, the bad thing about seeing your ex cry when you talk is that you can’t hold your ex accountable for ignoring (personal) problems and falling out of love.

It’s hard to hold someone accountable when he or she cries and appears vulnerable or incapable of having a closure conversation.

Sometimes it’s necessary to view the other person responsible for the end of the relationship. I’m not saying you need to blame that person and send him or her hate mail. But understanding that the relationship ended let’s say because of his or her lack of effort, commitment, or self-investment could help you avoid looking for problems within yourself and encourage you to love yourself more.

That’s why breakup excuses such as “It’s not you, it’s me” are a double-edged sword. On one hand, they convey the message that the dumper left because of his or her personal issues and feelings, but on the other, they confuse the dumpee and make the dumpee think the dumper’s problems are temporary and could lead back to reconciliation since he or she still likes the dumpee.

When the dumper expresses pain and instantly takes the blame, the dumpee doesn’t feel the need to change anything about him/herself. The dumpee instead hopes that the dumper deals with his or her issues and comes back to work on the relationship.

Hence, it’s super important to be honest about feelings and say it how it is. If the dumper doesn’t have feelings anymore, he or she must explain why that is and prevent the dumpee from holding onto hope.

The dumper must avoid crying and making the dumpee think he or she is still in love with the dumpee, waiting for the right opportunity to reconcile.

In this article, we shed some light on why your ex cries whenever you talk and share some helpful tips on how to handle the situation.

Why does my ex cry when we talk?

Simply put, your ex gets emotional and cries because crying lets your ex take responsibility and alleviates his or her suffering. It enables your ex to get away with a breakup without bringing a negative reaction out of you and feeling worse than he or she already does.

By crying before you get to say anything and express your pain, your ex controls the flow of the breakup and prevents you from saying things you need to say. Things that would give you closure and help you process the breakup.

Think of your ex’s crying as a defense mechanism for dealing with unwanted emotions and difficult situations.

As soon as your ex cries and appears sad or stressed, you feel discouraged from asking difficult questions and offering even the slightest criticism.

I’m not saying your ex is crying just to manipulate you (although it’s a possibility). But I am saying that crying helps your ex more than it helps you.

Crying:

• stops you from expressing your emotions, talking about important matters, and getting closure
• prevents you from understanding what you need to work on
• discourages you from holding your ex accountable for ending the relationship
• makes you think your ex still likes you and might want you back after he or she has dealt with problems (gives you hope)
• assuaged your ex’s guilty conscience
• allows your ex to avoid seeing you hurt, angry, or desperate for another chance

Instead of crying and making you feel sorry for him or her, your ex should be explaining why things happened the way they did and suggesting getting space from each other. Space can help you process the separation whereas crying and statements full of self-pity can give you false hope and confuse you.

They force you to focus on your ex’s pain and hinder you from focusing on your own.

Remember that the dumper is not the victim even if he or she tries to make it seem that way. The dumpee is always the one who feels rejected and has to deal with separation anxiety, insecurities, broken relationship goals, and fears of the dumper moving on and finding someone else.

The dumper may feel bad, but he or she is already over the breakup whereas the dumpee is not and has dozens of inner demons to address. The dumpee has to wean off the dumper and find other people and things to live for. This can take months or (in extreme cases) even years.

It depends on the dumpee’s self-esteem and whether he or she continues to interact with the dumper and receive information on the dumper’s new life.

Information gives them anxiety and false hope or takes their hope away and makes them more desperate for reconciliation.

So bear in mind that your ex cries when you talk because your ex feels like crying. Your ex dislikes the fact that he or she has broken up with you out of nowhere and forced you to accept the breakup despite you having romantic feelings and expectations.

Since your ex is aware that you want to stay together, your ex feels overwhelmed and guilty for leaving you and wasting your time. Your ex wishes he or she didn’t break your heart into a million pieces and introduce you to gut-wrenching shock, anxiety, and depression.

That’s why your ex breaks into tears when you talk and refuses to give you open communication and closure.

Having said that, here’s why your ex cries when you talk.

If you’re saying mean things to make your ex care about you and validate you, you must stop what you’re doing. Stop reminding your ex that he or she is selfish and inconsiderate of your feelings and time. Even if it’s true, the relationship is over.

Telling your ex or hinting that he or she doesn’t deserve your time and affection won’t change how your ex feels about you.

On the contrary, it will tempt your ex to stop talking to you and keep his or her distance from you. If you make your ex’s life difficult (intentionally or unintentionally), there’s only so much your ex will tolerate. At some point, your ex will stop sympathizing with you and being kind and patient.

Try not to mistake your ex’s crying for weakness and think your ex will put up with anything just because your ex has a tendency to cry. When your ex stops feeling bad and feeling close to you, your ex will feel in control of his or her emotions and lose the emotional drive to talk to you.

What should I do if my ex cries when we talk?

The first thing you should do is ask yourself why you keep talking to your ex and pretending you’re friends. Why do you act like talking is perfectly normal and the right thing to do?

You must figure out why you continue to interact as if you’re still together, why you stay close enough to see your ex cry, and why you let your ex give you tons of false hope and anxiety.

You may want to get back with your ex, but talking and feeling sorry for your ex feeling sorry for you doesn’t help you at all. It just makes you think your ex is innocent and that you need to help your ex instead of yourself.

So start by putting an end to this post-breakup friendship. Acknowledge that the relationship has ended and that you won’t convince your ex to change his or her opinion of you by patting your ex on the back.

If anyone should offer support, it’s your ex. He or she broke up with you and showed you he or she has lost feelings for you.

Your job as a dumpee is to stop talking to your ex. Stop putting your ex in situations to cry and make you analyze his or her behavior and feelings. The sooner you let your ex know you don’t want to be friends, the sooner you can expect to heal.

Not only will you feel better, but you’ll also gain your ex’s respect and make your ex curious about you.

If your ex talks to you and breaks into tears before you get the chance to start no contact, feel free to ease your ex’s worries. Tell your ex it’s okay and that he or she doesn’t have to feel bad for hurting you.

Once your ex has calmed down, though, say that you should get some space from each other and focus on healing. Your ex will probably agree with you and let you get the space you need. If he or she doesn’t, insist on needing space and say you can be friends after you’ve fully processed the breakup.

Your ex has to see that you’re putting yourself first and that you’ll be okay on your own. This will likely ease your ex’s guilt and pressure and increase your ex’s respect, curiosity, and nostalgia.

So don’t let your ex cry in front of you and make you feel like you dumped your ex. Take control of the breakup instead and let your ex complain about his or her problems and pain to someone else. You have plenty of problems and pain of your own to deal with.

You don’t have enough energy and time to spend on someone who left you and feels sad. Not even if your ex is depressed and feels lost. Since your ex left you, remind yourself that your ex decided to deal with unwanted emotions without you.

Your ex can’t continue to rely on you and expect you to prioritize his or her problems over your happiness and well-being. Make sure your ex understands this by focusing on yourself and doing what’s best for you, not your ex.

Does your ex cry when you talk? Why does your ex do that? Share your thoughts and experiences below the post.

However, if you want to confide in us, check out our breakup coaching services. Our breakup coaching services offer one-on-one support to help you cope with the breakup blues, gain clarity, and rebuild your self-esteem.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.