Why Do Breakups Hit Guys Later?

Although men and women process emotions differently, it’s a misconception to believe that breakups always hit guys later.

Guys who break up with someone they no longer love typically don’t get heartbroken. They are the ones who break hearts, which is why there’s no guarantee that they’ll go through withdrawal, regret, guilt, or anything unpleasant at a later point.

Nobody can say they will because their happiness doesn’t depend on time alone. It depends on how strong they are as people and what kind of trouble they get themselves into.

For example, if they meet someone new who isn’t much better or worse than their previous partner in terms of compatibility, they have no reason to reminisce about their ex and get hit by the breakup. They can just do what makes them happy and stay carefree.

But if they fail miserably with their new partner or slip up in other painful ways, then that’s a completely different story. In that case, they are much more likely to ruminate over their ex-partner, doubt their decision to break up and get hit by the breakup.

The reason for that is that pain can change their perception of their ex and force them to seek love and comfort in their ex.

So if you’re trying to figure out why breakups sometimes hit guys later, know that it’s not because they always cared/had feelings for their ex. It’s because they later realized that their ex was good to them and that they didn’t appreciate their ex when they had the chance.

In this post, we’re going to answer the question “Why do breakups hit guys later?”

What does it mean to get hit by a breakup?

Before we continue, we should clarify what getting hit by a breakup means. In my opinion, it doesn’t mean that you feel bad for hurting your ex or that you’re curious about what your ex is up to. It means that you get hurt for realizing you’ve lost someone important to you.

Someone you were very close to and had a good romantic relationship with.

A person who gets hit (affected) by a breakup would often feel regretful and doubtful. He would wish that his life turned out differently and that he remained in his ex’s life.

He could, of course, also cry, message his ex profusely, stalk his ex online or in person, apologize, become angry and spiteful or ask to get back with his ex. There’s no telling what a guy who gets hit by a breakup would do.

But usually, he would be so unhappy with the turn of events that he’d decide to check up on his ex and see if his ex is still available.

As a general rule of thumb, the more a guy gets hit by the breakup, the quicker he’ll come running and apologizing for leaving.

Why do breakups hit guys later?

Now that you know what it means to “get hit by a breakup,” let’s discuss why breakups hit guys later rather than sooner.

First and foremost, guys get affected by breakups months or years later because they underestimate their ex-partner’s value. After the breakup, they feel so disappointed or angry with their ex that they forget their ex’s good traits and focus only on the bad ones.

This is how they justify their behavior and feelings and convince themselves that breaking up was the right thing to do.

But as time goes by and they slowly process anger, resentment, and all the negativity created by the breakup, most guys eventually cool off. They reach a neutral stage of the breakup where they neither hate nor love their ex.

They just feel indifferent.

And that’s when they transition into the nostalgia stage and notice that their partner had a lot of good characteristics. They just weren’t emotionally able to see those characteristics before because they felt overwhelmed by their partner’s presence and needed to physically and emotionally distance themselves to get a clear perspective.

In other words, they needed space to focus on themselves and enjoy their lives before they could discern their ex’s worth.

Another reason why guys get hit by breakups later is that they initially consider their exes to be the cause of their misery. They like to point fingers at their exes for the way feel (especially when they’re angry) because doing so empowers them and makes them feel in control.

It tells them that they were mistreated and that they deserve to be happy without their ex.

And because they’re in a hurry to be happy, guys don’t reflect on their mistakes and improve themselves. They just rush things and get involved with someone new very quickly.

At first, they appear happier than ever because they’re in love again.

But when they get to the end of the love phase and stop feeling elated about their partner, their feelings for their partner decrease, and the same old problems appear.

That’s when guys usually have an epiphany. They discern that their new relationship isn’t much different from their previous relationship and that they were partially responsible for the cause of their breakup. As a result, they get hit by the breakup and sometimes breadcrumb their ex to see how their ex is doing.

The third and most important reason why breakups hit guys later is that they fail miserably with another woman. They get involved with someone who isn’t as compatible with them as their ex, so they get hurt very badly.

They suffer so much that they compare their new lives to the lives before and crave the person they abandoned.

Such guys normally come back within half a year or so, but other guys can take much, much longer. It can take them 10 or even 20 years or more.

As I mentioned before, time alone doesn’t change much inside a guy’s mind after the breakup. It only allows the dumper to process smothering post-breakup emotions and gives him a chance to explore other dating options. It’s other options and the success the dumper has with them that determines whether the breakup will hit him later or not.

Some guys also regret breaking up with their ex because they aren’t happy with themselves and the lives they’ve built. They didn’t develop themselves and created a safe and comfortable environment for them to live in, so they covet their ex’s life and crave to be as happy as their ex.

This is why they become envious, jealous, and feel left behind. Such guys want to be a part of their ex’s life and leech off their ex, so they often contact their ex and try to figure out why their ex is successful and they’re not.

With that said, here are 5 reasons why breakups hit guys later.

What can you do to make guys get hit by breakups sooner?

If you want your ex-boyfriend back, you need to know that there’s not much you can do to make him realize your worth sooner. Your boyfriend needs to give his new life a try and see for himself if he’s happy without you. That’s the only way he’ll ever truly miss you and come back motivated to invest in you and work on the relationship.

So forget about doing something to win your ex-boyfriend back and instead give your ex lots of space and time. Give him so much space that he’ll see you’re gone for good. Once you’ve done that, your ex will respect you more and you’ll feel like yourself again.

So don’t hesitate. Start no contact and begin to work on yourself. Increase your self-esteem, improve your shortcomings, and most importantly, enjoy your life.

If anything’s going to make your ex see that you’re a person of high value, it’s when you focus completely on yourself and find your own happiness again. Investing in yourself could make your ex attracted to you whereas begging and pleading with your ex for another chance is going to destroy his respect for you and repulse him.

So if you haven’t stopped talking to your ex yet because you’ve been hopeful about your ex coming back through conversation, muster up your courage and do it right away. Go indefinite no contact with your ex and show your ex that you have what it takes to put yourself first and cut your ex off.

That on its own won’t attract your ex back, but it will impress your ex when life gives him lemons and he needs a shoulder to lean on.

Remember that how you present yourself is very important because it shows how you feel about yourself and what you’re prepared to put up with. So always depict high self-esteem and high confidence. Do what someone you hold in high regard would do.

If you do that, the chances of your ex coming back to you will be as high as they can be.

You’ll be okay either way

Whether the guy in question gets hit by the breakup or not, you’ll soon stop caring about it. You’ll learn that his happiness is unrelated to yours and that you’ve got better people to think about. People who love you, respect you, and want the best for you.

They are the ones who matter to you whereas your ex is just someone who hurt you and made you want revenge.

If you want to get back at your ex for the way he treated you during or after the breakup, you need to know that hurting your ex on purpose is never the right thing to do. Not only will revenge likely cause your ex to retaliate and hurt you back, but it will also turn you into a vengeful person with an eye for an eye mentality who resolves difficult situations with anger.

As Frank Sinatra said, the best revenge in life is massive success. And you need to achieve success without trying to uplift yourself by putting your ex down. If you can do that, it’s only a matter of time before you get over the pain your ex has caused you, grow into a stronger individual, and focus on things and people that give meaning to your existence.

But if you get revenge or keep wanting your ex to get hit by the breakup, you’ll most likely stay fixated on your ex longer than you’d like, remain who you are as a person, and unintentionally delay your recovery.

That’s why you shouldn’t keep hoping that your ex gets hit by karma and apologizes or does something that gives you closure. You can get closure without your ex. You just have to look for it within yourself and learn how to forgive yourself as well as your ex.

Did you learn why breakups hit guys later and why it’s important to forget about your ex and move on? Let me know what your most important breakup lesson was in the comments section below.

And also, if you’d like to talk one-on-one about your breakup, visit our coaching services to learn how.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.