When You Miss Your Ex During Christmas And Holiday Season

The Christmas holidays can be particularly challenging for people who have recently been broken up with. While everyone else is decorating their homes, preparing to spend time with their loved ones, and enjoying the festivities, dumpees tend to feel nostalgic about their exes.

They often think that they can’t enjoy the holiday season without their ex and that no one else can fill the void in their hearts like their ex can.

Friends and family can spend time with them, exchange gifts, and play cheerful music, but their Christmas spirit just doesn’t stop dumpees’ pain and give them the fulfillment they crave. It can’t give it to them because it reminds them that everyone’s happy and they’re not.

If they celebrated the previous holiday seasons with their ex, they can’t or don’t want to celebrate this year alone. They want their favorite person next to them and express gratitude for the love they receive. Because they don’t receive any love, they don’t feel very excited about the holidays.

They wish they could fast forward through them and not see couples do all the flashy things couples do. Some of the things they do are looking at Christmas lights, ice skating, Christmas shopping, baking cookies, making a Christmas tree, watching Christmas movies, going on dates, making Christmas lights, going to church, and much more.

People associate positive feelings with these activities. And when they get broken up with and lack a partner to do them with, they often feel like they’re missing out. This makes them extremely wistful and unhappy about the situation they’re in.

If you’re one of those dumpees, and you miss your ex a lot during this festive season, try not to compare yourself to other couples too much. What other couples have and do isn’t any of your business. Their happiness or lack thereof doesn’t improve or worsen your life.

It just makes you obsessed with them instead of yourself.

It may seem like people around you are settling down, starting a family, or having great success in their relationships and private lives, but don’t get deceived by the colorful Christmas decorations and their appearance.

All couples have ups and downs.

Christmas merely makes it look like they don’t because it’s the season of giving. People are excited because they have things to look forward to.

I don’t want you to envy them and feel that they’re too happy for you to be around them. You may be going through a painful separation, but don’t let that stop you from surrounding yourself with your loved ones and having a good time with them.

You don’t have to jump up and down in joy but try to at least participate in social activities and not be and feel all alone. 

Your ex won’t be moping and doing nothing this season; Why should you? Things may not have gone the way you wanted them to, but that shouldn’t stop you from spending some quality time with your loved ones.

Your family and friends are there for you to support you. Don’t hesitate to call them and see what they’re up to.

Whenever you feel sad and anxious, remember that a good distraction is your best breakup cure. It won’t instantly fix your broken heart, but it will help you get through your day and prove that you don’t need your ex to enjoy the holidays.

Aside from spending time with loved ones, there are other ways to cope with post-breakup blues. You can always journal about your problems and feelings and get them out of your system with the power of journaling. Journaling is a great way to express yourself non-verbally and feel as if you expressed yourself verbally.

Make sure to bring a notepad with you when you’re left alone with just your thoughts and feelings.

Also, remind yourself that your ex has flaws and that he or she isn’t the person you thought he or she was. Your ex isn’t your ideal partner because if he or she was, you wouldn’t have broken up. You’d have found ways to work through problems and tighten the bond.

So instead of thinking how great your ex is and how nice it’d be to spend this Christmas season with your ex, look for your ex’s shortcomings and remind yourself that your ex is a quitter who refused to communicate and fix things before negative emotions took over.

Your ex gave up before you became aware of the problem and tried to work on relationship problems.

If you view your ex realistically (as the person he or she is), you’ll crave your ex less during the Christmas season and value yourself more. When you miss your ex, think about the negative aspects of the relationship.

This includes your ex’s communication, gratitude, thoughtfulness, love, self-care, ability to grow, and personality. It’s hard to remember the bad points when you miss your ex like crazy, but that’s why you have your journal.

Dedicate a page in your book to your ex’s bad points and read them daily, especially when you feel your ex is a rare magical being.

It should remind you that your ex is not a unicorn and that you’re hurting because of the rejection and loneliness rather than your ex’s amazing traits, skills, looks, and personality.

The holiday season shouldn’t be about your ex (a person who left you). It should be about you and those who care about you and remain in your life. They give you unconditional love whereas your ex does not.

He or she may have promised you great things, but people usually do when they’re happy. They say things like, “I’ll never leave you. I don’t ever want us not to talk and act like strangers.” They say these things when the relationship is at its peak and forget about them as soon as they leave.

They feel no obligation to fulfill their promises because their promises depend on their feelings. And feelings, dear dumpee, fluctuate on a daily basis. When a person is happy, he or she will give you love and commitment.

And when he or she is not, expect the opposite. Expect your ex to self-prioritize and stay away from you.

It’s okay and brave of you to believe people when they promise you things. But do keep in mind that their loyalty depends on their happiness and ability to deal with unhappiness. If they’re underdeveloped morally and emotionally (have low EQ), they probably won’t stick around when problems, resentment, and pain accumulate.

They’ll probably leave and seek happiness from other people and activities. That’s the painful truth about breakups.

In this post, we discuss why you miss your ex during the Christmas season and what you can do to miss your ex less.

Why do I miss my ex so much during the Christmas season?

The reason you miss your ex so much is because you think positively of the Christmas season and have high expectations of it. You believe you’re supposed to spend it with your romantic partner and that being single for the holidays is the worst thing ever.

You celebrated the previous seasons with your ex or exes, so you can’t imagine going through this one alone. It would make you feel lonely, unloved, and strange. It’d also remind you that your life isn’t going the way you want it to go and that others are happy while you’re not.

The festive season from start to finish is a constant reminder of how you and your ex spent time or could spend time together and that this year will be different. This year, you’ll have to find different (non-romantic) ways to keep yourself busy.

And that you don’t like. You’d prefer to feel accepted by the person you love and want to be with. You don’t want your favorite person to enjoy the holidays without you, especially with someone else. 

The fear of your ex finding someone else and spending the Christmas season with that person is as high as it can be. It’s scaring you and making you think your ex will get closer to the new person and his or her family.

They could potentially get serious and make plans for the future. Plans that would decrease your chances of reconciliation. At least in the near future.

You probably don’t think the exact same thoughts as written here, but you certainly don’t want to lose your ex to someone else. You want your ex to miss you too so your ex can reach out and ask for another chance.

Subconsciously, you consider the festive season a season of joy and bonding. You know that if you don’t bond with your ex someone else will. And that someone may be another romantic partner.

Your nostalgia is, therefore, heightened by fear and trepidation. You miss your ex this badly because your ex isn’t giving you any signs that he or she misses you and that you might get back together soon. 

Your ex is probably posting happy pictures on social media and is looking forward to celebrating Christmas with others. That or the lack of information from your ex is making you extremely insecure and anxious. It’s making your brain overanalyze things that aren’t even true and question your future and happiness.

With that said, here are 5 reasons why you’re missing your ex like crazy during the holiday season.

It’s perfectly normal to miss your ex during one of the most emotionally stimulating holidays. Christmas is a widely celebrated holiday that represents family and appreciation. At the moment, the person you consider family is missing, so you can’t pretend you’re okay with it.

You want things to go back to the way they were so you can both give and receive love.

Love is a feeling you crave more than anything. It’s a Christmas present you need for the holidays to feel meaningful and complete. Without love and validation, you feel empty and unstimulated and wish you didn’t feel that way.

What to do when you miss your ex during the holiday season?

Obviously, you can’t shut yourself in and wait for the Christmas season to end. You have to persevere and keep living your life. It won’t be easy to do that when everything reminds you of your ex and makes you sentimental, but perhaps my tips will help.

These tips should not only keep your anxiety under control but also help you enjoy the holidays. 

First and foremost, surround yourself with supportive people. You may feel sad and depressed and tempted to push people away, but that’s the last thing you want to do when anxiety hits you.

Holidays or not, you should stick to people who care about you as such people will force you to interact with them and not think about your ex all the time.

Even if they don’t do the best job at distracting you, it’s still better than being all alone and picking up bad habits such as drinking, smoking, gambling, and taking drugs.

There are good and bad distractions. Good ones ease obsession and pain and take attention away from unhealthy thoughts whereas bad ones offer instant gratification and cause obsession and long-term attachment, problems, and suffering.   

When you miss your ex during the holidays, you should focus on yourself and those who love you and remember that your ex hasn’t forgotten about you even if it seems that he or she has. Your ex is just prioritizing the people who make him or her feel stronger and more positive emotions.

Make sure to also avoid checking up on your ex. Your ex and the people your ex hangs out with will likely post happy pictures on social media and make it seem like everything’s perfect. That will, in turn, make you think your ex is happier now that you’re gone and that you somehow held your ex back from enjoying his or her life.

The truth, though, is that your ex is happier (relieved) because he or she associated negative thoughts and feelings with you and chose to run away from problems. If you take that personally, you’ll suffer immensely and blame yourself.

You can avoid all this unnecessary pain simply by staying off social media and unfollowing your ex. But if despite your efforts, you happen to see what your ex is up to, I urge you to block your ex out of your life and refuse to connect your ex’s happiness and busy life with the end of the relationship.

You need to do everything you can not to receive your ex’s updates and obsess about them. The less you know about your ex’s post-breakup life, the quicker you can expect to recover and the easier the Christmas holidays will be.

Perhaps you could also help yourself by helping others. You could spread joy by giving Christmas gifts to children or lend a listening ear to adults who are going through tough times If you do that, you might learn that some people have it even harder than you and that they need love just as badly as you do.

Another way to cope with the lack of validation from your ex is to show appreciation towards someone else. You can express your gratitude to those who have been there for you during this difficult time by telling them how much they mean to you and stating that you’re happy to celebrate the festive season with them.

By doing so, you’ll strengthen the bond with them and not feel so alone. Yes, you want to bond with your ex and build a strong relationship with your ex. I know that bonding with friends and family doesn’t give you the emotional satisfaction you crave.

But, unlike your ex, they’re still committed to having a relationship with you. If you respect that and ask them for help, you might feel valued and less isolated.

That’s why I urge you to be with them and rely on them as much as possible. Helping you is one of their moral responsibilities.

Life isn’t all rainbows and sunshine. Sometimes (even during the holidays) things go wrong, and you need help. You can tell who your real friends are and who cares about you now that you’re hurting and missing your ex.

Those who genuinely want you to feel good will come to your aid and include you in their social life. On the other hand, those who don’t care about your suffering will show you that their relationship with you is based on what they can get from you.

It’s really that black or white. Observe how people act when you need their help and they’ll show you what kind of friend or person they are. 

Moreover, if your ex treated you badly during or after the breakup, take that into account as well. Remember your ex’s negative behavior when you’re fantasizing about spending the holidays with him or her.

It should help you acknowledge the fact that your ex stopped investing in the relationship and that your ex doesn’t deserve you anymore.

Also, allow yourself to feel nostalgic and sad at times. It’s nearly impossible not to miss a person you thought you’d be with long-term. Your emotions show you care about the relationship and that it will take some time to stop caring and lose hope.

If you didn’t care, you probably wouldn’t be reading this.

I also encourage you to change things up and be more spontaneous this year. If you’ve been visiting your grandma’s house every Christmas for the past 15 years, consider doing something different this year.

See your grandma another day and do something else instead. This will help you break old traditions and get fewer reminders about your ex.

Your post-breakup goal is to disassociate from your ex. And you can do that by doing new things with different people in different places. You’ll find the Christmas season more enjoyable and less painful if you modify old routines and start new ones. 

Just don’t contact your ex, send your ex holiday greetings, or date other people because it will likely cause a painful setback.

I hope you’ve learned why you miss your ex this holiday season and what you can do to miss your ex less. If you did or if you have other questions and concerns, post them in the comments section below.

And as always, if you need our help, especially during the Christmas season, sign up for our coaching services. We’ll be happy to help.