What To Do When Your Boyfriend Breaks Up With You?

When your boyfriend breaks up with you, you’ll be eager if not desperate to give and receive love. You’ll want to take control of the breakup and make your boyfriend change his perception of the relationship. Separation anxiety will tell you that your happiness depends on your ex’s approval and that you need to do everything in your power to obtain it.

It won’t tell you that you feel rejected/unworthy of love and that you need to understand and respect how your ex feels.

That’s why you mustn’t rely on your emotions for guidance.

Despite your emotions telling you to fight for love, fighting for a person who doesn’t want you is the worst thing you can do. It’s the quickest way to overwhelm and annoy your ex and portray yourself as a desperate individual. The only thing that will lose your ex’s respect quicker is revenge.

But if you take revenge, you can forget about having any kind of relationship with your ex. You’ll have trouble forgiving yourself, let alone winning your ex back. Every time you become nostalgic and regret hurting your ex, you’ll blame yourself for the breakup and for making things worse after the breakup.

If you want to make a good impression on your ex-boyfriend, you have to understand that your ex doesn’t want you to change his mind. He didn’t break up with you to scare you and make you improve yourself for him (most dumpers don’t). He left you because of unresolved long-term issues that affected him emotionally and destroyed his love and commitment.

This isn’t something you can fix with regret and willpower. It’s something your ex has to want to fix on his own. He has to realize he left a good woman and that he’ll be sad and miserable without her. When he understands your importance and regrets leaving you, your ex will do all the things you want him to do and more.

He’ll text and call, apologize, compliment you, and ask you for another chance. You won’t have to discard your dignity and pride and treat your ex like he’s above you.

So give up on trying to convince your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend that you’ll try harder and that you deserve another chance. Although men are rational people, they won’t be in a rational state of mind when you throw yourself at their feet and try to convince them you’re not the issue or that they’re compatible with you. Most of them will quickly escape the pressuring situation and do what they can not to interact with their pleading ex.

I know you don’t want to wait months or years for your ex to have an epiphany and want you back, but you don’t have control over your ex’s thoughts and feelings. You can’t speed up your ex’s regret process because your ex has to run into problems first and find reasons to engage in reflection and redevelop love.

If you try to make your ex love you by force, your ex will feel smothered and annoyed. He’ll think you don’t respect his decisions and feelings and that you’re extremely demanding and selfish. Exude strong emotions on top of that and he’ll feel overwhelmed and repulsed.

So what to do when your boyfriend breaks up with you?

Don’t do anything your boyfriend doesn’t want you to do. Don’t bombard him with calls, explain your reasons for behaving in unappealing ways (it will come off as an excuse), and tell him he’ll never find someone like you. He doesn’t want to see how hurt you are and that you’re in denial.

What he wants to see is a person who knows her worth and has her emotions under control. He wants to know you can handle a breakup and that he needn’t worry about your health and impulsivity. If he sees that you’re doing okay, he may not come back to you right away, but he will respect you and be curious about you at times.

Respect is the foundation of every romantic relationship. Without it, a relationship can’t develop or redevelop. Couples who lack respect for each other break up whereas ex-couples stay broken up. They drift further and further apart until they stop interacting altogether.

Hence, your goal should be to act confidently, preserve your value, and make your ex respect you. Of course, you can’t do that just by handling the breakup well and giving your ex some space, but, unfortunately, space is all you can give. If you let your ex be, your ex could redevelop respect and love for you and see you in a better light when he processes the breakup and/or encounters a problem he wants your help with.

Ultimately, your ex or rather, your ex’s maturity and external influences decide how your ex perceives you.

If your ex is surrounded by friends who constantly talk badly about you, your ex will likely join them. He’ll speak and think negatively about you and continue to ruin your post-breakup persona.

There’s nothing you can do about an ex like that. But then again, it’s not like you want to. When your ex says mean and disrespectful things about you, he doesn’t deserve another chance and isn’t worth your time. Not even if you’re in unimaginable pain and feel depressed and desperate for another chance.

When an ex loses his respect for you and treats you like an insect, it’s time to give up on your ex. Your ex’s opinion of you won’t improve much over time. Your ex might feel bad about it later, but his feelings will be forever sealed away. You won’t be able to bring them back due to the way he treated you in the past.

All you can do when your boyfriend breaks up with you is accept the breakup and make it easier for him to leave and respect you. Let the guy know you won’t beg for attention and affection and show him you’ll be okay. This could have a reverse psychology effect on him and make him think he’s not as great and desirable as he thought and that you might have found better ways to occupy your time.

Better ways such as other friends, hobbies, or romantic interests. The idea behind it is to look strong and stay mysterious. If you do this right, your ex will wonder why you were able to accept the breakup so easily and not think of him as the prize.

So never resist the breakup and show him how much he means to you. You can express regrets and emotions to a person you’re dating. He will probably appreciate them and feel more motivated to resolve problems and differences.

However, an ex who left you doesn’t want to know he’s important to you. He wants to know you’re ready to let him go just as he’s ready to let go of you. Your preparedness to move on with your life will assuage his guilt and eliminate his moral obligations to stay in touch and help you feel loved.

In this post, we shed some light on what to do when your boyfriend breaks up with you and causes you overwhelming pain and anxiety.

What to do when your boyfriend breaks up with you?

When your boyfriend breaks up with you and triggers feelings you didn’t know existed, you must do your best to control your emotions and hold back from saying hurtful and desperate things. You must remember that your ex thought long and hard before initiating a breakup and that you won’t change his mind on the spot.

You’ll only increase his repressed anger, resentment, or need for space and make him like you less. If you don’t want him to think poorly of you (or worse than he already does), you must remember that he needs time to process things and figure out if he wants to stay broken up.

I couldn’t say how long he needs, but he’ll probably need at least a few months to stop feeling smothered by you and relieved in your absence. He could need longer if he meets someone else and starts a new serious relationship with her. That would hurt like hell, so make sure not to stalk your ex’s social media and talk to your ex.

During the breakup (or right after), tell your ex you need some space and time to yourself to process things and figure out your next steps. Tell your ex you’ll reach out when you’re ready to talk and be friends. Your ex will probably be happy to hear that and may even encourage you to reach out whenever you want.

Many dumpers say nice things for the sake of being nice and ending things on a positive note. Those who get angry with their dumpee for needing space lack breakup knowledge and empathy. They want friendship, so they take things personally and accuse their ex of being mean and selfish.

Your ex probably won’t do that. And even if he does, you shouldn’t worry about it because your health and happiness come first. He should have taken into account that breaking up with you could result in permanent cessation of communication and the connection between you and him.

It’s probably more important to be aware of the things you shouldn’t do rather than the things you should do after a breakup.

You shouldn’t:

• beg your ex for another chance
• threaten your ex
• pester your ex with calls, texts, and voice recordings
• like your ex’s posts
• post a lot on social media (act out of character) and try to impress your ex
• make your ex jealous
• cry to your ex’s friends and family about your breakup problems
• and do anything that makes your ex think about you rather than the things and people he’s interested in

Your ex is your ex – someone who thinks he can be happier alone or with someone else. He must be on his own for a while to see if he can reach his post-breakup expectations and not feel regretful. If he can, he probably won’t be back. He won’t see the need to reminisce and return because he’ll be happy and focused on the present.

But if your ex gets in some kind of trouble that makes him reflect and realize he was happier when he was with you, then your ex could run back to you and feel safe with you. He could see you as someone who can instantly fix his failures and ease his regrets and pain.

Reconciliations require regret, pain, respect, love, and a desire to replace an unfulfilling present with a person from the past. Until your ex has discovered your value, your task as a dumpee is to preserve your worth and avoid doing anything that could give your ex reasons to dislike you.

This includes breakup mistakes and behaviors that show you need your ex way more than he needs you.

What about the things I should do?

There’s not much you should do about your ex directly. Your ex either needs space to process the separation or needs to see that you won’t settle for friendship, put up with him, and torture yourself. If he sees you’re willing to stick around after the breakup, he’ll talk to you about non-relationship matters and develop a pattern of talking to you when he’s lonely, bored, or curious or when he needs your help with something.

Hence, I urge you to go no contact with your ex and do things that have nothing to do with your ex. Take some time to reflect on your life and improve your flaws.

If you weren’t a good communicator, figure out why you behaved the way you did and how to communicate better. If you spent too much time with friends and neglected your ex, commit to spending more time with your significant other. If you were lazy and didn’t work, apply for jobs and be financially independent.

And if you were anxious and depressed and let your moods get in the way of the relationship, sign up for therapy and rewire your brain. Prove to yourself that you can grow into a person you and your loved ones can be proud of.

It will take months of self-improvement to get to a point where you and others notice permanent changes in your life. But once you change for good, you’ll be much happier because you won’t associate yourself with the person you were. You’ll leave the past behind and strive toward better things.

You should use this valuable post-breakup time to stay busy. Hang out with your friends, make some new friends, and do things that give your life meaning. Do whatever it takes to take your mind off your ex and fall back in love with yourself. Not only is it good for you, but your ex will also value you more and wonder why or who encouraged you to make all the positive changes in your life.

With that said, here’s what to do when your boyfriend breaks up with you.

Will my ex-boyfriend come back?

It’s difficult to say if your ex-boyfriend will come back. It depends mainly on his post-breakup experiences (problems), coping mechanisms, perceptions of you, ability to let go of the past, attachment style, and the quality of the relationship. If you got along well, it’s much more likely that your ex-boyfriend will remember the good times and want you back when life gives him lemons.

Don’t expect your ex to want you back just it’s you. You may have been a decent partner, but that doesn’t mean your ex-boyfriend will regret leaving you because of it. To regret leaving, he must encounter something unpredictable and painful and get his post-breakup expectations crushed. That’s the only way he’ll redevelop feelings and want you back.

Always remember that breakups and reconciliations happen for a reason. Something goes wrong and hurts dumpers, making them think they’ll be happier with/without their ex. That something is usually another relationship or love interest.

When dumpers get rejected and experience a sudden loss of self-esteem, they get anxious and start feeling sorry for themselves. They don’t know how to feel whole again, so they contact their ex (a person who loves them). Their ex is the only person who can instantly validate them and take their pain away.

Therefore, your best bet is to give your ex enough time to encounter a problem he lacks the ability and strength to resolve. It could take, months, years, or decades for that to happen, but when it does and your ex’s self-esteem is low enough, he’ll probably stop thinking negatively about you and contact you to rely on you for his problems.

That’s when you’ll get another chance with your ex and finally be able to take back lost power and control.

You obviously won’t wait years for someone who dumped you. You may think that you will, but as soon as you get your strength back and become rational, you’ll see your ex differently and prefer to keep healing and enjoying life. You never know; you might even thank your ex for giving you the kick in the butt you needed to improve yourself and live a better life.

So don’t waste too much time trying to get your ex-boyfriend back. Worry about distracting yourself and growing as a person. The sooner you detach and improve yourself, the sooner you’ll stop obsessing over your ex and depending on your ex for happiness and self-love.

When you detach, you’ll appreciate your own company and look much more attractive to your ex and other people. This is because you won’t have any expectations of your ex—and will be your happy self.

I hope you’ve learned what to do when your boyfriend breaks up with you. Feel free to share your discoveries and breakup/reconciliation tactics and questions below.

And if you want to discuss breakup etiquette and plans with us, sign up for private coaching here. We’ll devise a strategy tailored to your story and needs.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.