Updated on October 22, 2025
You’ve probably heard the saying, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” You might have read it online or heard it from someone that people who cheat often do it again and continue to damage or destroy their relationships.
But is it true? Do people really make the same mistakes over and over again in relationships and fail to break their cheating patterns?
The answer depends on each person’s regret, guilt, and ability to learn from mistakes. But in general, people don’t change unless they have a strong desire to change. Unless they suffer from their misdeeds and badly want to improve their behavior, they tend to follow their instincts and make similar mistakes throughout their lives.
They lie, express anger poorly, or cheat, and by doing so, fully transform themselves into serial offenders or cheaters.
Sometimes, they even project their problems onto their partner and blame their partner for their cheating.
They tell their partner things like:
- you made me do it
- it’s all your fault
- if you weren’t like this…
- I wasn’t happy
- we were on a break
- you would have done the same
- you cheated first
When a person cheats, the indisputable truth is that no other person is responsible for his or her cheating. It doesn’t matter if the relationship wasn’t working or an ex from 20 years ago showed reappeared. The cheater is solely to blame for cheating, as he or she gave in to temptations and decided to betray his or her partner.
The cheater may put the blame on alcohol or drugs, pushy friends, or even the person he or she shamelessly cheated on, but that doesn’t change the fact that he or she made a conscious decision to sleep with another person. The cheater was okay with the consequences of unfaithfulness. And that says a lot about his or her morals, integrity, self-control, and care for the relationship and the future.
Someone who cheats simply isn’t ready for a relationship. He or she may become ready later, but during or shortly after cheating, the cheater is completely unprepared to handle temptations and maintain relationships. I suppose the cheater is too impulse-driven to learn important lessons and prioritize what or who truly matters long-term.
If he or she wasn’t happy or mature enough for a serious commitment, he or she should have left the relationship instead of acting on temptations and cheating. He or she should have stepped away before the relationship evolved and emotions developed. Had the man or woman done that, there would have been no need to cheat and perhaps even monkey-branch into a new relationship and ruin his or her karma.
That would have been the ideal/moral thing to do. In the real world, though, things don’t always unfold like that. Many people are happy or happy enough with their partner, but still cheat. They do so because they neglect the connection with their partner and allow themselves to get close to another person.
Due to the excitement of getting to know someone else, the new person validates them more than their partner and urges them to do what feels right rather than is right. And what feels right is the worst for the relationship, as it often ruins trust and breaks the relationship completely.
A relationship struggles to recover from infidelity once trust is broken and anxiety takes over.
In this article, we’ll talk about cheating and answer the question, “What does cheating say about a person?”
1)Impulsive
Cheating says many (mostly bad) things about a person, but the worst is that it shows how careless and emotion-driven he or she can be.
It shows that the cheater is ruled by emotions and lacks the willpower to say “no” to new romantic or sexual opportunities. If the cheater had decent emotional self-control and loyalty to his or her partner, he or she would have pulled away in time and stopped cheating from happening.
That’s why it’s safe to say that cheating says that the cheater’s priorities and morality are under par and that he or she doesn’t value what he or she has or had.
A person who cheats prioritizes his or her emotional and sexual gratifications over his or her partner’s commitment and well-being—and ignores the need to work on the relationship.
So if your boyfriend or girlfriend cheated on you and you’re wondering what cheating says about a person, know that it doesn’t say anything good. It’s a clear sign that the cheater lacks self-control and the positive, reinforcing thoughts that could have saved the relationship.
The cheater’s mindset revolves entirely around his or her fulfilment, which is not enough to stay faithful to you or to the relationship. As long as he or she thinks the world revolves around him or her, the cheater will continue to prioritize his or her own desires over your feelings and the health of the relationship.
Impulsive people are known for making illogical decisions. They make such decisions even though they hurt them and the people around them. Pain doesn’t stop them from putting themselves first and living their life in the moment.
2)No self-respect
Although a cheater is emotionally-driven, he or she always makes a premeditated decision to cheat. This means that the cheater decides it’s okay to cheat and that he or she wants to do it because it’s good for his or her validation and sexual fulfillment.
There truly is no excuse for cheating, which is why you shouldn’t instantly forgive a person who betrays you. It doesn’t matter if it’s a physical or emotional betrayal. Cheating is still cheating and must be taken seriously regardless of how it happened and with whom.
You have to remember that cheating occurs when people stop caring about their partner and themselves (their values). They do whatever feels right to them—and as a result, hurt the person who loves them the most.
This implies that they don’t care about how others perceive them or how they perceive themselves. They stopped caring about such things the moment they developed feelings or sexual cravings for someone else.
So if you’ve been cheated on or know someone who’s been betrayed, remember that cheating says bad things about the person who cheated. It shows that the cheater doesn’t hesitate to betray others for selfish gain and that he or she doesn’t care about personal values and people’s emotions and feelings.
This takes us to our next point.
3)Inconsiderate
It’s no secret that a person who cheats is incredibly self-centered.
He or she doesn’t think about how cheating will affect his or her loyal partner’s feelings and how many trust issues and problems it will cause.
A cheater is just too self-absorbed and inconsiderate of others’ feelings to do the right thing (which is to recognize his or her impulsive desire to be intimate with another person).
In all honesty, cheaters often see themselves as victims. They believe they were wronged and robbed of happiness and opportunities and that they need to do what’s best for them.
That’s why they attempt to justify their betrayal and sometimes even make themselves look better than they actually are by making their partner look bad.
They do this by trash-talking their ex-partner, revealing their ex’s secrets, and ruining their ex’s reputation. It’s unfortunate that such cheaters exist and that cheating has become such a common phenomenon.
If people saw cheaters’ true colors before they got attracted and attached to them, they wouldn’t have committed to them. They would have avoided getting involved with them in the first place or soon run for the hills.
But since cheaters hide their cheating tendencies, or don’t even realize they have them, their partners usually discover them when it’s already too late.
Cheatees (those who get cheated on) get to know their partners’ bad traits and see them for who they are. It’s unfortunate that they have to suffer so much due to the inconsiderate actions of their immoral partners.
With that said, here’s why people cheat in relationships.
4)Thirst for validation
There are many reasons why a cheater cheats. But one of the most common reasons has something to do with how a person thinks of himself or herself.
Basically, the worse a person views himself or herself and the more he or she craves validation externally, the higher the chance that he or she will cheat when an opportunity arises.
Low self-esteem alone isn’t enough to make a person cheat. Many people with low self-esteem cling to their partner and commit to him or her more than people with decent self-esteem. It’s those who crave others’ recognition and can’t get enough of it that take their partner for granted and cheat on him or her.
Such people are so hungry for attention they’re willing to throw their relationship away for a bit of external validation and entertainment. They don’t understand that long-lasting relationships require them to consistently work on themselves and the relationship.
5)Lack of emotional strength
Everything in life requires strength—and relationships are certainly no exception.
Relationships require positive thinking, self-control (especially during arguments), lots of healthy communication, healthy thinking and perceptions, and much, much more.
So when someone thinks that “A relationship shouldn’t be this hard,” remember that he or she is at risk of adopting the belief that he or she could be happier alone or with someone else. In his or her mind, looking for greener pastures elsewhere may seem like a better idea.
A person with such thoughts is basically on the verge of losing his or her emotional control and doing something that will brand him or her as a quitter or even worse, a cheater.
It’s only a matter of time before he or she finds an opportunity to leave the relationship. The only question is how he or she will leave. Will it be because of an argument or perhaps a new romantic or sexual interest?
Due to his or her poor commitment, this person will eventually:
- Reach the tipping point and break up with his or her partner.
- Cheat on his or her partner and consider starting a new relationship from scratch.
Whatever a cheater decides to do, he does it because he believes it’s the right thing to do. He just needs to make certain that the person he likes also likes him back.
Remember, when it comes to cheating, there are no mistakes. There are only people who never learned to value others or understand the importance of loyalty and dealing with temptations.
6)Untrustworthy
One of the most common mistakes we make is to trust people who tell us what we want to hear, not need to hear. We trust smooth-talking people because, from a young age, we’ve been taught to be honest and respectful and to expect the same in return.
But unfortunately, we don’t always get back what we give. Sometimes it’s because of our own actions, but more often, it has nothing to do with us at all. How people treat us is a reflection of their maturity, personality, and love (or understanding of love).
Cheaters and liars are good at saying the right things. They don’t think about the future, so they say and do things that feel good in the moment.
They got away with lying and cheating in the past, so they learned that lies are a normal way of life. As a result, they turned into people who stopped caring about their morals and refused to change their unhealthy behavior.
So keep in mind that it’s not unusual for cheaters to promise us the world and make us believe anything they want us to believe, starting with how much they love us and how committed they are. They want us to think they can be trusted and that they value the relationship and our needs.
But when it comes to actually fulfilling their promises, they fall short, as they fail to match their words with their actions. Giving up sounds better to them than taking responsibility and investing time and effort into the relationship that has encountered difficulties and requires effort to evolve.
And that’s what makes cheaters and liars so untrustworthy. Their unpredictable nature creates too much uncertainty for anyone to feel safe with them.
7)Unhappiness in a relationship
People who cheat aren’t emotionally or sexually content in a relationship with their partner.
They feel that they deserve more or better than what their partner can give them, so they consciously or subconsciously keep an eye out for new romantic or sexual opportunities.
When that opportunity finally arises, they seize it and do what feels right in the moment (cheat).
Like everyone else, cheaters believe they have the right to be happy, even if it means going behind their loyal partner’s back and betraying him or her in the worst way imaginable.
Many cheaters justify their immoral actions and pretend that they didn’t have a choice but to cheat. They convince themselves (and sometimes even others) that they were in a tight spot and that they had to find themselves and learn new things. Such beliefs assuage their guilt and make it easier for them to let go of the past.
I know that breaking up with someone who loves you can be difficult, but cheating is inexcusable. It shows that your partner or ex-partner is a low-integrity coward who puts himself or herself first, even if it hurts you immensely.
8)Lack of gratitude
If you’re still wondering what cheating says about a person, it says that the cheater doesn’t value his or her loyal partner’s effort and commitment.
It shows that he or she isn’t grateful for all the good memories and everything his or her partner did throughout the relationship. Cheating basically reveals what a person thinks and how he or she feels about you.
So always judge a person by his actions, not his words. Positive words are nice, but actions reveal how a person handles challenges, fears, pain, and temptations. If your (ex)partner cheated on you, you need to understand that you fell in love with an infatuated image of the person you wanted your partner to be.
You liked how your partner presented him/herself and adored the love that he or she gave you. It seemed and felt right to pursue the relationship at the time. But when your partner grew close to someone else and cheated on you, the ideal image you had of your partner shattered and revealed his or her true colors.
That was when your partner finally non-verbally told you, “This is who I am at my worst. My actions show how I feel about you and how I treat people I don’t value.”
I don’t remember who wrote it, but he said that we make reliable friends under difficult circumstances – when we or they need help the most. Difficult conditions tend to shape us into better people or conversely, bring out the worst in us.
And the same goes for cheaters. We meet our partners’ worst characteristics when they cheat, no longer needs us, or leave us for someone else.
It sucks, but that’s when people have nothing to lose and stop caring and pretending to be someone they’re not.
So try not to blame yourself for another person’s infidelity because it’s got very little or nothing to do with you. It’s got everything to do with the cheater’s problems that you couldn’t detect or do anything about.
My advice is to focus on yourself so that you can continue to grow and develop yourself into the person you want to be. The cheater will have to learn his or her lessons the hard way – by failing in relationship. When he or she fails, you likely won’t care because you’ll be over him or her and have better people to think about.
Did this article answer the question, “What does cheating say about a person?” Did I leave anything out? Have you ever cheated or got cheated on? Share your thoughts in the comments below. I’d love to hear your opinion.
However, if you’d like to talk to us privately about your cheating experience, feel free to reach out to us here.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Hi. I am a cheater and i feel terrible. Everything you wrote on this list feels true. Including the point about lacking self control, i can see it in other areas of my life too like work.
I was with my ex for 6 yrs when i cheated on him the first time (it was emotional cheating not physical but still), i tried to break up with him then thinking if i have cheated something must be seriously wrong, but he initially was in denial, then when he came to see me, i ?fell back in love with him and also felt so extremely guilty for breaking our promise to be together forever that i decided to get back together with him. I cut the other guy out permanently zero contact which is the first time i ever did that to anyone, but it was what my partner needed me to do so i did it.
Things got better for a while but after a while things started to get worse again. I started taking him for granted and wanting to leave again, i felt that i was always the one bending over backwards whenever we had a difference in opinion and i couldnt shake this feeling that he just wanted something from me but didnt love me for me (turns out later he admitted he was mainly with me for sex, but i dont think he ever really prioritized emotionally supporting me as a person or challenging/inspiring me to be a better person which is what i looked for in a partner). I felt like we were just with each other because it was comfortable not because we really loved each other. So i broke up with him. I said i needed to just be friends for now. I had a lot of career problems i needed to fix and putting my bf to the side so i could focus, detaching from him to hear myself think, felt absolutely necessary (even in retrospect i feel this way, even though i know that forcing this break up on him caused the permanent damage that followed).
A month later i tried to get him back. After i had sorted out my career problems. He wasnt having any of it. I was devastated. I guess it just wasnt meant to be. Because there was no way i could have continued without breaking up with him then, and there was no way he could get over me breaking up with him.
Anyway, after a short while he caved and we started going out again, but it was way different this time. He treated me like i owed him something, like i had to prove my worth, he made me feel so shitty and inferior. He resented me for breaking up with him and just used me for sex. I felt so broken every time. I felt so low that when i met this person at work everything fell apart. This work person validated me where my bf wasn’t. I cheated. I knew my bf would never forgive me but i still did it, thinking its all gone to shit anyway and just let my life explode. I confessed to my ex and i’d never seen him so angry. He broke up with me. We were both heartbroken as we had been together for our formative years of life and had always envisioned growing old together.
Now its been more than a year since then. I begged, pleaded, apologized to my ex but he as expected wasnt having any of it. Terrible things have happened since then. I broke things off with the guy from work immediately and havent had contact with him since more than a year ago, generally disgusted with myself, wish i could take what i did back and if i wasnt happy, to at least have broken up in a respectful manner rather than completely tearing apart my morality. I apologized to my ex and God and myself and i dont feel whole yet but im trying to stay positive.
My ex rebounded, dated a few people and slept with one. We had some talks where we tried to be friends but it was always going to fail because i wanted to get back together with him and he never felt the same way about me again. I didnt have the same place in his life. He closed his heart. And rightfully so i guess. What can i say?
Now hes dating other people and i havent dated anyone yet in more than a year because im mentally weak. I dont know why i sabotaged my relationship the way i did but i just hope that one day i can forget my ex and move on and date someone new and build a happy life again, taking my lessons on what im looking for in a partner and how to work on things instead of breaking up/cheating. Please tell me theres hope for someone like me. Im still moping every day and wasting my life away regretting my actions. I dont necessarily want my ex back, im just so incredibly ashamed of my behaviour, i feel so lacking in self control, i feel like i will never get anywhere in life.
Very helpful indeed. Was going through a very rough patch for quite a while. All the clues were there, but apparently I was “blinded by love”. Found out she cheated on me a month after she did it. Good to know, I m not alone. Good to know , it says a lot about who she really is as a person. Was blaming myself. This helped me see, it really wasn’t me. It was all a conscious decision that she made.
I was in a relationship with him, he’s 23 and in 28, for 14 months. We got engaged to be married in the 9th month, were supposed to be married this June. I felt something off around March and I felt like he was up to something. He called off our wedding owing to shit reasons, telling me till the last day how much he loved me. 2 weeks later and before our wedding date, he married the girl I had my doubts on and he said that “he didn’t give a fuck about”.
Me and my family were left shattered and I still don’t know what hit me. He is so happy with her and I found out he started cheating on me with her 2 days after we became official. I don’t know why he did any of this because we were romantically involved. I hate him and I can never forgive him for the hurt he has caused. He killed a huge part of me. And to see him happily married makes me lose faith in Karma.
Don’t worry…karma is coming for him…slowly but surely. It may be a long time before it happens…hell, you may not even know about it. But know in good faith, what comes around goes around. I wish you well and stay smart.
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I found out last week that my husband has been cheating on me with a woman in town…he claims it’s nothing to him but sex. I’m just devastated I feel like I’ve been gutted and our poor baby’s. It doesn’t really seem to bother him now and he thinks that because he said he was sorry that we should be done talking about it and it’s over and I should believe everything he says and he keep trying to shift the blame. Says he wants to work it out though, he said he’ll try couples therapy. I’m just so torn on what to do. This isn’t the first time..The other cheating that he chocked off as nothing Or not cheating at all. we’re all Sexting Snapchat social media Internet sites…did I Let this happen????!!!! I should’ve seen this coming, I feel like such a fool. Your article was definitely Was helpful on trying to get some insight on what happened. I keep telling myself it was nothing I did..it was a choice that he made. It’s just so hard not to blame yourself.
I’m going through this exact situation myself! I can’t believe what has happened and I blame myself too at times. But we have to know that this is all on the person who did the cheating. I can’t even blame the chick he cheated with…because it comes down to the trust for our partners. Temptation will be thrown at all of us and we have to either succumb or not engage in it…some people will surprise the hell out of you!!
I was with my ex for 4 years & 2 years in the relationship I found out so much about her like (huge secrets) I still accepted her but over the2 years it got worst.. I became abusive & I lost myself I just couldn’t let her leave but eventually I dumped her (somehow) its been months I feel horrible.. & she’s moved on, she has no remorse for any of the stuff she did, she hates me, we broke up several times I caught her cheating,I accepted her through everything, stuff that I was naive to, stuff that broke me.. Even my family didn’t like her but I still loved her.. I honestly just can’t see my worth I can see no bad she do.. she was adopted so she went back to her home that she would cry to me about.. idk what to think I’m only 23 years old..
Trust me it happens to all of us.. I m 23 myself ..depressed dishearted … just know all that she showed u was fske..non of it was real… just move on !!
I first discovered my husband of 34 yrs cheated on me in a foursome 3 yrs ago, when I was sick with Lyme disease. My world and family shattered, just as our daughter got engaged.
He begged for reconciliation, said he’d do anything, went to therapy, and wanted us to see a marriage counselor. For love of my children and my daughter’s impending wedding, I went.
We both worked hard and I eventually realized I must forgive him (after all, my illness and depression played a part—he wasn’t getting what he needed sexually), but couldn’t forget. I wanted to maintain our family and not hurt my adult kids further. I learned to love and become intimidate with him again.
Just when everything seemed great, and our son was about to get engaged (is there some sort of pattern?), I discovered new cases of sexting, cheating internationally (he travels a lot for work). All he could say was “it was stupid, I shouldn’t have done it, I didn’t think you’d find out.”
I had told him 3 yrs ago that if he ever cheated again, it would be the end, no more chances. Kicked him out 2 wks ago and starting divorce prep.
So grateful I found your article; it’s the most helpful explanation of why people cheat. It was hard not to think I was not able to be enough for him, should have pushed myself to be more sexually adventurous, but this article lifted my heavy burden. Many thanks!!!!
Susan, this is sooo common!!! I can think of another woman who basically told me the same story you are telling me… and a few others who had healed after the betrayal and continued with family life/marriage only to be sideswiped by another instance of cheating by their stupid, stupid ex (not always men, either).
These women were more than enough for their men, and I bet you were, too. Some people are deeply selfish and don’t put enough effort in to truly change. My heart goes out to you, all the strength to you, you will get through this again and you will be even better than before! Go, you!! 💪🏻
My jaw just dropped when I saw what he said to you “…I didn’t think you’d find out”. Holy shit!! That just made my heart drop and I don’t even know you. I’m in a cheating situation myself…my friend (of 7 years) and then became my boyfriend (for 1 year after knowing him), he cheated on me. Had been the entire time we became “exclusive”. Was texting, probably “sexting” too go figure, seeing this chick, had a totally secret life behind my back, taking her out to lunches, she knew our “date schedule” (he and I don’t live together), was laughing and talking about me. Every piece of me is shattered at the moment. I know I will get through this somehow & some way…but it just shakes your entire core so know that there are others that feel for you. I know we all have our different situations and different feelings but do know that I sympathize for you. I’m actually crying my eyes out right now typing this. Wow…life can get so freakin’ intense. And btw, he was cheating on me physically right after I had a spinal fusion too. Can’t get better than that!! pfft Be well and be smart. 🙂
My wife just left me for another man after 20 years together the moment after she asked for a separation. We have 2 great kids who are utterly destroyed and hate her right now. She immediately jumped into bed with a co-worker who she had been having an emotional affair with for a couple of months prior(in my guesstimation). She’s 39 and I can’t tell if she’s having a midlife crisis or what, it just seems like her entire personality and moral structure flipped overnight. She claims that she wasn’t happy and Tossed all sorts of issue at me but up until then we had still been having sex and were even planning a weekend getaway for this summer together just a month prior to the split. And the issues were so minor to me I fixed all of them in a very short time.
The most insane part of this is how fast she is speeding into this new relationship. Already trying to get my kids to meet him (They want no parts of it) and blazing towards a divorce. Says to her friend that she’s ‘finally found some happiness’. I’m utterly heartbroken. I still love my wife and can’t believe this has all happened. We’ve now been separated for 5 weeks and I can’t say I’m starting to feel any better. I started seeing a therapist right after the separation and she thinks that she will come back to me. And I hope she does. But I don’t know if I can take her back. She destroyed a huge part of me. No one I’ve spoken to (My friends/family, her best friend, her father) can seem to make sense of any of it either. She just totally blew up her life and doesn’t seem to care about the carnage she’s leaving behind her. I just wish i could turn the clock back to 2 weeks before the separation and fix everything.
I found out my boyfriend cheated on me (we dated three months, broke up for one week and then got back together). I didn’t find out until a year and a half later. I was alerted via Facebook messenger eight months after it started by the chetee’s best friend. I confronted my boyfriend and he denied it. It all came to light And I actually found out the truth six months later, but he had ended it when I confronted him the first time. Needless to say, I was devastated. We went to counseling. He blamed me as the cause because I broke up with him and he wasn’t sure about ‘our’ relationship but that he realized when I confronted him that it was me he loved and didn’t want to lose. He ended up proposing and we got married. Unfortunately, I kind of have developed PTSD from all the emotional turmoil and pain of the lying and deceit and the ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’ adage. I went in antidepressants and went to therapy. He thinks I need to just get over it and there is no way I can have triggers from what happened. It’s hurtful and upsetting. I know he is a good man BUT I really struggle with this. Thoughts?
Howard – I hate to break it to you, but HE is NOT a good man. Not even a good person. I’m going through an infidelity situation myself and truth be told, we (the ones that got cheated on) know deep down that ultimately this person is no friggin’ good for us. And I know, I know…we fight that feeling so much cuz we want to see the good in people. People aren’t taught to see the bad in people at first. Try to get some good help and get out of the toxicity. I’m trying myself right now and boy, it’s hard but we HAVE to do it. There are people out there that will love us without straying and leaving us abandoned and alone.
I recently ended a nearly 4 year relationship with a cheater, that got caught by accidentally answering his phone when I called on FaceTime and could hear him in the car with another woman. After that was revealed, the layers of his betrayal and dishonesty peeled back very quickly. I even tried to forgive and work it out, but it got worse and led to him getting caught on FaceTime again, I heard him tell someone he was in a bar and heard a woman giggling. I hung up and kept calling, yet no answer, of course. After that I was done for good. Needless to say, I having a terrible time accepting that the person, I trusted my heart with betrayed me and disrespected me worse than I have ever been in my life. In my search to find understanding and peace with this, I stumbled upon this article. Mostly all of the points in this article described the person I was with. This article helped me beyond words. For someone that strives to do everything right in my relationship and get the treatment I received has been a hard pill to swallow, but dissecting a cheaters behaviors makes me feel a lot better about everything I’m going through. Thank you so much!
Hi Valerie.
I absolutely agree with you. Men cheat as often as women do.
But unfortunately, you misread the article so please read that part again. 😁
Thank you for the comment,
Zan
When I have x100 thoughts about my breakup story (my ex cheated and left) I always read this article. All those months didn’t read any article that shows everything so real.
I don’t know what to say Zan! Glad that we have you 🙌🏻
Thank you always
I’m glad it helps, Linda.
Thank you for reading and stay strong!
Zan
Such a good post, Zan!! I think it takes a near miracle for a cheater to change, and I am a big believer in redemption and growth. However, I know some who cheat and have been in therapy (for YEARS)… I can’t think of one who has quit cheating for good yet. Cheating is like a symptom of some deep-rooted fungus of selfishness and inconsideration. Extremely difficult to eradicate.
Hi Carly.
You’re right.
Cheating is like a disease that some people never recover from.
I only hope that your ex’s actions don’t leave permanent scars.
Thank you for the comment!
Kind regards
Zan
There’s another cheating factor that I personally experienced with my ex last year: Deceit. She purposefully and calculatingly used me for several years, then – when she no longer needed my help and support – started seeing someone behind my back and dumped me. She has a long history of relationships of varying lengths, including children with different guys. She uses ’em, dumps ’em and just moves on to the next. During the first couple of years of our ‘courtship,’ I used to wonder why none of her prior relationships had lasted: she seemed so nice, sweet and caring. It took a few years, but I eventually found out why. If she’s still with the guy she dumped me for, she probably won’t be for long (or until he no longer has anything she wants/needs). It was a bad experience – but one that taught me some very useful lessons.
HI PJ.
Your ex will probably repeat the same patterns. Especially if she’s the type who doesn’t think about her actions and blames others for her misfortunes.
Embrace the lessons and stay strong!
Best regards,
Zan
Thanks Zan I will take my time to improve myself as a person
Great to hear, Maria!
You can’t ever lose by investing in yourself. 😉
Best,
Zan
This post helped me so much thank you!
My ex cheated on me more than once and he doesn’t even apologized or cared. He made me feel like I deserved it and it was my fault. But this post just showed me that he battled a fight within himself. I had nothing to do with his behavior. He made me feel like I am not lovable but he is the one who doesn’t love himself. I am glad that he is gone now. I need a man in my life who knows his own worth in order to love others and accepted them and not a coward like my ex who was not able to tell me that he didn’t love me anymore and just played with my mental and emotional health just to make himself feel better.
Hi A.
I’m glad you liked the article and I hope that you’re happier now that your ex has stopped abusing you.
I wish you a fast recovery.
Best regards,
Zan
but it hurts.. to see that even after cheating me he is having a wonderful time with his own life and his new gf for the past one year .. he has not suffered for his misdeeds or his karma.. and that is what has made me feel that its ok to do bad with others and get away with it easily and let good people suffer as they often do ..
Hi Piyali.
It’s never okay to do bad things because of someone else. Especially not an ex. So don’t let your ex’s poor actions corrupt you.
He has to live with cheating for the rest of his life. Just keep in mind that if he cares about his image, he definitely regrets it.
And if he doesn’t, then you should be glad he’s gone because he has no shame. Low integrity, not worth your time.
Kind regards,
Zan
Thank you so much for your thoughts. My ex GF cheated her new boyfriend with me, even after she said that she was decided to try things work with them. We were in No contact and continued NC after that day (my birthday), once in a while she still contacts me to ask how i’m doing, why i take so much time in No contact or even to say she misses me. How I how should i interpret her behaviour? Can i have your and other redres opinion?
Hi Cesar.
It sounds to me that your ex wants the best of both worlds. She doesn’t know who she values more — the new guy or you, so she’s indecisively going back and forth.
In other words, she’s keeping you as a backup plan in case her new relationship fails.
You need to realize your worth and cut her off. If you don’t, she’s going to drag you along.
Best regards,
Zan
Thank you for this article. We need more articles from this kind of perspective (when you are cheated on)
I appreciate it and it’s so helpful
Hi Linda.
Thank you for your kind words.
I definitely intend to write more articles on this subject.
Thanks again,
Zan
Yes I’ve been cheated by two partner and they told me was my fault ,but thanks for your article, because it will make move I deserve much better, I’ve been single for over 4years because i can’t trust anyone, i hope i can found someone who respect me
Hi Maria.
I’m sorry to hear that your exes treated you poorly.
You definitely deserve much better, so take your time and find someone who will respect you.
If you don’t rush and get to know a person before you get involved with him, your chances of having a successful relationship will be much higher.
Kind regards,
Zan