Ethically, it’s not wrong to talk to someone right after a breakup. There’s nothing wrong with socializing with the opposite and/or desired gender as long as you don’t intend to start a new serious relationship. The conversation should remain strictly friendly. If it crosses the friendship zone, you should immediately withdraw your attention and focus on your healing.
Of course, the other person should know about your recent romantic failure. He or she should be made aware to avoid emotionally investing in you and getting brokenhearted. If you don’t tell him or her about your emotional unavailability, he or she will discover it later when feelings and expectations increase.
So keep in mind that talking to someone right after a breakup is okay only if conversations remain within the boundaries of friendship. Talking to another person could boost your ego and self-esteem and reduce your suffering. It could make you feel desired and accepted socially.
A good social life will fulfill your social desires and allow you to think positively about your personality and conversation skills.
It’s not the solution to your breakup problems, but it is one of the top 5 ways to heal and rediscover your importance after a tough breakup. You will get your life back in order quicker when you have people to talk to. This can be friends, family, coworkers, schoolmates, or random people.
The biggest mistake dumpees make is trying to replace their ex by connecting and sleeping with another person. They try to get over their ex by getting under someone else. Such dumpees realize that no person compares to their ex and that no matter who they talk to, they still miss their ex and need their ex to recover. They feel worse because they look for a replacement for their ex rather than a completely new individual.
In breakup terms, they rebound and suffer a second romantic failure in a short amount of time. This tends to crush their self-esteem and increase their desire for affection and understanding. In other words, it makes them crave their ex and the guarantee that they’re wanted and needed.
Hence, it’s of utmost importance not to talk to someone right after a breakup to fix the damage caused by the dumper’s abandonment. The dumpee should rebuild his or her self-esteem before getting sexually or romantically involved with some other person. That’s how the dumpee can avoid another rejection, emotional disconnection, and romantic failure.
Avoiding pain when he or she is already hurting may not seem like much, but it helps when the dumpee is extremely vulnerable. Many dumpees feel depressed and lack the strength to defend themselves. They’re often very pessimistic and expect their lives to improve rather than worsen.
So if you’re contemplating talking to someone else right after the breakup, keep in mind that the conversations shouldn’t surpass the friendship level. They should include boundaries that prohibit flirting and behaviors that could take the relationship to the next level. By keeping the new person at a reasonable distance, you can avoid getting hurt and guarantee continuous detachment from your ex.
Failure to establish boundaries will likely make you see the new person as your savior and lead to all kinds of unrealistic expectations.
Always remember that dating prospects can’t help you feel better romantically and/or sexually long-term. They can help you let go of your ex only later when you’re done grieving your ex and need one final push to let go. While you’re hurting, though, they will keep you hungry for the kind of love your ex made you feel and constantly remind you that they can’t fulfill your expectations and needs.
Eventually, someone will get tired of feeling disconnected and hurt—and decide to pull away. Usually, it’s the dumpee because he/she tires quicker and expects more than the other person is able to give.
Anyway, talk to someone only as a friend. Make sure the other person knows you’ve recently ended a serious relationship and that you need some time to prepare for a new romantic connection. The other person deserves and needs to know what’s happening to you emotionally. By knowing that you just came out of a relationship, he or she can take things slow or avoid dating you.
The point is that he or she has a choice rather than being forced into a situation he or she is unaware of and can’t control.
However, if you were the one who ended the relationship, you may not need much or any time to date again. You may be ready to get to know another person and start a relationship right away. Dumpees may not like to hear this, but it’s the truth. Dumpers get over their partners before they dump them.
They don’t need months of therapy and self-reflection to get their ex out of their systems. When they do need time, they typically feel depressed or forced to stay away from their ex. Most of the time, dumpers feel empowered by the breakup and want to leave the past behind. Unlike dumpees who wish to re-experience the past and fix their mistakes, dumpers want to focus on the present and future.
If they want to date, they can as they’re emotionally detached and ready. The only time they’re not ready is when they’re so resentful others’ traits remind them of their exes’ shortcomings. Such dumpers leave their new partners due to uncontrollable anger and the inability to see new people as unique individuals.
In this post, we talk about the consequences of talking to someone right after a breakup and how dumpees and dumpers should behave.
Talking to someone right after a breakup as a dumpee
If you’re a dumpee, you should be talking, but not getting close to someone else. Talking will let you see that you can hold productive conversations, make new friends, and form new connections if you want to. Connecting with someone else as more than friends, however, won’t be a very positive experience. Initially, it will boost your ego and hide your breakup wounds.
But when the excitement wanes, things will start to worsen. You’ll notice that the new person doesn’t excite you, motivate you, and fix your broken heart. Instead, he or she forces you to spend energy that you don’t have. The new person drains your energy rather than replenishes it.
Because of that, it’s only a matter of time before you give up on the relationship and look for emotional fulfillment elsewhere.
Remember that another person can’t help you romantically or sexually. If you try to start a new bond while you still have an active bond with your ex, you’re bound to fail and get hurt. You’ll re-experience heartbreak and may even think you’re incapable or unworthy of staying in a romantic relationship.
If you don’t want your self-esteem to nosedive, it’s best not to get involved with a new person. By all means, talk to that person and learn more about him or her, but don’t try to fill the void with him or her. If you rely on the new person for your ex’s absence, you’ll regret it when you hit a dead end and realize no one comes even close to your ex.
Of course, there are plenty of people who can do better than your ex and make you feel stronger and more stable emotions, but you won’t see things rationally when you feel like a failure. A short moment of validation with this person won’t ease your pain, fulfill your cravings, improve your self-esteem, and justify the pain and suffering you’ll endure after rebounding.
So don’t try to leave the breakup behind by investing your heart and soul into another individual. This is the time to invest in yourself. Investing in yourself means accepting the breakup, working on your flaws, improving your self-esteem, socializing, exercising, and regaining your passion for life. If you leave your ex alone and do what’s best for you, you’ll lessen your dependence on your ex and love yourself more because of it.
You won’t forget about your ex overnight, but you will begin to detox from your ex. Slowly but surely, you’ll start to decrease your obsession with your ex and see that there’s more to life than your ex.
I couldn’t tell you exactly how long the ghost of your ex will haunt you, but you’re probably looking at about 8 months of healing from start to finish. The good thing about it is that it will get significantly easier each month. You’ll notice that the longer you stay away from your ex (in no contact), the fewer setback days and temptations to reach out you’ll encounter.
The rules of no contact will ensure that you stay on the best and quickest path to recovery.
Having said that, here’s why talking to someone after a breakup as more than a friend is a bad idea.
Talking to someone right after a breakup as a dumper
If you left your ex, you likely feel ready if not eager to get to know someone else on an intimate level. You want to forget the past and move forward with someone new and different. Someone who can move your life forward and make you feel valued, validated, and special.
Maybe you’re not actively looking for a new partner, but you are open to giving the right person a chance.
Despite being ready for a new connection, you shouldn’t date someone new right away. If you jump into a new relationship, you’ll hurt your love-deprived ex. This is because your ex will take your new connection to heart and suffer a blow to his or her self-esteem.
Out of respect for your ex and the relationship, you should give it some time before you start dating again. Remember that your dumpee ex will likely check your social media posts or hear from friends and family about your new life. Either way, you’ll force your ex to discover things he or she isn’t ready to discover and suffer immensely because of it.
You may think your ex’s life and problems don’t concern you, but they should. As long as your actions and inactions affect your ex, you’re morally responsible for your ex’s health and well-being. You’re responsible for your ex unless your ex intentionally threatens or hurts you. In that case, you can block your ex and report your ex to the authorities.
So make sure not to complicate your ex’s life further just because you’re a few steps ahead of your ex in terms of healing. If the roles were reversed, you wouldn’t want your ex to date and sleep with other people. You’d want your ex to respect the relationship, value your feelings, and treat you with care.
The relationship may be over, but your ex’s feelings aren’t. For a while, you must focus on self-improvement rather than dating and making your ex think he or she is easily replaceable.
If you’re already talking to someone, you can always settle for friendship or say you’re not ready for anything serious. The new person may be willing to wait a few months. No matter what happens, do the morally right thing and you won’t have a guilty conscience.
Are you or someone you know talking to someone right after a breakup? What is the relationship like? Share the details of your conversations below.
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My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
