If your ex’s birthday is coming up and you’re wondering if you should text your ex-boyfriend happy birthday, the quick answer is no. You shouldn’t reach out to someone who dumped you (especially if that person doesn’t respect you, talk to you, and want you in his life).
Instead, you should respect your ex’s post-breakup boundaries and your need to detach by keeping your distance from your ex and focusing on your healing and safety.
You’ve got to understand that your ex doesn’t deserve your friendship and care. He lost your commitment and loyalty by breaking up with you and proving that you’re not a priority for him. If you text him and show him that he’s a priority for you and that you’ve been thinking about his special day, he’ll see that he still matters to you and that you may have an ulterior motive.
Even if your ex ends up appreciating your nice birthday gestures, it won’t lead anywhere because he’s made up his mind about the breakup and developed negative perceptions of you. He’s convinced that the breakup needed to happen and that you’re responsible for it.
Of course, there’s always a chance that your ex will thank you for your kindness. But if that happens, you could misread your ex’s friendliness and get your hopes up. You could think your ex is warming up to you and that all he needs is a little push and a reminder that you’re still around.
Such ideas will be catastrophic for you as your ex will soon stop acting polite and get overwhelmed by your actions and expectations.
Hence, there’s simply no need to break the no contact rule and risk engaging in unproductive conversation. Your healing should come first no matter how badly you want to wish your ex a happy birthday.
If the conversation doesn’t go the way you want it to, remember that you’ll get rejected and hurt and blame yourself for not staying away from your ex.
So don’t consider your ex’s birthday an opportunity to break the rules of no contact and give your ex more attention and care than he’s asked for. Don’t think that your ex will want you back if you show that you’re a good person and a friend who still remembers his birthday and has the decency to set breakup feelings aside and “do the right thing.”
When it comes to birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, promotions, and other causes for celebration related to your ex, reaching out to your ex and congratulating or wishing him the very best isn’t the moral thing to do. It often comes across as a self-centered/inconsiderate gesture that dumpees cling to as an excuse to initiate a conversation and bond with their detached dumper.
Most dumpers unfortunately don’t want to hear from their ex – especially on their birthday. Days before their birthday, they often start worrying that their ex will contact them and put them in an uncomfortable situation. The thought of having a conversation with their ex suffocates and scares them.
That explains why their reply to their ex’s “Happy birthday” is usually concise. It’s something like, “Thanks, thanks a lot, I appreciate it.” The conversation is stopped before it even has a chance to begin.
I suppose dumpers intentionally reply in such a dead-end way to discourage their ex from moving the conversation forward. They choose to prioritize their well-being and minimize suffocation and suffering.
So keep in mind that texting your ex-boyfriend happy birthday doesn’t automatically make you a nice, selfless person. If your ex craves space and quiet, your message could cause many unwanted feelings to resurface. It could make your ex feel so uncomfortable that your ex ignores you, blocks you, or takes his problems and frustrations out on you.
That could make you feel worse than you currently feel.
Texting your ex happy birthday when you’re not on speaking terms is counterproductive and meaningless. There’s no point in wishing your ex well when you don’t even talk and appreciate each other. There is especially no point in wishing your ex if your ex cheated, monkey-branched, blamed you for everything, denied you closure, or broke up with you in a selfish, mean, or inconsiderate manner.
Happy birthday wishes are for family, friends, and lovers, not ex-lovers. Exes broke up for a reason and should distance themselves from each other to recover from the breakup blues. If they converse, dumpees could get the wrong idea and directly or indirectly put pressure on their suffocated ex.
They could not only hurt their ex and themselves but also lower their chances of reconciliation and complete recovery.
A simple birthday wish may not seem like such a big deal, but it could be too much for your ex. Some dumpers are so angry or disappointed with their ex that they don’t even want to see their ex’s profile on social media. Reminders of their ex bother them so much that they unfollow, delete, or block their ex seemingly for no reason and keep their ex out of sight.
I don’t know your ex and how he feels about receiving birthday wishes from exes, but if you’re not talking and acting like friends who genuinely care about each other, contacting your ex for his birthday is not advisable. By not contacting your ex, you may not get the hope you crave, but at least things won’t get any worse.
You won’t push your ex further away and see that your ex has lost care, patience, and feelings.
You’ve got to remember that birthday wishes won’t change your ex’s opinion of you and erase negative feelings. They won’t show your ex what a great person you are and what he’s missing out on. All they’ll do is force a conversation you and your ex likely aren’t ready for.
Hence, you don’t want to find out how your ex thinks and feels. You want to stay clueless and keep pushing through the breakup. When you feel better and no longer depend on your ex for recognition and love, you can make a rational decision about whether texting your ex for his birthday is something you want.
In this article, we discuss whether you should text your ex-boyfriend happy birthday, and when it may be okay to do so.
Should I text my ex-boyfriend happy birthday?
If you got dumped and haven’t recovered from the breakup yet, you shouldn’t start talking to your ex. A simple “Happy birthday, I hope you have a great time” may not be a discussion starter and doesn’t ask anything of your ex, but it’s still completely uncalled for. As long as you reach out to your ex on your terms, you show your ex you think about him and want him to respond.
He may not have an issue responding with a “Thank you,” but that’s probably all you’ll get. If you’re unlucky, you could also get pulled into a conversation with your ex and find out about all the amazing things that have been keeping your ex busy. The information your ex reveals to you could trigger your insecurities and make you see that your ex hasn’t become regretful yet.
This could destroy your hope for reconciliation and affect your recovery process.
So no, you shouldn’t text your ex happy birthday. Don’t do it if you have feelings for your ex and want your ex back. The moment you take a leap in the dark and reach out, you’ll gamble with your health and happiness. You’ll put your ex in charge of your happiness and hope that your ex responds in ways that empower you and ease your pain.
Sadly, you don’t have unlimited resistance to pain and hundreds of chances to experiment with your ex. If you love yourself, you must get things right from the beginning. Don’t reach out to an ex who dumped you and expect your ex to treat you with utmost respect. As badly as you want your ex to validate you, your ex isn’t a person who’s going to fix your post-breakup pain and problems.
He’s a person who can hurt you more than anyone.
Your ex doesn’t need your birthday wish to be happy and move on. He’s expecting wishes from people who matter to him. People like his family, friends, coworkers, and dating prospects. Exes don’t matter to him because they’re not a part of his life.
If you enter his life by force uninvitedly, you could learn that your ex doesn’t like you and doesn’t want you back. His behavior could seriously affect your self-esteem and make you see that reaching out to your ex (even for birthdays) is meaningless.
You’re not a bad person for not wishing your ex for his birthday. You’re a person who respects herself and her ex’s boundaries.
Your ex’s life doesn’t (or shouldn’t) concern you anymore. Not after you got dumped and were forced to fend for yourself. What should concern you is recovering from heartbreak and becoming the best version of yourself. When you heal and grow from this ordeal, you won’t care about your ex’s life anymore.
You’ll care about people who remain in your life and want the best for you.
Here’s why you shouldn’t wish your ex a happy birthday.
What if my ex wished me happy birthday?
Many dumpees think they should wish their ex happy birthday just because their ex wished them first. They think it’s only fair or that they must reach out to an ex despite not talking to their ex for ages. Some dumpees even take the liberty to send letters and presents and expect their ex to appreciate their thoughtful gestures.
Although not all exes despise their ex for taking the time to reach out for their birthday, most exes don’t feel excited about it. Most of them feel uncomfortable and strange.
Those who enjoy hearing from their ex usually feel guilty or nostalgic and had been wanting to have a quick chat with their ex. That doesn’t, however, mean they want to talk about the relationship and get back together.
All it means is that they thought about their ex for a while and became curious and eager to talk to their ex for a bit. They wanted to catch up and have a meaningless conversation with the person they dumped.
If your ex wished you a happy birthday, but now your ex’s birthday is coming up, you probably feel tempted to “return the favor.” You think it’s only fair to wish your ex back and be polite and thoughtful. Your ex remembered your birthday and took his time to reach out, so you think you should as well. If you don’t do the same, you’ll look bitter and immoral.
Right?
Well, not necessarily. Your ex may interpret your silence that way (or some other way), but staying in no contact on your ex’s birthday is a sign of strength and acceptance. You get to do what’s best for you, not your ex. By doing so, you boost your sense of control and continue to detox from your ex without distractions.
So keep in mind that you don’t have to reach out to your ex for his birthday if you’re not ready to talk to your ex and don’t respect your ex. No one says you should prioritize your ex’s feelings and risk getting hurt. Your job as a dumpee is to learn from the breakup and recover from it. You’ll achieve these goals faster if you keep your ex out of sight and mind and stay busy.
Of course, there’s always a chance that your ex will be happy to hear from you and everything will be fine. Maybe your ex will apologize to you for hurting you and help you blame yourself less. That’s a big IF, though.
If things don’t go your way, you could feel stupid for wishing your ex and stay hurt for days or longer. It all depends on what your ex says and does. If your ex ignores you or tells you he’s in a new relationship and wants to be left alone, you’ll likely take things personally and suffer immensely.
Therefore, your safest approach when you have feelings for your ex is to adhere to no contact and let your ex do the initiating. I’m not saying you should let your ex breadcrumb you, but your ex should be the one to contact you when he realizes he made a mistake and wants you back.
When that happens, your ex will do much more than wish you a happy birthday. He’ll also be regretful, stressed, anxious, and desperate to regain your trust and love.
When can I wish my ex happy birthday?
You can wish your ex happy birthday when you’re over the breakup, on speaking terms with your ex, respect your ex, and think your ex respects you back. When these conditions are met, you can reach out to your ex without any expectations or demands. Simply wish your ex a happy birthday and wait for your ex to respond (if he does respond).
If your ex gets back to you and thanks you for wishing him a happy birthday, you can talk to your ex for a bit if your ex seems receptive to it. Try not to befriend your ex, though. Friendship with your ex could bring back repressed feelings and complicate your or your ex’s new romantic relationships.
Just have a surface-level conversation and resume no contact.
Your ex probably isn’t waiting to be friends with you. If he wanted to be friends, he would likely have reached out himself and asked you if you wanted to downgrade to friendship.
Anyway, you can safely wish your ex happy birthday when you’re prepared for any (or no) response. That’s when you can be certain that your ex’s response or the lack of it won’t mess with your head and affect your healing.
You can do anything you want, whenever you want as long as it doesn’t affect your post-breakup life.
So if you want to know when you can text your ex happy birthday, this can be months or years after the breakup for birthdays or random events, provided you’re over your ex and see value in texting your ex. You might not know if your ex even wants to hear from you, but you’ll find out when you send your birthday wishes and hear or don’t hear back from your ex.
Your ex’s reaction will tell you if your ex is receptive to (short) conversations and birthday wishes or if you need to respect his boundaries and stay away from your ex.
Finally, if things ended on a bad note, you probably don’t want to text your ex happy birthday. You want your ex to know that you’re done completely. You can do that by keeping your distance and letting your ex think and feel what he wants. Your ex won’t cry if you don’t reach out. And even if your ex does, you’re not responsible for it.
You must remember that your ex let go of you and that you’ll heal quicker if you don’t interact with your ex.
Did you learn if you should text your ex-boyfriend happy birthday? Why are you contemplating texting your ex? Do you want your ex back? Share your reasons for wanting to text your ex in the comments box below.
And if you need our help deciding whether to text your ex on his birthday, feel free to get in touch with us. You can do so on our coaching page.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
