My Ex Won’t Stop Contacting Me

Before we discuss what to do when your ex won’t stop contacting you, we need to clarify whether your ex is a dumpee or a dumper. If your ex is a dumper, your ex probably feels guilty and thinks it’s okay to stay in touch with exes.

Your ex doesn’t know or care that he or she is hurting you and prolonging your detachment process. Lots of dumpers are oblivious to how their ex feels and what their ex needs to recover. That’s why they do things that trigger their ex’s fears and insecurities.

They make their ex feel abandoned and worthless—and make the breakup a living hell for them.

On the other hand, if your ex is a dumpee, then you need to ask yourself why your ex is contacting you. Your ex may be desperate to talk to you, but your ex is desperate for a reason. That reason likely has something to do with you breaking his/her heart and annihilating his or her self-esteem.

You indirectly forced your ex to put you on a pedestal and made your ex extremely dependent on you for love. This happens to the majority of dumpees. Those who loved their ex-partner to bits developed romantic expectations, got attached to their ex, and as a result, need to go through stages of grief, starting with denial and anger.

They basically need to accept the separation and wean off their ex. And they need to do this with as little help from their ex as possible.

If you left your ex, you should put your ex’s pain and misfortune before your wants and help your ex get closure. You don’t need to help your ex all the way, but you should be kind, understanding, and supportive for a while.

How long you should be supportive depends on how quickly the dumpee accepts the breakup. Typically, a week or two of support should be enough. After the initial support, the dumpee must find his or her own strength to deal with separation anxiety and get through the breakup.

You can still help your ex if your ex needs additional explanations, but you should no longer be the person your ex relies on. As a dumper, you don’t have the power to heal your ex’s wounds (unless you take your ex back, of course).

But you do have the power to stop your ex from relying on you, befriending you, and making things difficult for both of you.

Preferably, the dumpee should be the one to recognize the need to self-prioritize and back off. But if that doesn’t happen, then you should take the initiative and emphatically tell your ex that you (use words like “we”) should get some space from each other and try to detach.

Detachment can happen only if you break the patterns that breed obsession and attachment. Talking to each other, liking each other’s pictures, meeting up, and sleeping together are just some bad habits that will keep the hopeful person attached.

You need to put an end to such habits as they’ll continuously empower the dumpee. When you do that, you’ll make room for real healing to begin.

So if your ex won’t stop contacting you, don’t just ignore or block your ex. Try to first understand why your ex is reaching out. Understanding your ex’s texts or calls will prevent you from feeling guilty after you’ve decided to stop talking to your ex.

In this article, we shed some light on why your ex won’t stop contacting you after the breakup. We’ll also show you how to deal with heartbroken dumpees and breadcrumbing dumpers.

When your dumper ex won’t stop contacting you

If an ex who dumps you won’t stop contacting you, the first thing you should do is figure out why your ex won’t let you go. Understanding your ex’s behavior will make a big difference in how you perceive your ex and what your options are.

It will help you see that your ex isn’t contacting you to get back together but because your ex wants to keep you around as a friend. Friendship allows your ex to keep feelings of guilt under control and enables your ex to stay in control of the breakup.

Your ex doesn’t need control to move on, but because your ex is used to being in charge, he or she expects the breakup to unfold on his or her terms. This explains why your ex hasn’t considered your feelings, wants, and needs.

Your ex hasn’t put himself or herself in your shoes due to a lack of breakup knowledge, empathy, and sympathy for you. Your ex just did what was best for him/her.

In simple terms, your ex has no idea what you’re going through. He or she thinks that post-breakup friendship is normal and feels entitled to it.

Such an ex won’t leave you alone because he or she doesn’t comprehend the importance of leaving you alone. All an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend like that thinks about is how he or she can talk to you and benefit from you.

You’ll need to do something about this because your ex probably won’t. He or she will continue to breadcrumb you from time to time and expect you to be okay with staying in touch.

If you’re not okay with it, don’t settle for friendship. Friendship with an ex-partner is beyond difficult and painful because you won’t get the affection you crave. The only thing you’ll get is your ex’s attention. And that’s not enough for you to heal and disassociate from your ex.

You want everything your ex has to offer. If you can’t get everything, you need to pull away and focus on yourself. Doing so will allow you to get your ex out of your system, rebuild your self-esteem, and ultimately, move on.

I encourage you not to waste your time with your ex. You don’t owe your ex anything. If your ex broke up with you, he or she knew there was a decent chance of losing you forever. If your ex was that naive, that’s your ex’s problem. He or she will have to learn this lesson the hard way.

To deal with an ex who won’t stop contacting you, tell your ex you need space and that you won’t reply to any more texts. Say you’ve decided to focus on yourself and that you’ll let him/her know if you want to be friends.

If your ex reaches out after that, tell your ex that you’re serious about wanting space and that the next time he or she reaches out, you’ll resort to blocking. State that it’s not what you want but that if he or she doesn’t respect your wishes that you won’t have any other choice.

This should not only set some healthy post-breakup boundaries and demand respect but also take back some lost power. Your ex took your power by breaking up with you, making you emotionally dependent on him or her and hindering your healing.

Now it’s time to stand up for yourself by keeping your ex far away from you. Nothing will help you heal quicker and feel better than detaching from your ex and learning you don’t need your ex to be happy.

So don’t think the dumper is contacting you because the dumper is thinking about getting back together. Dumpers who want to come back aren’t extremely cautious and too afraid to get back together.

Dumpees often think this is the case, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. Fear of history repeating itself isn’t a problem for most dumpers because those who love their ex, contact their ex with the intention to reconcile.

And they also come back decisively.

When your dumpee ex won’t stop contacting you

If your dumpee ex keeps contacting you right after the breakup, you should do everything in your power to help your ex get closure. I know it’s hard not to feel overwhelmed and get annoyed with your ex, but you need to help your ex get the answers he or she seeks.

Your ex deserves an explanation for leaving the relationship.

Technically, an explanation should be given during the breakup, but if it wasn’t or if your ex needs more explanations, you should willingly give them to your ex. The quicker and the happier you hand them over, the sooner your ex will know why the breakup happened, gather the strength to carry on, and leave you alone.

So if your ex won’t stop contacting you and asking you questions, try to be patient with your ex for a while longer. Answer any questions your ex has for you and remember that your ex probably won’t keep reaching out forever. When your ex feels satisfied with the answers you give, your ex will see that talking to you is delaying his or her detachment process.

That’s when your ex will leave you alone and focus on other people and things. While your ex feels lost, though, appear open and prepared to talk about the breakup. Give your ex what he or she is looking for so you can both recover in ways you need to.

Furthermore, if your ex contacts you weeks or months after the breakup, then your ex likely doesn’t need closure. What your ex needs is healing. And your ex can and must get it on his or her own (without your help).

That’s the only way your ex will truly detach from you and give up on trying to get back with you.

If you stay in touch with your ex, you’ll make your ex rely on you for months and months. That won’t just give your ex unnecessary hope, but it will also pressure you and make you want to run for the hills.

And depending on how pressured you feel, you might also react to pressure in ways that hurt your ex and complicate the breakup.

You can avoid unnecessary complications by giving your ex closure right away. It won’t be easy to talk to your ex if his or her presence smothers you, but if you convince yourself that your ex needs an explanation and a little bit of help, you should understand that being patient with your ex is better for both of you.

It’s better for your ex because it helps your ex heal and detach from you, and it’s better for your conscience and character growth. I encourage you not to ignore the dumpee’s texts and calls. Don’t block your ex either. Your ex feels hurt and unworthy of love, so your ex must see that you at the very least respect him or her as a human being.

Respect is one of the basic things the dumpee needs from you.

Also, don’t promise your ex things you can’t fulfill. Don’t say you don’t know what the future holds and that you might get back together in the future. Your ex will take everything you say and do to heart and wait for you to change your mind about the breakup.

So instead of stringing your ex along, be honest, yet kind to your ex. Try to help or at the very least, don’t make things worse. And if your ex keeps contacting you and relying on you for weeks after the breakup, then tell your ex you need to get space from each other and do your own things. Make your ex see it as the healthiest, most rational thing to do.

Your ex needs to see that there is no way back and that it’s in everyone’s best interest to stop reaching out and start focusing on yourselves.

Why do you think your ex won’t stop contacting you? Share your thoughts below, and we’ll get back to you soon.

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Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.