My Ex Won’t Speak To Me

If your ex won’t speak to you, your ex probably isn’t ready to talk to you. Your ex may need more time to process the breakup and feel differently about you. Either that or your ex needs to regain some respect for you.

Respect is earned, so if you’re repeatedly reaching out, begging your ex to give you attention and love, you’re constantly lowering your ex’s interest and respect for you.

You’re making your ex feel pressured and uncomfortable to the point where your ex is refusing to engage in conversation with you. Currently, your ex doesn’t see a reason to talk to you because you’re disrespecting his or her boundaries and giving him or her the power to ignore you.

You need to understand that your ex doesn’t owe you friendship. He or she may be your ex, but all your ex owes you is an explanation for the breakup (closure). Yes, your ex should also be empathetic and sympathize with you if you’re struggling with the breakup, but most exes aren’t that understanding and supportive.

Most exes feel smothered and victimized and think they should focus on their own emotions and problems rather than their ex. They want to do things that make them feel good and keep ex-related dramas out of their life.

If their ex brings drama to them (contacts them and disturbs their peace), they tend to get angry or cold or don’t respond at all. Their response or lack of response depends on their personality, maturity, and beliefs.

If they believe they can be mean to their ex despite breaking up with their ex, they say and do offensive things. They make their ex regret reaching out and pinning his or her hopes on them.

However, if they don’t want to let their ex know how they feel and end up quarreling, they refuse to speak to their ex altogether. They stay silent and hope their ex will take the hint.

Not all exes want to be friends or occasional friends. Many exes prefer complete silence and time to focus on themselves properly. Time away from their ex lets them talk to people who don’t have any feelings and romantic expectations of them. It lets them be in total control of their life and enjoy themselves fully.

So if your ex won’t speak to you after breaking up with you, know that your ex’s opinion of you and the relationship has changed. Your ex now thinks that he or she has the right to not speak to you even if you have something you want to say.

He or she considers the relationship completely over, including the friendship part which includes communication.

Your ex doesn’t understand that he or she has a moral obligation to help you if you’re having difficulty dealing with the breakup. This doesn’t mean your ex should talk to you every day (your ex should encourage you to detach), but that your ex should respect you as a person and respond when you reach out and need help.

By responding, your ex would learn why you’re reaching out and give you what you need to feel respected and move on with your life.

On the other hand, ignoring behavior doesn’t make you feel respected, nor does it help you move on. It just makes you feel undesirable and unworthy of a response.

You probably still value and crave your ex’s attention and validation, so every time your ex directly or indirectly rejects you, you take the rejection personally and wish your ex would give you the recognition you need to feel important and secure.

However, if the ex you left won’t speak to you, then your ex either doesn’t respect you and love you anymore or ignores you on purpose to make you fall back in love (some dumpees use the no contact rule to try to manipulate their ex to get back with them).

Some dumpees feel angry with their ex for leaving and breadcrumbing them and don’t want to entertain their ex. They want their ex to come back or leave them alone.

And they’re right. They shouldn’t talk to their ex like nothing happened. They should cease contact and prioritize their needs and new life.

But they should do this only after telling their ex they’re not interested in staying in contact as ex-partners. By expressing their needs and expectations maturely and politely, they can tell their ex not to reach out rather than force their ex to stop reaching out by ignoring their ex.

It’s not just dumpees who don’t like being ignored. Dumpers don’t like it either. They often become bitter and lose all respect for their ex.

In this article, we discuss why a dumpee and a dumper ex won’t speak to you after the breakup. We’ll start with a dumpee.

My dumpee ex won’t speak to me

If your dumpee ex won’t speak to you after you’ve broken up with him or her, your ex probably feels hurt and doesn’t believe there is any value in talking to you. He or she must think that post-breakup friendship and communication are pointless and that it’s safer for him or her to cease all communication.

Maybe your ex is following the no contact rule and thinks he or she must ignore all your texts and calls in order to reattract you. Or maybe your ex is trying to recover from the breakup by pushing you away and focusing entirely on him/herself.

Whatever your ex thinks and feels (or wants to think and feel), your ex currently doesn’t want to speak to you. Your ex wants you to do what you want to do and respect his or her space and privacy.

You broke up with your ex knowing it would break your ex’s heart and complicate the relationship between you and your ex.

Your dumpee ex probably feels shocked if not depressed as a result of the breakup and doesn’t want to entertain you just because you want to stay in touch and/or get something from him or her. Something like forgiveness, friendship, support, validation, attention, information, or something only your ex can provide.

Your ex knows that he or she won’t get back with you by talking to you, so your ex decided to give up on impressing you, cut you off, and worked on losing hope. This was your ex’s best way of protecting his or her feelings, dignity, and pride.

Try not to get offended if your ex ignores, blocks, or tells you not to reach out. I know it’d be much more respectful if your ex asked you or told you not to communicate with him or her, but if your ex didn’t do that, it’s okay. Remember that your dumpee ex is going through a lot right now and that he or she will feel better if you don’t communicate anymore.

Don’t guilt-trip your ex by making him or her feel like a bad person for prioritizing his or her feelings and health. Think of your ex as someone who doesn’t believe in post-breakup friendship and an ordinary person who needs time to heal from the separation.

My advice is to leave your ex alone and find someone else to talk to. Contact your only if there’s an emergency or if you want your ex back as a romantic partner. In that case, you should tell your ex why you’re reaching out and what you hope to achieve.

My dumper ex won’t speak to me

You’re probably reading this article because your dumper ex won’t speak to you. Your ex is keeping his or her distance and by doing so, failing to meet your needs and expectations. Because you’re not getting the attention and validation you badly want, you feel disrespected and uncared for.

You feel that your ex has not only abandoned you but also lost all feelings and respect for you.

Although that may be true, you need to remember that dumpers crave tons of space and time. They want to be alone super badly because they had been wanting to break up for weeks or longer. They couldn’t get the space they wanted toward the end of the relationship, so they decide to get it after the breakup.

They do this because they have no more obligations that require them to talk to their ex and do what’s best for him or her. They can just do what’s best for them. And what’s best for them is to cut off people who no longer make them feel positive feelings.

Dumpers tend not to hesitate to stop talking to their ex. Usually, only dumpers who want friendship, need forgiveness, or have kids and other obligations talk to their ex post-breakup. Such dumpers stay in touch for as long as they need to.

If they don’t have any obligations, they stop reaching out and communicating with their ex when they stop feeling bad and/or get serious with someone else.

So if your ex won’t speak to you after breaking up with you, know that your ex needs space to focus on him/herself. Your ex needs to go through the dumper stages of a breakup to process negative breakup emotions and develop a desire to talk to you.

It could take months or years, but when your ex finds a reason to converse, your ex will probably contact you and try to get what he or she wants or needs from you.

This could happen when your ex:

• deals with unwanted breakup emotions
• checks up on you on social media
• hears things from friends and family about you
• feels guilty
• gets in trouble and feels hurt or anxious
• redevelops respect, curiosity, and nostalgia
• needs your cooperation or assistance

Expect to hear from your ex when your ex finds a chance to reflect, sees it’s safe to talk to you, and realizes that he or she can get something important from you. When that happens, your ex could contact your friends, re-add you on social media, and contact you.

Having said that, here’s why your dumper ex won’t speak to you.

What should I do if my ex won’t speak to me?

If your ex won’t speak to you, you shouldn’t try to force your ex to communicate. You should instead try to understand and respect your ex’s reasons for needing space and refusing to communicate.

When you understand that dumpers need to spend time away from the dumpee for a while, you’ll see that your ex is just acting on his or her post-breakup emotions and that your ex might talk to you in the future when he or she feels less pressured.

Of course, it’s rude not to respond, but negative emotions and the need for safety and peace overwhelm your ex’s morals. They instruct your ex to keep his or her distance and warn your ex that things could get out of control if he or she responds.

And that’s something your ex doesn’t want to risk. Your ex would rather stay in control of his or her emotions and actions than talk to you and risk losing control and feeling uncomfortable. He or she thinks you could ask for another chance or say and do something he or she doesn’t know how to deal with.

Your presence alone probably smothers and bothers your ex. It tells your ex you have one-sided love and expectations you need his or her help with. That puts immense pressure on your ex and makes it extremely tempting not to talk to you.

If your ex were to speak to you, your ex would have to pretend everything’s fine and force himself or herself to communicate with you. Your ex would have to invest time and emotions in a conversation that doesn’t bring any positive results.

That’s why your ex chooses to keep his or her distance and not engage in conversation. Your ex prefers safety and stability over uncertainty and frustration.

You shouldn’t lose your cool and tell your ex that he or she is a coward who runs away from problems and emotions. Even if your ex has a history of avoiding difficult conversations, you have to remember that your ex has made his or her decisions.

You have no right to oppose it now that your ex has broken up with you and shown no interest in communicating and working things out. Whether you want a relationship, a friendship, occasional friendship, or friendship with benefits, you must respect your ex’s decision and let your ex reach out on his or her own.

That’s how you can retain your value as an ex and make talking your ex’s idea. When your ex wants to talk on his or her own, your ex will see you as an equal rather than an ex who urgently needs something from him or her. Be patient and perhaps your ex will reach out when the time is right.

Does your ex not speak to you? Have you figured out why? Post your realizations, questions, and concerns below the post. We’ll get back to you shortly.

And if you’re looking for personalized advice on this or any breakup topic, feel free to reach out to us on our coaching page.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.