Many dumpees fear they’ll stay blocked forever. They worry their ex despises them and will never speak to them again. Not speaking scares them badly because they think it prevents them from getting close to their ex and finding a way to get back together.
That’s what they think. In reality, space is a good thing. It allows dumpers to live life on their terms and encourages them to process the breakup. The more space they have, the less significant their ex’s negative traits seem and the greater the chance they’ll cool off and recognize their ex’s true value.
It’s better if dumpers don’t block because blocking is a sign of pressure, resentment, or contempt (it hurts dumpees), but some dumpers can’t function without creating a barrier between them and their ex. Some dumpers block because they believe blocking helps both parties recover, whereas others (most dumpers) do it to avoid unwanted reactions, emotions, and demands from their ex.
They don’t care how blocking makes them look because they get to control their post-breakup life and don’t have to worry about their ex’s problems and feelings. All they want is to enjoy their freedom and act on feelings of relief.
Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, many dumpers eventually unblock their ex. They don’t necessarily want their ex back romantically (which is why many of them stay quiet), but they nonetheless reveal that they no longer consider their ex a danger to their happiness.
Unblocking shows that they’ve processed the initial reasons for blocking and that they’re okay with keeping their ex unblocked, provided their ex doesn’t overwhelm, scare, or annoy them. If their ex reaches out, posts too much, or simply pops up on their online friends list too often, they may find it overwhelming and block their ex again.
Dumpers block for all kinds of reasons, but generally, blocking serves as a shield to deflect unwanted reminders and associations they haven’t been able to leave behind.
If your ex blocked you and later unblocked you, you shouldn’t consider your ex completely healed and ready to talk (unless your ex expressed this to you). Consider unblocking a sign that your ex has processed the emotions that led to getting blocked and that your ex may have a guilty conscience.
If you do that, you’ll avoid jumping to conclusions that your ex wants you back, and by doing so, avoid getting rejected and hurt. Try to remember that your only responsibility as a dumpee is to emotionally recover from the breakup. Once you’ve recovered, you’ll feel and look much more attractive to your ex and others because you’ll radiate high self-esteem and have fewer expectations and fears of failure.
Instead of worrying about what others think, you’ll focus on moving forward and living a fulfilling life, independent of your ex.
Anyway, dumpers’ reasons for unblocking vary just like their reasons for blocking.
The most common reasons for unblocking seem to be:
- regaining of rationality
- guilt for overreacting
- growing curious or nostalgic
- facing problems or needing help
They unblock weeks or sometimes even years after the breakup. Sometimes they unblock when they think about their ex numerous times and wonder if they should unblock. Other times, they experience something unpleasant that forces them to reflect and realize that blocking was uncalled for.
No matter how long it takes them to unblock, the dumpee should never try to get unblocked on his own. If the dumpee reaches out on platforms he hasn’t gotten blocked on, asks his friends to talk some sense into the dumper, or shows up at the dumper’s house unannounced, the dumpee shows unhappiness and puts immense pressure on the dumper.
He basically reveals that he’s dissatisfied with being blocked and that he’ll be difficult to please if the dumper decides to unblock him. That’s why most dumpers don’t unblock desperate exes who beg to be unblocked. Most of them think they dodged a bullet and that blocking was the right thing to do.
If your ex unblocked you, bear in mind that your journey is far from over. Your ex still has to improve his or her perception of you, discover your romantic worth, reach out, and express feelings and regret. Unblocking is an improvement, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that your ex has redeveloped feelings and recommitted to investing in you.
All it means is that your ex is capable of dealing with strong negative emotions and/or feeling bad for preventing you from reaching out. Some dumpers want to leave the door open for emergencies and see themselves as compassionate/moral people. They don’t want to think of themselves as mean, vindictive, and uncaring exes who blocked their ex out of their lives completely.
So if you’re wondering why your ex unblocked you all of a sudden, know that it has more to do with your ex’s conscience than it does with your behavior. Your personality and how you handled the breakup matter, of course, but what matters even more is that your ex regained his or her composure, reflected on his or her actions, and felt guilty for hurting, blocking, and preventing you from reaching out for non-relationship purposes.
Because your ex thought about his or her actions and regretted acting impulsively, your ex unblocked you and tried to make things right. Your ex assumed that by giving you the ability (not the green light) to reach out, he or she wouldn’t have to question his or her morals, personality, and self-control.
Both blocking and unblocking allowed your ex to avoid thinking and feeling unwanted thoughts and feelings. They helped your ex get what was best for him or her in the moment. They didn’t help you stop analyzing, obsessing, and hurting.
Unblocking may even have given you hope. It’s hard not to get your hopes up when you notice your ex’s emotional improvement. You’ve got to understand that someone who regrets leaving you won’t just unblock you and wait for you to reach out. The dumper may no longer feel trapped or irritated, but the dumper still has a long way to go before he or she considers coming back.
That’s because the dumper must actually feel the urge to put in the effort, fear losing you, and win your trust back. Without genuine effort and emotional investment, a reconciliation won’t happen or last long. You’ll break up again before a strong foundation is built.
In this post, we discuss why a dumper ex would unblock you and reach out, unblock you without reaching out, and unblock you, then block you again.
Why would my ex unblock me and reach out?
Many, if not most, dumpers eventually unblock and reach out. They feel bad for treating their ex terribly, so they give in to curiosity and reach out to check up on their ex. Some directly apologize for causing pain, while others just talk about their post-breakup life (random things), see that their ex is doing well, and forgive themselves.
They have no intention of regaining feelings and getting back together. Their sole reason for unblocking and reaching out is to check in and see how their ex is doing. Their ex’s receptiveness and emotional state help them gauge whether their ex poses a threat and whether a friendship is possible.
In breakup terms, they reach out to breadcrumb their ex and indirectly make their ex’s life more difficult. If they don’t appear nervous and express their reasons for contacting their ex, their actions or lack thereof signify a lack of interest, regret, and love. You can deduce that they’re reaching out for themselves, not with your best interests in mind.
In that case, you should remember that breadcrumbs don’t help your ex realize what he or she lost. On the contrary, they allow your ex to enjoy various perks and benefits without committing to you or giving you what you truly want. Breadcrumbs give you tons of false hope and string you along for weeks, months, or even years.
If you permit your ex to reach out whenever he or she feels bored, curious, or guilty, you’ll put your healing in your ex’s hands and need much longer to wean off your ex. Instead of learning to rely on yourself, you’ll keep your ex close to you, feel unwanted and unfulfilled, and wait for your ex to take you back.
Since you don’t have a crystal ball to predict how your ex will feel and what your ex will do in the future, it’s best not to befriend your ex. Friendship or pretentious friendship is one of the worst things a dumpee can sign up for after the breakup. Not only does friendship hinder detachment and growth, but it also makes the dumper lose remaining interest and attraction.
If the dumpee has feelings and wishes to reconcile, he or she should self-prioritize and cut the dumper off. A quick implementation of no contact can make a huge difference in how the dumper perceives the dumpee and how likely it is that he or she will reach out and want to reconcile when problems arise.
Why did my ex unblock me but not message me?
The simplest explanation for why your ex unblocked you but didn’t message you is that your ex felt responsible for hurting you and wanted to let you reach out if you really needed to. By leaving one or multiple channels of communication open, your ex allowed you to contact him or her and cleared his or her own conscience.
Keep in mind that your ex needs a reason to contact you. This reason can be a lot of guilt, shame, curiosity, anxiety, boredom, or desire for friendship/friendship with benefits. Your ex must need something from you, something only you can provide.
If you can’t contribute to your ex’s life in crucial ways, your ex doesn’t feel the need to talk to you and risk feeling uncomfortable. Your ex will message you only if your ex is emotionally ready and thinks he or she can benefit from you (or at least not be any worse off).
If your ex senses that it’s too early and that you may still be hurt or eager for reconciliation, your ex probably won’t reach out. Talking to you while you expect him or her to recommit romantically would unnecessarily pressure your ex and hinder his or her relief phase.
So don’t expect your ex to want to talk while he or she feels relieved. Your ex may want to keep a channel of communication open for emergency purposes, but as long as your ex needs time to do the things he or she has been wanting to do, your ex will keep his or her distance and interact with people who inspire your ex to invest.
Having said that, here’s why an ex would unblock you and reach out vs unblock you and not reach out.
Why does my ex keep blocking and unblocking me?
Blocking and unblocking can mean various things. It can mean that the dumper is curious about the dumpee, but not curious enough to want to reach out and get back together. It can also mean that the dumper keeps seeing things he or she doesn’t want and gets hurt or offended.
To protect himself or herself from unwanted feelings, the dumper then blocks you and keeps you blocked until curiosity again kicks in and restarts the blocking/unblocking process.
Blocking and unblocking show changing thoughts and feelings. On the one hand, the dumper wants to know what you’re doing, but on the other, he or she isn’t ready to risk getting hurt and feeling overwhelmed. The dumper needs more time to stop seeing the dumpee as a danger to his or her happiness and well-being.
In other words, it’s a method of observation for the dumper and a test for the dumpee. The dumper wants to be certain the dumpee won’t take the initiative and do something that causes stress and pain. If the dumpee passes the test, the dumper may feel safe and respected and decide to contact the dumpee.
Getting back together may not be the topic of discussion, but it could nonetheless signal a rational desire to do the right thing, even though emotionally, he or she may not be capable of doing so yet.
So remember that your ex might be fighting his or her curiosity and unblocking you just to check up on you. But once your ex satisfies his or her curiosity and sees everything there is to see, your ex blocks you again to keep you out of sight and mind.
Your ex may need more space and time to feel completely safe and okay with keeping you unblocked.
Some dumpers fall into the pattern of constant blocking and unblocking. If your ex is one of those people, you should act as if your ex never unblocked you. Your ex will eventually stop feeling the need to block and unblock and may even reach out when he or she sees that you respect his or her space and privacy.
No matter what your ex does or doesn’t do, stay in no contact and let your ex come to you. Your ex abandoned you, so your ex must reach out and express the wish to be with you. Let your ex do the hard work while you focus on yourself and those who love you.
Still wondering why your ex unblocked you? We’d love to hear your thoughts, so share your questions and insights in the comments below.
However, if you’d like to confide in us and have us analyze your ex’s behavior, reach out to us after subscribing to private coaching. Together, we’ll walk through the breakup step by step and develop a strategy that fits your situation.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
