My Ex Slept With Someone Else While We Were Broken Up

If you found out your ex slept with someone else while you were broken up, you’re likely in a lot of pain and feel betrayed. You feel like your ex forgot about you and all the promises he or she had made prior to the breakup.

It probably feels like months of getting to know each other and planning went down the drain and that your ex stopped valuing you and seeing your worth and a future with you.

Although your ex probably tried to move on quickly and didn’t care much (or at all) about your feelings, don’t let your insecurities play with your ways of thinking and feeling. Take a few deep breaths and then try to understand that you were broken up and were allowed to date other people.

Whether the breakup was amicable or unilateral, you no longer had an agreement to be exclusive and could be with other people if you wanted to.

That probably doesn’t make you feel better, I know, but think of it this way.

If your ex was a dumpee, your ex most likely slept with another person to patch his or her wounds. Your ex was broken-hearted and thought that someone else would fill the void that you created. In other words, your ex tried to numb the pain by getting involved with another person.

Many dumpees do that, but, unfortunately, most of them are unsuccessful.

If your ex was the dumper, however, then yes, your ex probably ventured out into the dating world to explore other options. Your ex wanted to connect with someone else and start a relationship with that person.

But despite wanting something serious right away, things didn’t go according to plan. Your ex soon realized that the person he or she slept with wasn’t you and/or good enough.

The new man or woman made your ex learn through comparison that you were better in many ways, hence why your ex came running back to you.

So as difficult as this breakup experience has been for you, try to see the silver lining in your situation and remind yourself that your ex could have cheated on you while you were still together or stayed with the new person, had kids, and got married.

So much could have gone worse that would have made things more complicated and painful.

So don’t think it’s the end of the world because your ex slept with someone else after the breakup. If the person your ex cheated with helped your ex realize your worth, that’s a good thing because you now get another chance to make the relationship work.

You get to see if the two of you can overcome your differences and create a healthy bond.

But before you focus on reconnecting, you should first talk about the person your ex slept with and get him or her out of your system. Provided that your ex wants to be with you and has the skills to maintain romantic relationships, he or she will be happy to answer any questions lingering in your mind.

Your ex will be transparent and tell you everything you want to know.

Just don’t make things harder on yourself by asking things like:

• Was he/she better in bed than me?
• How did you do it?
• How many times?
• Did you enjoy it?

Some questions are better left unanswered.

I suggest that you ask questions like:

• Why do you think you needed to sleep with someone else so quickly?
• Where did you meet this person?
• Do you still talk to him/her
• What would you do differently if you could go back in time?

These questions will help you understand your ex’s motives for sleeping with another person and ease your fears.

In this post, we’ll talk about what to do if your ex slept with someone else while you were broken up.

My ex slept with someone else while we were broken up

Theoretically, it’s not your business who your ex slept with because if you weren’t together, you weren’t together. You were separated, doing your own things.

But even if you stopped talking to each other and focused solely on yourselves, the problem is you were still attached to your ex and had certain expectations of him or her. You thought your ex would handle the breakup maturely, but instead, your ex went back out there and slept with someone he or she probably met not too long ago.

It doesn’t matter how long your ex knew that person. The problem is that you still had feelings for your ex and got hurt when you found out your ex got romantically and/or sexually involved with someone else.

The thought of your ex being intimate with someone else gave you a lot of anxiety and fears. Fears that someone else would get to know the person you love on the most intimate level possible.

Rest assured that it’s completely normal to have fears like that – especially if you got dumped by your ex because that would mean that you never lost feelings for your ex.

You probably gained feelings because you got rejected and put your ex on a pedestal.

The point is that no one should have to go through the experience of knowing that the person they love had sex with someone else. It’s one of the most painful things a human being can go through.

The pain can be more severe than losing a family member or a romantic partner.

It can be so bad it causes panic attacks and takes people’s ability to eat and sleep away. Always remember that if someone has romantic feelings for you that you have a moral obligation not to get involved with other people.

You have to help your ex (or the person who has a crush on you) first and make sure he or she can handle the rejection/separation anxiety before you start getting close to others.

So if your ex slept with someone else while you were broken up, know that your ex didn’t consider the possibility that his or her actions might hurt you. Your ex was too absorbed in his/her own thoughts and feelings to think that you would find out about the new person and get seriously hurt.

The unfortunate truth is that many if not most people just don’t care much about their ex-partner after the breakup. They become angry, cold, or resentful and think that their responsibilities end the second they break up with their partner.

They think they don’t owe their ex anything, not even sympathy when in reality, their ex deserves to be treated like a king for staying committed until the end.

So if your ex says something like, “It doesn’t matter what I did, we were broken up,” know that your ex doesn’t have sympathy for you. He or she doesn’t understand how you’re feeling and will likely do more harm than good.

My advice is to forget about your ex if he or she says things like:

• stop talking about it already
• stop making me feel guilty
• get over it
• take it like a man
• it’s not your concern what I did after the breakup

The problem isn’t necessarily with what your ex did after the breakup. It’s with your ex’s attitude toward it. Make sure your ex cares about you, answers your questions, and eases your worries if you’re planning to give the relationship another chance.

What do I do if my ex slept with someone else while we were broken up?

If your ex slept with someone else while you were not together, the very first thing you should do is tell your ex (or your partner) to get himself or herself checked for STDs and STIs. You don’t want your boyfriend or girlfriend to give you health problems because of his/her recklessness.

You want your partner to take this matter seriously and do whatever it takes to make it safe for you and him/her to become intimate again when the time is right. I say “when the time is right” because you shouldn’t rush back and follow the same old pattern the moment you can.

Rushing may feel right but it won’t fix your issues.

You should first figure out if you’ve improved your shortcomings and made sure that you won’t break up again for the same or similar reasons.

Secondly, you should talk to your partner about the sexual activity he or she had with someone else. Don’t talk about the act itself but rather about the reasons your partner got intimate.

Your partner should be honest and tell you he/she felt the drive/necessity to do it.

Relationships are built on honesty, so this is a great opportunity to see if your partner will tell you the truth or avoid it. It may not be easy for your partner to talk about this, but not all things in life are easy. Some things are hard (especially when guilt is present).

Thirdly, you can’t change the past, so there’s no point in holding grudges and calling your partner names. Doing so will only complicate things and make it harder for the two of you to understand each other and rebuild love.

If you’re serious about being with your partner, you’ll have to let go of the past. You don’t have to forget about the things your partner did in your absence, but do try to see that your partner is with you and trying to make things work.

If he or she didn’t feel anything about you, he or she wouldn’t have come back. So don’t make things worse by demanding constant apologies and explanations.

Asking for reassurance is okay, but do that in a respectful way. In a way that shows you’re struggling emotionally but not trying to accuse or put anyone down.

Just how your partner needs to be sympathetic about this, you need to be respectful and accepting.

It will take time to heal

Your ex may not have cheated on you, but that doesn’t make things a whole lot easier. Your ex still slept with someone else when you had feelings for him or her, which means that you still had some hope for the relationship.

You thought your ex felt the same way about you and that you might get back together after a while to fix the relationship. But instead, your ex got involved with someone else and crushed your dreams.

That’s probably why him/her sleeping with someone else bothers you so much. It tells you that your ex didn’t care about you as much as you cared about him/her and that your ex just went with the flow.

The flow (or a lack of consideration) is what now gives you anxiety and the impression that your ex was selfish and impulsive.

Your ex’s behavior especially hurts you if your ex broke up with you by saying:

• it’s just a break
• let’s give it some time and we’ll see
• I don’t know what I want
• I still love you
• I need to find myself

Some dumpers use breakup excuses and various distraction techniques to soften the blow of the breakup. They don’t dare to be honest because they know there’s a chance their exes won’t like it, so they choose to lie and put themselves first.

If that’s what happened to you, you have every right to feel hurt and deceived. Your ex wasn’t honest and returned only because things didn’t work out with the other person.

If you want to make the relationship work, you have to rebuild the relationship from the ground up. Start with growing trust and forgiveness—and then focus on bonding and staying strong.

Did your ex sleep with someone else while you were broken up? Did it give you anxiety and make you feel little? Were you able to make it work? Let us know how things went below the post.

And if you’d like to talk to us about it 1 on 1, check out our coaching options.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.