I Want My Ex To Suffer The Way I Suffered

Do you want your ex to suffer the way you suffered? Do you want him or her to experience gut-wrenching pain and anxiety?

If you do, know that wishing your ex pain is very common as lots of dumpees want bad things to happen to their exes. Lots of dumpees want their exes to be miserable and depressed without them.

This is because the thought of their exes having a hard time without them reassures them that the grass wasn’t greener on the other side and they have the ability to affect people (control their emotions).

The reason why dumpees want their dumpers to suffer is, therefore, not very hard to determine.

Just how angry people project their unhappiness onto others and expect them to soak up their frustrations, broken-hearted people do too. But unlike angry people who get up close and personal, most dumpees get their justice indirectly from afar.

They watch their ex’s social media posts or ask their friends about their ex’s life and hope that something bad has happened to their ex while they were gone. This is how they alleviate their separation anxiety and become more optimistic about their uncertain future.

So if you’re hoping your ex gets hurt and you don’t know why, the first thing you need to understand is that you feel wronged, disrespected, powerless, and miserable. Your ego and self-esteem have plummeted to the ground, so you’re now looking for something that would bring your ex’s happiness level down to yours and decrease your pain that way.

You basically wish your ex would suffer so that you could feel better about your suffering.

I suppose what they say is true. Misery really does love company. And yours could definitely use some of your ex’s.

In today’s post, we’ll talk about why you want your ex to get hurt and what you can do to deal with your obsessive need for vengeance.

I want my ex to suffer the way I suffered

Look, there’s nothing wrong with having bad thoughts about your ex. Bad thoughts are there to protect you from the pain and injustice your ex has caused to you. They are your self-defense mechanism and the only thing keeping you sane from acting on impulse.

Although bad thoughts are self-destructive and unpleasant, to say the least, it’s also true that they have a somewhat positive effect. They help you process the negative experience your ex has forced on you and prevent you from breaking down and developing some kind of mental illness.

They are your guardian angel and your worst enemy at the same time. Talk about irony.

Some people experience many negative thoughts about their exes and others very few— almost none. Everyone, of course, is different in this regard as everyone deals with pain differently.

But the number of bad ex-thoughts people experience usually depends on:

• what their emotional health and coping mechanisms are like
• how they perceive their ex
• how emotionally invested and dependent they are on their ex
• and how badly their ex treated them

More often than not, the more insensitive the dumper is during and after the breakup, the more likely it is that the dumpee will feel wronged and feel the need to hurt the dumper back.

This is why we can say that people who get cheated on, ignored, ghosted, and humiliated after the breakup are normally the ones who experience the most malicious thoughts.

They are the ones who suffer the most, so it only makes sense that they feel the need to make/see their ex suffer the most too.

Sadly, victimized dumpees can experience a variety of extremely destructive and self-destructive thoughts. But the most common ones are wishes that dumpers:

• get fired
• get broken up with
• lose friendships
• become miserable
• become ill, get in an accident, or contract some kind of disease
• and even die

Some dumpees also wish bad things would happen to their ex so they can jump to the rescue when their ex suffers “an unfortunate” fate and asks for help.

Such dumpees oftentimes fantasize about their ex day and night and continuously think of ways to help or conversely, reject their ex when their ex comes back. In one way or another, they wish to feel important and in control of the person who has control over their emotions.

Here’s an infographic explaining why you want your ex to suffer.

What I talked about so far isn’t exclusive just to dumpees. People, in general, put others down to uplift themselves. It’s a basic technique all of us use to some degree every once in a while.

We just don’t admit it because we use it in a form of envy, jealousy, sarcasm, or gossip.

So if your breakup is fresh and your ex did something nasty to hurt you, it’s highly likely that you feel an overwhelming desire to get back at your ex. You want your ex not just to suffer, but to suffer more than you.

This is because you want to teach your ex a lesson not to mess with you, regain the power your ex has taken from you, and ultimately, have the last laugh.

It’s okay to want your ex to get hurt

If you feel a strong need to make your ex suffer, rest assured that it’s okay to feel angry, sad, abandoned, and mistreated. You’re a human being with emotions who believes your ex has done something unfair.

Something that a person should never do.

But even if your ex did the worst thing imaginable and you have a good reason to feel victimized, you still don’t have the right to take justice into your own hands and get revenge on your ex.

Doing that won’t get you very far in life. In fact, it will make you into an impulsive person who gets back at those who intentionally or unintentionally hurt you.

If you become an impulsive/reactive person, you’ll honestly be no better than your ex. You’ll be very similar to your ex because instead of transforming yourself into a better version of yourself, you’ll deflect your ex’s negative characteristics right back at your ex and give him or her a taste of your own negative traits as well.

This will force your ex to play a back and forth game of tennis with you until either of you gets tired of reacting or decides to grow up.

Many people, unfortunately never ask themselves, “Why do I want my ex to suffer? Why do I feel the way that I do?”

And the reason for that is very simple. Most people lack the ability to analyze their thoughts and feelings (lack self-awareness and maturity), so they tend to act on a whim and cause unnecessary damage.

Luckily, you don’t have to be one of those people. You’re reading this because you’re aware of your thoughts and emotions going through your system and are planning to take the right course of action.

Right from a moral standpoint.

What do I do if I want my ex to suffer for hurting me?

If you want your ex to suffer for breaking up with you and treating you poorly, you’re probably still in the early stages of a breakup for the dumpee. Your wounds are still open, which is why it’s hard for you to focus on anything or anyone other than the person who hurt you.

For that reason, you need to understand that healing emotional wounds takes time. Oftentimes it takes even longer than physical wounds, which is why you need to be patient and prepare yourself to wait as long as it takes.

Don’t compare yourself to others either. If you’re talking to people who are in the same boat as you, you’ll notice that some people stop wishing bad things on their exes very quickly.

They get over their exes in a matter of weeks or months and move on to someone else as if they’d never got hurt.

I’d like you to know that there’s a reason why some people are able to let go quicker than others. And that reason is that they:

• didn’t get treated very poorly
• have been hurt before (developed resistance to it)
• have had a different upbringing
• or have done the necessary work on themselves prior to getting involved with their ex

That’s why if you’re very, very angry with your ex and feel an overwhelming desire to physically or emotionally hurt your ex (especially months after the breakup), it’s because there’s a lot of work you need to do on yourself.

You haven’t examined your own thoughts and emotions prior to the breakup, so you now have to work harder than others.

You’re not in competition with them or anything like that, of course, but you have to catch up to them for your own good. Your next relationship depends on it.

I suggest you stop wishing bad things on your ex by:

• understanding that you’ve been hurt a lot and that your self-defense mechanism is trying to help you heal
• acknowledging your hateful wishes
• accepting them and understanding that they’re a part of your healing process
• replacing them with healthier thoughts (wish happy things to your ex even if you don’t feel that way at first)
• practicing forgiveness (positive affirmations)
• trying to raise your moral standards
• finding professional help and talking about the way you feel
• and pretending as if you have already become the person you wish to be

Stopping all hateful/negative thoughts could take some time. It could take anywhere between a few weeks up to almost a year.

As a general rule, the less confident, forgiving, and accepting you are and the worst your ex betrayed you, the longer it will take for your unhealthy thoughts to disappear.

But try not to worry!

As long as you try to be positive and strive to forgive your ex for hurting you, you’ll eventually stop wishing bad things to happen to your ex. You’ll detach from your ex and emotionally and rationally understand that holding grudges is hurting you, not your ex.

So start letting go of your ex right now and brush away any unwanted/unhealthy thoughts about your ex. Do that by convincing yourself that it’s okay to feel the way you do but that it’s not helping you become the person you want to become.

Remember that whenever you feel angry, sad, or depressed because of something your ex has done.

I hurt my ex and feel horrible! What do I do now?

If you’ve already done something to hurt your ex, know that it’s not too late to improve yourself. In fact, the time is just right as you now have a good reason to engage in introspection.

Now you know that your ex was able to bring out the worst in you and that you shouldn’t let people (especially exes) get to you like that anymore. It’s not helping you develop yourself in a positive way, so swear to never again act on impulse—and start becoming more aware of your emotions/reactions.

Doing that won’t magically fix the issues between you and your ex, but it will allow you to let go of your mistakes and help you move on from the person you are or used to be.

As for getting your ex back, it may already be too late. Mistakes like begging and pleading are bad enough already, but when you retaliate with the intention to hurt your ex, that’s no longer a mistake.

It’s a hostile act for which you may never be forgiven and respected.

I don’t know your ex personally, so I can’t say how your ex perceived your spiteful behavior, but usually, dumpers find it extremely disrespectful and lose remaining respect for their exes.

I want you to be aware of this so that you keep your expectations of your ex low.

The mature thing to do after getting back at your ex is to apologize for losing your cool. You don’t need to give your ex the whole background story of how you were neglected as a child and prevented from expressing yourself.

Your ex doesn’t care about that anymore. Your ex is your ex and is in an unreasonable state of mind.

So make the apology concise, yet sincere and show your ex that you have no expectations of him or her coming back.

Do you have vengeful thoughts and a strong desire to see your ex fail? How does that make you feel? Share your thoughts and feelings below.

Or conversely, if you’re looking for a more personalized 1-on-1 approach, click here to see our coaching plans.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.