I Miss My Ex-girlfriend So Much It Hurts!

Missing an ex-girlfriend after she’s dumped you is completely normal. You got used to having your ex in your life and became attached to her, so you’re now detoxing from the lack of hormones she provided you with probably on a daily basis.

Because you feel abandoned and unwanted, your self-esteem has taken a toll as well. It has made you think that you’re not good enough for her and that you’re missing your ex-girlfriend so much it hurts because of her amazing traits. The truth though, is that you aren’t just missing her as a person. You’re also missing the life when you weren’t anxious, sad, or depressed. You’re missing the times when you only relied on yourself for happiness and didn’t need your ex-girlfriend to fulfill you.

But that’s something your brain doesn’t tell you. Because your ex has stopped giving you the love you deserve, your brain has focused solely on the cause of unhappiness rather than the cause of happiness. Unhappiness is a stronger emotion, so it told you that you need to do something about the pain or you’ll be in trouble.

You either fix the problem (which is the lack of self-love) or you’ll suffer and put your health in danger.

So if you miss your ex-girlfriend so much it hurts, keep in mind that there’s a reason you’re hurting. The biggest reason is that you hoped to stay with her and were attached to your ex-girlfriend. This is normal and healthy. An attachment was necessary otherwise you wouldn’t have loved her and stayed with her through the ups and downs. You would have left when things got difficult.

What you have to figure out, however, is if your attachment with your ex was healthy.

Did you love this person because you wanted to love her or because you needed to love her? Many people can’t distinguish between wanting love and needing love. All they know is that they love a person because he or she pulls attracts them and makes them feel good.

But feeling good doesn’t always indicate the success of the relationship.

Those who judge their relationships based on how they feel about their partner alone, unfortunately, don’t understand that feelings aren’t the only way to measure love in a relationship. I’m not saying that feelings are unimportant, but overreliance on them is a bad idea.

New relationships for example go through the stages of a new relationship. The way couples feel in them is a false representation of how they’ll feel later and how strong their love will be. New couples are excited merely because everything is new. They need to get to know each other and drop their guards before they jump to any conclusions.

So don’t take your or other new couples’ limerence phases seriously. Give them enough time (about half a year) to stop feeling infatuated because that’s when they’ll start showing their true colors and prove that love isn’t all fun and games.

There are times when emotions have nothing to do with love. In fact, most of the time, love isn’t a fairy tale. People’s lives aren’t always peaches and cream because people have stressors, worries, problems, and other unpredictable things in their lives. When those things hit them, they don’t feel happy. But depending on their love (willpower and commitment to the relationship) as well as relationship skills and mental strength, they can overcome issues together without putting much or any strain on the relationship.

They just have to have the right mentality.

So first things first, change your whole perception of love. Love isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Those who expect it to be more often than not get disappointed and abandon it, thinking they deserve more. Quite frankly, love is a battlefield. Only those who have the will, energy, and skills to fight for it learn to work together and come out victorious.

In this article, we’ll talk about what to do if you love and miss your ex-girlfriend so much it hurts.

I miss my ex-girlfriend so much it hurts!

Now that your girlfriend is your ex-girlfriend and you’re in immense pain, you’re probably regretting some of the things you did and didn’t do. You’re blaming yourself for not being a good enough boyfriend because you’ve realized that you could have and should have done better.

Before you take all the blame, you need to understand that your ex-girlfriend was also responsible for maintaining the relationship. She was as responsible as you were as she needed to express herself and communicate her problems. You’re probably thinking that she did that or that she tried to warn you, but you took her for granted.

That may be true, but real love takes more than just a few warnings and tries. Real love takes commitment and an understanding that people don’t change easily in relationships. They are who they are and, therefore, need multiple reminders, lots of patience, and oftentimes even help from someone else.

Your ex likely didn’t or couldn’t encourage you in ways that she needed to. Instead of helping you grow and becoming stronger with you, she expected you to do all the work yourself and got tired.

That’s why she left and made you feel that it was all your fault. But luckily, you know that’s not true. Not unless you were taking advantage of her and/or were abusive. That would mean the relationship needed to end so you could reflect on your behavior and improve the things that needed to be improved.

So engrave in your mind that the girl or woman you dated had certain shortcomings as well. She had things she needed to take seriously and work on with you as well on her own.

But did she? Did she tell you she was actively working on communication, perception, gratitude, attitude, maturity, emotional health, or anything that could have helped the relationship and prevented the breakup? Probably not right? If she did, she would have understood what love is and stayed with you through thick and thin.

I know you miss her and love her more than ever, but she’s no angel either. She’s a dumper who didn’t have what it took to keep love strong and loyalty unconditional. Of course, there is no such thing as unconditional love, but couples who appreciate each other don’t think that breaking up is an option.

They’re afraid of breaking up because the separation would hurt them and make them miss out on the life they’d created and the future they’d envisioned. They’d rather persevere and hold each other in high regard.

That’s how they can make sure their relationship not only stays healthy but also remains strong and the only relationship they want.

People on the internet always say you should have an abundance mindset, but that doesn’t mean you should have several dating options on the backburner and run to them the moment something goes wrong. It means you should commit to your partner like he or she is the only person on the planet, yet know that you’ll be okay even if your partner falls out of love and leaves.

You can develop a mindset like that by increasing your self-esteem, improving your contribution to society, and taking care of your mental health.

So if you miss your ex-girlfriend like crazy, start by figuring out if the way you miss her is within healthy bounds. If you know that something went wrong and that she’s not the only fish in the sea, you’ve probably already increased your self-esteem and/or developed coping mechanisms to deal with rejections. You’ve done the work on yourself prior to the breakup (probably before you even met your ex-girlfriend) and can handle nostalgia, guilt, and other unpleasant emotions dumpees feel after the breakup.

But if you have suicidal thoughts, diarrhea, gut-wrenching separation anxiety, panic attacks, depression, and difficulty eating and sleeping, you probably haven’t done all the necessary work on yourself yet. Figure out what’s lacking or shouldn’t be there so you can work on it and make sure your relationships and romantic failures don’t affect you that much.

Why do I miss my ex-girlfriend so much?

If you miss your ex-girlfriend a lot, let me reiterate that a bit of missing is normal. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t miss your ex whom you loved and had plans for. You’d be an emotionless robot, incapable of experiencing anxiety, fear, sadness, and other painful emotions. Only people who don’t care about their exes or those who counter rejection with extreme anger and fury don’t miss their exes.

But such people shouldn’t be with their exes anyway. They shouldn’t be in any relationship because they don’t get in relationships for the right reasons or aren’t ready for relationships because they don’t know how to handle negative emotions and maintain relationships.

Their relationships usually don’t last very long.

They tend to fall apart when negative emotions dominate their rationality and change their ways of thinking and behaving. That’s when they use anger, resentment, or contempt as a self-defense mechanism to protect themselves against things they lack control over.

If you’re reading this post, you’re probably here because you’re capable of feeling emotions and missing your ex. You’re capable of feeling vulnerable and want to stop feeling that way. Before you can do that, you need to understand why you miss your ex-girlfriend so much.

What exactly is causing so much pain and nostalgia?

If the breakup is a few months old, you’re missing your ex because you’re still detaching from her. You were with her for a while, so you can’t just stop thinking about her and forget about her. It’s impossible because she was a big part of your life and made you feel loved and important.

The reason you’re missing her day and night is that you’ve invested personal happiness in her and trusted her with that happiness. But because she took your commitment for granted, she discarded it and made you feel unloved and unimportant. She made you feel the opposite of what you needed to be happy and stopped giving you the hormones she used to provide regularly.

This caused a big shock to you, attacked your self-esteem, affected your mentality, and made you crave what you had before she broke your heart.

Whether your ex-girlfriend was fun, loving, attractive, or kind-hearted doesn’t matter to you right now. All that matters to you is that she isn’t around anymore and that there’s a big void in your chest. You’re now trying to fill that void by thinking about her and fantasizing about getting back with her when you should be looking for alternative ways to fill that void.

Alternative ways don’t sound very reliable to you because you’re still hurting. But give it some time and you’ll see that you can stop missing your ex by starting to appreciate yourself and those around you.

Social life, hobbies, and who you are as a person are the main things you need to work on. If you focus on that, the extent and frequency of missing your ex will decrease. This is because you’ll stop caring about your ex-girlfriend and start caring about yourself.

Here are some reasons why you miss your ex-girlfriend so much it hurts.

How can I stop missing my ex-girlfriend and hurting so much?

There isn’t just one thing that will help you stop missing your ex-girlfriend. Getting over her requires you to give attention to many things, especially those that need attention the most.

Some of those things include going no contact, adhering to all its rules, understanding your ex’s behavior and why the breakup occurred (getting closure), learning more about relationships and improving yourself, spending time with family and friends, meeting new people, and staying busy with chores, hobbies, and goals.

The more you focus on yourself and the things that matter to you, the less time you’ll spend thinking about your ex and missing the good times.

Depending on the length and intensity of the relationship, the first few months will probably be the hardest. Sometimes you’ll miss your ex-girlfriend, sometimes you’ll feel angry with her for hurting you, and sometimes you won’t think about her at all.

Your feelings for her will vary and depend on your ability to self-prioritize and snap out of unhealthy thinking patterns. So make sure to work on regaining emotional control and understanding that your ex isn’t the only person you can be with. There are many women out there who will do a much better job than her. You just have to detach from your ex to be able to find that person.

My advice is not to look for someone new before you’ve lost feelings for your ex. If you look too soon, you could rebound with her and miss your ex even more. Date other people only when you’re ready to emotionally connect with other people. And you can tell you’re ready when others don’t remind you of your ex and make you feel nostalgic and depressed.

Getting over your ex will take quite a bit of time and effort. Don’t expect to get over her in days because it won’t happen. All unrealistic expectations will do is hurt you and make you even more dependent on your ex.

So if you miss your ex-girlfriend so much it hurts, be prepared to miss her for a while. Accept that the breakup has triggered separation anxiety and fears and that processing them will take time. It takes people different amounts of time to process the breakup, but if you follow the advice in this article, you’ll stop missing her as quickly as your body and mind let you.

That’s because you’ll prioritize yourself and distance yourself from the person who broke your heart and left you to fend for yourself.

Do you miss your ex-girlfriend like crazy? What do you miss about her the most? Comment below the post.

But if you’d prefer to vent to us, check out our coaching services here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.