I Love Him But I’m Not In Love With Him

When a woman says she loves a man but isn’t in love with him, she’s trying to make things sound better than they are. She’s trying to put on an act to make herself look better or different and understate what she’s about to do (leave a relationship and break her partner’s heart).

The fact that she’s trying to convince herself or others that she’s not a bad person shows that she feels bad. But that isn’t the most important thing here.

What matters more is that she doesn’t love her husband, fiancé, or boyfriend as she has no romantic feelings for him. She lost feelings a long time ago and now wants to be alone to enjoy her newfound space and freedom.

She could have told his ex that the relationship is over and that feelings are gone, but because she’s afraid of being honest about falling out of love, she made him or those around him believe that a part of her really likes him and appreciates everything he is and does.

She made it look like he was the guy of her dreams but that he currently can’t be that guy for some repairable reason. This is how she gave him hope that the breakup is not permanent and that something temporary is preventing her from being with him.

So if you told your ex that you loved him but don’t feel in love with him, know that you said a very confusing thing to him. You told him that you love him the way he is but that you currently don’t feel attracted to him because you’re going through some kind of phase or difficulty.

You need to avoid telling him you love him because “I love yous” are reserved for romantic partners only (not ex-partners). This profession of love makes dumpees feel cherished romantically and lets them know their partner is committed.

So don’t throw this line around just because you’re scared of admitting you lost feelings and don’t see a future with him. Don’t say it because you feel bad for hurting him either.

Giving an ex-partner hope is worse than being truthful and a little bit frank.

That’s because exes are anxious and tend to overanalyze everything that looks promising. They feed on hope as hope indicates that their ex may still love them and come back in the future.

Unfortunately, hope’s got nothing to do with whether an ex will return. It’s just a feeling in the stomach, caused by the pain of rejection and the wish to stop hurting.

Next time you lose feelings for a guy, make sure to avoid telling him things like:

• I still love you
• You’re the best boyfriend I ever had
• No one’s ever going to replace you
• You mean the world to me
• I wish I could be with you
• We might get back together someday

Comments like these give tons of hope and prevent guys from letting go and moving on. They make them think they’ll get back together if they play their cards right and stay patient.

So if you told a guy that you loved him but aren’t in love with him, try to understand why you used this cliché line. When you understand it, you’ll stop using it with guys you don’t love.

The meaning of I love you but I’m not in love with you

The “I love you but I’m not in love with you” saying may have two opposing words in it (love you and not love you) but it’s the second part of the line that concludes the sentence.

The second part shows that the dumper lost romantic feelings and that he or she isn’t interested in rebuilding love and making the relationship stronger. It sucks, but some people use this defensive strategy to break up with their partners.

They’re so scared of admitting they’ve checked out emotionally that they sugarcoat their reasons for breaking up and say one of the most frequent expressions dumpers use. We call this expression and other similar breakup expressions breakup excuses.

Their purpose is to soften the shock dumpees experience due to the breakup and also to reduce the guilt dumpers have to deal with as a result of their actions.

We could say that dumpers intend to get their exes off their backs as quickly as possible so they can focus on themselves or perhaps even someone else.

You mustn’t take it to heart when your ex says she loves you but isn’t in love with you. Instead, you must understand its true meaning and forget about it completely. It’s like listening to a friend say “I like you but I don’t like the way I feel when I’m with you.”

Such a person won’t stick around for long (or anymore) as the way you present yourself doesn’t feel right to him or her.

So keep in mind that when your partner tells you she loves you but isn’t in love with you that she’s only thinking about your and her feelings in the moment. Your partner (or ex-partner) doesn’t care about how hopeful her message will make you feel when you’re alone, reliving the breakup hundreds of times, blaming yourself, and trying to find ways for her to be with you.

If your ex truly cared about you, you’ve got to understand that your ex would have put your feelings before hers. She would have done everything in her power to end the relationship properly and avoid giving you hope.

Hope does nothing but keep you attached and string you along. It hinders your growth and makes it difficult to move on and find a person who deserves you.

With that said, here’s the meaning behind the “I love you but I’m not in love with you” line.

If you don’t actually love a guy, avoid telling him you love him. You won’t make things any better for him by telling him he’s the most important person in your life. All you’ll do is tell him there’s still hope to be with you and that he needs to try harder to impress you and make you want to be with him.

So don’t confuse your guilt, shame, confusion, or doubt with love. You may still feel somewhat attached to him, but if you broke up with him, you clearly don’t appreciate him and deserve him. You need to leave the guy alone and let him rebuild his self-esteem and relearn to love himself.

Put yourself in his shoes. You wouldn’t want him to tell you how much he loves you if he dumped you. The truth would sting, but at least you’d know that he’s detached and not willing to be with you.

A guy or woman who loves you and regrets breaking up with you will always prove it to you. He or she will apologize, ask for forgiveness, promise to change/do better, and be afraid of getting rejected by you.

Fear and/or anxiety will be visible from a mile away because your ex’s happiness will depend on whether you take him or her back.

What to do if you care about him but don’t love him?

We’ve already mentioned that you need to leave a guy alone after a breakup. You need to give him space to process the breakup.

But this doesn’t mean you should get rid of him as quickly as possible and show him you don’t care about what happens to him. He may be your ex, but he’s still a human being with feelings who needs to see that you have some form of respect for him.

You can show him that by telling him why the breakup happened, answering his breakup-related questions, asking him if you can help him somehow, and encouraging him to reach out if he’s having a hard time coping with the breakup.

These things will make it much easier for him to accept the breakup and move on. They’ll make him see that the only path available to him is the path forward.

Giving him hope, on the other hand, will make him want to stop letting you go and working on himself. It will tell him you may secretly still love him and want him back.

You have to remember that dumpees are highly vulnerable after the breakup and that they look for hope in everything. their ex says and does They also take things literally and personally and get their hopes up and hope crushed.

You don’t want to give your ex hope just to crush it later – when reality catches up to him. You want to understand that your ex needs honesty and deserves respect.

If you understand relationships, got dumped before, or are self-aware, mature, and righteous, you already know what your ex needs from you. But if you don’t understand this, then you should learn more about relationships and breakups and try being a more moral person.

It will help with your relationships and breakups significantly.

So if you want to know what to do when you care about him but don’t love him, be supportive but not intrusive. Offer him answers and help, but don’t try to befriend him or accuse him of things.

The time after the breakup is meant for you and him to reflect, grow, and disassociate from each other. Don’t spend that valuable time engaging in destructive behavior.

You can tell him what you liked and disliked

Your ex will benefit from you the most if you avoid talking strictly about the good or the bad things. Talking only about the good things will give him hope whereas bad things will trigger his anxiety and depression. So find a balance between criticizing and complimenting.

Your ex needs your honesty so he can learn the lessons he needs to learn and improve.

You can mention anything you want as long as you express yourself politely and empathetically. Attacking your ex won’t help him into a better person as it will make him want to defend himself or conversely, blame himself.

So be careful about the things you say to your ex. Always keep in mind that your ex is the dumpee and that staying in touch with your ex will cause more problems than it will solve. It may help you relieve guilt, but your ex will probably see it as an opportunity to befriend you and reel you back in.

Do you love him but aren’t in love with him? Is this an ex or someone you wanted to date? What do you like about the guy? Post your comments in the comments section below.

And if you want to talk about your care for your ex with us, sign up for coaching on this link.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.