There’s a lot of conflicting information on the internet about how to get your ex back fast by text message. Many different coaches hold varying opinions, but very few offer realistic advice that actually helps dumpees get what they want, especially in the long run.
Most of them only tell dumpees what they want to hear, and by doing so, give them hope and complicate their recovery.
Although dumpees want hope, it doesn’t mean they should get it. Certainly not the amount they crave. A little bit of hope is okay as it gives them a sense of control and lowers their anxiety. But believing they’ll get their ex back with a bunch of pre-made texts is simply utopian.
Texting an ex when he or she has no intention of being with you isn’t just a waste of time. It’s counterproductive because it tries to bring back the dumper’s feelings and commitment. When the dumper sees what you’re up to, he or she will feel unheard, disrespected, and overwhelmed—and lose attraction for you, or whatever is left of it.
You can be certain of that because your expectations will make your ex feel the opposite of how he or she wants to feel. Instead of respecting his or her space, privacy, and decision to be alone, you’ll smother your ex and show your ex that you only care about what you want. And when your actions prove that you care only about your own wants and needs, your ex will find you persistent and annoying.
He or she will choose to protect himself or herself and give up on friendship/talking to you. Keep in mind that your ex doesn’t want to be won back. Your ex isn’t waiting for you to grow up, take responsibility, and say the things that could make him or her trust you again.
On the contrary, your ex likes how things currently are and wants them to stay that way. Current dynamics work for your ex, so the last thing your ex wants is for you to take control and start changing things. Changes can be overwhelming for your ex. They can remind your ex that you still have feelings and want to be in a relationship.
So if you’ve come across various texts that promise you can get your ex back if you play your cards right with texts, remember that texting an ex who lost interest is literally the first and biggest breakup mistake. It’s bad for your detachment, healing, growth, and image—and awful for your ex’s space, curiosity, nostalgia, attraction, respect, and regret.
Your ex won’t develop feelings just because you’ve said some things and shown that you’re still around capable of growth. Your ability to grow, especially in the way you express yourself, is not the main issue. It’s your ex’s negative perceptions that he or she either doesn’t know how to or doesn’t want to dissociate from you.
Your ex would rather think and feel how he or she currently does, as doing so provides your ex a sense of power and stability.
Don’t think that your ex is secretly waiting for you to craft the perfect text message and that your ex is still open to reconciliation. If your ex were open to it, your ex would have told you or shown you. Your ex would have initiated the conversation and expressed the things that bothered him or her.
If your ex didn’t give you anything to work on and improve, you shouldn’t try to prove your changes and willingness to invest time and effort into the relationship. At the moment, there is no relationship to work on. All that remains of it are two exes with different perceptions, ideas, plans, and feelings.
For these reasons, you should consider your ex unreceptive and give up on sending him or her text messages to quickly get him or her back. There is no such thing as quickly reattracting an ex and getting back together. The only time exes get back together fast is when they still have feelings and break up due to ego—to cause pain and force change.
Such exes don’t need to say or do much. They just need to initiate the conversation and allow themselves to gravitate toward each other. Other exes, though (those who don’t have feelings) can’t reconcile that easily. They don’t want to reconcile, so they must first resolve the issues that broke them up. Once they’ve resolved those issues, they need a powerful incentive.
This is typically some kind of shocking failure that destroys their plans, triggers their insecurities, and forces them to change their views. Without a strong incentive, dumpers don’t feel the need to reconcile. They think they’re doing just fine and that they can be happier on their own (or with someone else).
As long as they think the breakup helped them find themselves and be happy, they don’t even want to think about the possibility of giving the relationship another chance.
So if you’ve been wondering how to get your ex back fast through text messages, understand that getting an ex back fast, through texts, and on your terms is highly unlikely.
Making an ex fall back in love with you with determination and kindness is nearly impossible. Your ex’s negative perceptions, beliefs, fears, unreceptiveness, and things he or she wants to accomplish after the breakup are mainly to blame for this.
If you ignore these things and show your ex you don’t understand or care about him or her, your ex won’t like it one bit. And if your ex doesn’t like it, chances are your ex will punish you for it by rejecting your efforts and feelings, bringing you back to reality, and introducing you to a new kind of pain.
You can avoid unnecessary pain by learning more about breakups and what your ex needs to redevelop feelings and commitment.
In this post, we shed some light on why you should forget about getting your ex back fast by text message or other direct means.
Why you won’t get your ex back fast by text message?
If you’re trying to learn how to reconcile with your ex fast by text, you need to relearn a lot of things about ex-partners and reconciliations. You need to relearn that your ex isn’t capable of letting go of the past and processing difficult emotions through text messages.
If post-breakup communication had the power to impress your ex and recreate romantic sparks, there would be no need for this or other breakup guides. Dumpees and dumpers would reconcile simply by talking to each other.
Unfortunately, reconciliations are more complex than that. Most of them experience complete emotional withdrawal and require forgiveness, healing, and space. Space lets them live an independent life and see if they’re happier without each other.
If they are happier, they usually don’t return. They focus on themselves and live happy lives. However, if they run into problems and feel hurt, they tend to become nostalgic and wonder if leaving their ex was the right thing to do.
When they merely have doubts, they breadcrumb their exes and try to obtain forgiveness, validation, support, or relationship benefits. They talk about unimportant matters and confuse their exes.
You should talk to your ex only if there’s an emergency or something genuinely important that needs to be discussed. Don’t reach out or entertain breadcrumbs just because you’re hurt, anxious, depressed, hopeful, or love-deprived. How you feel doesn’t matter to your ex right now.
It won’t matter until your ex falls back in love and wants to invest in your health and well-being. Your ex may care as a friend or ex-partner, but that’s where his or her care ends. To care romantically, your ex must recognize your romantic value and want it for him/herself.
In other words, your ex must have romantic cravings and expectations. When your ex understands that you can make his or her life better romantically, your ex will want you back and do his or her best to keep you.
It’s super important to understand that text messages to get your ex back fast don’t exist. People may have created them and posted them online, but their intention wasn’t to help dumpees. It was to take advantage of their desperation and get them to pay for their services.
I know it feels great to have an active plan that seems like it could lead to reconciliation, but false hope isn’t very helpful. It doesn’t help you accept the breakup, get out of denial, process pain, and regain emotional independence. All false hope does is keep you emotionally hooked on your ex, drain your energy, and waste your time.
When you actively plan to reconcile with a former partner, your focus narrows to one goal – getting back with your dumper ex. You continue to put your ex on a pedestal and refuse to make real changes that could one day inspire your ex to be with you and also stay with you.
Every moment spent devising the perfect text is a moment you delay your healing and give your power away. Instead of moving forward and becoming stronger, you stay stuck in the past and wait for a response that may never come.
I’m not saying your ex will ignore you, but it will probably make things worse. That’s because your ex will feel pressured into responding in ways you want him or her to respond.
Pressure simply doesn’t work well with dumpers. They feel relieved because of the breakup, which is why it makes them feel misunderstood and overwhelmed. They consider dumpees demanding and impossible to please.
Such beliefs further decrease their romantic interest in their exes and give them the strength to carry on without them.
So whatever you do, don’t contact your ex with some pre-made texts and expect your ex to fall head over heels in love with you. Not only is your breakup situation unique, but your communication style is completely different from what breakup coaches suggest.
If you text what someone else tells you to, you’ll sound inauthentic because it will feel like you’re reading from a script. Moreover, you’ll express your thoughts and feelings ahead of time (before your ex is ready) and put immense pressure on your ex.
Even if you don’t say anything overwhelming, your words will drag your ex back to the past and make your ex feel uncomfortable. Your presence will tell your ex that you have unmet needs and romantic cravings that he or she can’t satisfy.
You can only imagine how frustrated your ex will be when your words, actions, or both show that you’ve reached out entirely for yourself because of unhappiness.
That being said, here’s why you shouldn’t try to get your ex back with text messages or any other form of initiation.
If you want your ex back, you must do it the right (confident) way – by letting your ex come to you, not vice versa. Your ex must initiate conversations and put the work in because your ex was the one who left and invalidated your feelings.
If you try to do all the work for your ex, you’ll overwhelm your ex with your eagerness to keep him or her in your life. Let’s just say your ex will stop talking to you and find better people to spend time with.
The only thing your ex needs and respects right now is space. It’s why your ex broke up with you. He or she got tired of investing in you and decided to pursue his or her happiness without you.
Therefore, the longer you stay away from your ex, the better your ex will feel and the quicker he or she will become curious, nostalgic, or regretful.
Attempt to get your ex back by respecting yourself and your ex
A healthy reconciliation method doesn’t include back and forward texting with an ex who fell out of love and dumped you. It includes starting no contact and staying in it until your ex discovers your romantic potential and comes back to invest in you. You must give your ex space to focus on him/herself and realize that he or she lost tons of benefits and a valuable partner.
Your ex may realize this when life gets tough and forces him or her to reflect. That’s when your ex may reach out and display regret.
So forget about texting your ex and telling your ex things he or she wants to hear. Instead of putting your ex in charge of your feelings and healing, take a step back and create some distance. Your ex will appreciate your strength and determination to move on and view you in a more positive light.
If your ex begins to feel pain and regret, your ex will show or tell you. You won’t need to guess because your ex will be anxious and want you back to feel better. Just as you need your ex to feel loved and secure now that you feel rejected, your ex will feel that way too when he or she wants you back. Such cravings will indicate that something went wrong on your ex’s part and that he or she considers you a backup plan.
I know the term ‘backup plan’ doesn’t sound great, but that’s essentially what a reconciliation is. It’s a dumper’s safety net for when his or her plans fall apart and trigger overwhelming stress and anxiety. If your ex lacks healthy coping mechanisms and support systems, your ex could reach out to you to confide in you and perhaps even get back together with you.
There’s no telling what your ex will do. But if you want another chance with your ex, you need to ignore unhealthy and unrealistic advice from friends and strangers on the internet. Listen to reasonable advice that doesn’t promise to instantly give you what you need.
I encourage you to take the slow, difficult, and passive indefinite no contact approach. It won’t bring your ex back overnight, but it will preserve your worth, which is necessary for your ex to respect you and find you interesting and attractive.
Always remember that your ex needs to find a reason to be with you. If you force yourself into your ex’s life and/or give your ex everything he or she needs on a silver platter, your ex will take you for granted, friend-zone you, or get irritated or overwhelmed when he or she notices that you’re trying to get back together.
In conclusion, your ex left by choice and must return by choice. Interfering with the reconciliation process will only frustrate your ex and push him or her further away. That’s why your job as a dumpee is to focus on things you can control. Things such as detachment, hobbies, friends, and non-relationship goals.
When you do that for a while, you’ll put yourself first and ease your urge to be with your ex.
Are you still wondering how to get your ex back fast by text message? Post your reasons for wanting to text your ex below.
However, if you’re looking for pragmatic breakup and ex-back advice, reach out to us by subscribing to coaching. At Magnet of Success, we provide dumpees with tough love, rather than comforting lies. Of course, we do that empathetically. 💓
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
