The only healthy way for couples to get back together is naturally, without resorting to desperate behavior like begging, pleading, or throwing tantrums. If they remember that they became a couple naturally the first time, they can give each other what they need to develop respect, care, love, and commitment.
Those who try to force reconciliation usually fail and make future reconciliation much more difficult, if not impossible. That’s because they destroy the foundation on which the relationship is built and have no choice but to move on and avoid making the same mistakes in the future.
There’s no guarantee that you’ll get back together naturally even if you do everything by the book, but your chances of success will be much higher. Even if you don’t get back together, at least you’ll know you did things the right way—the natural way. You won’t blame yourself or think poorly of yourself for doing your best.
So how to get back together after a breakup naturally?
Breakups require space, so the first thing you must do is give your ex enough space to process the breakup and want you back. You may not need any space or a reason to want your ex back, but that’s because you were dumped and hurt. You have a highly emotional reason (feelings) to get back with your ex and give the relationship another chance.
Your ex, on the other hand, doesn’t. He or she is perfectly fine with the breakup and doesn’t need your presence and validation to feel better. This is because your ex allowed him/herself to slowly detach and lose feelings. A loss of emotional bond didn’t happen randomly. It happened due to neglect or self-neglect. Whether your ex focused on your bad points or another person’s good ones, your ex took the connection with you for granted and prioritized his or her happiness outside of the relationship.
Eventually, he or she completely lost interest and left for greener pastures.
To want you back, your ex will have to feel the desire or urge to re-attach to you. And your ex will want that when he or she realizes that you’re the quickest way for him or her to deal with a problem and feel or stop feeling something. This could be a feeling of emotional stability, self-love, security, validation, love, progress, or purpose. Your ex basically needs to run into some kind of issue, feel vulnerable and responsible, and need your help.
When that happens, there’s a good chance your ex will think about his or her decisions and behaviors, start to feel nostalgic, regain curiosity, rebuild feelings and respect, and ask for your forgiveness and trust. When your ex realizes your worth and wants you back, your ex will become dependent on you and do everything in his or her power to impress you and make you say “yes.”
Don’t think you’re responsible for showing you’re not mad and making it easy for your ex to ask you out. Unfortunately, many dumpees are afraid of what their ex might think if they do nothing. They’re so afraid that they convince themselves they’re responsible for staying in touch and keeping their ex engaged. Such dumpees oftentimes overstep their ex’s boundaries and make reconciliation feel forced and unnatural.
Hence, what you need to understand is that your ex currently doesn’t want you back and that he or she might want you when life gives him or her lemons and triggers a deep reflection. Only a serious/lengthy reflection could bring back your ex’s feelings and change your ex’s decision about the breakup. Any attempts to make your ex feel something for you will only hurt your feelings and chances of reconciliation.
If you want to get back together, you have to get back together the natural way. The natural way involves waiting for the dumper (the person who left) to have an epiphany and do the internal work required to redevelop feelings. Of course, don’t put your life on hold for your ex, but do implement a passive, no contact strategy rather than an active one based on communication, friendship, and persuasion.
As difficult as it may be, you mustn’t talk to your ex and try to entice him or her. If you try to make your ex want to be with you by force, you’ll disrespect your ex’s decision and need for space and come off as a desperate, weak, and selfish individual. As you know, such traits aren’t very attractive. They repulse people, especially space-deprived dumpers who took ages to walk away and just want to focus on themselves.
It sucks that you must let go of control and put reconciliation in your ex’s hands, but you don’t have a choice. Your ex is currently not able to recognize your romantic worth. He or she probably focuses mainly on the bad times and your bad qualities, as they make him or her feel victimized and justify the breakup.
As long as your ex thinks that he or she gained significantly more than he or she lost, you shouldn’t be anywhere near your ex. You should be following a strict regimen of no contact, learning more about yourself, improving your flaws, growing your self-esteem, and keeping busy. Your ex is of no use to you while you’re still in the process of picking yourself up and trying to heal.
During your recovery phase, you will come across a lot of conflicting information, especially online, but try to remember that your ex doesn’t want you to try harder.
If your ex wanted you to do better, your ex would have told you already and periodically checked up on your progress. Your ex wouldn’t have given up on you and shut down emotionally. Only detached dumpers do that because they feel pressured and can’t focus on themselves. They think that the only thing left for them to do is to push their ex away and try to live a happy life without their ex.
For a while, dumpers are more than happy. They feel like a weight’s been lifted off their shoulders and that they’ve been given a fresh start. But as time goes on, reality often sets in, forcing them to stop feeling relieved and start feeling all kinds of negative emotions. This is their first reminder that life won’t be all rainbows and unicorns and that they’ll face many challenges along the way.
In this post, we discuss how to get back together after a breakup naturally without pressuring your ex and hurting/embarrassing yourself.
How to get back together after a breakup naturally?
Getting back together after a breakup naturally requires a certain level of breakup knowledge, self-love, and self-control. You must keep your emotions in check and understand that reconciliation depends on your ex more than it does on you. Your actions matter, but what’s even more important is the post-breakup experience your ex has without you.
If your ex doesn’t get in trouble and reflect, your ex probably won’t come back. Your ex won’t have a reason to because he or she will be happy and in control of his or her emotions. Your ex will come back (naturally) when things go south and trigger emotions that your ex lacks the tools to work through.
You need to understand that your ex currently needs space and time to enjoy life. Enjoying life means doing whatever he or she wants while ignoring your needs, feelings, and concerns. If you remind your ex that you have unmet expectations, your ex will likely consider you insecure and demanding and do something to hurt you.
Whether through snapping at you, ignoring you, or even blocking you, your ex will show you that you’re not a priority and kill your reconciliation hope. Killing all your hope at once will instantly bring back feelings of rejection and hopelessness. That’s why it’s in your best interest not to irritate your ex and bring negative reactions out of him or her.
Your ex has the power to hurt you, potentially sending you into a spiral of depression, which will severely affect your ability to love yourself and the chances of re-attracting your ex or anyone else.
So don’t tell or show your ex how much he or she means to you. Feelings and persistence aren’t the key to getting back with your dumper ex. The most important factors are the issues your ex encounters without you and how your ex perceives you while his or her happiness and self-esteem are under attack. If your ex has a tendency to get in trouble and rely on others for happiness or self-love, chances are your ex will contact you when he or she feels down and needs help.
Your best bet is to allow time and circumstances to diminish your ex’s ego and make your ex realize your value through loss and personal hardship. Anything or anyone other than you must trigger unwanted feelings, followed by reflection and the realization that you weren’t the cause of his or her problems, pain, and unhappiness.
Therefore, you must let go of the need to control the situation and focus on things you can control. Focus on your friends, family, hobbies, and anything that gives your life purpose and happiness. You’ll find it much easier to keep your emotions under control if you have things going on in your life and see that life goes on even without your ex.
I know it’s hard to get your ex out of your head, especially if the breakup just happened, but know that it gets easier with time. Every day you go without talking to your ex, you increase your self-reliance and detach from your ex more. Gradually, you’re learning to live for yourself and those who truly care about you.
If you continue to focus on yourself and others, your ex will see that you’re not chasing and that you love yourself more than him or her. This, on its own, won’t reattract your ex, but it will make your ex respect you and wonder what or who is keeping you busy. When your ex thinks (positively) about you, you just need to wait for your ex to hit a snag and ask for another chance.
It may seem simple, but don’t be overly optimistic. Something significant will likely have to go wrong for your ex to let go of negative perceptions/resentment and start missing you romantically. Your ex will likely have to get rejected, dumped, or beaten up by life and realize that the best way to move forward is to get back with you.
That would be the natural way of getting back together with a former partner. An unnatural way would involve befriending your ex, guilt-tripping, making threats, or playing jealousy games. I’m not saying it’s impossible to get your ex back through these methods, but the chances are slim. Even if it works, the foundation will be shaky and unlikely to last.
The least attached person (in this case, your ex) will probably feel overprioritized and overwhelmed and lose interest.
Having said that, here’s how to get back together after a breakup naturally.
Don’t look for an opportunity to reconcile
One of the most common mistakes dumpees make is that they try to win their ex back with words, gifts, apologies, and feelings. They don’t understand that dumpers need time to themselves and that they respect confidence, strength, and purpose. They don’t have much, if any, respect for dumpees who throw themselves at their feet and demand love and attention.
Most dumpers get annoyed with obsessed, anxious, and depressed dumpees—and sometimes even call them names.
As a dumpee, you needn’t look for the perfect chance to re-enter your ex’s life and try to reconcile. You needn’t wait for your ex’s new relationship to break/experience difficulties. You just need to be patient and let your ex contact you when he or she is ready. As I mentioned earlier, your ex will be ready when life becomes difficult and triggers a powerful reflection.
When that happens, your ex will do everything you’ve been wanting to do (and more). Your ex will reach out, apologize, ask about your well-being, compliment you, invite you out, and suggest getting back together. You won’t have to do anything other than be receptive to what your ex has to say. Keep in mind that you don’t need to talk to your ex for hours. It’s better to avoid talking and absorbing unnecessary information, especially if that information gives you false hope and delays your healing.
So leave reconciliation in your ex’s hands while you focus on things that make you happy and give you a sense of control. I guarantee that your ex will like you more, think about you more, and want to talk to you more because of it. Being okay with the breakup gives you the best chance of being with your ex as it tells your ex you love yourself more than him or her.
Therefore, try to send the message that you’re the prize, not your ex. Do so not by flooding the internet with happy pictures but by posting occasionally and leaving your ex alone. Let your lack of chasing speak for itself and say that you have better things to do than to pursue validation from someone who doesn’t want you, nor deserve you.
If you keep your feelings to yourself and live with purpose, your ex might find you attractive and worthy of a romantic partnership when life gets tough. Your ex might contact you and tell you everything you’ve been wanting to hear.
So stay in no contact and wait for your ex to find a good reason to talk and bond with you. You’ll know your ex has found it when your ex prioritizes you, expresses feelings and regrets, and fears disappointing and losing you.
Are you still wondering how to get back together after a breakup naturally? If you have any questions or comments to add, feel free to post them in the comments section below.
However, if you’re looking for realistic and healthy advice on getting back together with your ex, consider signing up for private coaching. We’ll work through your breakup together and create a personalized plan designed just for you.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
