Breaking someone’s heart is never easy. It involves crushing a person’s feelings and expectations, which can leave you feeling guilty and ashamed. The relationship may be new, but it’s difficult to break things off because you don’t want to hurt your partner and see him or her respond emotionally to the breakup.
You’d rather see the other person accept the breakup on the spot and move on.
Guilt, shame, and emotional overwhelm, as well as a lack of morals and responsibility are some of the most common reasons why so many dumpers ghost or leave their partner over text.
They don’t want to face the consequences of their actions, so they leave their boyfriend or girlfriend in a way that’s best for them (not their partner).
Usually, they break up by giving their partner some random excuse that gets their partner to leave them alone as quickly as possible.
Many dumpers are so tired from delaying the breakup they just want to cut their partner off and start a new chapter of their life.
They don’t worry about how their partner will feel but rather about how they will feel as a result of hurting their partner. They worry more about their feelings of guilt and pain than the pain they’ll cause their partner.
This can prevent them from breaking up with their partner and make them feel stuck in a situation they don’t want to be in.
If you want to leave a relationship you no longer want to be in, you need to know you have the right to leave. But just as you have the right to leave, you also have a moral obligation to do the right thing and give your partner closure.
Explaining why you’re leaving can be a difficult thing to do, but your partner deserves to know your reasons. If you don’t tell your partner the truth, he or she could continue to hold on to you and fail to make any changes and improvements.
I get that you don’t want to hurt your partner, but do keep in mind that you hurt him or her more long-term by denying him or her an explanation for breaking up. That’s because you prevent your partner from understanding what went wrong and helping him or her avoid similar failures in the future.
So if you want to know how to break up with someone you just started dating, break up in an honest, yet empathetic manner. Choose the right time and location to deliver the bad news and make sure to answer any questions he or she may have.
Avoid saying things that give him or her hope and exchange each other’s belongings. Do what you have to do to finish any unfinished business and stay in no contact.
Make sure to also discuss how the breakup will work and what your partner (or ex-partner) can do if he or she feels anxious and depressed. Don’t say you want to be his or her friend because post-breakup friendship is a slap in the face.
Just say that he or she can reach out if he or she is struggling and needs to talk about the breakup. Other than that, you should respect each other’s boundaries and focus on healing.
Fortunately, if you just started dating a few weeks ago, the breakup shouldn’t emotionally cripple your partner for months. It will hurt your partner a lot, but it won’t be life-changing.
Despite that, you should keep in mind that your partner could suffer a painful shock and that he or she could experience immense separation anxiety and fear of being alone.
Childhood issues and life traumas could come back to the surface and give you and your partner a hard time. So be prepared for an unwanted response such as begging and pleading, crying, self-blaming, or blaming.
Expect the unexpected so you can avoid taking your ex’s behavior personally and deal with it properly.
Generally speaking, the higher the expectations and the more attached your partner is, the bigger the chance that he or she will be in denial and refuse or struggle to let go of you. If that happens, you should be patient and supportive because you’d want the same if roles were reversed.
Don’t lose your patience and get angry with an ex who can’t instantly accept the separation and leave you alone. People have different ways of coping with rejection and pain. Some have learned to accept things that are out of their control whereas others are still learning how to do that.
Regardless of how emotionally strong your ex is, treat your ex nicely. Ultimately, how you treat your ex shows how you deal with difficult emotions, not what your ex is like as a person.
In today’s article, we’ll share some useful tips on how to break up with someone you just started dating. Follow these tips to avoid any future regrets.
How to break up with someone you just started dating?
When you decide to break up with someone you just started dating, don’t just say “I’m not happy” or “Things aren’t working for me.” That doesn’t tell your partner why you’re unhappy and why the relationship is ending.
You’ll have to be more direct and specific. You’ll have to explain what part of the relationship made you lose feelings and give up on it.
If you’re fundamentally incompatible, say so. Say you have different values, beliefs, religions, or relationship goals and that you don’t see them changing in the future.
Staying in a relationship where you both want different things would be difficult and painful for both of you.
Moreover, if immaturity, relationship priorities, and ways of solving problems are the main issues, express that too. Tell your partner you don’t feel prioritized or that you lost feelings because you lost faith in each other’s ability to grow and accept each other’s differences and flaws.
And lastly, if you simply took your partner for granted, expected to feel different, or met someone new, say you messed up and that it’s too late to do anything about it now. You lost the drive to fix things and want to be alone or with someone else.
Cheating is difficult to admit because it reaffirms you’re the problem and that you can’t resist temptations and stay loyal. But as difficult as it is to come clean about, your partner needs to hear it. Sooner than later, he or she will find out you’re dating and connect the dots.
So if you want to learn how to break up with someone you just started dating, keep in mind that you’ll have to go about it the righteous way. You’ll have to be honest about the reasons for leaving and do your best to soften the blow.
Honesty doesn’t mean bluntness. It means telling the truth even if the truth is hard to tell.
Sometimes it’s easier to lie and/or avoid the situation, but that doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do. The right thing to do is to treat your ex with respect, encourage growth, and allow him or her to get over the breakup as quickly as possible.
You probably won’t do everything right even if you follow all the tips in this article, but at least you won’t make things worse. You won’t be so mean and disrespectful that your ex considers the breakup a personal attack and fights back.
So first things first, keep your ex’s feelings in mind. Remember that the breakup will hurt your ex’s self-esteem and change your ex’s life. It will force your ex to start going through the dumpee stages of a breakup and let go of the idea of achieving relationship goals with you.
Secondly, remember that breakups are opportunities to learn and improve. Dumpees learn more from breakups than they do in relationships. This is because they feel motivated to make personal changes and get another chance with their ex.
Later, they, of course, give up on their ex and carry their growth into their next relationship. The work they do on themselves during no contact determines their future romantic success.
And thirdly, give your ex closure and encourage your ex to detach in the quickest time possible. You can do this by rationally explaining your decision to leave. Say why you left and talk about your post-breakup wants, needs, and expectations.
Watch your tone and body language from start to finish because the most important thing is not what you say, but how you say it. The empathy in your voice and the openness in your body tell your ex how you feel and perceive him or her.
They reveal if you’re angry, repulsed, or tired.
Since your ex is or will be the dumpee, your ex will probably take your negative emotions and lack of love personally. Your ex will think he or she is entirely to blame for the breakup and respond in unpredictable ways.
How your ex responds depends only on two things.
- Your ex’s personality, attachment, and self-control.
- How you handle the breakup.
If you treat your ex like a nobody, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to expect an unfair response. People are reactive beings and oftentimes let emotions get the best of them.
To avoid feeling hurt and victimized by your ex, be a good person and treat your ex with kindness.
The only time you needn’t worry much about your ex’s feelings and how your ex will respond is when your ex lost feelings, cheated on you, or did something inconsiderate and unworthy of respect. In those cases, the breakup probably won’t affect your ex as much as it will affect you.
You should prioritize yourself and get things over with quickly.
So if you’re wondering how to break up with someone you just started dating, pick a good date, time, and location to initiate the breakup. Make sure you have privacy and that your partner doesn’t have anything important going on for a few days.
Once you’ve decided on when and where to leave, choose a healthy and respectful way to break things off. If possible, the breakup conversation should be in person and should last as long as it needs to. If your ex has enough questions to talk for 3 hours, you should make time for your ex and avoid rushing him or her.
Avoid using terms of endearment, kissing, and sleeping with your ex. Such actions will only confuse your ex and give him or her hope.
They’ll tell your ex you still have feelings and that it might be possible to get back together with the right approach.
The same goes for hopeful words. Although reassuring your ex is a friendly gesture, it’s not very friendly when you give your ex too much hope or destroy too much hope.
Some things you should avoid saying are:
- I hope you find the one for you
- It’s not you, it’s me
- We might get back together one day
- No one knows what the future holds
- I still love you
You may want the best for your ex, but that doesn’t mean you should say it. You can’t help your ex by telling him or her that someone else will love him or her more than you or that you might reconcile in the future.
Even though your ex probably wants to hear things that give him or her hope, your ex shouldn’t get hope. Not when you know you have no intention of coming back and making things work.
Give your ex hope for reconciliation only when you’re certain you want to be with your ex. That’s when you can say how you feel and stop your ex from detaching.
Until then, watch what you say and do. Communicate your unmet needs and reasons for leaving in a respectful, non-accusatory manner. Avoid saying things like, “You make me feel this way, you don’t care about me, and you always do this” and do your best to take responsibility for your mistakes.
Your ex will respect you more and have an easier time healing if you communicate maturely.
Every situation/breakup is different, but you can’t go wrong by saying something like, “Is this a good time to talk? I’ve been thinking about this for a while and decided to finally tell you how I feel. The relationship isn’t working for me because I’m not getting (insert your reasons here). I don’t see things changing in the foreseeable future, so we should break up and go our separate ways. I don’t want to hurt you more than I already have, but I also don’t want to string you along. I just want you to know that I care about you as a person and that I’m prepared to talk about the breakup now and later if you still need answers.“
Make sure to give the actual reasons for breaking up. If you don’t feel connected with this person, say you disconnected and fell out of love due to (insert another reason or reasons).
Here are some reasons you can give the person you’re seeing.
- We have different life/relationship goals
- We’re not adapting to each other’s lifestyle
- We’re not growing together and getting through relationship stages
- I don’t feel a connection no matter how hard I try
- I became resentful and don’t want to fix things anymore
- I met someone else and want to see where it goes
So even if you just started dating this person, bear in mind that he or she may have gotten attached and that the breakup will require a lot of patience and care. It may need you to put your needs and feelings aside at times and prioritize your ex’s feelings.
Love hormones make people obsessed with their partner and cause them to crave a lot of validation. If you leave someone when cravings for attention and validation are high, you’ll hurt him or her regardless of whether the relationship is new or not.
So be a good listener and offer support (not friendship) and you’ll cause the least pain to both parties.
Did you learn how to break up with someone you just started dating? Do you have any tips of your own to share? Post them in the comments section below.
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