He Has to Lose You to Realize Your Worth

The unfortunate truth is that some guys take girls for granted. They obliviously neglect their wants and needs—and act as if they are single. Such uncaring behavior tells girls that they aren’t wanted, respected, loved, and cared for—and that they deserve better.

If you’re one of those girls and you’ve been trying your hardest to make your boyfriend become aware of his behavior, know that your efforts alone probably won’t be enough to convince your boyfriend to change.

Your boyfriend has to actually want to change.

He either needs to realize how important you are to him or fear that he’ll lose you if he doesn’t do something about it.

Most of the time, it’s the latter that motivates people to act. It’s the anxiety, fear, unhappiness, and a blow to the self-esteem that forces them to self-reflect.

And that’s because unwanted emotions motivate people to change whereas contentedness makes them so comfortable that they fall in routines.

So if you’ve done everything in your power to rationalize with your boyfriend and your boyfriend still doesn’t listen to your pleas, know that he might have to lose you before he starts to respect you.

I hate to say it, but he’ll probably have to lose you to experience a fear of loss and separation anxiety.

This article is for women who are wondering whether they should intentionally leave their boyfriend to hurt him—and by doing so, make him regret being uncaring, ungrateful, cold, or oblivious.

How to make him realize he’s losing You?

First of all, hurting a person on purpose just to make him realize you’re hurt is wrong. By hurting him, you most likely won’t make him realize that he’s hurt you, disrespected you, mistreated you, or humiliated you.

All you’ll do is convince him that you’re angry, cold, or vengeful and discourage him from solving problems in relationship-healthy manners.

That’s why if you have a problem in your relationship and it’s possible to solve it efficiently like an adult, do so without causing harm.

Talk to your partner, apologize to him, ask him for forgiveness, and encourage him to do the same. This will inspire your partner to solve relationship matters quickly and efficiently, and consequently, make him fall deeper in love with you.

By solving problems together, your mutual trust and understanding will increase and you’ll feel even more compatible.

However, if you instead decide to react to your boyfriend’s bad behavior with equally bad behavior and accuse him of being a bad boyfriend, then things likely won’t unfold the way you want them to.

Despite your boyfriend hurting you first, you’ll hurt your boyfriend back and add even more fuel to the fire.

You’ll unknowingly transform a single problem into multiple problems, make your boyfriend remember issues from the past, and enable him to associate unpleasant emotions to your persona.

That’s how he’ll start to think that you’re always looking for trouble and begin to feel unhappy around you.

On that note, keep in mind that people are reactive beings. If we perceive that someone disrespects us, we feel a strong urge to respond to that person in a similar fashion.

Of course, our reaction greatly depends on our upbringing, moral values, and habitual behavioral patterns, but in romantic relationships, we tend to show our partner our true colors.

We show him how we handle problems when we’re hurt and tell him what we’re willing to do to prove our point.

So if your boyfriend keeps hurting you with his reckless behavior and you’re wondering how to make your boyfriend respect you, whatever you do, don’t react on impulse and intentionally give your boyfriend a taste of his own medicine.

If you do that, you’ll most likely damage his male ego and cause him to retaliate with fury.

How to make him realize he’s losing you?

If your boyfriend truly cares about you but is unaware of the fact that he’s hurting you, there’s a really easy way to make your boyfriend discern that he’s losing you.

You don’t even have to hurt him, disrespect him, or behave the same way as him.

You just have to begin to invest in yourself and not worry about your boyfriend’s lack of attention, interest, or kindness.

If the guy’s interested in staying with you, you can be certain that he’ll notice your sudden lack of presence and realize that you’re no longer chasing after him.

And although he might like this at first (especially if you smothered him and appeared needy to him), the realization that you’ve become content on your own will force him to think about you more than ever before.

It will compel him to invest in you because he’ll start to wonder why you’re no longer your old clingy self.

Of course, there’s always a possibility that your boyfriend will continue not to care about you and eventually break up with you. But in that case, you’ll do yourself a favor because your boyfriend was eventually going to leave you anyway.

He’d been detaching from you, which is why all you’ll do is speed up the time it takes for him to leave.

So if your boyfriend loves you but doesn’t know how to treat you well, know that you don’t necessarily need to leave your boyfriend to make him realize your worth.

You may just need to give him the impression that your priorities in life have changed and convey to him that he’s losing you.

Here are 5 ways to make your boyfriend realize he’s losing you.

By becoming genuinely interested in yourself, your boyfriend will notice a sudden change in behavior.

He’ll notice that you’re different/less interested in him and become more self-aware of his words and actions.

What to do when a man is afraid of losing you?

When a man is afraid of losing you, he’ll become receptive to you. He’ll prick up his ears, listen to everything you say, walk on eggshells around you, and constantly be on his best behavior.

He’ll do whatever it takes to please you, impress you, grab your attention, and increase your love for him.

That’s why if you see him doing his best to get your trust back, don’t try to hurt your boyfriend and make him even more desperate for your attention. Don’t do it even if he didn’t listen to you before you pulled back and became incredibly busy with your life.

Instead of punishing him for his mistakes, reassure him that you love him and convey to him that you’re not trying to hurt him.

Do so by telling him that his happiness is important to you and say that you’ll do your best to ease his fears and worries.

Of course, you don’t want your boyfriend to quickly revert to his old ways and take you for granted again. This would stop your boyfriend from improving his shortcomings and make you look like a fool.

Instead, simply say that you’re more than willing to hear him out, but that you first want him to do something for you.

Now that the tides have turned, explain to him how his neglect continued to hurt you for days, weeks, or months—and tell him exactly what you’d like him to improve.

Again, if your boyfriend loves you and is afraid of losing you, he’ll cross deserts and swim oceans for your recognition. He won’t simply give up on your self-improvement request because the thought of losing you would hurt him too much.

It would send shivers down his spine and hurt him more than you can ever imagine.

So don’t be afraid of telling your boyfriend exactly what you’d like him to work on. If he wasn’t interested in hearing your side of the story before you got serious and busy with your hobbies and interests, he, unfortunately, needed a rude awakening.

He needed the kind of awakening that made him self-aware of his bad behavior and forced him to hear your previously-ignored pleas.

What if he isn’t afraid of losing you?

If a man isn’t afraid of losing you despite you pulling away and prioritizing yourself, it’s safe to say that your boyfriend, fiancé, or husband has gotten so busy with his life that he’d unknowingly detached from you and became content on his own.

He’d basically taken his attention away from you and stopped investing his time and emotions in you.

If that’s what happened to your boyfriend and you see your boyfriend changing his friends, places, activities, or interests, it’s highly like that distancing yourself from this man won’t affect him because he just won’t care about your absence.

All he’ll care about is his freedom and continue to enjoy every bit of it.

The only way for this man to become afraid of losing you is if his priorities in life change or if he somehow notices that you’re no longer seeking his attention.

He has to lose you to realize your worth

The saying, “You only realize the importance of someone when they are gone” couldn’t be more true.

Dumpees (those who get dumped) know this too well. They know that the quickest way to realize that they’ve lost someone important is through separation anxiety and pain.

And that’s because physical or mental pain warns them that they’re about to lose or that there’s a risk of losing something/someone dear to them.

In relationships, the pain of losing a person we love can be so brutal it takes our ability to eat, sleep, concentrate, and function away.

That’s why leaving a person who loves you has a very grievous effect on him. You should never abandon him just to exercise power and control over him.

The only time you should leave a person is if you know your relationship with him isn’t going to work because he isn’t willing to work on it.

For example, if a guy keeps accusing you of being too controlling, needy, or insecure, he clearly isn’t interested in helping you relieve your anxiety.

He’s only interesting in himself because he perceives you as emotionally demanding,

In this case, you really don’t have a choice but to knock some sense into your partner the hard way and force him to develop himself into a better version of himself.

I really hate to say it, but many people don’t learn their relationship lessons the nice way. They learn them only when they’re forced to face the consequences of their actions.

This is especially true for guys who are ruled by the ego. Such guys realize what they’ve lost only after they’ve actually lost it.

Below you can see a picture depicting why a guy has to lose you to realize your worth.

The unfortunate truth is that most people just don’t change without a strong motive. They usually need some sort of emotional incentive that drives them to want to change.

And there’s no better/quicker way for them to find that incentive than to get a swift kick in the butt from the person they love.

Keep in mind that a guy who possesses love for you will start taking you seriously the moment you leave him. He may do so out of pain and desperation, but his reaction to your departure should nonetheless prove to you that he loves you and cares about you.

He wouldn’t wince in pain for no apparent reason. Not even if you hurt his oversized ego.

A guy who loves you will go through the 5 stages of a breakup for the dumpee and need a long time to get over the breakup.

What to do when a man realizes he lost you?

If you’d given your ex-boyfriend many chances to improve his behavior and your boyfriend says that he’s afraid of losing you, it’s your job to make sure that your boyfriend takes his last opportunity seriously.

You can do that not by intimidating your boyfriend, but by encouraging him to devise a self-improvement plan—and help him stick with it.

If you do this correctly, you’ll present yourself as a confident person, show your boyfriend that you’re dead serious about his improvements, and make him slightly anxious.

I wish there was a way where your boyfriend wouldn’t have to feel anxious about losing you, but, unfortunately, your boyfriend has to fear that he’ll lose you if he messes up again.

He needs to emotionally comprehend that he’ll destroy your love and respect if he messes up and stops investing in you and the relationship.

So remain strict about your boyfriend’s self-improvement plans and don’t give an inch until he’s actually changed for good. You’ll know he’s changed when he stops telling you he’s changed and lets his actions speak in his stead.

I hope that this article has helped you understand why your boyfriend may need to lose you/become afraid of losing you to realize your worth. Just make sure you don’t leave a guy to make him bend to your will. Leave him only if he’s unwilling to listen and evolve for the sake of the relationship.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.