Ending A Long-distance Relationship With Someone You Love

Before you end a long-distance relationship with someone you love, make sure you’re 100% certain you’re ending it for the right reasons. Make sure the reasons behind the breakup are irreparable and that you’re not breaking up just because you want to be in a relationship with someone physically closer to you.

You have to keep in mind that a long-distance relationship is a commitment too. It may not be physical (or physical every day), but it’s still a relationship you agreed to be in. It’s a real relationship that involves real people with real feelings.

So think long and hard about why you’re ending your long-distance relationship with a person you love.

Is it because your partner has changed/doesn’t love you or does it have something to do with your changed perceptions of your partner and your plans for the future?

Whatever the root cause may be, clearly, something has changed. Make sure you find that change so that you can determine if you truly want to end the relationship.

In this post, we’ll talk about ending a long-distance relationship with someone you love. We’ll discuss when and how to end it and share some post-breakup tips with you.

Do you really love your long-distance girlfrend/boyfriend?

If you’re ending a long-distance relationship with someone you claim to love, you probably don’t really love your partner. You think you love him or her, but it’s highly likely that you don’t because if you loved your partner, you wouldn’t want to terminate the relationship and distance yourself from your partner.

If love was there, you’d fight to stay in love and constantly look for solutions to make the relationship thrive.

I know it’s emotionally difficult to separate yourself from someone you’re used to having in your life, but just because it’s difficult doesn’t mean that you love that person. It means that you’re emotionally invested in him or her and that feelings of guilt, sadness, regret, doubt, and fear are preventing you from breaking up with your partner.

Think about that for a minute and you’ll realize that your thoughts and emotions are contradictory to each other.

On one hand, you feel attached to your partner (feel in love), but on the other, you want nothing to do with your partner anymore.

Your rational side of the brain thinks that breaking up is more convenient for you, but the emotional side is hesitant due to nostalgia and everything you’ve been through with your partner.

This tends to happen to two types of people.

1. To people who break up by force (those who get cheated on, disrespected, disappointed, or instructed by parents to break up).
2. And to people who get dumped against their will and are in denial.

Breaking up by force and being broken up with essentially creates a conflict between wanting and not wanting to break up. It makes you think or conversely, feel that you love your partner when emotional/deep-rooted reasons are responsible that you think that way.

More often than not, people believe they’re in love because of:

• nostalgia
• separation anxiety
• fear of the unknown
• guilt
• and poor self-esteem

I often hear people say, “I love my ex so much. My ex was really nice to me even though she cheated on me many times and broke up with me many times.”

Such people think they love their ex, but the truth is that they don’t love themselves. They crave their ex because of killer separation anxiety and a loss of self-respect.

My advice to you is to discover why you feel connected to a person you wish to break up with.

Is it because you’re being forced to break up and haven’t had enough time to detach yet?

Whatever the reason is, figure out why your thoughts and feelings are desynchronized and you’ll find the reason why you’re breaking up with a person you have feelings for.

When should you end a long-distance relationship?

First of all, you should never impulsively break up with someone you love. You should first talk to your partner about the things that bother you and find out if your partner is capable and willing to rectify the problems.

If he or she is, you may not have to break up after all. You may be able to find common ground and make plans on how to get the most out of the relationship.

However, if your partner doesn’t respect you and love you and doesn’t want want to work on the relationship, then you may not have a choice. There will probably be no cooperation between the two of you because your partner isn’t on the same page with you.

He or she is in his/her own world and will probably stay in that world for the time being. Nobody knows how long it will take your partner to change within, but it will probably take months or years.

Breaking up, in this case, is probably the right thing to do because waiting for someone who may or may not mature in the unforeseeable future is a waste of time.

You should also consider leaving your long-distance boyfriend or girlfriend if you can’t make plans for the future. If you can’t or rather don’t want to make plans to see each other and turn your LDR into a “normal” relationship, your relationship probably isn’t worth investing in.

It’s a relationship that lacks gratitude and dedication—and will sooner than later break apart whether you want to or not. One of you will probably meet someone else and start to feel confused about holding onto a relationship with no direction.

The picture below depicts when you should end a long-distance relationship with someone you love.

To make it simple, end your long-distance relationship when you, your partner, or both have given up on the relationship and aren’t willing to put time and effort into it anymore.

How to end a long-distance relationship with someone you love?

If you’ve decided to end a long-distance relationship with someone you love, pick a date that best suits your partner. Pick a time when your partner is free and a place where your partner feels safe.

Your partner’s home on the weekend will probably suffice.

If possible, come see your girlfriend/boyfriend in person too. It will be much easier for your partner that way because he or she will be able to see your facial expressions and read your sincerity.

If you can’t break up with your long-distance partner in person because you’re thousands of miles away, however, then at the very least call your partner and stay on the line until you’re certain your partner is okay.

It’s the least you can do for someone who loved/loves you.

After you’ve broken up with your partner, your partner will probably have lots of questions for you. He or she will want to know why you’re ending the relationship and most importantly, what he or she can do to change your mind.

It’s of utmost importance that you tell your LDR partner the truth and avoid giving away any false hope.

Don’t say things like, “It’s not you, it’s me, I need to find myself, it’s only temporary…”

Don’t say that it’s all your partner’s fault either. The end of the relationship is meant for healing and improving, not for shattering your partner’s self-esteem or downplaying the issues that led to the breakup.

Try to be transparent about the reasons you’re breaking up for and be kind and respectful about them.

There’s a high chance that your partner will take the criticism personally and feel hurt, but that’s okay. Your partner will get over it very quickly and hopefully, start working on those issues as soon as possible.

Keep in mind that pointing out what went wrong in the relationship is necessary for your partner’s personal growth.

Firstly, it will give your partner things to work on.

Secondly, it will help your partner find closure.

And thirdly, you’ll feel good about it because you won’t lie to someone you care about.

What to do when you end a long-distance relationship?

Once you’ve broken up with your LDR boyfriend or girlfriend, be there for your ex. Answer your ex’s calls, respond to messages, be receptive, and most importantly, treat your ex the way you’d want to be treated if you were in your ex’s shoes.

If you wouldn’t want someone you love to start dating someone else right away, don’t date someone else. If you wouldn’t want your ex to post pictures with potential dating candidates on social media, don’t do that either.

Act as if your ex is watching your every move and always do the right thing.

You may not feel like helping your ex out at times, but honestly, you don’t really need to do much. You just need to think about your ex’s feelings and be mature about it.

As a person who’d been with your ex for months or years, helping your ex ease the pain is the least you can do for your ex. It takes almost no effort, but it helps so much.

It will help your ex recover quicker and you, make you feel good about it.

There are also a few others things you shouldn’t do after the LDR breakup.

For starters, you shouldn’t reach out to your ex for a while because your ex needs time to get over you. Your ex needs to detach. And the best way your ex can do that is if you leave your ex completely alone and stop giving him or her false hope.

You don’t necessarily have to disappear completely, but keep in mind that your actions and inactions can inadvertently give your ex false hope. They can confuse your ex and cause your ex to analyze your behavior for days or weeks.

So don’t think that leaving breadcrumbs (meaningless messages) is respectful and that becoming your ex’s friend will help your ex move on. On the contrary, it will delay your ex’s time for recovery and cause your ex to crave your attention even more.

What your ex needs after the breakup is emotional and physical space from you. Physical space probably won’t be a problem since you’re long-distance, but emotional space might be if you keep bothering your ex.

So make sure you distance yourself from your ex and let him/her deal with the breakup.

Do so by telling your ex you’ll be giving him or her space and say that you’re just one text or call away if he or she ever has a bad day with the breakup or with anything else.

This will tell your ex that you care about him or her as a person and that you respect his/her need for space.

Here are a few things you mustn’t do when you break up with your long-distance partner:

• text and call your ex
• blame your ex
• date someone else right away
• send pictures, memes, quotes
• tag, like, follow, unfollow, delete, block, unblock
• talk to your ex’s friends and family about your ex (especially about the bad things)
• make plans to meet up/agree to meet up
• promise to give the relationship another chance in the future
• do anything that gives your ex hope and prevents your ex from moving on

Do long-distance relationship couples get back together?

Not all LDR couples get back together. But those who do usually take some time away from each other to reflect on the relationship and become nostalgic about it.

Such couples realize that they took their relationship for granted and that they didn’t have the skills to maintain a long-distance relationship.

Because getting back together is completely up to dumpers, dumpers need to be the ones who reach out and apologize for leaving. They need to say that they’ve made a mistake and that they want to give their relationship another shot despite the physical distance.

Whether they stay committed to their ex after getting back together depends on whether they learn anything after the breakup. If they invest in themselves and correct their mistakes, they normally have a pretty good chance of staying together.

But if they get back together out of boredom and convenience and refuse to work on themselves, then they oftentimes repeat their mistakes and break up again.

This is because an LDR relationship needs a strong relationship mentality. It needs faith, willpower, planning for the future, and bonding on a daily basis.

If it doesn’t have these things, couples can quickly lose sight of each other and disconnect again.

So yes, long-distance couples do get back together. But before they can do that, they need to spend some time apart to discern if they are right for each other.

Are you still thinking of ending a long-distance relationship? How do you plan on leaving your LDR boyfriend or girlfriend? Post your comment below.

And also, if you want help with ending your long-distance relationship, click here to see our coaching plans.